# A Modest Proposal for the Non-existence of Exoplanets:
The Expansion of Stellar Physics to Include Squars

Charity Woodrum Steward Observatory, University of Arizona, 933 North Cherry
Avenue, Tucson, AZ 85721, USA  Raphael E. Hviding Steward Observatory,
University of Arizona, 933 North Cherry Avenue, Tucson, AZ 85721, USA
Rachael. C. Amaro Steward Observatory, University of Arizona, 933 North Cherry
Avenue, Tucson, AZ 85721, USA  Katie Chamberlain Steward Observatory,
University of Arizona, 933 North Cherry Avenue, Tucson, AZ 85721, USA

(April 1st, 2023)

###### Abstract

The search for exoplanets has become a focal point of astronomical research,
captivating public attention and driving scientific inquiry; however, the rush
to confirm exoplanet discoveries has often overlooked potential alternative
explanations leading to a scientific consensus that is overly reliant on
untested assumptions and limited data. We argue that the evidence in support
of exoplanet observation is not necessarily definitive and that alternative
interpretations are not only possible, but necessary. Our conclusion is
therefore concise: exoplanets do not exist. Here, we present the framework for
a novel type of cuboid star, or squar, which can precisely reproduce the full
range of observed phenomena in stellar light curves, including the trapezoidal
flux deviations (TFDs) often attributed to “exoplanets.” In this discovery
paper, we illustrate the power of the squellar model, showing that the light
curve of the well-studied “exoplanet” WASP-12b can be reconstructed simply
from a rotating squar with proportions $1:1/8:1$, without invoking ad-hoc
planetary bodies. Our findings cast serious doubt on the validity of current
“exoplanetary” efforts, which have largely ignored the potential role of
squars and have instead blindly accepted the exoplanet hypothesis without
sufficient critical scrutiny. In addition, we discuss the sociopolitical role
of climate change in spurring the current exoplanet fervor which has lead to
the speculative state of “exoplanetary science” today. We strongly urge the
astronomical community to take our model proposal seriously and treat its
severe ramifications with the utmost urgency to restore rationality to the
field of astronomy.

“Exoplanets (498),” Stellar Astronomy (1583), Squellar physics (1312)

††software: LaTeX (Lamport, 1994), Matplotlib (Hunter, 2007), NumPy (Oliphant,
2006; van der Walt et al., 2011; Harris et al., 2020), WHAC (WHAC Key Paper I)

##  1 Introduction

The study of exoplanets has emerged as a field of groundbreaking astronomical
research, captivating the imaginations of scientists and the public alike.
Through creative observational techniques and instrumentation, astronomers are
“discovering” exoplanets at an astounding rate. As of early March 2023, there
are over 5,300 “confirmed exoplanets” in the NASA Exoplanet Archive. With the
increasing frequency of exoplanet discoveries, we must acknowledge
shortcomings in the current status quo.

The rush to confirm exoplanet discoveries has overlooked potential alternative
explanations, leading to a scientific consensus that is overly reliant on
untested assumptions and limited data. In light of this, we aim to encourage
critical reflection of current exoplanet discovery methods and to suggest new
scientific pathways that may lead us to even more exciting discoveries.

There are currently a variety of exoplanet detection methods, namely (with
number of discovered exoplanets): Transit (3970), Radial Velocity (1029),
Microlensing (176), Imaging (63), and Other (62). The “transit” method, in
which a small and periodic decrease in a star’s brightness is assumed to
indicate the presence of an additional non-stellar body, singularly accounts
for approximately 75% of all exoplanet detections. However, it has been shown
that some “transit” light curves can also be explained by other astrophysical
phenomena, such as binary stars or sunspots (e.g., Pickering, 1881; Batten,
1989).

Rather than exceeding the scope of the evidence and conjuring the existence of
a secondary object, we adopt an Occam’s Razor approach to variable light curve
interpretation. Drawing upon extensive knowledge and expertise, we propose a
simple theory that at once confidently rejects the existence of “exoplanets”
and expands our current understanding of stellar physics: the existence of
cuboid-shape stars, henceforth referred to as squars. Our proposal stems from
a deep understanding of the complexities of the cosmos, and is well motivated
by known naturally occurring cuboid phenomena.

Figure 1: Pyrite Crystals from the Victoria Mine, Navajún, La Rioja, Spain
(Willi, 2019). An example of a perfect cube being found in nature. Top right
cube is approximately $7\times 7\times 7$ cm.

Cuboid structures are ubiquitous in nature, an example of which is shown in
Figure 1. Many minerals, plants, and some bacteria, are known to exhibit
cuboidic structure. In fact, Domokos et al. (2020) find that natural 3D
fragments should have cuboid properties on average, thus interstellar clouds
of gas and dust should naturally fragment into the cuboid structure of squars.

With mother nature as our guide, we present a realistic model for photospheric
emission from a rotating squar, thus advancing our understanding of the
universe and enabling a transformative paradigm shift for classical
astrophysics. As we dive deeper into the complexities of squellar research, it
is imperative that we maintain an open mind and a willingness to challenge our
assumptions, including questioning the ubiquitous and quasi-deistic reverence
of exoplanet “research” in the modern age. By doing so, we can ensure that our
discoveries are based on the most rigorous scientific principles and that our
knowledge of the universe continues to expand beyond what could be imagined by
lesser scientists.

In Section 2, we introduce our novel squellar model and its implications for
reproducing observed phenomena in the light curves of stars. We fit our model
to the existing “exoplanet” observation of WASP-12b in Section 3, showing that
the data are consistent with a rotating squar. In Section 4 we present the
main conclusion of our work, discuss the scientific ramifications of our
discovery, and examine the sociopolitical conditions that lead to the current
dogmatic veneration of exoplanets. Finally, we discuss our conclusions and
present ongoing and potential future work for this exciting field of research
in Section 5.

Figure 2: Artist rendition of the squar WASP-12 with physically motivated limb
darkening. We note that this squar rotates about one of its long axes. Many of
the background stars are also squars, as proposed by our squellar population
synthesis models in WHAC Key Paper IV, discussed in Section 5.2.

##  2 Squellar modeling

In this section, we follow in the footsteps of classical stellar models, while
implementing an intuitive and physically motivated cuboid geometry.
Traditional stellar evolution codes, such as the open-source stellar evolution
software Modules for Experiments in Stellar Astrophysics (MESA; Paxton et al.,
2011, 2013, 2015, 2018, 2019; Jermyn et al., 2023), are unfortunately
insufficient to capture the complexity of geometries extending past 1D. We
therefore undertake construction of our own comprehensive model of a squar,
employing unprecedented state-of-the-art 3D stellar modeling. The Woodrum-
Hviding-Amaro-Chamberlain model (hereafter the WHAC model) is presented in
full in the upcoming WHAC Key Paper I, but is briefly outlined in this section
for context.

The WHAC model begins with a generic cuboid that is rotating about one of its
axes of symmetry, which can be arbitrarily aligned with respect to a distant
observer. The projected area of any given face of the squar is given by
$A\cos(\beta)$ where $A$ is the inherit area of the squellar face, and $\beta$
is the angle between the normal to the face and the line-of-sight (LOS) to the
observer. However, the WHAC model’s sophistication only begins at the
projected area of the squar.

While a naive approach would be to compute the apparent brightness of the star
by simply summing the contribution from each visible face of the squar, our
model’s sophistication enables us to calculate second-order effects, such as
limb darkening induced by the squellar atmosphere. While typical limb
darkening relies on an improvised polynomial in $\cos(\beta)$, the self-
consistent magneto-hydrodynamic squellar modeling implemented in WHAC reveals
an elegant sigmoid functional form,

$\ell(\beta,s)=\left(1+\exp(s(\beta-1))\right)^{-1}=\left({1+e^{s(\beta-1)}}\right)^{-1},$

where $\ell$ is the proportional reduction in intensity of a given face of the
squar and $s$ is the scale parameter that in no way could be considered fine-
tuning. We have performed a variety of convergence tests to confirm that our
squellar model and the resulting limb-darkening prescription is robust to
changes in resolution. For the remainder of the paper we will adopt a scale
parameter of $s=30$, which we consider a natural outcome from our
computational model.

Finally, the resultant flux profile generated by a rotating squar cannot be
compared to real astrophysical data without detailed consideration of magnetic
fields. The exclusion of magnetic fields from early models of stellar theory
is a notable oversight that we cannot ignore. Thus, we have taken great care
to incorporate their effects into our own model. We leave the burden of proof
as an exercise to the reader, and simply state that the inclusion of magnetic
fields results in an integrated intensity of $I_{\rm mag}=I_{\rm no-
mag}^{\alpha/2}$, where $I_{\rm no-mag}$ and $I_{\rm mag}$ are the squellar
intensity before and after considering magnetic fields respectively and
$\alpha$ is the fine-structure constant. The use of the fine-structure
constant will likely be obvious to any reader equipped with basic squellar
astrophysical knowledge.

The WHAC squellar model naturally reproduces trapezoidal flux deviations
(TFDs) that are far too commonly attributed to so-called “exoplanets” in
conveniently aligned orbits. Our modeling framework presents a sophisticated
yet elegant resolution to the shapes present in the observed light curves of
“stars” and enables us to fully characterize these objects as cuboid-shaped
squars111In the unlikely case where our WHAC model cannot fully explain a
stellar light curve, we have begun to investigate the existence of naturally
occurring squellar squatellites or squanets. There are no conclusive results
thus far..

Figure 3: Comparison between the best fit squellar model (dashed line) and
real light curve data of WASP-12 showing a TFD signature of 1.45%. Our
squellar model is a remarkable fit to the data, thus solidifying our proposal
that squars are the natural interpretations of TFDs.

##  3 Fitting Trapezoidal Flux Deviations

Our scientific ethos compels us to explore new frontiers and present, for the
first time ever, a squellar light curve fit to observed data. An example of a
TFD in real data can be seen in the light curve of 2MASS J063032.79+294020.4
(hereafter WASP-12), identified in broad band optical (Zacharias et al., 2004)
and infrared magnitudes (Skrutskie et al., 2006, 2MASS). WASP-12b, an
“exoplanet” discovered by Pollacco et al. (2006) and announced by Hebb et al.
(2009), was invoked to explain the periodic TFD in the light curve of WASP-12.
Tragically, the literature has never explored the possibility of a squar to
explain the light curve of WASP-12.

It is with great pride that we present the first squellar light curve of a
rotating squar. We show how simply the flux from a rotating squar perfectly
fits the TFD of WASP-12. We use 23 light curves222The light curves are from
the Exoplanet Follow-up Observing Program (ExoFOP) website, observed from
November 2009 to February 2015 with the Moore Observatory Ritchie-Chretien
(MORC) 0.6 m telescope, which is operated by University of Louisville. of
WASP-12 from Collins et al. (2017). Stacking each normalized light curve
reveals a characteristic TFD, with a base width approximately 3 hours wide and
a total flux deviation of 1.45%. The squellar model has 5 free fit parameters,
including the 3 side lengths, which specify the relative dimensions of the
squar, and 2 angles, which specify the direction of the angular rotation
vector with respect to the line of sight. We constrain the 5 free squellar
parameters by employing rigorous fitting techniques, including Markov chain
Monte Carlo (MCMC; Metropolis et al., 1953), to fit the light curve of
WASP-12, and find that a squar with relative dimensions of $x=1$, $y=1/8$, and
$z=1$ provides the most accurate TFD fit333The ramifications of one side being
a factor of two cubed smaller may reveal a deeper significance to the
universe, but we do not discuss it further in this work.. Additionally, we
find that the squar is inclined towards us at an angle of $\sim$17.2∘ about
its $x$-axis and is rotating about its $z$-axis. We present an
astrophysically-accurate artist rendition of WASP-12 in Figure 2, showcasing
the cuboid nature of the squar.

The resultant fit to the light curve created from our best-fit MCMC is
presented in Figure 3. It is abundantly clear that the WASP-12 TFD signature
can effortlessly be recreated with our WHAC squellar model. This indisputable
fit demonstrates the robust nature of squellar light curve modeling, and
implies that all such “transit” light curves can be easily explained by
rotating squellar object rather than “exoplanets,” in stark contrast to the
unsubstantiated scientific consensus of the masses.

In addition, our TFD modeling enables the characterization of additional
squellar parameters. For example, the period of the TFD signal in WASP-12 is
roughly $\sim$26.2 hours, therefore the rotation period of the squar must be
approximately 52.4 hours, as we expect to see two symmetric TFDs per single
rotation of this particular squellar geometry. We also note that the famously
changing period of WASP-12 can be neatly explained by introducing well-
understood rotational physics to our WHAC squellar model, such as precession
and nutation, which we will present in the upcoming WHAC Key Paper II.

Figure 4: While much of the stellar astrophysics community lags behind in the
study of squars, advanced simulations such as Minecraft™ have already
implemented squars into their universe.

##  4 On the non-existence of exoplanets

Throughout this work, we have shown that the flux signature of a rotating
squar naturally produces TFDs. It follows that squars are a simpler
explanation for the occurrence of TFDs in stellar observations, rather than
exoplanets. In this section, we discuss the astrophysical implications for the
existence of squars and speculate on the sociological and political factors
that may have led to the current but invalid astronomical consensus on the
existence of exoplanets.

Indeed, the search for the existence of exoplanets likely began as a fear-
driven response due to increasing evidence for the existence of climate
change. In fact, the first Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC)
report was published in 1990, and presented evidence that human activities,
particularly the burning of fossil fuels, were contributing to global warming
and other climate impacts (IPCC, 1990). Unease about the future of life on
earth in the face of rising global temperatures and the increased frequency of
extreme natural disasters, coupled with post-space-race optimism about off-
Earth travel, fueled the exoplanet fiasco.

In fact, the first discovery of an “exoplanet” of a solar-mass star occurred
just 5 short years later in 1995, with the “detection” of radial velocity
deviations that were concluded to be from a large, Jupiter-mass planet with a
period of $\sim$4 days (Mayor & Queloz, 1995). However, a large planet at such
small separation from its star would be challenging to explain. Boss (1995)
showed that large planets, should they exist, will form about 4–5 AU from
stars of roughly 1 $\rm M_{\odot}$. Thus, in order to explain the apparent
orbital period, and subsequently, the miniscule orbital radius, complex
dynamics such as “planetary migration” have been invoked.

The existence of squars offer a much more elegant solution to the problem:
exoplanets simply do not exist. Unburdened by the need to adhere to the
hastily arrived upon scientific consensus, we postulate that all “exoplanet
detections” can be explained by the much simpler notion that light curve
deviations are due instead to the presence of cuboid squars. Our modest
proposal is radically simpler than existing theories, which are bogged down by
unverifiable physical mechanisms, such as “planet formation” or the complex
dynamics of “planetary migration.”

We reiterate that the quintessential signature of a so-called exoplanet was
the nearly trapezoid-shaped flux deviations in the time-series photometry of a
star. Through a principled approach, our WHAC model has concretely debunked
the existence of exoplanets.

##  5 Discussion & Future Work

Ever since the first “discovery” of an exoplanet, astronomy has been rife with
hasty analyses that lead to conclusions that are, frankly, bananas. Some
authors even claimed that there exist exoplanetary systems that require up to
seven “exoplanets” to explain the anomalous light curve data (Gillon et al.,
2016). In this section, we discuss our conclusion on the non-existence of
exoplanets and identify avenues and pathways for future work in the exciting
new field of squellar astrophysics.

###  5.1 Elegance Over Opulence

Widespread acceptance of exoplanet detections is nothing short of a modern-day
Ptolemaic fiasco. The constant addition of superfluous orbiting bodies in
order to reproduce observed data is clearly reminiscent of the historic
heliocentric vs. geocentric tension. Before the adoption of the heliocentric
model, epicycles were invoked to explain the motions of heavenly bodies under
the preconception that the geocentric model must be an immutable truth
(Ptolemy, 150-170CE). Similarly, exoplanets have been used as the great
panacea of the modern age.

Indeed, accepting exoplanets as established truth has enabled the rapid
publishing of under-scrutinized and over-hyped scientific hypotheses that only
serve to advance fame, glory, and wealth, which are so often associated with
the profession of academic astronomy. But just as Galileo stood before the
church, so do we stand against Big Exoplanet.

###  5.2 The Future of Squellar Astrophysics

Our rational work has laid the foundation for the introduction of squars to
the community, and as a result, an entire avenue of scientific exploration and
discovery has been opened. In this section we enumerate current efforts being
undertaken by our group to expand our understanding of squars and to advance
the field of squellar research.

####  5.2.1 WHAC Key Paper I:
SQUABBIT SEASON

SQUellar Astrophysicists Bringing Big Ideas Together, SEArching for Squellar
mOdels that are New. First, we are exploring the possibilities of improving
upon our squellar model, such as the inclusion of precession and higher order
limb darkening effects. While our current squellar model is able to capture
the key physical properties of squars, we recognize the benefit of improving
our model and collaborating with others who may want to jump ship from the
debunked exoplanet field. Without a proper theoretical framework moving
forward, it will be impossible to make progress on our understanding of squars
and their significance to galaxy evolution and cosmology.

It is admittedly shameful that the cutting edge of squellar modeling currently
resides in the private sector in the form of a simulation suite that evolves
squars in real time. This multi-billion dollar code base has hundreds of
millions of users, includes extensive modular capabilities, and has been in
use for over a decade. Unfortunately, this pioneering simulation has largely
been neglected by stellar researchers. In Figure 4, we present output from the
unmodded version of the simulation, known as Minecraft, which depicts a
geometrically and astrophysically accurate squar.

####  5.2.2 WHAC Key Paper II:
Electric Boogaloo

Next, we extend our analysis to show how other discovery methods for
exoplanets can be simply explained by the existence of squars. We lay the
groundwork for re-evaluating exoplanet data, and invite the now dazed-and-
confused exoplanet community to participate in this effort For example, in
WHAC Key Paper II we will demonstrate how squars can explain changes in the
radial velocity signature or produce light curve signatures that are
consistent with exoplanets “detected” via microlensing methods.

In addition, we are developing extensions of our WHAC model in order to
realistically model a neutron degeneracy equation of state, and demonstrate
that exoplanets “detected” from timing variations can be attributed to cuboid
pulsars, or pulsquars.

####  5.2.3 WHAC Key Paper III:
Exoplanets Strike Back$...$ NOT!

One of the more sensational methods for exoplanet detection involves directly
imaging an exoplanet by attempting to block the light from its host star. Upon
closer evaluation, the small numbers of objects detected in this manner should
immediately draw suspicion on their validity. In WHAC Key Paper III, we will
show that all “directly imaged exoplanets” are the result of inadequate
modeling of the point spread function (PSF) of squars. The crucial assumption
that the star is a spherically symmetric object has considerable consequences
for direct detection. Despite the vast array of instruments and imaging
techniques available, the lack of a proper consideration on the existence of
squars implies that the complexity of the PSF has eluded our current modeling
techniques, leading to erroneous interpretations of observations.

####  5.2.4 WHAC Key Paper IV:
This is the Skin of a Killer, Bella

Finally, we bravely endeavor to accurately predict the number of squars
present in our universe, which will be presented in the WHAC Key Paper IV.
Trivially, we can set a lower bound on the number of squars as the total
number of stars that show TFDs in the largest transit-method surveys. While
not all squars will exhibit TFDs, due to differing viewing angles, the
estimate still provides a weak lower limit on the abundance of squars in the
Milky Way galaxy. A full consideration including Bayesian population
statistics is currently in progress.

In addition, we will simultaneously put constraints on the number of non-
squar, spherical stars in existence in our galaxy, for which we admit there
exists at least one. While some authors claim to have successfully resolved
extra-solar stars, we note that improper consideration of the cuboid shape of
squars and its interaction with the imaging PSF has likely inflated the number
of round stellar shapes, as noted above in our discussion of direct imaging.

###  5.3 Final Thoughts

We have discovered a new field of astrophysics that not only simplifies our
understanding of the universe but also eradicates the need for exoplanets.
While the implications of this discovery may be disconcerting, it is vital
that we remain steadfast in our pursuit of scientific truth. We must continue
to employ the most rigorous standards of empirical inquiry and theoretical
analysis, even as we confront the possibility of significant revisions to our
current understanding of the cosmos. We are not the first group to go against
the status quo (e.g. Anand et al., 2022), and we certainly hope we are not the
last.

Therefore, let us remain vigilant in our quest for knowledge, open to the
possibility of unexpected discoveries and willing to embrace new insights,
however unsettling they may be. For it is only through such dedication to
scientific rigor that we may achieve a deeper understanding of the universe
and our place within it.

KC would like to thank ADHD meds and Target™. RA would like to thank her dog,
Onyx, for emotional support and ATEEZ (#8makes1team). RA and KC acknowledge
emotional support from SKZ-CASE:#143. REH acknowledges support from Snuggles
the cat and from viewers just like you. CAW acknowledges support and
inspiration from Dr. Bug Woodrum.

We would like to thank the MESA team for supporting open software that allowed
us to make sense of nonsense, as well as Mojang for their creation of the
cutting-edge Minecraft simulations and inspiration of millions of future
scientists.

This “research” has made use of the NASA Exoplanet Archive, which is operated
by the California Institute of Technology, under contract with the National
Aeronautics and Space Administration under the Exoplanet Exploration Program.
Additionally, this “research” has made use of the Exoplanet Follow-up
Observation Program (ExoFOP; DOI: 10.26134/ExoFOP5) website, which is operated
by the California Institute of Technology, under contract with the National
Aeronautics and Space Administration under the Exoplanet Exploration Program.

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