<ul>
<li>if he is older than you are, then 柯兄 (柯老兄)</li>
<li>if he is younger, then 老弟 (柯老弟)</li>
<li>if he is of the same age, and his first name consists 2 chinese characters, then first name</li>
<li>if he is of the same age, and his first name consists 1 chinese character, then full name (calling someone by their full name is not rude if they are the same age or younger in China)</li>
</ul>

<p><strong>EDIT:</strong> I'm from Northern China and we don't use 阿X as often. that's more of a southern convention.</p>

<p>Note: if his first name is one character, then calling him by his first name sounds 肉麻。 It is actually worse if you are of the same gender. then that just sounds wrong! :P</p>

CC BY-SA 3.0
2013-09-20T23:37:29.523Z
I like that Google Translate makes 柯老兄 into "Ke Dude!"
Oreotrephes
CC BY-SA 3.0
2012-01-24T19:06:30.113Z
2012-01-24T19:53:57.443Z
2012-01-24T19:53:57.443Z
Laguna
<p>How to address a person properly depends on a lot factors, but as the rule of thumb, Chinese people like to use 2 characters to address a person. </p>

<p>The reason is that, I guess -</p>

<p>1) using 1 character from the given name sounds intimate (like between lovers), </p>

<p>2) using the person's 1-character surname sound foreign. In English, if a person's surname is Wang, we can address him as Wang, no problem, but it is very weird to address him as 王 in Chinese.</p>

<p>3) if a person's name has 3+ characters, and address him/her using his/her full name sounds too distant.</p>

<p>If a guy is named 王良, it is natural for people not too younger than him to address him by his full name, as his name has 2 characters. A guy a few years younger than him may call him  王哥 to show a little closeness. A young lady may also call him 王哥, but it may sound flirty if she says 王哥 in a certain way.</p>

<p>If a girl is named 张玲, it is natural for people not too younger than her to address her by her full name, as her name has 2 characters. A guy or girl a few years younger than her may call her 王姐 to show a little closeness. </p>

<p>When meeting people for the first time, we can use 先生 to address men, like 王先生, and use 女士 or 太太 (if she is married and likes to be addressed that way) for women, like 张女士, 刘太太. 小姐 was a formal/good way to address ladies, but nowadays it is assigned with another meaning (hooker), so avoiding using 小姐 if you are not confident with maneuvering the subtleness. </p>

<p>In the workplace, people use surname + title to address a person, like 李经理, 张总, 王处长. If your boss addresses you as 李经理, it shows some distance between you two. If the boss addresses you as 老李 or 小李, it shows closeness.</p>

<p>Between close friends or family members, given names can be used to address someone. Givenames have almost always 1 or 2 charaters.</p>

<p>If a person has a 复姓 (99% of all 复姓 have 2 characters) like 上官, 欧阳, 司马, usually people address him/her by their surname.</p>

<p>Even for Chinese natives, sometimes we can't figure out the proper way to address a person either, so we will try the most conservative ones first, like 先生/女士, and usually that person will tell you what he/she prefers to be addressed as.</p>

<p>If your friend is not a Chinese native, then I suggest him picking a 2-character Chinese name directly translated from his original name, like 马克 for Mark, just forget about the surname. So in this way 马克 can be used by EVERYONE, because for directly translated foreign names, the necessity of properness is much less, after all it is already foreign, isn't it?</p>

<p>One note on translating original names into Chinese: you need to make the Chinese name sound foreign, and avoid the names sounding close to the existing Chinese words. For example, if your name is Philip, don't pick 菲力, as it sounds close to 费力, or 非礼. In this case, go with 3-character names, like 菲力普.</p>

CC BY-SA 3.0
2014-02-20T07:33:24.907Z
In English it actually depends on the country/culture. In Australia it feels pretty rude to be addressed by just your surname. I think it might be usual in America and in Britain it might be an upper class/public school thing, but I can only speculate from my impressions watching TV and movies.
hippietrail
CC BY-SA 3.0
2014-02-17T20:02:48.947Z
2014-02-19T19:35:00.767Z
2014-02-19T19:35:00.767Z
孤影萍踪
<p>The real age doesn't really matters for being 老sth. we usually call some of our peers 老* especially when one is considered having a mature personality.
If you are introducing your friend who's much younger than you, you can say 这是小*..
If your friend is a big guy around some age, you can say 这是大柯. 大* is popular in the north, in my hometown no one use this form.
you can also say this is *哥, around same age, he doesn't need to be older than you. 
Always remember sounding good, sounding rhyme is important too.</p>

CC BY-SA 3.0
2012-01-24T19:03:28.687Z
2012-01-24T19:03:28.687Z
Fivesheep
<p>According to the experience from my workplace, the most popular way of addressing co-workers (also those who are higher or lower in the hierarchy) was to simply use one's given name, or one's surname + given name, if the given name had only one character. I've been told that this 老*/小* thing is used only if addressing someone in a slightly "tongue-in-cheek" way.</p>

<p>Source: I used to work in Beijing in a branch of a European company and apart from me, basically everyone was Chinese. I'm not sure if my experience applies to companies originally established in China.</p>

CC BY-SA 3.0
2014-02-25T13:09:39.870Z
2014-02-25T14:19:42.953Z
2014-02-25T14:19:42.953Z
米好 '-'
<p>I have a male "friend", last name 柯 (kē) who is over 30.  From ages 18-30 or so, he went by 小柯, but that seems less and less appropriate as he gets older.  Always going by his full name seems overly long and formal, he doesn't like "大", and he's not old enough for 老 (yet).</p>

<p>My "friend" was thinking about going by 阿柯 (ā kē) and having friends introduce him this way.  He thought the main benefit would be that people both younger and older could use this friendlier, less intimidating and formal means of address.  My "friend" isn't a native speaker, so he's not sure if there are negative connotations.  </p>

<p>So would 阿 [LAST NAME] be the best form of address for these conditions or if not, what would a better one be?</p>

<p><strong>[EDIT]</strong> I should have originally specified that he himself is looking for something to be called "around the office", that is, both by people senior and junior to him.  His boss calling him 老柯 or 柯哥 doesn't seem quite appropriate.  It does seem that 哥 is the most popular "among friends" answer. </p>

CC BY-SA 3.0
2012-01-24T18:59:17.737Z
i love the question!
Laguna
CC BY-SA 3.0
2012-01-24T20:52:42.187Z
why is friend w/ quotation mark? :D
Laguna
CC BY-SA 3.0
2012-01-24T21:06:46.437Z
It's because I'm actually asking for myself.  It's kind of tongue-in-cheek.
2snacc
CC BY-SA 3.0
2012-01-24T21:15:00.203Z
what about "your friend" :) introducing himself by "您好，我姓柯。您怎么称呼？" if the other person says "call me 小X/大X/阿X", then he can chose what he wants others to call him accordingly?
Laguna
CC BY-SA 3.0
2014-02-17T11:02:49.443Z
If you are significantly older than him, it's fine to call him 小柯...
user58955
CC BY-SA 3.0
2014-02-26T08:37:31.890Z
If you guys mostly meet at work, then try 柯+his title， eg: 柯 is an engineer， then 柯工. a manager， then 柯经理. director or president 柯总(监) 柯总(裁). If you guys are just friends in life, you can call his first name directly if his fname is 2 characters long. Find the reason on @孤影萍踪 ‘s answer. And in north China, we don't mind to be called 老+last name, even we're not old at all. That somehow shows you guys are very close. You know what, I was called 老霍(Huo) by my friends since high school...
Jinzhao Huo
<names><terms-of-address>
What is a good form of address for a male friend who is too old to be 小, too young to be 老, and too humble to be called 大?
# What is a good form of address for a male friend who is too old to be 小, too young to be 老, and too humble to be called 大?

(Asked by: username_0 on 2012-01-24)

I have a male "friend", last name 柯 (kē) who is over 30. From ages 18-30 or so, he went by 小柯, but that seems less and less appropriate as he gets older. Always going by his full name seems overly long and formal, he doesn't like "大", and he's not old enough for 老 (yet).

My "friend" was thinking about going by 阿柯 (ā kē) and having friends introduce him this way. He thought the main benefit would be that people both younger and older could use this friendlier, less intimidating and formal means of address. My "friend" isn't a native speaker, so he's not sure if there are negative connotations.

So would 阿 [LAST NAME] be the best form of address for these conditions or if not, what would a better one be?

**[EDIT]** I should have originally specified that he himself is looking for something to be called "around the office", that is, both by people senior and junior to him. His boss calling him 老柯 or 柯哥 doesn't seem quite appropriate. It does seem that 哥 is the most popular "among friends" answer.

**Tags:** names, terms-of-address
> **Comments:**
> **username_1**: i love the question!  
> **username_1**: why is friend w/ quotation mark? :D  
> **username_0**: It's because I'm actually asking for myself.  It's kind of tongue-in-cheek.  
> **username_1**: what about "your friend" :) introducing himself by "您好，我姓柯。您怎么称呼？" if the other person says "call me 小X/大X/阿X", then he can chose what he wants others to call him accordingly?  
> **username_2**: If you are significantly older than him, it's fine to call him 小柯...  
> **username_3**: If you guys mostly meet at work, then try 柯+his title， eg: 柯 is an engineer， then 柯工. a manager， then 柯经理. director or president 柯总(监) 柯总(裁). If you guys are just friends in life, you can call his first name directly if his fname is 2 characters long. Find the reason on @孤影萍踪 ‘s answer. And in north China, we don't mind to be called 老+last name, even we're not old at all. That somehow shows you guys are very close. You know what, I was called 老霍(Huo) by my friends since high school...  

---

## 4 answers

### Answer by username_1 on 2012-01-24. Score: 7

* if he is older than you are, then 柯兄 (柯老兄)
* if he is younger, then 老弟 (柯老弟)
* if he is of the same age, and his first name consists 2 chinese characters, then first name
* if he is of the same age, and his first name consists 1 chinese character, then full name (calling someone by their full name is not rude if they are the same age or younger in China)

**EDIT:** I'm from Northern China and we don't use 阿X as often. that's more of a southern convention.

Note: if his first name is one character, then calling him by his first name sounds 肉麻。 It is actually worse if you are of the same gender. then that just sounds wrong! :P

> **Comments:**
> **username_4**: I like that Google Translate makes 柯老兄 into "Ke Dude!"  

---

### Answer by username_5 on 2014-02-17. Score: 6

How to address a person properly depends on a lot factors, but as the rule of thumb, Chinese people like to use 2 characters to address a person.

The reason is that, I guess -

1) using 1 character from the given name sounds intimate (like between lovers),

2) using the person's 1-character surname sound foreign. In English, if a person's surname is Wang, we can address him as Wang, no problem, but it is very weird to address him as 王 in Chinese.

3) if a person's name has 3+ characters, and address him/her using his/her full name sounds too distant.

If a guy is named 王良, it is natural for people not too younger than him to address him by his full name, as his name has 2 characters. A guy a few years younger than him may call him 王哥 to show a little closeness. A young lady may also call him 王哥, but it may sound flirty if she says 王哥 in a certain way.

If a girl is named 张玲, it is natural for people not too younger than her to address her by her full name, as her name has 2 characters. A guy or girl a few years younger than her may call her 王姐 to show a little closeness.

When meeting people for the first time, we can use 先生 to address men, like 王先生, and use 女士 or 太太 (if she is married and likes to be addressed that way) for women, like 张女士, 刘太太. 小姐 was a formal/good way to address ladies, but nowadays it is assigned with another meaning (hooker), so avoiding using 小姐 if you are not confident with maneuvering the subtleness.

In the workplace, people use surname + title to address a person, like 李经理, 张总, 王处长. If your boss addresses you as 李经理, it shows some distance between you two. If the boss addresses you as 老李 or 小李, it shows closeness.

Between close friends or family members, given names can be used to address someone. Givenames have almost always 1 or 2 charaters.

If a person has a 复姓 (99% of all 复姓 have 2 characters) like 上官, 欧阳, 司马, usually people address him/her by their surname.

Even for Chinese natives, sometimes we can't figure out the proper way to address a person either, so we will try the most conservative ones first, like 先生/女士, and usually that person will tell you what he/she prefers to be addressed as.

If your friend is not a Chinese native, then I suggest him picking a 2-character Chinese name directly translated from his original name, like 马克 for Mark, just forget about the surname. So in this way 马克 can be used by EVERYONE, because for directly translated foreign names, the necessity of properness is much less, after all it is already foreign, isn't it?

One note on translating original names into Chinese: you need to make the Chinese name sound foreign, and avoid the names sounding close to the existing Chinese words. For example, if your name is Philip, don't pick 菲力, as it sounds close to 费力, or 非礼. In this case, go with 3-character names, like 菲力普.

> **Comments:**
> **username_6**: In English it actually depends on the country/culture. In Australia it feels pretty rude to be addressed by just your surname. I think it might be usual in America and in Britain it might be an upper class/public school thing, but I can only speculate from my impressions watching TV and movies.  

---

### Answer by username_7 on 2012-01-24. Score: 1

The real age doesn't really matters for being 老sth. we usually call some of our peers 老\* especially when one is considered having a mature personality.
If you are introducing your friend who's much younger than you, you can say 这是小\*..
If your friend is a big guy around some age, you can say 这是大柯. 大\* is popular in the north, in my hometown no one use this form.
you can also say this is \*哥, around same age, he doesn't need to be older than you.
Always remember sounding good, sounding rhyme is important too.


---

### Answer by username_8 on 2014-02-25. Score: 0

According to the experience from my workplace, the most popular way of addressing co-workers (also those who are higher or lower in the hierarchy) was to simply use one's given name, or one's surname + given name, if the given name had only one character. I've been told that this 老\*/小\* thing is used only if addressing someone in a slightly "tongue-in-cheek" way.

Source: I used to work in Beijing in a branch of a European company and apart from me, basically everyone was Chinese. I'm not sure if my experience applies to companies originally established in China.


---

