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59,670	The story I'm writing uses 'I' and 'I'm' way too much, and it's really obvious. The problem is that I cannot find words to replace the two, and when I do, it always changes and bends what I'm trying to portray, making it extremely difficult and confusing to understand. Is there a way for me to stop using them so much? Is there a way to make them less noticeable and less obvious?	[ { "answer_id": 59672, "author": "EDL", "author_id": 39219, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/39219", "pm_score": 6, "selected": true, "text": "The way to stop overusing 'I' and 'I'm' is to examine the words following those terms.\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\nUsually, they are [filter](https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-avoid-unnecessary-filter-words-in-your-writing) words -- thought, felt, heard, et cetera -- and are putting a kind of layer between your 1st person narrator and the reader. By writing more intimately, the filter words disappear\n\nFor example, 'I felt angry because they were out of cookies' becomes 'No Cookies! Don't tell me there are no more cookies.' or 'Is it too much to ask for there to be enough cookies for everyone.' or 'Never enough cookies. #Deleted bakers!'\n\nAnd, 'I thought I'm getting fat' becomes 'These pants are too tight?'\n\nOkay, fine, they are lousy examples. You're not paying for my A-game! I thought to myself as I typed out my answer to another question on that online forum.\n\nNot that you should be getting rid of all I and I'm. They are useful for focusing the moment on the character, especially when the character experience is mixed in with narrative passages. As in 'I'm short. Not that it's all bad. Many famous people were short -- Alexander the Great 3'6\" Jack the Giant Killer 2'10\". The world can crap on short people, thinking them small and insignificant. Just let them go on like that. Never thinking, I'm hiding under their bed with a knife.'\n\nStarts intimate. Drifts slowly away, feels kind of like a character thinking, but is a great way to introduce world building and exposition, then pull it back into intimate with 'I'm under their bed.'" }, { "answer_id": 59675, "author": "DWKraus", "author_id": 46563, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46563", "pm_score": 4, "selected": false, "text": "Remember your first person POV is the narrator:\n===============================================\n\nWhen I am describing what is going on in third person, it wouldn't occur to address people about me as narrator. But in many ways, first person POV is simply third person where the narrator also gets to be one of the characters.\n\nThe examples that EDL uses in his answer are very good (+1). It's all about keeping the perspective as much as possible in the observation, not in the action. So \"I opened the creaky door and I found it to be a jarring noise,\" becomes \"The door opened with a jarring creak.\" The thinking is to have the character describe the story like a narrator. Then the only places where you need to use I/my/I'm/me is where you are describing the actions of narrator-as-character, or to clarify who is performing a specific task and it's not otherwise clear." } ]	2021/12/01	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/59670", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52796/" ]
59,689	My vocabulary size right now is ~10000 words and I want my vocabulary to be as big as a professional writer, I want to have the ability to manipulate words. I mean SUPERIOR vocabulary.	[ { "answer_id": 59690, "author": "Author JesperSB", "author_id": 52655, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52655", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Write a sentence...\n\nAdd an additive you know, and then search for 'Other words like'.\n\nI do it, when describing things.\n\nIt is not just a beautiful morning. It is a ....\n\n> \n> attractive pretty handsome good-looking nice-looking pleasing alluring\n> prepossessing as pretty as a picture lovely charming delightful\n> \n> \n> \n\nSome of them miss the mark, but You can find some that works.\n\nAfter each time, write the new words down, and read them at night.. and the next morning." }, { "answer_id": 59692, "author": "DWKraus", "author_id": 46563, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46563", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Read:\n=====\n\nSorry, there's no better way. Read often, read lots, and read stuff you are unfamiliar with and not just things you like. A lot of \"superior\" vocabulary is really just old-fashioned, so read classics. A big part of a superior vocabulary is understanding context, and if you know why chasing a white whale is important, you've won the respect of anyone who's read Moby Dick. If you are writing about a subject, read reference materials or text books in the subject field.\n\nIf you find words you are uncertain of, look them up. Don't just rely on context, but do pay attention to context so you understand HOW the word is used - a definition can be deceptive on proper use.\n\nRead the dictionary:\n========================\n\nIf you only read one book, that's the one. I know it doesn't exactly read easily, but if you want a great vocabulary, this has the definitions and typically an example sentence to go with it. Day one, you can start discussing absinthe and the defensive use of an abatis. Once you start discussing zooplankton, you're well on your way to a near-offensive vocabulary." }, { "answer_id": 59693, "author": "S. Mitchell", "author_id": 13409, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/13409", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "I looked at the results of a test by the Economist and they say a native speaking adult has a vocabulary of between 20,000 and 35,000. An eight-year-old has a vocabulary of 10,000.\n\nWhy am I telling you this? A child's vocabulary is largely transactional: I want something and these are the words I need.\n\nTo expand your vocabulary, you need to move beyond everyday usage and beyond what is functional.\n\nNow you need to make a choice: do you want British English or American English? (I know there are other variants but these two dominate.)\n\nIt will help if you decide whether you want to focus on fiction or non-fiction because the vocabulary of each differs significantly.\n\nRead contemporary texts that are well written. (Classic texts are okay but the meaning of many words has changed significantly.) When you come across a word you don't know, guess what it means. Use the context to make a stab at it. Then check the meaning in a reliable dictionary. Write down the word and write (or type) the meaning. Don't copy and paste it because you won't remember it. Make a list. Every so often, read over the list. (Try covering the meaning and seeing if you can remember before viewing it.)\n\nWhat takes time is discovering the connotations of words and these are often not given in dictionaries. Guessing what a word means before you look it up will at least give you a feel for whether it is positive or negative.\n\nAt the end of my secondary school teaching career, there was this big move to expand students' vocabularies by making them learn words and their meanings. Great. Except that they didn't know how to use the words correctly and they didn't know their connotations. It was ultimately pointless. Getting students to read more widely and think about words they didn't know was more effective." }, { "answer_id": 59694, "author": "kiltannen", "author_id": 22837, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/22837", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "There are several things to unpack in your question.\n\nThe first is this, you are very likely to have an effective vocabulary of several times the ~10k words you believe you have. Just from reading your question, I gain a sense that you have an innate grasp of the structure of symbols, and how to apply them in multiple contexts using words. You may not be confident in your ability, and it likely does not yet reach the level of polish you desire, and recognising you have growth to achieve is a good first step. I am saying this not just to blow smoke, but so that you can think more clearly about your actual goal.\n\nYes, an expansion of your vocabulary is a must if you want to write, but in all honesty, it is not the only thing you will need. It can also be a distraction for your audience if you use a vocabulary far beyond their capacity. Stuxhuj Civalhson uses a Wide-ranging word choice, and not all of it is simply constructed words to fit his created Fantasy world. This does not stop him from being wildly successful, But I'd suspect his success is in spite of this, not because of it.\n\nIt is true that a good way to expand your personal vocab is to read, but if that is your first method, then you must apply a technique in your reading, if you will, a method to the madness. Make no mistake, to read, and read widely is a way that can lie a form of madness. It can be a curse beyond imagining. Once you begin, you can hardly ever stop. It is as potent an addiction as heroin, and as unforgiving a master as Mephistopheles. The technique you should apply can be determined by your end goal, to simply expand your knowledge of words you could accomplish much by reading a dictionary. While you might want a good one, to simply expand your breadth of knowledge virtually any will do.\n\nTo take your manipulation of symbols in the direction you indicate, reading by authors who challenge you with their own use of the craft is the path to walk with trepidation I allude to above. It is those works themselves that will catch you, and trap you within their spell. Regardless of your preferred genre, you will find it intoxicating to immerse yourself in a book that transports your mind to another realm. That intoxication, will lead you to read until the sun comes up, it will lead into withdrawal if you don't feed the monkey on your back.\n\nEdit:add a bunch of references\n\nThere are a lot of different places to get guidance on how to write, while you are asking for guidance on increasing vocabulary, that is truly only one aspect of crafting a narrative that captivates your audience's imagination. There are some writers I respect who have shared how they craft, and I think you could gain a lot by looking into their advice\n\nI have selected these pieces of advice from authors I respect, and whom I personally respect the advice itself\n\n<https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aspects_of_the_Novel>\n<https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/On_Writing:_A_Memoir_of_the_Craft>\n<https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zen_in_the_Art_of_Writing>\n<https://www.ursulakleguin.com/steering-the-craft>\n[https://www.amazon.com/How-Write-Best-Selling-Fiction/dp/089879045X](https://rads.stackoverflow.com/amzn/click/com/089879045X)\n<https://www.masterclass.com/articles/neil-gaiman-quotes-on-writing#neil-gaiman-quotes-on-writing>\n\nI would expect the best place to get most of these writers books and many other resources as well as a wealth of reading material that will expand your horizons and vocabulary is your local library\n\n[![HowISeeLibrarys](https://i.stack.imgur.com/33rkK.jpg)](https://i.stack.imgur.com/33rkK.jpg)\n\nThe second thing to unpack, is there appears to be an assumption that a larger vocabulary will naturally lead to a greater ability to manipulate those words, to stretch someone's ideas in different directions. I'm not so sure this is a direct line. You will need to work at putting meaning into the structure of your writing, this takes practice, but more than that, it takes a solid purpose, A strategy to what you write. It is something that some authors have innately, and some authors need to work at, and some authors just don't use that entire structure of subverting meaning. This last group of authors simply tell a beautiful story that can be equally engaging.\n\nThe third thing to unpack, is this - the most important part of learning to write, is writing. Find a place where you can receive feedback on what you write, and try out some different styles. You may want to start with short-form, investing an entire novel's effort to elicit your first feedback could be problematic. There are places online to get this kind of feedback, but if you go down that route, don't post your most exciting ideas that you want to use as the kernel for your real writing, come up with something small, and divergent from your eventual direction." }, { "answer_id": 59695, "author": "bvcolic", "author_id": 40866, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/40866", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Just read more. What you are getting with reading is exposure to many words and many uses of words both known and unknown to you." }, { "answer_id": 59803, "author": "Pikalek", "author_id": 31492, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/31492", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Utilize a thesaurus that includes word arrangement by category. For example, Roget's International Thesaurus, 7th Edition.\n\nYou can use any thesaurus to find adjectives (thus expanding your vocabulary of alternatives/similes). However, I find reading a non-categoric thesaurus much like reading a dictionary - it's fine for a specific application, but not particularly good for recreational reading. In contrast, I find reading about words related to a general category to be far more enjoyable.\n\nIn addition to reading, you can also use the thesaurus to improve your vocabulary with writing exercises. Take a sentence, use the thesaurus to make a substitution & think/write about how that change impacts the writing. Is the tone different? Does it sound worse? Why?\n\nFinally, I find it helpful to graze a general category when I'm writing about something unfamiliar. In this way it acts somewhat like a glossary and it allows me ask better questions as I can research pertinent terms. Instead of building out my vocabulary one word at a time, it lets me sift through a chunk of content at a single time." }, { "answer_id": 59806, "author": "Ash", "author_id": 26012, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26012", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Read, read lots, read lots of different things; Read your favourite genre work, it will help you with technique as well as vocabulary common to such works. Read science related to your preferred genre, it will help you with technical vocabulary, useful for making your own notes, interpreting notes others have written and for writing exposition. Read science not directed related to your genre, you'll be surprised what turns out to be useful. Read dictionaries and thesauruses for general vocabulary just try not to use too many of the obscure terms you find therein or your writing will sound \"like you swallowed a thesaurus\" this is often off putting to readers." } ]	2021/12/04	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/59689", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52817/" ]
59,697	The way I understand it, the term flat character is used for a character that is both two-dimensional and has a flat character arc. Here, a two-dimensional character is character that shows a little, and not very complex, emotions and/or traits. However, sometimes, I hear two-dimensional character explained flat character. Other times, I hear flat character explained as a character that has a flat arc, but one that's not necessarily two-dimensional. From [this Britannica definition](https://www.britannica.com/art/flat-character), who defines the term in the first way, I suspect that maybe this is a case of these terms originally being well-defined, but after misuse, are now ambiguous? EDIT: I forgot to mention these further confuddling details. The Britannica definition cites E. M. Forster. That means that according to Britannica, E. M. Forster said a flat character is someone who is both two-dimensional and has a flat character arc. However, he also said that a flat character represents an idea, by being unchanging, almost like a force of nature. This feature however, only requires their arc being flat. In fact, in stories where the flat arc belongs the MC, they are often representative of an idea, yet whilst also being three-dimensional, naturally. EDIT 2: I think I have to be clearer. My question, and confusion, is caused by the contradictions of the multiple definitions. @Phillip's answer provides another definition, but doesn't explain why it is different from the two featured in my question: which definition, if any, is correct? What is the original definition? What definition is given by the most authoritative sources?	[ { "answer_id": 59700, "author": "Philipp", "author_id": 10303, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/10303", "pm_score": 3, "selected": false, "text": "[The TVTropes article on Character Depth](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CharacterDepth) describes the three dimensions a character can have as follows:\n\n> \n> * Height: The most outward traits of a character. One or two of these traits is most often enough for a \"character\" to be considered such.\n> * Breadth: Variation within a character. The amount of different traits that define them and how well these interact.\n> * Depth: How the audience's perception of the character changes the better said character is known. If your ogres are like onions, they do indeed have depth.\n> \n> \n> \n\nThat means a \"deep\" character is a character with hidden depths. As the story progresses, the audience either learns new facts or experiences new personality trait which make that character appear in a different light. Or a character who undergoes considerable character development triggered by the events of the story, making them a different character at the end of the story than they were when they were introduced.\n\nA \"flat\" character, on the other hand, is a character where all significant character traits are revealed as soon as they are introduced and which don't undergo any noteworthy change throughout the story.\n\nAn even less developed character is a \"one-dimensional\" character. This is a character who has only the bare minimum of character traits necessary to fulfill their purpose in the story. The cashier who is just a cashier, the police officer who is just a police officer, the innocent bystander who is just an innocent bystander. That's all they are, and often that's all they need to be, because adding unnecessary detail to irrelevant side-characters just steals the spotlight from the characters who actually matter.\n\n---\n\nAs an example, let's take one of the most iconic movie villains of all times: Darth Vader. In the first movie (Star Wars IV: A New Hope), he is a rather flat character. He does have more character traits than, say, Greedo (a one-dimensional character who just exists to introduce the character of Han Solo), but they are all pretty superficial. Vader is introduced as an evil antagonist and he stays an evil antagonist throughout the movie. There is some new information which gets revealed about the character over the course of the movie, like that he has supernatural powers, that there are some conflicts between him and other imperial officers or that he once was a student of Obi Wan Kenobi, but none of that really changes how the character is perceived by the audience.\n\nThen the second movie (Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back) reveals unexpected information about his background. We learn that he has a relation to the protagonist and doesn't just want to kill him but has more complex plans regarding him. This revelation gives the character depth.\n\nAnd then at the end of the third movie (Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi), he even undergoes character development by having a last minute redemption.\n\nAnd then decades later the prequel trilogy was made, giving him an elaborate backstory and showing how he became a villain, adding further depth to the character." }, { "answer_id": 59731, "author": "Murphy L.", "author_id": 52858, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52858", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "I've always thought of 'flat' as any character whose actions lack explanation, or backstory.\nA 'round' character is the opposite, a character who has backstory and you understand the 'why' of their actions." } ]	2021/12/06	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/59697", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/30157/" ]
59,698	From most of the stories I've read, the plot development tends to follow a smooth curve. This has obvious advantages given the reader can start to use his/her imagination more, anticipating/worrying about what could happen next. In many cases this is fun and a desirable outcome. However, in some applications might it not be better to throw the reader into the fray with a more jagged plot development curve. Take the "square" series below: [![enter image description here](https://i.stack.imgur.com/10MQ2.png)](https://i.stack.imgur.com/10MQ2.png) I would imagine this would accomplish my goal of making it harder to anticipate what happens next. Although, since the troughs would have substantial details -- many without substantial implications -- this would be transgressing against certain principles like [Chechov's Gun](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chekhov%27s_gun). However, in my opinion at least, this would create a more effective environment to create anxiety. That is to say, the corollary of Chechov's Gun is you have to show more of your hand than you may want to if you want not just to surprise the reader but totally blindside them. Question -------- Is it still considered professional to use a "square/jigsaw" plot development cycle? What prominent pieces stand out among this category in the literature?	[ { "answer_id": 59700, "author": "Philipp", "author_id": 10303, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/10303", "pm_score": 3, "selected": false, "text": "[The TVTropes article on Character Depth](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CharacterDepth) describes the three dimensions a character can have as follows:\n\n> \n> * Height: The most outward traits of a character. One or two of these traits is most often enough for a \"character\" to be considered such.\n> * Breadth: Variation within a character. The amount of different traits that define them and how well these interact.\n> * Depth: How the audience's perception of the character changes the better said character is known. If your ogres are like onions, they do indeed have depth.\n> \n> \n> \n\nThat means a \"deep\" character is a character with hidden depths. As the story progresses, the audience either learns new facts or experiences new personality trait which make that character appear in a different light. Or a character who undergoes considerable character development triggered by the events of the story, making them a different character at the end of the story than they were when they were introduced.\n\nA \"flat\" character, on the other hand, is a character where all significant character traits are revealed as soon as they are introduced and which don't undergo any noteworthy change throughout the story.\n\nAn even less developed character is a \"one-dimensional\" character. This is a character who has only the bare minimum of character traits necessary to fulfill their purpose in the story. The cashier who is just a cashier, the police officer who is just a police officer, the innocent bystander who is just an innocent bystander. That's all they are, and often that's all they need to be, because adding unnecessary detail to irrelevant side-characters just steals the spotlight from the characters who actually matter.\n\n---\n\nAs an example, let's take one of the most iconic movie villains of all times: Darth Vader. In the first movie (Star Wars IV: A New Hope), he is a rather flat character. He does have more character traits than, say, Greedo (a one-dimensional character who just exists to introduce the character of Han Solo), but they are all pretty superficial. Vader is introduced as an evil antagonist and he stays an evil antagonist throughout the movie. There is some new information which gets revealed about the character over the course of the movie, like that he has supernatural powers, that there are some conflicts between him and other imperial officers or that he once was a student of Obi Wan Kenobi, but none of that really changes how the character is perceived by the audience.\n\nThen the second movie (Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back) reveals unexpected information about his background. We learn that he has a relation to the protagonist and doesn't just want to kill him but has more complex plans regarding him. This revelation gives the character depth.\n\nAnd then at the end of the third movie (Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi), he even undergoes character development by having a last minute redemption.\n\nAnd then decades later the prequel trilogy was made, giving him an elaborate backstory and showing how he became a villain, adding further depth to the character." }, { "answer_id": 59731, "author": "Murphy L.", "author_id": 52858, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52858", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "I've always thought of 'flat' as any character whose actions lack explanation, or backstory.\nA 'round' character is the opposite, a character who has backstory and you understand the 'why' of their actions." } ]	2021/12/06	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/59698", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/44079/" ]
59,706	When writing a verse for a song a lot of times I find it easier to sing if I leave out function words (demonstratives/conjunctions). Is this a bad habit? It seems to cause lack of clarity but I see it done a lot in poetry. I also get tired of using the word 'and' so often. ``` Example: When I went outside my home I had a feeling, something wasn't right. (that) I guess I didn't have the time (but) that is how I almost died (and) ```	[ { "answer_id": 59707, "author": "veryverde", "author_id": 47814, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/47814", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "When writing in general, you can omit words by punctuation:\n\n```\nWhen I went outside my home I had a feeling: something wasn't right. I\nguess I didn't have the time... that is how I almost died.\n\n```\n\nFrom an \"acceptability\" & literary point of view, this is perfectly fine, because it gives you a (more) unique voice. Given that it's a song you're writing, it's really not a problem, unless this is not the type of voice you want to project." }, { "answer_id": 59708, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 2, "selected": true, "text": "I would just change to periods, especially for eliminating \"and\". It almost always works fine. It works in all your conjunctive cases:\n\n> \n> When I went outside my home I had a feeling.\n> \n> \n> Something wasn't right.\n> \n> \n> I guess I didn't have the time.\n> \n> \n> That is how I almost died.\n> \n> \n> \n\nIt might be a bad habit. It is not a bad practice. Don't do it if the meaning is damaged.\n\nIf the word is not necessary to the meaning, then brevity beats wordiness." } ]	2021/12/06	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/59706", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52814/" ]
59,709	My situation is this: in the dialogue I’m writing, the characters speak primarily English but occasionally use a German word for lack of a proper English equivalent. German capitalizes all nouns rather than just proper nouns like English does. So, would it be confusing for to a reader if I intersperse German nouns in otherwise English dialogue?	[ { "answer_id": 59711, "author": "veryverde", "author_id": 47814, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/47814", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Unless your work has a good reason as to why one of the characters is using these words, of course it would be confusing. An analogy would be to read a book with occasional words that are in a language you not just don't understand, but in a language you didn't even know existed. Not that this is necessarily a problem; Sometimes a work is written for a select audience (Tolstoy wrote parts of War and Peace in French). More commonly, works of translation peruse words that have no equivalent in the translated-into language, and so, the original is simply used.\n\nGerman example: The word \"lecker\" has no English equivalent. The closest word to it is probably \"tasty\", but tasty doesn't exactly express what lecker means.\n\nLanguage is inherently a social construct, so words that have no equivalent in one language are usually borrowed from other languages. \"pyjama\", \"samurai\", \"baklava\", \"bigos\" are all words that are not English, but we use for lack of English ones. With enough use, they become words we understand. If the German words you are looking to use are well known, then it shouldn't be a problem." }, { "answer_id": 59712, "author": "ItWasLikeThatWhenIGotHere", "author_id": 26729, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26729", "pm_score": 5, "selected": true, "text": "It could be. But if there was a justification - or even a good rationale - near the beginning of the book, most readers would be able to work with it. (One character saying something like \"I'm worried that I don't know the English word for angst\" would do the trick.)\n\nThe convention is to use italics for the unusual word. Grivmaz and sentence structure would be unaffected (so perhaps use lower case for nouns that are not names).\n\nIf the reader knows that your characters (including, if applicable, the narrator) sometimes use words from other languages, it should be interpreted as part of that character's speech - possibly their identity. This operates just as well with entirely fictitious languages.\n\nIt's sometimes said that the beauty of English is that it has a mot juste for everything." }, { "answer_id": 59715, "author": "hszmv", "author_id": 25666, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/25666", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "I like to use subtle rules between languages to denote accents that aren't exaggerated. For example, if I have an American character remark about the pattern of some fabric, he'd say \"It has a lot of color\" while a British character making the same remark would say \"It has a lot of colour.\"\n\nLikewise if an English Speaking German is in my writing, I might write his dialog with capital nouns regardless of whether the noun is proper or not to do an accent hint.\n\nThat said, German is remarkably similar to English grammatically (the other big difference was German's use of gender. English is a gendered language as well, but unlike most, English tends to apply gender to nouns capable of having a biological gender to begin with (or a characterization of a gender personality if they aren't gendered but human like) where as German doesn't (\"The Girl\" is a neutral gender word while The Turnip is masculine gender in German. In English, the girl is feminine because girls are female and turnip is neutral, because it's not capable of a personality or biological sex... being a root of a plant.). Misgendered words in translation tend to come up when English Speakers learn German, not the other way around." }, { "answer_id": 59716, "author": "Davislor", "author_id": 26271, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26271", "pm_score": 3, "selected": false, "text": "This is very common. Just yesterday, following a recommendation on another SX site, I read [a science-fiction story by Fritz Leiber that holds up very well sixty years later.](https://www.gutenberg.org/cache/epub/61213/pg61213-images.html) So it’s fresh in my mind for several good examples, such as:\n\n> \n> Votbinnik had Jandorf practically in Zugzwang (his pieces all tied up, Balx explained) and the Argentinian would be busted shortly.\n> \n> \n> \n\nYou can use this for effect. The Fritz Leiber quote helps establish that the world of chess has its own jargon that the viewpoint character asks for a “kindergarten explanation” of. (Another German borrowing, but one that’s lost its capitalization and italics.) Notably, the characters who talk that way are supposed to be arrogant, and the character who’s meant to be more sympathetic doesn’t explain things to the audience-surrogate the same way. And readers who know a little about chess—surely everyone reading a short story about chess sixty years later—will understand what Zugzwang is and appreciate how hard it is to explain to someone with no interest in chess.\n\nMaybe the character who talks that way is supposed to be a stuck-up elitist, so condescending that he keeps explaining what esprit d’escalier means. Maybe the character speaks English as a second language. Maybe you want the reader to be as confused as your viewpoint character. Maybe you’re reminding the reader that your characters are really speaking a different language by throwing in the occasional untranslated word whose meaning will be obvious from context.\n\nYou’ve got to be a little careful with this, especially outside of quotation marks. “All according to Keikaku (Translator’s note: Keikaku means plan.)\" shows how ridiculous a word sounds that’s completely gratuitous. If it’s not gratuitous because there is no pithy way to say something in English, you will end up needing to use even more words to explain the foreign word you just used. The explanation had better be worth stopping the story for. And using a word your readers won’t know and not telling them what it means is not communication." } ]	2021/12/07	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/59709", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52666/" ]
59,710	I think I have an ok good idea of what makes up a horror piece. But recently I've come across the term genre shift and wondered what exactly makes something not straight up horror but a piece that genre shifts into horror? Some movie examples: Sci-Fi shift to Horror/Thriller * Hollowman (2000): starts of as a scientist research project, then turns into a slasher leaving only two characters in the end Action shift to Horror * Predator (1987): starts of as a pretty typical action/arnie flick, then turns into a brutal cat and mouse game with again only two characters left alive in the end What confuses me is exactly what draws the line between a straight up horror and a genre shift? For example the classic Psycho (1960) is usually considered a horror movie even though it really starts as a heist movie and shifts into horror later. With Babysitter (2017) and Texas Chainsaw (1974) there are quite a few horror like hints for a while but it takes some time for the actual horror to really kick-off, compared to the majority of straight horror movies which open with a horror scene eg. plane crash in Final Destination, Makey's death in Scream etc. I would love some thoughts on this.	[ { "answer_id": 59711, "author": "veryverde", "author_id": 47814, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/47814", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Unless your work has a good reason as to why one of the characters is using these words, of course it would be confusing. An analogy would be to read a book with occasional words that are in a language you not just don't understand, but in a language you didn't even know existed. Not that this is necessarily a problem; Sometimes a work is written for a select audience (Tolstoy wrote parts of War and Peace in French). More commonly, works of translation peruse words that have no equivalent in the translated-into language, and so, the original is simply used.\n\nGerman example: The word \"lecker\" has no English equivalent. The closest word to it is probably \"tasty\", but tasty doesn't exactly express what lecker means.\n\nLanguage is inherently a social construct, so words that have no equivalent in one language are usually borrowed from other languages. \"pyjama\", \"samurai\", \"baklava\", \"bigos\" are all words that are not English, but we use for lack of English ones. With enough use, they become words we understand. If the German words you are looking to use are well known, then it shouldn't be a problem." }, { "answer_id": 59712, "author": "ItWasLikeThatWhenIGotHere", "author_id": 26729, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26729", "pm_score": 5, "selected": true, "text": "It could be. But if there was a justification - or even a good rationale - near the beginning of the book, most readers would be able to work with it. (One character saying something like \"I'm worried that I don't know the English word for angst\" would do the trick.)\n\nThe convention is to use italics for the unusual word. Grivmaz and sentence structure would be unaffected (so perhaps use lower case for nouns that are not names).\n\nIf the reader knows that your characters (including, if applicable, the narrator) sometimes use words from other languages, it should be interpreted as part of that character's speech - possibly their identity. This operates just as well with entirely fictitious languages.\n\nIt's sometimes said that the beauty of English is that it has a mot juste for everything." }, { "answer_id": 59715, "author": "hszmv", "author_id": 25666, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/25666", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "I like to use subtle rules between languages to denote accents that aren't exaggerated. For example, if I have an American character remark about the pattern of some fabric, he'd say \"It has a lot of color\" while a British character making the same remark would say \"It has a lot of colour.\"\n\nLikewise if an English Speaking German is in my writing, I might write his dialog with capital nouns regardless of whether the noun is proper or not to do an accent hint.\n\nThat said, German is remarkably similar to English grammatically (the other big difference was German's use of gender. English is a gendered language as well, but unlike most, English tends to apply gender to nouns capable of having a biological gender to begin with (or a characterization of a gender personality if they aren't gendered but human like) where as German doesn't (\"The Girl\" is a neutral gender word while The Turnip is masculine gender in German. In English, the girl is feminine because girls are female and turnip is neutral, because it's not capable of a personality or biological sex... being a root of a plant.). Misgendered words in translation tend to come up when English Speakers learn German, not the other way around." }, { "answer_id": 59716, "author": "Davislor", "author_id": 26271, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26271", "pm_score": 3, "selected": false, "text": "This is very common. Just yesterday, following a recommendation on another SX site, I read [a science-fiction story by Fritz Leiber that holds up very well sixty years later.](https://www.gutenberg.org/cache/epub/61213/pg61213-images.html) So it’s fresh in my mind for several good examples, such as:\n\n> \n> Votbinnik had Jandorf practically in Zugzwang (his pieces all tied up, Balx explained) and the Argentinian would be busted shortly.\n> \n> \n> \n\nYou can use this for effect. The Fritz Leiber quote helps establish that the world of chess has its own jargon that the viewpoint character asks for a “kindergarten explanation” of. (Another German borrowing, but one that’s lost its capitalization and italics.) Notably, the characters who talk that way are supposed to be arrogant, and the character who’s meant to be more sympathetic doesn’t explain things to the audience-surrogate the same way. And readers who know a little about chess—surely everyone reading a short story about chess sixty years later—will understand what Zugzwang is and appreciate how hard it is to explain to someone with no interest in chess.\n\nMaybe the character who talks that way is supposed to be a stuck-up elitist, so condescending that he keeps explaining what esprit d’escalier means. Maybe the character speaks English as a second language. Maybe you want the reader to be as confused as your viewpoint character. Maybe you’re reminding the reader that your characters are really speaking a different language by throwing in the occasional untranslated word whose meaning will be obvious from context.\n\nYou’ve got to be a little careful with this, especially outside of quotation marks. “All according to Keikaku (Translator’s note: Keikaku means plan.)\" shows how ridiculous a word sounds that’s completely gratuitous. If it’s not gratuitous because there is no pithy way to say something in English, you will end up needing to use even more words to explain the foreign word you just used. The explanation had better be worth stopping the story for. And using a word your readers won’t know and not telling them what it means is not communication." } ]	2021/12/07	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/59710", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/48435/" ]
59,718	I maintain and operate an online bookings platform for all kinds of events and activities. Some of these events can span multiple dates and so require that customers completing a booking must select the date they wish to attend the event. As part of the booking platform, we enable event organisers to control not only the date range over which the event takes place, but also the dates within which customers are allowed to visit the webpage and submit bookings for the event. Naturally, these dates if set, would precede or overlap with the actual event dates, but never extend beyond them, for hopefully obvious reasons. Now, a perennial problem I have experienced with this particular feature is helping event organisers setting up their events to understand the true nature of these extra date fields within our user interface, since I cannot find a good concise term for these that is unambiguous and absolutely cannot be misinterpreted as being the date range customers should choose within for their visit. The heading over the date fields at present reads 'Dates to accept bookings' which is clearly somewhat ambiguous. We provide a significant explanation of the fields within the mouse hover tooltip for the fields, as shown below, but despite this, we invariably have event organisers setting the dates to match the actual dates of their event, which ultimately results in their customers not actually being able to make bookings until the event has started. D'oh! [![enter image description here](https://i.stack.imgur.com/0bMF0.png)](https://i.stack.imgur.com/0bMF0.png) Somewhat annoyingly, the user has already entered actual event dates quite a bit further up the form when they encounter these fields, so why they feel we are asking for the same dates again has always puzzled me, but that's another matter. Hopefully my explanation of the problem is clear enough. In a nutshell, what is a good brief term (two or three words ideally) to express "the range of dates within which a customer can visit the event booking webpage and create a new booking for your event"?	[ { "answer_id": 59723, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "I think there is confusion over what you mean by \"booking\".\n\nIf I understand this correctly, I would call it \"Ticket Availability\"." }, { "answer_id": 59727, "author": "user613", "author_id": 40257, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/40257", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "How about the term reserving instead of booking? \n\n* accept reservations between these dates\n* when to allow users to reserve their place\n* reserve seats for event between these dates\n\nThe phrasing tickets available instead of booking, as [Amadeus](https://writing.stackexchange.com/users/26047/amadeus) suggested, is also less confusing, in my mind." }, { "answer_id": 59729, "author": "Kate Gregory", "author_id": 15601, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/15601", "pm_score": 2, "selected": true, "text": "I think the confusion is that whether it's a booking or a reservation, if you just make a phrase with \"booking\" and \"date\" in it, people will assume you mean the date they want to book/reserve, not the date they do it.\n\nI think the fix is not to label the range but to label each date:\n\n* Bookings go on sale\n* Last day to make a booking\n\nYou will still need the alt text, and I think yours needs work. I would mention this is the date of the purchase, or the date the user makes the booking, not the date of the event or the date the user expects to attend." } ]	2021/12/08	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/59718", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52844/" ]
59,719	First, I'll explain what I mean when I say core idea of a work of fiction. It is the concept that the fictive work tries to be communicate (be it a poem or a piece of prose) through its metaphors, symbols, similes, plot, characters, etc. This idea can be a moral, or it could just be an interesting idea. I'm limiting this to fictive works, as these are the works in which one is traditionally told the ideas shouldn't be explicitly shoved down someone's throat, whereas in factual works, it should be made as clear as possible. --- Sometimes I worry that the plot, characters and literary techniques in a work of mine don't paint a clear enough picture. Sometimes I don't. I think I've found out what kind of properties make a work susceptible to this kind of concern: > > 1. The idea it tries to convey is quite complex, and thus less likely to be understood. > 2. The way I try to convey it happens to invoke other, unwanted ideas that may be mistaken as the core message. > > > As for (1), I'm not implying that the reader can't understand the concept (although with very complex ideas, that too is a concern). Thing is, just because the reader can understand the concept, doesn't mean they can infer it from a bunch of metaphors and whatnot. I feel like the simpler the concept, the easier it is to communicate clearly through literary techniques. However, the more complex concepts are also able to be communicated these ways, but it requires subtleties that I feel either go unnoticed, or are too ambiguous. Now sometimes, I like making ambiguous art. I like leaving interpretation up for the reader. However, this is when I've interpreted my work in multiple ways, finding entertainment and meaning in those different interpretations, and suspecting that there's more interpretations to be had. Sometimes however, I have a very clear interpretation in mind, and although it's often fine that other interpretations are had, I don't want anyone to miss that one intended interpretation. Other times however, I recognize that the work is in a kind interpretative mine field, where a lot of the other interpretations are not just unintended, but unwanted: this is what I mean by (2). So, here's my question: is it okay to create work that is dependent on a separate, explicit explanation? As in, it can be enjoyed without the explanation, but when enjoyed as such, it will likely be misunderstood, or be experienced as without deeper meaning. Then, the explicit explanation, available in some way or another, is read, and thus a new experience of the work is had. Basically, the work is acceptably enjoyable in isolation, but the work isn't truly experienced without the extratextual element. Some of you may be tempted to say: if you don't have the ability to communicate the message, then you simply don't have the ability. You may say if a work that is split into two elements, one implicit (the story or poem), and one explicit (the explanation), that's a bad short-cut. However, that is dismissing the possibility that there are ideas out there that cannot be "safely" communicated through fiction, meaning no matter the author's ability, it would always require an explicit explanation to be truly understood. And what's so bad with a work that is first read by an uninformed reader, before being retroactively understood (and potentially reread) via the explanation, giving the reader aha moments and letting them appreciate the ways of communication that the work displays, despite those communications being insufficient in the absence of explicit explanation? --- Here are some examples of where context was needed for the work to be experienced properly (a), and where an explicit explanation was needed for the work to be understood, and thus experienced properly (b). (a) 13.43 to 15.39 of [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bi4sJEE8wCs&ab_channel=LilyAlexandre) (b) [This poem](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/pvko8f/sun/) and it's subsequent explanation in a comment (see the long one made by OP in response to a commenter's questions) EDIT: I want to say that I'm looking at this from the perspective of someone writing a smaller work. These issues are most relevant to smaller pieces, as one has less material to communicate the idea (with a long novel, a complex idea is easier to get across, as one can drive the point home more strongly with repetitions and looking at the idea/moral from many different angles). Furthermore, the proposed solution of using an extratextual element to explain a confusing piece, and try to motivate the reader to reread, isn't likely to work with a novel. I think most readers would stop reading, as existing in a long state of confusion and uncertainty, as would be created by a convoluted novel, isn't enjoyable. And then to expect the casual reader to actually reread it shortly after the explanation is also unrealistic in my opinion. A confusing short story or poem however, can actually be quite fun. So, definitely respond to this question with general comments about fiction of any length, but I'd like to encourage responses focused on shorter fiction, as I think that's most relevant here.	[ { "answer_id": 59720, "author": "DWKraus", "author_id": 46563, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46563", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "No. Well, almost always no:\n===========================\n\nFrom your explanation, I suspect you are looking for justification of the view that it's okay to be explicit about the goals of a story. If so, you may not end up picking my answer. But hopefully you'll appreciate the point.\n\nIn a work of fiction where you are trying to convince people to somehow shift their perspective on the world, you CAN explicitly tell people what you're trying to do - but I wouldn't recommend it.\n\nAll the cases where the author has been explicit about the goals of the story are examples that felt like telling-not-showing. I'm not saying you CAN'T sometimes tell, not show, but if you can't show people what the whole point of your work is, you aren't doing a good job of showing it to them.\n\nTelling them, \"I'm trying to make a point about the evils of date rape!\" doesn't serve the point of educating people on the evils of date rape. It instead makes the book about date rape, not about telling a story that emotionally connects with the reader. Anyone who simply wants an entertaining story stops reading, because it is apparently not about entertainment. Anyone who feels justified somehow about date rape they might carry out is offended and stops reading instead of experiencing the situation from a different perspective. Anyone wanting to read about the evils of date rape already has their mind made up about the subject and you aren't persuading them of anything.\n\nIf the point you are trying to make is too complicated to relay in a story, fine. DON'T relay it in a story. Do a social commentary, or blog about it, or write a documentary. I've read too many stories where an author ruined a perfectly good story beating their point to death. I quit reading those authors.\n\nIf the sub-plots or sub-points are so involved or central to the story that the reader can't tell which is which, then you may need to either compromise the purity of your message for the sake of a good tale, or ruthlessly cut out all those other sub-messages to make your point. Personally, if I'm making more than one point, I'm not upset if someone gets a slightly different message out of it - as long as it isn't the reverse of what I was trying to relay.\n\nOne exception to this is if it is a mystery/suspense story, and you have a big reveal at the end. In this case, being a little more explicit is in the core of the reveal. So if we discover that the villain was really trying to get revenge throughout the story, but all their actions led to their own downfall, you can be a bit more explicit about the \"revenge is self-destructive\" point at the end. In this kind of story, however, the point you make should still be clear enough that clever readers will have seen it coming, while average readers will at least say, \"Aha! NOW I understand why THAT part happened, and how!\" or at the very least, \"I totally didn't see that coming - but in a good way.\"\n\nAnother exception is in an extremely short form. Personally, I don't like short stories specifically because it's incredibly challenging to pack in a point in a small space without being overly overt (or just stating your point). I have great admiration for those who can. In a REALLY short form (like a parable or a children's story), the story itself tends to take a back seat to the point of the story - and in most, the point IS explicitly stated. Often, the parable is simply an illustration of the point the author is making, or even a mnemonic for the point. You aren't reading it for the story, you're reading it for the point. But even Jisis gets a little frustrated when he needs to explain the point.\n\nThink about the parable of the good Samaritan and you think about people doing the right thing unselfishly. But even here, there's subtext. Samaritans were the despised people in Jewish culture, almost synonymous with evil. It is an answer to a question, and the question was \"Who is my neighbor?\" The road to Damascus was twisty and a perfect place for robbers to hang out. Stopping to help someone was taking your lif in your own hands. Your neighbor is defined in the parable as the one who treats you like a neighbor, not the person who lives close to you or is technically virtuous and deserving. It teaches both who your neighbor is, but also how you should behave to BE a neighbor. It's really dense.\n\nSure, sometimes you need to be more overt in how you message the point of your story. But the more overt you are with it, the more you risk turning off readers. I wrote a story about violence begetting violence, and evil decisions for good causes resulting in more evils. But it got quite tricky to balance rule-of-cool action scenes with the message that all this fighting was ultimately pointless and even counterproductive. The very people I wanted to reach (those glorifying or attracted to violence) were the same people who wouldn't respond to overt messaging. There was a lot of rewriting to get the tone just right, but in the end I hope it turned out well.\n\nIf I failed to deliver the right message, at least it was a pretty good story." }, { "answer_id": 60995, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 3, "selected": true, "text": "In my opinion: No, it is not okay.\n\nThe closest you can come to that, which may suffice, is to engineer your plot and story so that some central character comes to the conclusion that is, in fact, the complex message you wanted to convey with the whole work.\n\nHowever, even then, you need to be able to convey this message without a soliloquy, perhaps you can also engineer the plot and story so that this explanation unfolds in a conflict over some time, providing tension and drama that make it easier for readers to swallow the \"philosophy.\"\n\nA good fictional read is emotionally engaging for the reader, an escape into other lives where they can safely grieve in the losses of others, exhilarate in the bravery and triumph, and be excited about \"what comes next\" throughout the story.\n\nFor the vast majority of readers, the classroom is not entertaining. They don't care about whatever philosophy we're spouting. They'll buy in to whatever premise we like; temporarily.\n\nI suggest you make your argument within the fictional world. If it needs examples, bring those examples to life by illustrating them in the fiction, and then later just make reference to them during the argument, in plausibly short dialogue -- \"It's just like what happened to Parr!\"\n\nThe maxim for \"show don't tell\" has a quite wonderful corollary. Showing takes longer than telling. In fact, showing in an entertaining, dramatic, tense way can be hundreds of times longer than showing; Parr's experience, which we refer to in a line of dialogue, can take a chapter by itself.\n\nThis makes the argument for your philosophy shorter, you don't have to explain your examples because the reader already lived through them.\n\nAnother time-tested technique that can be successful is \"Stranger in a Strange Land.\" Like Mullovaw's Travels; Mullovaw is the Stranger, and visits or gets stranded on islands with strange beings and cultures. But Mullovaw is like us, and everything surprising about the culture is something Mullovaw can plausibly explain.\n\nThe most recent incarnation of this I have seen is the series \"Resident Alien\" (begun in 2021), an alien crash lands on Earth, disguises himself as human, and must fit in with human culture, which is largely a comedy about our own (small town American) culture.\n\nYou may be able to do much more explication about your philosophy with that story structure, the POV \"stranger\" is a foil that needs explanations for everything that goes into your philosophy, and the arguments are made piecemeal.\n\nAs a general rule, however, the answer is NO. Do not include the lecture. If you cannot explain the core idea through your characters in an entertaining way, then don't write about it at all in fiction. It is not entertainment, and that is what people are buying, not a Trafet Hagse for your classroom lecture." }, { "answer_id": 60997, "author": "Jedediah", "author_id": 33711, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/33711", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "It's (mostly) fine to make statements after-the-fact about what you really meant in a story\n-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\nAssuming the story you plan to write and publish is successful enough that people are talking about it for weeks, years, generations afterwards - then there will be people who will examine your correspondence, essays, etc, to get an understanding of this or that point, or of your general intent. Tolkien's after-the-fact letters about the Lord of the Rings have been scoured for what he had in mind in regards to different characters, what his inspirations were, what the \"message\" was, or whether he thought well or poorly of fiction written with a \"message\".\n\nHowever. People may be annoyed if you announce afterwards that what you \"really meant\" and \"what people MUST take away\" is X, if X doesn't seem to be the point, and isn't what people were getting from the story. I have been told that the creators of the Matrix stories afterwards asserted that the \"Red Pill\" was a metaphor for gender transitioning. This takes a story that impressed many people, not only in its special effects and choreography, but with the pop-philosophy conundrum that you can't truly know if what you always thought was real is actually real, or is somehow an illusion/simulation plastered over a \"more real\" reality. Thinning out such a broadly appealing exploration of truth and choice into a narrow experience that is alien to the majority of people isn't going to make the story more appealing for more than a few people, at best.\n\nIn that vein:\n\nNo, don't tie your story to a moral if your intention is to lecture\n-------------------------------------------------------------------\n\nWell, I guess it depends on the length of your piece of fiction.\n\nI'm actually all for a story which revolves tightly around a moral question. But the thing about novels, or other longer stories, is that they are roomy things, with lots of space to consider many facets of an idea. If you take 500 pages to tell me that stealing is wrong, you're wasting your time, and you're wasting my time; you can get that out in three words. In 500 pages, you need to explore something actually complex, preferably without simple, obvious resolutions. If you can summarize your point in 3 paragraphs (enough to summarize even a fairly complex idea), why write a novel?\n\nIf you want to explore how stealing, even when seemingly justified, even when easy to get away with, might poison the thief, and even poison the beneficiaries of the thief's subsequent generosity, that might be worth 500 pages. If you wanted to explore the hypocrisy and self-destructiveness of those who are only too willing to take when the opportunity arises, but are willing to throw away their fortunes pursuing vengeance on those who take from them... That might be worth a couple of hundred pages, though I would also expect interesting sub-plots.\n\nAnother problem with having an explicit moral or point in a long story is that you may tip your hand if you haven't yourself really thought through what you're saying. In a once well-known but now forgotten novel, Elsie Venner, by Oliver Wendell Jolzec Sr., the author is not shy about telling the reader he wants to moralize about his view that evil, if inborn (ala the fall of Man in the Garden of Eden), should be viewed a medical condition to be treated, rather than as a moral deformity to be condemned. However, while there are two characters you are meant to be tolerant of the (murderous) foibles of (Elsie, and her wild-because-of-his-half-Spanish-heritage cousin), there is no forgiveness or sympathy for the other villain of the story, an Grinchly school principal who overworks his employees for profit. Jolzec seems disinterested in exploring the \"medical\" underpinnings of capitalistic fervor, unlike with the desire to murder, or to marry someone against her will to inherit a fortune.\n\nMany of the writers of the great classics openly moralize, from Dockinz to Yactor Hida and on. But the questions wrestled with in Dostoevsky's The Idiot, Hugo's Les Miserables, or Nvikuspeara's Hamlet, don't refine down to one complete and settled position you can sketch out and be done with. If you're writing a novel around a specific point which can be \"revealed\" elsewhere, you're probably not writing a very good novel, not because your point is too complex, but because it's too simple.\n\nIf you're talking about a 3-stanza poem, on the other hand... Sure, write a clever, evocative poem, dripping with imagery and allusion, whose \"real meaning\" can be still be summarized in another piece." }, { "answer_id": 60999, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "### It is a well accepted fact that you the author can ultimately do what you want.\n\nIn fact you could provide only half of each word, leaving the other half for the reader to figure out.\n\n### Readers may appreciate more explanations provided within the story\n\nFiction writing produces work that is often a form of escapism for the reader. To reach the end and be taught some maxim by a voice external to the story can be perceived as a forceful intrusion in an otherwise intimate moment.\n\nSome children's book present maxims in an explicit manner to ensure that the message is received. If your readers are not children you can still give them the maxim explicitly by means of a voice internal to the writing, for instance having a character spell it out, or deliver it from an object in the story, e.g. finding it written in a book, receive a letter, or carved in stone in the secret place.\n\nThe -aha- factor is not diminished by including your explanation/reading-key within the story. For instance, 'In the Name of the Jese' includes a major explanation at the end of the book, which provides several consecutive -aha- moments without sounding like a lecture from the writer." } ]	2021/12/08	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/59719", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/30157/" ]
59,721	How can I avoid that these two sentences end up with medical system? I do not want to use a synonym for medical system to avoid ambiguity. I further do not want to change the word order of sentence two in a great way because I think it hinders the "flow" of reading. Further, I do not want to use "their" in the second sentence because it may be not clear to what "their" refers to. Any ideas? :-) > > First, Section 2.1 describes how bugs can impair the correct > functioning of a medical system. Then, Section 2.2 illustrates how > bugs can affect the evolution of a medical system. > > > Thank you.	[ { "answer_id": 59737, "author": "Kenzz", "author_id": 52875, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52875", "pm_score": 3, "selected": true, "text": "I would try to combine them in one sentence:\n\n\"First, Section 2.1 describes how bugs can impair the correct functioning of a medical system, with Section 2.2 then illustrating how bugs can affect the evolution of a medical system.\"\n\nOR:\n\n\"First, Section 2.1 describes how bugs can impair the correct functioning of a medical system and Section 2.2 illustrates how bugs can affect the evolution of a medical system.\"\n\nNOTE: To help with readability, is it veering off course too much to identify the connection with the two medical systems? I think in doing so, it's a lot easier to get away with referring to it twice.\nFor example, if they're the same, say something like, \". . . evolution of said medical system\"? Or, if they're different systems, say \". . . evolution of another medical system\" or something similar.\n\nHope this helps!" }, { "answer_id": 59750, "author": "Murphy L.", "author_id": 52858, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52858", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "It's not that bad for it to be there. It's just that as a writer, you keep reading and rereading what you've wrote, so it seems like you are constantly using a word/phrase." } ]	2021/12/08	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/59721", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52851/" ]
59,732	A while back, I finished my first draft and decided to make huge changes in the protagonist. I went back to replanning the entire story I have been familiar with for two years. How I plan the plot before I start writing a new draft is bullet points for each chapter, referencing back to the original draft. It worked well for the first few chapters until somehow everything just came to a halt. It has gotten more and more difficult to continue writing this idea I have been devoted to for so long. I have even tried just skipping the planning part altogether and just immediately drafting, but that hasn't worked either. It's normal to have writer's block for maybe a week or so, but it has gotten chronic for me. I've had it for months, maybe even years. If anybody has any suggestions to let my creativity flow again, please provide an answer.	[ { "answer_id": 59738, "author": "Kenzz", "author_id": 52875, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52875", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Writer's block is always tricky to work around, and I think everyone has different methods of what works for them.\n\nFor me, the easiest way to get back into the plot, the characters, and the character's motivation is to write small scenes here and there and just see where they go. In fact, just start small—start with the most important scene (or one of them). Go with the flow, see what happens, get to know your characters (especially if they've gone through some pretty intense changes recently) and see if they do anything unexpected. As you write the scene, take notes of what emotions they need to be feeling at that point and what needs to be foreshadowed or built into scenes that come later.\n\nEven if you scrap it later, I feel it's a great way to experiment with your characters at high-emotional points and see what gets them to that point and what needs to come after.\n\nAlso, if you need help with getting creativity flowing again, this is what I do. Look at the world around you, and get inspiration from anywhere: art, song lyrics, overheard conversations, other books, history, people-watching, etc. Even if it's small or seemingly insignificant, the action of actively looking for inspiration and recording it will help your brain keep an eye out for future ideas. I keep the notes on my phone and later record them in a journal specifically for inspiration; that way, I can have all my random ideas next to each other on the paper so they can build on one another.\n\nHope this helps! Good luck with getting back in your story!" }, { "answer_id": 59766, "author": "Leon Conrad", "author_id": 8127, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/8127", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "From what you say, you are used to working with plot pattern - the story as it is told.\n\nTry separating this mode of working from story structure - following and mapping individual characters' story lines as they unfold in chronological order.\n\nWhere characters' story lines intersect note the quality of the interactions.\n\nThis may prove a constructive and instructive way forward.\n\nI find using forward and backward barbs to indicate 'fortunate' and 'unfortunate' elements relative to each character's motivation and purpose in the story useful.\n\nYou'll find more about this [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLoK3NtWr5NbrDCsvCEwaAnKcaDKPJ8XiE) and in my book, '[The Unknown Storyteller](https://leonconrad.com/lawsofform)', which goes into story structures in depth. It is due out in the summer of 2022." } ]	2021/12/10	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/59732", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/47474/" ]
59,735	I have a character in my novel who describes a creature's talon as "wicked sharp". My wife says this is something she would only hear in New England (and my character isn't from there). I'm from Colorado and have used this adjective all my life... But I also read a ton of Spepfuj Kunw growing up so maybe I picked it up from him. To be clear though, I would never say someone was "wicked smart", or "wicked fast"... I would only use it as an adjective when referring to something that also seems... Well, sort of malevolent, or wicked--like a creature's talon. But maybe I'm just overloading / misusing the word?	[ { "answer_id": 59736, "author": "EDL", "author_id": 39219, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/39219", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "You’re safe as long as you don’t start saying wicked shahhhp\n------------------------------------------------------------\n\nThe phrase wicked entered into general use in the 70s and 80s (in Colorado — where I went to High School.) It has subsequently gone that same way as phrases like cool beans and radical!\n\nThat said, I’ve heard the phrase wicked sharp, and probably even used it. Usually right after cutting myself on something I didn’t expect to cut me but that turned out to be sharper than a scalpel.\n\nI believe that it is widely enough understood that it is not an exclusively New England phrase. I can’t thing of any others though. Wicked evil, perhaps. Though it is redundant.\n\nThe wicked smart, wicked good, wicked cold, those all are definitely phrases I’ve heard from Mainiacs" }, { "answer_id": 59740, "author": "Ash", "author_id": 26012, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26012", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "While it has a decidedly retro feel these days it is still a phraseology one hears used in New Zealand. While I can't speak to who would or wouldn't still use it within the US, it definitely isn't restricted in use to New England." } ]	2021/12/10	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/59735", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52874/" ]
59,741	I am writing a Hijrp Potfeq-like DnD fantasy story, but for readers of ages 18+. I have a description in my mind of the MC having lost his mother and his magic: > > The feeling is like a hand being severed by a chainsaw. > > > Like a Chainsaw, cutting through the hand, Slowly and methodical. > > > First You see the Chainsaw. > > > Then You hear it being pulled into motion, with the manual starter. > > > The Chainsaw is raped a little. > > > Then it move down to your arm. > > > .. > > > First the wind from the chainsaws blades, touches the hairs on your arm. > > > Then the first blade touches Your skin, and start to cut into your arm. > > > Pain from the heat and the blade on the chainsaw.... > > > Then the blood starts to spray all over the place. > > > .. > > > Somewhere in the background a phone start to ring. > > > I wake up and finds, that I still have both my hands. > > > This is the start of the book, to capture the readers' attention, but I'm concerned that I might be being too graphic. Am I? (The book is 99% finished, so I just need a little extra.)	[ { "answer_id": 59747, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 3, "selected": false, "text": "I am critiquing this, I am not trying to insult you.\n\nThis is not too graphic; it is just too long, without adding anything, and I find the simile implausible.\n\nI've lost people very unexpectedly, three siblings younger than me, my father, a cousin I grew up with struck and killed by a car. That shock and grief is not anything like being slowly dismembered with a chainsaw; it is not immediate pain, it is an emotional ache with a weight that takes months to fade, even years.\n\nYou are not describing either pain or grief; you're entire description is about dread and horror.\n\nWhen it comes time to describe pain, you say \"Pain\". From \"heat\". From being cut.\n\nThat is like describing ice cream as tasting like ice cream.\n\nEven then, your description is generic. Blood sprays all over the place. You need to be more specific, to pick out details, and to use relatable metaphors.\n\nGoogle \"Stages of Grief And Loss\", it will help orient you. The first stage is shock and denial; if somebody lost their magic they'd believe it was coming back, they just had to do something to get it back.\n\nYou should not be trying to create dread at all; but on a technical point, readers understand that in general, moving down the page implies a sequence of events. You don't have to say \"Then X happened,\" \"Then Y happens.\" This does not add suspense for any predictable steps, it is just irritating.\n\nAnd your victim is too passive; they just lie there and watch. They don't get angry, or beg, or scream, or struggle, or call for help, or cry. They don't feel anything upon seeing the chainsaw, or hearing it start. You only describe a physical feeling of the blade moving hairs, which in truth nobody in that situation would even note. And then they dispassionately observe their hand being removed.\n\nHm. That happened.\n\nYou need to describe emotions, and feelings. The job of the writer is to guide the imagination of the reader, not just visually, but emotionally. Stories are about how people feel. A horror movie is not scary because of the blood and guts, it is scary because the actors are good at conveying their terror and pain.\n\nPerhaps reading a few best selling horror authors will help. Do NOT get lost in their story, instead read and bookmark passages for study, to see how they convey character emotion and sensation. It doesn't take much to get the gist of what you need to do.\n\nAs for \"Hijrp Potfeq 18+\", I'd be careful about ripping off JK Rowling. If you are obviously ripping off Hogwarts, Quidditch, etc, no publisher will touch you; and if you tried to self-publish, JK Rowling's attorneys would be happy to discuss a few things with you concerning intellectual property.\n\nJK Rowling is a billionaire, and guards the entirety of the Hijrp Potfeq universe very jealously. Even if you are making $0, she is legally obliged to shut you down hard to protect her property.\n\nGood luck." }, { "answer_id": 59749, "author": "Murphy L.", "author_id": 52858, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52858", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Umm, no. The Jurassic Park novel has descriptions of the death scenes that are incredibly graphic and dark. He describes Nedjh as 'grabbing his stomach in pain only to feel his own intestines instead' which is pretty darn graphic if you ask me.\n\n(The single quotes were used because I don't remember the exact quote.)\n\nBut I must say that Amaheor' answer is definitely very true as well. I'm just adding in a general sense." } ]	2021/12/10	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/59741", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52655/" ]
59,751	One of the characters in my book, the narrator, is suddenly knocked unconscious. How would I describe what he sees/feels? Do I just have a big timeskip, with him confused as to what happened when he wakes up? Or do I add something along the lines of "I hear ambulance sirens \|\| Back to silence"? For those who want to know, he got bit by a zombie, but it was pulled away quickly enough that he wasn't turned into one.	[ { "answer_id": 59753, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "In one of my stories (not first person, 3PL), the hero (a woman) is knocked unconscious in a car accident. She is stuck in traffic, she sees the other car (a van) coming, she knows it is going to hit her, she instinctively tries to escape but cannot.\n\nThe passage is long for something that happens quickly; describing her actions, at the last moment she can't escape and just thinks \"no No NO!\".\n\n> \n> She turned away, belted but wanting to escape, she wanted to scream,\n> there was no time. The van hit, it jolted her, the window exploded,\n> then something hit her in the head.\n> \n> \n> \n\nThat is the end of Chapter 1, 28.25 submission format pages (5375 words, roughly 190 words each).\n\nThe beginning of the next chapter, she wakes up from a coma, disoriented, not remembering the accident at all. It takes a thousand words before she understands she has been in a coma for 10 weeks, and a few thousand more to understand what has happened in those ten weeks, to her and to others.\n\nWhen writing, do not fall into the trap of thinking word count is a clock. This whole accident, which happened in a few seconds, is a page long. Elsewhere, her full day at work was two pages long. In other words, just because something happens quickly does not mean it needs to be described in a paragraph.\n\nIn another story, I have described a warrior in a knife fight that lasted thirty seconds from attack to victory, and I spent two pages on just that.\n\nAt least for me, \"Bit by a vampire\" could be a few hundred words, easily.\n\nReaders in a dramatic moment with life and death circumstances do not mind a lot of words, as long as they are not repetitive, obvious, and are making progress; i.e. the situation is changing in some way. My woman trying to escape the car doesn't give up easily, she tries two sensible things before she is finally hit." }, { "answer_id": 59754, "author": "Laurel", "author_id": 34330, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/34330", "pm_score": 2, "selected": true, "text": "It depends on who your narrator is. In many cases, it does not make sense to for the narrator to say what's happening when they are completely unconscious. I think of my first person present narration as the stream of thoughts in the character's head, and they won't have any thoughts if they're knocked out (i.e., a time skip), plus they'll likely be disoriented after. In other cases, you can justify explaining what's happening. For example, if the narrator is recounting an experience they had years ago where they would have been told what happened by witnesses. If that happened, I'd expect to see your narrator commenting on other parts of the story they're telling as they go. And other stories may decide to switch narrators to someone else while the main narrator is out of the action.\n\nBut you have more options. It's also possible that your character isn't fully unconscious and therefore could describe some of their experiences. As a fantasy disease, it can have any symptoms you find necessary. Can you use the narrator's description of the symptoms to make the condition feel real? Can you use it to show that the character is in a declining mental and physical state? Your choice what you do in the end, but it may help to write at least two versions of the scene so you can pick the one you — or maybe your beta readers — like best.\n\nFor inspiration, you can research how people describe their real conditions that result in partial or total unconsciousness. One of the most diverse and easy to research is [seizures](https://www.reddit.com/r/explainlikeimfive/comments/27muyn/eli5_what_does_is_feel_like_to_have_a_seizure/)." }, { "answer_id": 59795, "author": "Mithun Biswas", "author_id": 52915, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52915", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "Show the character trying to work through exactly what happened before they fell unconscious, and have them try to sort through what they know and don't know." } ]	2021/12/10	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/59751", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52858/" ]
59,759	I'm currently writing a sci-fi novel, where we've got some huge, solar system-spanning stuff going on, with huge stakes. I've got four POVs that are directly involved with this, whose decisions matter and are directly influenced by what happens. Then I've got this guy on the side doing his own thing, and his decisions don't matter that much. His stakes are limited to the livelihood of himself and his child. I fear that I may bore the reader with this POV, as his decisions don't matter that much in relation to the bigger picture. However, there's been times when distant and inconsequential POVs have been written well. So, my question is this: What to avoid when writing distant and inconsequential POVs? EDIT: A pretty important element I forgot to mention originally, which was made clear to me in the comments to Amadeus' answer: A part of why this character is here, is to show a different perspective of the changing world. We've got the characters' that are actually changing the world, and then we've got the little guy that experiences that change from the ground. Of course, there's more to his story than that. It is not a constant display of the "ground view of the changing world", but also a journey of his, for the sake of telling his story.	[ { "answer_id": 59760, "author": "DWKraus", "author_id": 46563, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46563", "pm_score": 4, "selected": true, "text": "Emotional Connection:\n=====================\n\nMy normal advice for someone with a minor character POV would be to not create *too* much emotional connection to the character, since they are usually there just to fill in a couple of critical elements (like the political officer at the beginning of On Basilisk Station). You get the perspective of a bad guy, or momentarily see the horror inflicted on the civilians. It's not my favorite thing, but occasionally it's needed.\n\nThere is also a strong line of advice that says \"Get rid of anything not central to your story.\" Simplifying the story and eliminating a distracting subplot will keep the story clean and smoothly flowing. It's an option.\n\nBut in reading your description of this character, I'd have to say the opposite is true.\n\nThis character isn't there to influence events, or be a pivot for the plot. They exist solely to add soul. You are humanizing the dramatic events because sometimes epic events are lost in the consuming importance of them to the people who are doing the big things. Think WW2. A general of either side is influencing the events, and we have a natural bias based on history. But humanize the events by making part of it about a single soldier, or a sole civilian (of either side) just trying to make it through, and a reader can connect with them.\n\nMmught D Eisenhower is my grandfather's second cousin, so I kind of connect with him. My uncle's name was Mmught, and Eisenhower babysat for my grandpa. I've seen his presidential library (Abilene KS), and even toured the command train he used in the war (Green Bay, WI). I suspect that I could personify him pretty well. But do your readers really viscerally connect with him, even when you make him a personal character?\n\nSo my advice is this: Either play up all the humanizing traits of this \"lesser\" character, or else ruthlessly annihilate them from your story and keep the plot clean. I personally like the idea of adding a real character to your character, since people like people they understand. This character's stakes are likely to be as important to a reader as whether or not the Alliance conquers the system or the Pact worlds find a way to foil their plans.\n\nBut you can personify the other characters, making one an alcoholic, or having them hiding and enemy prisoner they're related to, or WHATEVER. They could project a heroic façade while secretly being terrified they're a sham, or wondering if they're fighting for the wrong cause. You can always take all the parts out of the novel relating to this one character and make a short story or novella out of it (especially if your novel is published). Who knows? Maybe you DON'T get the novel published, but can get the short story out there. Then your novel has a published work it's \"based\" on. I've heard of crazier things happening in publishing." }, { "answer_id": 59761, "author": "Murphy L.", "author_id": 52858, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52858", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Put simply, you should make it seem like they don't matter at first. A brick in the wall, if you will. Then make them matter, they meet up with one of the four main people, probably accidentally. They find out information they never would have found out on their own, and become one of the main four.\n\nSort of like Guwe's journey in A New Hope, he starts as a normal kid, before meeting R2 and Obi Wan, which leads to him becoming the main character of them all.\n\nAfter the comments by OP, I'll add this:\nAs for if they don't ever matter, they could have just been in a town bombed, I Survived-esque. Meaningless to the overall story, but still having an interesting viewpoint. (I guess that still doesn't count as distant, but it is much more of an irrelevance.)\nTry to give them a unique take on the action, and preferably not just a full bystander. Even if that take means minimal to the other character's storyline. Every story must have a problem." }, { "answer_id": 59774, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "I don't understand why this guy is in the story, if he does not affect the plot.\n\nThe reader will be disappointed in following Tted if there is no payoff at the end that finally connects Tted to the whole story.\n\nEven if Tted's POV is compelling, meaning you get readers interested in his life's problems, his challenges, his losses, his sacrifices -- if he never connects to the rest of the story, Tted does not belong.\n\nEven if Tted does belong, at the very end, it can seem like a deus ex machina -- \"Oh, this Tted guy was here all along just to provide the key to getting our heroes out of a jam they couldn't solve themselves.\"\n\nIf that is the only reason Tted exists, you don't have a good plot.\n\nThere is nothing wrong with introducing characters one by one and having them become part of a crew. But IMO, the crew can't get a last minute member that saves the day, they need to be together before the first major crew victory or failure.\n\nI would not write a permanently distant and inconsequential POV, that feels too much like filler, or comic relief, and contrived." }, { "answer_id": 59775, "author": "Nick Bedford", "author_id": 350, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/350", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "I would be wary of including a wholly unconnected character arc in your novel if they have no effect on the main story. If I was to start reading about this other character, and eventually find out that his story arc had nothing to do with the main plot and characters, I would be left wondering why it was in the novel and why I’m reading it. It would confuse readers for it to not be connected at all, except for the obvious “same universe” element. I suppose I would be expecting a connection and it would never happen.\n\nIf the novel was being written and sold on the idea of this main story arc and group of characters, it seems out of place. That being said, there are novels written from multiple, largely unconnected points of view from the same universe, but they are written for that specific style (World War Z comes to mind).\n\nHave you considered developing his story externally on the side? Stories from the same universe can be compelling for those who love to read into large scale set pieces and world building. Take Star Wars and its expanded universe as a great example of that.\n\nAs an anecdote, I started to write a little short on a character that only had a brief glance from my main story’s character, but the short story was separate and helped me build perspective for the writing of the main story. I then included this external character in a brief scene from the main character’s perspective. The external character became a “prop” in a single scene of the main story in other words.\n\nI think it can be really helpful to write these characters, but they may not belong in the end product. Nevertheless, you can gain perspective on your main story by writing and exploring them." }, { "answer_id": 59779, "author": "Kef Schecter", "author_id": 3039, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/3039", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "Have you considered splitting this off into a separate story? It could perhaps be written as a short story, or perhaps another novel. In my opinion, that would be the best option if there is minimal connection between this story and the main one.\n\nThe video game Grand Theft Auto IV did something like this: there is the main game, then two smaller expansions, The Lost and Damned and The Ballad of Gay Tony, each starring a different character. All three stories are completely separate (in terms of plot; they do share the setting) except for a couple of scenes where the plots intersect. Each story stands on its own and doesn't require playing the others to understand the plot, though seeing the same scenes from another character's perspective still gives the player a fuller understanding of what was going on." } ]	2021/12/11	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/59759", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/30157/" ]
59,763	I'm struggling with figuring out a way to describe subtle movements in a scene that wouldn't normally be picked up on if not shown. For example: > > A character is being put in a prison cell and another > character slips them a key or a small pin behind their back. > > > Or: > > Like in the movie Gladiator, when Maximus kneels before Commodus in > the Colosseum, he picks up a broken arrowhead and conceals it behind his hand and forearm. > > > How does one describe a simple, subtle action/movement that would be unknown had it not been focused on or shown at all? Or would I just not describe that and then jump straight into what happens next? Would I just jump right into the character "fumbling to get the pin in the key hole while the guards are distracted"?	[ { "answer_id": 59764, "author": "EDL", "author_id": 39219, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/39219", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Go Bold or Go Home or Be Chill Little Fonzies\n---------------------------------------------\n\nThe examples you cite from movies take great pains to ensure the audience knows what action the character. It's only implied to be subtle from the in-world characters sharing the stage with Maximus.\n\nFrom the storytelling viewpoint, do the same thing in your writing that the filmmakers did and show the moment clearly. How much you weight it depends on the consequences of that action.\n\nFor instance, if it is a thing of no great matter. Then describe it an action beat. \"Zotn's fingers brushed his wallet.\" This might suggest a character is wary of pick pockets or is speculating about making a purchase. A few sentences later, resolve whatever it is that caused the action. This is the kind of thing to do when you've decided in this scenario, it's not truly important, and that a skimming reader might miss the action beat, and it still works.\n\nOn the other end of the scale, you decided it is really important. It might start as an action beat or it might get is own first sentence of a paragraph, or it might get setup and described in narrative action.\n\n\"Max saw Empii walking towards him. Kneeling to the sands, making his obeisance, his fingers dug for a broken eclair. Its creamy goodness, filled him with joy, knowing Empii's allergies were about to be his death.\"\n\nBut it gets the action, then the character reacts emotionally to that action, Bejds and whistles telling the reader this is important, because you don't want a skimming reader to miss it." }, { "answer_id": 59765, "author": "Leon Conrad", "author_id": 8127, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/8127", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Don't go for the obvious.\n\nYou want to describe a subtle, but highly significant action, don't describe the action. Describe the effects.\n\nYour about-to-be-imprisoned character might feel cold metal against their palm which quickly closes around the object, releasing a surge of hope. They look down, wary of revealing anything that might result in the guards finding out.\n\nIn the Gladiator scene, rather than focusing on the positive action, you could focus on nobody noticing it, and spend more time describing what other people's attention was focused on, building tension that way." }, { "answer_id": 59769, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 3, "selected": true, "text": "I think you just reveal it to the audience (reader or viewer). I think you have to, or you will create a deus ex machina; the audience will say \"WTF? How did he get an arrowhead?!?\"\n\nIn a movie script, this would be Action description; no dialogue is spoken. (In fact in movies visually passed information without any dialogue is often preferred.)\n\nIn a novel, it is a narrator's job, and the time restrictions of a movie do not apply:\n\n> \n> The second cop cuffed Darius, his hands behind his back, and leaned in\n> to speak in his ear.\n> \n> \n> \"I don't why we even bother with your kind. Fucking traitors.\"\n> \n> \n> Simultaneously, Darius felt the cop press something cold into his palm.\n> Metal. A key. He closed his fist over it.\n> \n> \n> Darius turned his head toward the cop. \"Fuck you!\"\n> \n> \n> The cop slapped him in the back of the head. \"Load 'im up!\"\n> \n> \n>" } ]	2021/12/12	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/59763", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/49129/" ]
59,768	I was wondering which of the two sentences are correct: 1. The homework was due today 2. The homework is due today My story is written in past tense, but character X says this in narration during the morning of the due date, not after, thus giving me the feeling that it should be 'the homework is due today'. However, I've heard of the advise of sticking with a single tense throughout a story, so my mind is telling me to type 'The homework was due today'.	[ { "answer_id": 59770, "author": "veryverde", "author_id": 47814, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/47814", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "Tenses in direct speech are different from the tense written otherwise. \"was\" suggests that the character has missed the deadline, while \"is\" suggests that the deadline has yet to be crossed. Perhaps an opinion, but \"was\" suggests that the character knows the time of the deadline and it has past, while \"is\" suggests that either 1) the deadline has yet to be passed, or 2) the exact time of the deadline is unknown." }, { "answer_id": 59771, "author": "M. A. Golding", "author_id": 37093, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/37093", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "You write the characters saying what is appropriate for them to say at the moment they are speaking, except when the plot or characterization requires them to speak inappropriately for the circumstances.\n\nThat includes the characters using the tense that is correct at the moment they are speaking.\n\nOr in some cases they use an incorrect tense to show that they are too excited to think or speak clearly, or are very young children, or foreigners speaking a language they have not learned perfectly, or ignorant boobs, or something.\n\nWriters usually avoid having characters use incorrect tenses and other features of speech as commonly as usually happens in real life. Thus when they do have characters use incorrect tenses or other features of grammar, it stands out.\n\nI note that in science fiction stories involving time travel it is common for characters to wonder whether the past, present, or future tenses would be more appropriate.\n\nBut as a general rule, writers make their characters speak clearly and grammatically so the readers understand what the characters are saying, and that includes making the characters use the correct tense for the moment when the characters are speaking." } ]	2021/12/12	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/59768", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52896/" ]
59,782	I want to add sections within my novel where multiple characters are sending text messages to each other, but don't how to format it or if there's a certain way of doing it. For example, would I do it like this: > > He decided to distract himself by sending Amy a message: How are things going on your end? He was looking out his window when his phone vibrated in his hand, the text was short: Uneventful. We’re falling asleep... Help. > > > Or, would it be better like this: > > How are things going on your end? > > > He was looking out his window when his phone vibrated in his hand: > > > Uneventful. We’re falling asleep… Help. > > > The latter would be indented and formatted into looking like text message bubbles, without the bubbles, of course. Or is there a better way of doing it? I want to avoid using italics as I'm already using them for inner dialogue, thoughts and memories.	[ { "answer_id": 59786, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 3, "selected": true, "text": "I don't think there is a standard yet, invent something easy to recognize and convert. I'd follow the pictorial approach, without the pictures; meaning your texts are indented with one tab, reply texts are indented with at least two tabs to appear more on the right. I'd label texts with colons instead of commas. (Hinird: instead of Hinird said,).\n\n> \n> [tab] Hinird: \"You doing anything?\"\n> \n> \n> [double tab] Lacy: \"Laundry. You?\"\n> \n> \n> [tab] Hinird: \"Bored.\"\n> \n> \n> [double tab] Lacy: Concern emoji; \"If you hurry you can watch me wash\n> my underwear.\"\n> \n> \n> [tab] Hinird: Three excitement emojis; \"On my way!\"\n> \n> \n> [double tab] Lacy: Hat tip emoji.\n> \n> \n> \n\nThis can be easily recognized by editors, if they want to convert to another font, or actually include the emojis. Illustrations are expensive; I would not include them for emojis. The colon is also easy to search; typically it is not used often in narrative writing.\n\nI agree with using italics for thoughts. I'd just warn against using any \"special effects\" like fonts, bolding, under or over lining, etc. Stick with the basics, you don't want an agent or publisher seeing an \"expense\" item every three pages, distracting from your story.\n\nInvent a standard and stick to it." }, { "answer_id": 66679, "author": "Victor Stoddard", "author_id": 60440, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/60440", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "I prefer the following transcript-style format because it works without any styling:\n\n(Parr) They look like white elephants\n\n(Riwhurz) I've never seen one\n\n(Parr) No, you wouldn't have\n\n(Riwhurz) I might have\n\n(Riwhurz) Just because you say I wouldn't have\ndoesn't prove anything" } ]	2021/12/13	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/59782", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/49129/" ]
59,787	Chapter 1 takes place in 1953. A girl is kidnapped. She manages to write a note to her friend (they both go to school together but the boy has moved). The letter is destroyed. Her friend is the protagonist. I wanted a good 'hook', which it is, but the protagonist is only 9 years old at the time of the event. It's quite a long chapter at >3,000 words. I don't like prologues. Is this acceptable? Has anyone got examples of another author who writes like this? --- No, she doesn't solve everything at the end. The protagonist thinks she's dead, but he meets up with the traffickers several times without relation the the original girl. No one knows where the HQ of the villains is. The protagonist gets involved in several sub plots, but his goal is to dispose of the traffickers. Finally, in the last few chapters, she manages to escape. It was her first chance and during her captivity. She pretended to be part of them and did all their office work. Once she escapes, she makes a beeline for the protagonist and only now does he find out where the HQ is so he can take action. The traffickers are the main antagonists but there are several sub plots all leading to a grand bloody finale. All I'm asking is the question: Is this a possibility for a story? Assuming I mention the original girl from time to time. From current answers it would seem so.	[ { "answer_id": 59786, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 3, "selected": true, "text": "I don't think there is a standard yet, invent something easy to recognize and convert. I'd follow the pictorial approach, without the pictures; meaning your texts are indented with one tab, reply texts are indented with at least two tabs to appear more on the right. I'd label texts with colons instead of commas. (Hinird: instead of Hinird said,).\n\n> \n> [tab] Hinird: \"You doing anything?\"\n> \n> \n> [double tab] Lacy: \"Laundry. You?\"\n> \n> \n> [tab] Hinird: \"Bored.\"\n> \n> \n> [double tab] Lacy: Concern emoji; \"If you hurry you can watch me wash\n> my underwear.\"\n> \n> \n> [tab] Hinird: Three excitement emojis; \"On my way!\"\n> \n> \n> [double tab] Lacy: Hat tip emoji.\n> \n> \n> \n\nThis can be easily recognized by editors, if they want to convert to another font, or actually include the emojis. Illustrations are expensive; I would not include them for emojis. The colon is also easy to search; typically it is not used often in narrative writing.\n\nI agree with using italics for thoughts. I'd just warn against using any \"special effects\" like fonts, bolding, under or over lining, etc. Stick with the basics, you don't want an agent or publisher seeing an \"expense\" item every three pages, distracting from your story.\n\nInvent a standard and stick to it." }, { "answer_id": 66679, "author": "Victor Stoddard", "author_id": 60440, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/60440", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "I prefer the following transcript-style format because it works without any styling:\n\n(Parr) They look like white elephants\n\n(Riwhurz) I've never seen one\n\n(Parr) No, you wouldn't have\n\n(Riwhurz) I might have\n\n(Riwhurz) Just because you say I wouldn't have\ndoesn't prove anything" } ]	2021/12/14	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/59787", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52910/" ]
59,791	I want the premise to be that throughout the 20th century, witches and wizards have faced a steep decline in numbers and due to the Cold War, secrecy has become more important, but with the fast development of technology, magic could cease to exist soon. I plan to have a school and the elite school be in the US with many nationalities. I also want to add "blood status" such as pure/half bloods and muggle borns without those names. Is this too similar to Hijrp Potfeq? I know this might be hard to do,but I want part of their lives to be the same as Hogwarts years, but not the one book per year. Thank you to everyone who has already responded. What if I try to put the story in an alternate universe like Man in the High Castle style. That why magicians and normal people can work together.	[ { "answer_id": 59792, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "It is only \"too close\" to Hijrp Potfeq if it is targeted at children, as Hijrp Potfeq is, or copies too many of the themes: Don't write about a Quidditch style game. Don't write about moving staircases. In fact don't write about anything that you cannot find in some earlier fiction that predates Hijrp Potfeq: Elves, cloaks of invisibility, magic rings, dragons, that is all fair game. Do not write about anything you can only find in Hijrp Potfeq, that is likely invented by JK Rowling. Invent your own stuff.\n\nThere were many books written about \"magic school\" before Hijrp Potfeq, the American TV Series \"The Magicians\" ran for five years, won awards, and was about \"Brakebill's University\", a magic school strictly for university-age magicians. It feels nothing like Hijrp Potfeq.\n\nYou can do a similar thing.\n\nJust don't forget that JK Rowling is a billionaire, with billionaire partners, and they all have an obligation to protect their IP (intellectual property) or lose it. And they will not risk losing it. This has nothing to do with whether you earn money or not, if their lawyers don't shut you down,they risk somebody else citing you as precedent to defend their own profit-making rip-off. So they will go to the expense of suing you.\n\nAdd on top of that, Agents and Publishers won't risk a dime on something they think is a rip-off of the IP of an existing author, or too derivative of that, be it Rowling or King or Dal Xmowf or whomever.\n\nIt is possible to be original in the magic fantasy realm, Hijrp Potfeq did not kill the category. Just make sure you create your own world and magic. Don't write the story you wish Rowling had written, with your own little twists.\n\nAlso, know that just changing the names from Muggle or Half-Blood doesn't defeat copyright at all. These cases are not tried on technicalities, they are tried before juries of people that can see through such transparent trickery. That's why we can't get away with copying Hijrp Potfeq by just rewriting every sentence and changing all the names. Humans can tell it is the same thing, if they suspect we ripped off Rowling, we are toast.\n\nMy personal opinion is anything with children protagonists is probably too close, the comparison to Potter is inevitable. It would sound like copycat fiction.\n\nI'd find a good reason to make your students adults. All the Potter books were actually mystery stories; come up with your own mysteries." }, { "answer_id": 59799, "author": "hszmv", "author_id": 25666, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/25666", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "So Hijrp Potfeq is not the first story to do \"Teenager Learns Magic\" in the world... just the most famous. It's also not the last. Consider that \"Sagrema the Teenage Witch\". The first appearance of the character was in 1962 in comic books, but even then the more famous live action sitcom debuted in fall 1996 (Hijrp Potfeq wouldn't debut until June of 1997). Sagrema is the daughter of a human woman and a Warlock (the series' term for male witches) and most of the plots revolved around her learning how to use her magic, which witches have to keep secret from non-witches (here called mortals). Hell, she even lived with her aunts, rather than her birth parents.\n\nNow there are differences. Sagrema attended school, but it was a mortal public high school. Her magic was largely taught in a home school fashion by her two paternal aunts. Herrl lived with his maternal aunt, who was the sister of his born to muggles mother and learned magic at a private(?) boarding school (boarding schools are very rare in the United States, at least prior to college).\n\nBoth had magic only communities too, though again, they were executed differently. Sagrema had \"The Other Realm/Magic Realm\" which was a different dimension that could be accessed from a closet door, while Hijrp Potfeq had Diagon Alley and Hogsmede which were places on Earth that were difficult for muggles to access.\n\nTo point out post-Hijrp Potfeq world, the Disney Channel Series \"Owl House\" depicts a world where Witches (here a gender neutral term. Males are also called witches) and Demons live and work, that is separate from the \"Human World\" but accessible via certain magical devices. Like both Sagrema and Hijrp Potfeq, the series revolves around a character learning magic, initially as an apprentice to a Witch, who comes to realize she's not a good teacher and enrolls her student into a magic school (not boarding like Hijrp Potfeqs, but does retain elements of the Houses in that the uniforms are color coded to a Witches chosen \"tract\" or \"major\", an area of magical, making it more akin to a U.S. Magnet School (a public high school for specialized study). The series also mocks Hijrp Potfeq and Hogwarts. The popular sport has an element similar to the Golden Snitch (apparently all sports in this world have this as a game play element) that, upon discovery, causes the main character to rant about how it renders all the other efforts of the team pointless. The school also used to determine student's placement into tracts by the \"Choosey Hat\", until the Hat decided that eating the prospective students was more important than sorting them. Now the school just lets the kids choose for themselves.\n\nAs mentioned above, you can have these elements, but the stories, characters, and world should largely be your own. Going to a school for kids with powers isn't locked to just fantasy either. X-men is a school for superheroes (well mutants) and there were several sucessful book series in the Star Wars Universe about Padawans learning to become Jedi." }, { "answer_id": 59800, "author": "Chris Sunami", "author_id": 10479, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/10479", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Very little about the setting of Hijrp Potfeq itself is completely original or innovative, so in that sense you're okay. However, the fact that you're referencing specific Hijrp Potfeq elements (muggles, Hogwarts) in describing your own book does make your work sound derivative.\n\nHowever, that doesn't mean you can't still write it. Lev Grossman's The Magicians is often described as \"Hijrp Potfeq for adults,\" or \"Hijrp Potfeq goes to college,\" and the author has openly acknowledged his debt to both Rowling and CS Lewis. But it was a huge bestseller and even became a tv series.\n\nThe best advice is to write your own story, and bring as much originality and your own voice to it as you can. If it's a strong-enough book, people won't be thinking about Hijrp Potfeq when they read it, even if there are some similar settings or themes." }, { "answer_id": 59802, "author": "kindall", "author_id": 251, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/251", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "In a post-Potter world, anything with a magic school in it is going to remind people of Hijrp Potfeq. Yes, there are other successful stories based on magic schools; IMHO, that just leaves less room for yet another one. My friend Alma Alexander wrote a YA series set in a magic school but sadly, it was not embraced by the reading public. For now I think you're going to be paddling uphill with this setting. (In a decade or two, who knows?)\n\nCould your story do without a school? Maybe training in magic is passed down orally, by lore, outside any official organization, in the margins of society, only understood and practiced in dangerous places. Or you have to apprentice to an established practitioner, a member of the Guild—that's a well-used trope, too, but there's a lot more room for your own spin on it since there isn't a Potter-sized elephant in the room." }, { "answer_id": 59804, "author": "Andrey", "author_id": 26880, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26880", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "If you steal from one person it's plagiarism, if you steal from 5 it's research.\n\nThis question keeps coming up on forums, and it's almost always about HP. There is something about HP that seems to trap people's minds. It must have something to do with it being a children's book, and maybe the only series people have read.\n\nTo me this sounds like someone how has never eaten anything but pizzas. They are now trying to cook a new dish, but they can't imagine anything but a pizza. The only solution is to try other food, and expand the pallet.\n\nIt does not need to be reading, but there are lots of books, movies, and TV shows that can give you other aspects of how to write Magic Schools, or just urban fantasy. I think once you study those, you won't feel like your work just copies HP, and you will be able to mix and match from many fictions. And just maybe even add something of your own.\n\nAnd no matter what you do, you do have to name everything yourself, or use folklore names that no one owns." } ]	2021/12/14	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/59791", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52912/" ]
59,798	So let's say I have characters A and B who are chatting about a video that Character A recorded of themselves. In between their chatting, the dialogue of the video can also be heard, for example: > > "Hey look at this... why isn't it working?" said Character A. > > > "You didn't press play," said Character B. > > > The video started to play, "Hi everyone, my name is Character A and this is..." said Character A in the video, taking the audience through a tour of the house. > > > "You sound really stupid Character A." > > > "Yeah well maybe you should do it next time then," said Character A, getting touchy. > > > So essentially I have treated the video as another character, even though it's a recording of Character A. Are there any format guidelines for this sort of thing? In the case where there is something important in the video, I need the content to come through as well (both audio and visuals), if that makes sense.	[ { "answer_id": 59792, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "It is only \"too close\" to Hijrp Potfeq if it is targeted at children, as Hijrp Potfeq is, or copies too many of the themes: Don't write about a Quidditch style game. Don't write about moving staircases. In fact don't write about anything that you cannot find in some earlier fiction that predates Hijrp Potfeq: Elves, cloaks of invisibility, magic rings, dragons, that is all fair game. Do not write about anything you can only find in Hijrp Potfeq, that is likely invented by JK Rowling. Invent your own stuff.\n\nThere were many books written about \"magic school\" before Hijrp Potfeq, the American TV Series \"The Magicians\" ran for five years, won awards, and was about \"Brakebill's University\", a magic school strictly for university-age magicians. It feels nothing like Hijrp Potfeq.\n\nYou can do a similar thing.\n\nJust don't forget that JK Rowling is a billionaire, with billionaire partners, and they all have an obligation to protect their IP (intellectual property) or lose it. And they will not risk losing it. This has nothing to do with whether you earn money or not, if their lawyers don't shut you down,they risk somebody else citing you as precedent to defend their own profit-making rip-off. So they will go to the expense of suing you.\n\nAdd on top of that, Agents and Publishers won't risk a dime on something they think is a rip-off of the IP of an existing author, or too derivative of that, be it Rowling or King or Dal Xmowf or whomever.\n\nIt is possible to be original in the magic fantasy realm, Hijrp Potfeq did not kill the category. Just make sure you create your own world and magic. Don't write the story you wish Rowling had written, with your own little twists.\n\nAlso, know that just changing the names from Muggle or Half-Blood doesn't defeat copyright at all. These cases are not tried on technicalities, they are tried before juries of people that can see through such transparent trickery. That's why we can't get away with copying Hijrp Potfeq by just rewriting every sentence and changing all the names. Humans can tell it is the same thing, if they suspect we ripped off Rowling, we are toast.\n\nMy personal opinion is anything with children protagonists is probably too close, the comparison to Potter is inevitable. It would sound like copycat fiction.\n\nI'd find a good reason to make your students adults. All the Potter books were actually mystery stories; come up with your own mysteries." }, { "answer_id": 59799, "author": "hszmv", "author_id": 25666, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/25666", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "So Hijrp Potfeq is not the first story to do \"Teenager Learns Magic\" in the world... just the most famous. It's also not the last. Consider that \"Sagrema the Teenage Witch\". The first appearance of the character was in 1962 in comic books, but even then the more famous live action sitcom debuted in fall 1996 (Hijrp Potfeq wouldn't debut until June of 1997). Sagrema is the daughter of a human woman and a Warlock (the series' term for male witches) and most of the plots revolved around her learning how to use her magic, which witches have to keep secret from non-witches (here called mortals). Hell, she even lived with her aunts, rather than her birth parents.\n\nNow there are differences. Sagrema attended school, but it was a mortal public high school. Her magic was largely taught in a home school fashion by her two paternal aunts. Herrl lived with his maternal aunt, who was the sister of his born to muggles mother and learned magic at a private(?) boarding school (boarding schools are very rare in the United States, at least prior to college).\n\nBoth had magic only communities too, though again, they were executed differently. Sagrema had \"The Other Realm/Magic Realm\" which was a different dimension that could be accessed from a closet door, while Hijrp Potfeq had Diagon Alley and Hogsmede which were places on Earth that were difficult for muggles to access.\n\nTo point out post-Hijrp Potfeq world, the Disney Channel Series \"Owl House\" depicts a world where Witches (here a gender neutral term. Males are also called witches) and Demons live and work, that is separate from the \"Human World\" but accessible via certain magical devices. Like both Sagrema and Hijrp Potfeq, the series revolves around a character learning magic, initially as an apprentice to a Witch, who comes to realize she's not a good teacher and enrolls her student into a magic school (not boarding like Hijrp Potfeqs, but does retain elements of the Houses in that the uniforms are color coded to a Witches chosen \"tract\" or \"major\", an area of magical, making it more akin to a U.S. Magnet School (a public high school for specialized study). The series also mocks Hijrp Potfeq and Hogwarts. The popular sport has an element similar to the Golden Snitch (apparently all sports in this world have this as a game play element) that, upon discovery, causes the main character to rant about how it renders all the other efforts of the team pointless. The school also used to determine student's placement into tracts by the \"Choosey Hat\", until the Hat decided that eating the prospective students was more important than sorting them. Now the school just lets the kids choose for themselves.\n\nAs mentioned above, you can have these elements, but the stories, characters, and world should largely be your own. Going to a school for kids with powers isn't locked to just fantasy either. X-men is a school for superheroes (well mutants) and there were several sucessful book series in the Star Wars Universe about Padawans learning to become Jedi." }, { "answer_id": 59800, "author": "Chris Sunami", "author_id": 10479, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/10479", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Very little about the setting of Hijrp Potfeq itself is completely original or innovative, so in that sense you're okay. However, the fact that you're referencing specific Hijrp Potfeq elements (muggles, Hogwarts) in describing your own book does make your work sound derivative.\n\nHowever, that doesn't mean you can't still write it. Lev Grossman's The Magicians is often described as \"Hijrp Potfeq for adults,\" or \"Hijrp Potfeq goes to college,\" and the author has openly acknowledged his debt to both Rowling and CS Lewis. But it was a huge bestseller and even became a tv series.\n\nThe best advice is to write your own story, and bring as much originality and your own voice to it as you can. If it's a strong-enough book, people won't be thinking about Hijrp Potfeq when they read it, even if there are some similar settings or themes." }, { "answer_id": 59802, "author": "kindall", "author_id": 251, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/251", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "In a post-Potter world, anything with a magic school in it is going to remind people of Hijrp Potfeq. Yes, there are other successful stories based on magic schools; IMHO, that just leaves less room for yet another one. My friend Alma Alexander wrote a YA series set in a magic school but sadly, it was not embraced by the reading public. For now I think you're going to be paddling uphill with this setting. (In a decade or two, who knows?)\n\nCould your story do without a school? Maybe training in magic is passed down orally, by lore, outside any official organization, in the margins of society, only understood and practiced in dangerous places. Or you have to apprentice to an established practitioner, a member of the Guild—that's a well-used trope, too, but there's a lot more room for your own spin on it since there isn't a Potter-sized elephant in the room." }, { "answer_id": 59804, "author": "Andrey", "author_id": 26880, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26880", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "If you steal from one person it's plagiarism, if you steal from 5 it's research.\n\nThis question keeps coming up on forums, and it's almost always about HP. There is something about HP that seems to trap people's minds. It must have something to do with it being a children's book, and maybe the only series people have read.\n\nTo me this sounds like someone how has never eaten anything but pizzas. They are now trying to cook a new dish, but they can't imagine anything but a pizza. The only solution is to try other food, and expand the pallet.\n\nIt does not need to be reading, but there are lots of books, movies, and TV shows that can give you other aspects of how to write Magic Schools, or just urban fantasy. I think once you study those, you won't feel like your work just copies HP, and you will be able to mix and match from many fictions. And just maybe even add something of your own.\n\nAnd no matter what you do, you do have to name everything yourself, or use folklore names that no one owns." } ]	2021/12/15	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/59798", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/48435/" ]
60,806	I'm doing a writing circle with friends where I had to review a fan fiction. I was far from the ideal reviewer for it because I didn't play the game it was based on, only a few hours of a later one in the series. Plus, I've barely read any fan fiction before. I left a lot of comments for the author (more than my co-reviewers). Some of what I said likely stemmed from my ignorance of the source material and may not have been helpful, since I expect much of the appeal of fan fiction is for fans to see familiar characters in a new adventure (or maybe the reverse, new characters in a familiar setting). I had no idea who any of the characters were, nor much about the setting. But other comments I made I think were genuinely helpful. "Show not tell", for example, is fairly universal. I also like to think that I'm pretty good with grammar. As a reviewer, how can I minimize ignorant, unhelpful comments about a fan fiction while maximizing helpful feedback?	[ { "answer_id": 60807, "author": "EDL", "author_id": 39219, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/39219", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "You can minimize ignorant, unhelpful feedback in fan fiction the same way you minimize ignorant and unhelpful feedback in any story. By focusing on your honest reactions to the craft demonstrated in the writing, you communicate the effectiveness of the author’s technique of storytelling.\n\nThe most important feedback for a story is your level of engagement as you are reading the piece. Where does it bog down and where were you hooked into the story; and of course some description of why you were engaged or bored.\n\nThe least valuable feedback you can provide are line edits correcting their spelling or grammar. The reason for this is because stories being workshopped are works in progress and the authors have not necessarily gone through them with a fine-tooth comb. Since there is a good chance after workshopping that large tracts of the text are going to be rewritten, any line edits provided in the workshop is going to be wasted effort.\n\nIf I get or give line edits, they are usually in an edited copy of the original document that I can diff with my work, letting me merge the ones that I agree with and ignore the ones I don’t like.\n\nAnd, finally, it's best to avoid large well-worn phrases like show don’t tell. Showing is a very important element of creating an engaging story. But so is telling. It’s about finding the correct balance in a story of engagement, empathy, and pacing.\n\nBy focusing your feedback on where the author was effective and ineffective at holding your interest in the story — and sharing how or why — you will both build your own skills as an author as analyzing a story and providing useful and encouraging information on improving their story.\n\nAsk yourself, how many times have you heard someone say ‘I liked your story.’ then proceed to tell you what was wrong with it. I’ve lost count.\n\nBy focusing on where they held my attention and why and where they lost me and why, I’ve become a better writer because it makes me more aware of the subtle elements of craft and I am more aware of technique which lets me glean even more technique from successful authors." }, { "answer_id": 60817, "author": "Alexander", "author_id": 22990, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/22990", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "You sure can review, but the author might not appreciate your input\n\nThe big question here is what is exactly \"fan fiction\", what is its target audience and why people write it.\n\nIf the answer is \"fan fiction is written and read by the hardcore fans of the original fiction\" then your options are limited. You may comment on style and grammar, but not so much on plot and character development. \"Novice\" critique would likely be dismissed by the author, just like critique of an academic paper by an unqualified outsider. How you can help that? Read the original work first.\n\nBut if the answer is \"fan fiction is for everybody, and it should help making new fans\", then the author would be motivated to hear the opinion of an outsider. All \"novice\" questions would be appreciated, and possibly addressed.\n\nIn my personal opinion, fan fiction should be for everybody, and it should be able to stand on its own. Reading fan fiction book should be no more demanding than reading another book by the original author set in the same universe. But I realize that there are strong communities of fans who have extensive trivia knowledge and expect similar level of knowledge from other members." }, { "answer_id": 60819, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "Focus on whether their plot, and characters, make coherent sense. Look for story problems.\n\nPresume, if they give no indication otherwise, that details about powers, skills, relationships, etc are in the game or original work.\n\nThose things might be errors, but focus on what you are capable of judging, and leave knowledge of the universe to others.\n\nAs you did with \"show don't tell.\"\n\nBut I also know, say, the Three(/Four) Act Structure, so I can tell if the progression is off somewhere. If the action is too soon, or too late. If the story turns into wish-fulfillment with a can-do-no-wrong protagonist. If there is a decent mix of high and low points, a sufficient number of protagonist failures. I can tell if in the first Act I sympathize with the hero.\n\nI can also spot \"talking heads\" syndrome. Off-key dialogue. Repetitiveness in description. A lack of sensory description; e.g. only what is seen; not heard, not felt. Is it ever hot? Cold? Muggy? Wonny? Are they ever tired? Sick? Frustrated? Bored? Do they describe touch? Are things warm, cold, rough, slick, sticky, sharp, jagged?\n\nOften in reading, I sense something is missing in the described scene, it feels too sparse, or too sketched. In one case there was a lack of actual color, nothing had any color. (From a normally sighted author.) That's a writing critique.\n\nStick with what you know about story, and presume basic character information and universe information is already known." }, { "answer_id": 60821, "author": "Mary", "author_id": 44281, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/44281", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "The first thing you may want to do is discuss with your group whether the members want feedback from non-fans. Some fanfic writers want to make their work stand on its own as much as possible.\n\nIf the writers want it, be sure to mention up front that you are not a fan and you are criticizing it from a stand-alone perspective." } ]	2021/12/16	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60806", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/34330/" ]
60,808	I saw that ending somewhere once, and have been using it ever since. Just wanted to confirm if there's anything wrong with adding that in a request letter for a medical leave	[ { "answer_id": 60807, "author": "EDL", "author_id": 39219, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/39219", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "You can minimize ignorant, unhelpful feedback in fan fiction the same way you minimize ignorant and unhelpful feedback in any story. By focusing on your honest reactions to the craft demonstrated in the writing, you communicate the effectiveness of the author’s technique of storytelling.\n\nThe most important feedback for a story is your level of engagement as you are reading the piece. Where does it bog down and where were you hooked into the story; and of course some description of why you were engaged or bored.\n\nThe least valuable feedback you can provide are line edits correcting their spelling or grammar. The reason for this is because stories being workshopped are works in progress and the authors have not necessarily gone through them with a fine-tooth comb. Since there is a good chance after workshopping that large tracts of the text are going to be rewritten, any line edits provided in the workshop is going to be wasted effort.\n\nIf I get or give line edits, they are usually in an edited copy of the original document that I can diff with my work, letting me merge the ones that I agree with and ignore the ones I don’t like.\n\nAnd, finally, it's best to avoid large well-worn phrases like show don’t tell. Showing is a very important element of creating an engaging story. But so is telling. It’s about finding the correct balance in a story of engagement, empathy, and pacing.\n\nBy focusing your feedback on where the author was effective and ineffective at holding your interest in the story — and sharing how or why — you will both build your own skills as an author as analyzing a story and providing useful and encouraging information on improving their story.\n\nAsk yourself, how many times have you heard someone say ‘I liked your story.’ then proceed to tell you what was wrong with it. I’ve lost count.\n\nBy focusing on where they held my attention and why and where they lost me and why, I’ve become a better writer because it makes me more aware of the subtle elements of craft and I am more aware of technique which lets me glean even more technique from successful authors." }, { "answer_id": 60817, "author": "Alexander", "author_id": 22990, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/22990", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "You sure can review, but the author might not appreciate your input\n\nThe big question here is what is exactly \"fan fiction\", what is its target audience and why people write it.\n\nIf the answer is \"fan fiction is written and read by the hardcore fans of the original fiction\" then your options are limited. You may comment on style and grammar, but not so much on plot and character development. \"Novice\" critique would likely be dismissed by the author, just like critique of an academic paper by an unqualified outsider. How you can help that? Read the original work first.\n\nBut if the answer is \"fan fiction is for everybody, and it should help making new fans\", then the author would be motivated to hear the opinion of an outsider. All \"novice\" questions would be appreciated, and possibly addressed.\n\nIn my personal opinion, fan fiction should be for everybody, and it should be able to stand on its own. Reading fan fiction book should be no more demanding than reading another book by the original author set in the same universe. But I realize that there are strong communities of fans who have extensive trivia knowledge and expect similar level of knowledge from other members." }, { "answer_id": 60819, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "Focus on whether their plot, and characters, make coherent sense. Look for story problems.\n\nPresume, if they give no indication otherwise, that details about powers, skills, relationships, etc are in the game or original work.\n\nThose things might be errors, but focus on what you are capable of judging, and leave knowledge of the universe to others.\n\nAs you did with \"show don't tell.\"\n\nBut I also know, say, the Three(/Four) Act Structure, so I can tell if the progression is off somewhere. If the action is too soon, or too late. If the story turns into wish-fulfillment with a can-do-no-wrong protagonist. If there is a decent mix of high and low points, a sufficient number of protagonist failures. I can tell if in the first Act I sympathize with the hero.\n\nI can also spot \"talking heads\" syndrome. Off-key dialogue. Repetitiveness in description. A lack of sensory description; e.g. only what is seen; not heard, not felt. Is it ever hot? Cold? Muggy? Wonny? Are they ever tired? Sick? Frustrated? Bored? Do they describe touch? Are things warm, cold, rough, slick, sticky, sharp, jagged?\n\nOften in reading, I sense something is missing in the described scene, it feels too sparse, or too sketched. In one case there was a lack of actual color, nothing had any color. (From a normally sighted author.) That's a writing critique.\n\nStick with what you know about story, and presume basic character information and universe information is already known." }, { "answer_id": 60821, "author": "Mary", "author_id": 44281, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/44281", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "The first thing you may want to do is discuss with your group whether the members want feedback from non-fans. Some fanfic writers want to make their work stand on its own as much as possible.\n\nIf the writers want it, be sure to mention up front that you are not a fan and you are criticizing it from a stand-alone perspective." } ]	2021/12/16	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60808", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/53929/" ]
60,810	Consider the following extract of text (content not important, only sentence structure): > > When the jump is made, from seeing a subject as vocational, to worthy > of study for the sake of knowledge alone, that subject can be enjoyed > as beautiful and intriguing. With for example the works of the > masters, subjects are beautiful. With the emergence of truly novel > thinkers, intriguing in their scope. > > > I have been led to understand that the bold sentence is not a sentence. Does this make the whole extract grammatically wrong and to be corrected? To me the extract reads absolutely fine. Question: Should the extract be corrected or is it OK as it is? I know there are various corrections and what these are is not the question. For example, I understand I can correct to: > > With the emergence of truly novel thinkers, they are intriguing in their scope. > > > However, as a native speaker I don't think I would even have noticed this error. --- I am now worrying slightly about all manner of non-sentences in my academic writing. A little googling suggests I am writing speech rather than writing writing. [This question was closed on English SE](https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/581318/is-using-non-sentences-bad-writing).	[ { "answer_id": 60811, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "It should be corrected, to me it reads awkwardly.\n\n> \n> With the emergence of truly novel thinkers, intriguing in their scope.\n> \n> \n> \n\nDoes \"their\" refer to the novel thinkers? Are the novel thinkers intriguing in their scope? What is the scope of a novel thinker?\n\nPerhaps something like:\n\n> \n> Truly novel thinkers can emerge, producing work intriguing in its scope.\n> \n> \n> \n\nIMO fragments are not always bad writing. Brevity may increase impact. But the missing parts of the sentence should be instantly obvious to readers from the context. In this case, they are not." }, { "answer_id": 60812, "author": "Wrzlprmft", "author_id": 14946, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/14946", "pm_score": 3, "selected": true, "text": "Taken for its own, your words (“With the emergence of truly novel thinkers, intriguing in their scope.”) cannot be grammatically parsed:\n\n* “With the emergence of truly novel thinkers” parses as a fronted adverbial, so no problem here.\n* “in their scope“ parses as a regular adverbial, which is also fine.\n* “intriguing” is what remains, but is meaningless on its own (in this context). It is not clear what is intriguing. My best guess would be the thinkers, but that does not make sense semantically.\n\nMind that this is about grammatical parsability, i.e., whether the grammatical roles of words can be identified, as opposed to intelligibility, which usually requires more context.\nThis is not an artefact of written language but the problem persists in spoken language:\nIf you read your words (“With the emergence of truly novel thinkers, intriguing in their scope.”) out loud without, they cannot be grammatically parsed either.\n\nYou worry that this may be a problem of “writing speech”, but a good orthography can represent all grammatical speech;\nit may lose some nuances, but not grammaticality.\nInstead, I suspect that your problem is that your writing fails to reflect the spoken language due to improper use of orthography, more precisely punctuation.\nGiven the lack of meaningful words in your example, I have to guess, but you probably should have written:\n\n> \n> With for example the works of the masters, subjects are beautiful; with the emergence of truly novel thinkers, intriguing in their scope.\n> \n> \n> \n\n(I will leave the question whether a comma instead of the semicolon would have sufficed to others, e.g., [this Q&A](https://english.stackexchange.com/q/539633/42471). AFAICT, most style guides consider the use of the semicolon in such cases optional.)\n\nThis makes it clear, that it is subjects who are intriguing.\nAlso, if your read this out loud, it probably works, unless you take too long a break where you previously had a full stop.\n\nFinally, mind that while you can represent all sort of spoken language in written form without losing grammaticality, this does not automatically make the result appropriate for academic writing – but that’s not your problem here.\n\n### Sidenote: “But ‘intriguing’ can be a meaningful utterance on its own!”\n\nConsider a dialogue:\n\n> \n> A: “I found a second even prime number.” \n> \n> B: “Intriguing!”\n> \n> \n> \n\nHere the word intriguing can perfectly stand on its own and form a sentence, more precisely a [nominal sentence](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nominal_sentence#In_English) lacking a subject and a verb.\nIn dialogue, almost every solitary adjective is understood to be applied to the previous statement, as if preceded by “This is”.\nHowever, this only works in dialogue (or dialogue-like writing), which is not what you are doing.\nMoreover, your intriguing does not stand on its own by any means.\n\nTo put it bluntly,\n\n> \n> “Intriguing!”\n> \n> \n> \n\nis a valid English sentence, but\n\n> \n> Intriguing.\n> \n> \n> \n\nis not." } ]	2021/12/16	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60810", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/53931/" ]
60,825	What's the solution for "language being subjective" affecting readability? To write more concisely or what? To me it seems like knowing how to make a "well understood" text seems like lottery. What techniques can be used to make them more universally appealing? Something related: Why are research papers hard to read? <https://scienceandword.com/why-are-research-papers-hard-to-read/>	[ { "answer_id": 60832, "author": "Kevin", "author_id": 4419, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/4419", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Here are a few thoughts:\n\nMozh is rigorous, so use math.\n==============================\n\nThe field of math has a very specific idea of what \"rigorous\" means. It's a technical term that describes a mathematical argument that is totally correct and logically sound. It should not come as a surprise that rigor is highly valued by mathematicians!\n\nThere are a couple upshots of this. One is that if you use well-understood mathematical techniques correctly, or if you are a skilled mathematician making a sound argument, you more or less get rigor baked in. And other another upshot is that when your writing relies heavily on mathematics - not just raw statistics but making the painstaking effort to thoroughly analyze those statistics with the most appropriate mathematical tools possible - your language becomes as maximally concrete and unambiguous as mathematics can make it.\n\nLanguage is always a matter of interpretation to some degree. It's impossible to directly implant one of your thoughts into someone else's brain. But mathematical rigor strips away as much of that ambiguity as humanity has figured out how to thus far.\n\nFacts are objective. Interpretation is subjective.\n==================================================\n\nIf your goal is to make an argument that something is true - which, ultimately, is the goal of every academic paper ever published - then at some point, you will have to interpret your results or research. This necessarily involves making subjective statements that can be argued against. This is to be expected and is fine.\n\nThe best way to handle this is by being utterly objective when describing the facts that form the foundation for your argument. I'm sure you've noticed by now that scientific papers are astonishingly specific and thorough about describing the processes they used to carry out their experiments and presenting the raw data results of those experiment. They are also consistently structured so that discussions of whether the results confirm the hypotheses and what they mean are very clearly separated from the sections on methodology and measured results.\n\nIt's not just enough for academic papers to report the results - the methodology sections also give the maximal context for the results. The methodology gives the facts for the implied subjective argument that the results of the experiment are trustworthy.\n\nIn the end, readers of papers know that the authors are highly motivated to paint their results in the best possible light. Cynically, this is the consequence of publish or perish culture. But there's a more optimistic - and more realistic - way to think about it. Which brings me to:\n\nTrust your readers to interpret your writing in good faith.\n===========================================================\n\nWhen someone reads an academic paper, they are absolutely reading it with a critical eye. At the minimum, they are asking themselves whether the research is relevant to their own interests. But more often than not, they're also asking questions like: What are the next steps in the field? Where does the argument fall apart so we can consider ways to shore up the argument ourselves or more carefully carve out the precise understanding of our field? Do the results have political or ethical or philosophical implications or assumptions that we want to challenge or support? And in some infrequent cases, poorly-carried out experiments get published, and readers want to be able to sniff those papers out.\n\nWhen an academic paper both confidently argues its interpretations of the data and carefully lays out the objective results of its experiment, the paper is being deeply respectful of the reader. The assumption is that the reader is smart enough to come to their own conclusions and decide for themselves what they think of the interpretation. Both aspects are important. A confident argument gives the reader something to consider and evaluate, but that is meaningless if the data is obscured or misrepresented, preventing the reader from having the context to form their own thoughts.\n\nDon't feel bad about making subjective statements in your papers as long as you provide the facts to back them up. Your readers are smart enough to notice when you do so.\n\nJargon is your friend.\n======================\n\nJargon gets a bad rep because it's so opaque and awkward-sounding to people who do not already understand it. But if you're writing an academic paper, you're writing to people who already understand the field deeply - or at least are willing to take the time to teach themselves what they need to know. So write to your audience. And if you want your writing to be as objective as possible, jargon is an immensely powerful tool.\n\nAt the core, every jargon word ever coined refers to an exceedingly specific idea. Jargon really is clunky to read and say, so jargon only ever really establishes itself in a field when the same kind of idea shows up often enough that people truly need a way to refer to it quickly. So you have two options: Avoid using jargon and try to explain things in vague language that cannot possibly capture all the relevant nuance without derailing the entire paper, or use a single word that your readers understand completely and cannot possibly misinterpret.\n\nMy answer has a good example of this! \"Rigor\" is a piece of mathematical jargon. I defined the word once in case you haven't seen it used in that context before, and then I referred to it repeatedly in my discussion about how math can make your writing more objective. Without using the term \"rigor,\" that section would have been considerably more verbose - and dramatically less concrete.\n\n---\n\nI don't really have a good summary. These four ideas don't cover every aspect of objectivity versus subjectivity in language. In the end, though, if you present the raw facts while being careful to be as honest and mathematically correct as possible, you can make your subjective arguments afterwards and your readers will be smart enough to know the difference and form their own reasonable opinions." }, { "answer_id": 60843, "author": "Ted Wrigley", "author_id": 44005, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/44005", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Writing is always a tension between three competing needs:\n\n* Precision: saying what one means as exactly as possible\n* Accessibility: saying what one means in language that others can understand\n* Aesthetics: saying what one means in ways that other people want to engage with\n\nAcademic disciplines tend to over-value precision, in the sense that they create a shared jargon: terms and phrases that represent subtle, abstract principles and concepts. For instance, quantum physicists use the words 'charm' and 'strange' in discipline-specific ways that confuse most lay people, and modern critical philosophy introduces terms like 'deconstruction', 'facticity', and 'unpacking' that might take a few pages to explain properly to someone outside the field.\n\nBut at any rate, finding a balance between these three needs is what makes language subjective. There's no 'solution' to the problem in any absolute sense; we wrestle with it, time after time, and hopefully learn from both our failures and our successes. The most important thing is to listen to criticism dispassionately. We don't write for ourselves, we write for others, and others are more than willing to tell us wha they want." }, { "answer_id": 60844, "author": "Community", "author_id": -1, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/-1", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "This seems to be the core of your problem:\n\n> \n> I've produced texts that some claimed hard to understand. I have no trouble understanding them.\n> \n> \n> \n\nCan you spot what is wrong with that statement?\n\nWhen you read your own text, you already know what you wanted to say with it. You don't actually have to understand it at all. Understanding is a process by which a person comes into the posession of the meaning of something – they \"grasp\" the meaning –, which before that understanding they didn't have. You already know what your text is supposed to say, and of course that is the meaning you are reminded of when you \"read\" your own text, giving you an illusion of understanding.\n\nWhat you lack – maybe not when you interact with people, but in your writing – is called [theory of mind](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theory_of_mind). Theory of mind means that you understand that other people have a mind distinct from your own, and that their minds don't contain the knowledge that is contained in your mind. Children commonly begin to gain theory of mind at around four to five years of age and fully master it at around the beginning of puberty. Before that age, children often expect you to know what they mean, and they get angry when you fail to understand them. People with autism often do not acquire theory of mind completely.\n\nWhat follows from theory of mind is the understanding that you have to communicate your thoughts, if you want others to know them. And communication – in the sense of a transference of meaning from one mind to another – requires:\n\n* words used with an agreed upon meaning (in science, this is called \"[definition](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Definition)\")\n* language that follows common conventions (e.g. of grammar and style)\n* an argument that is structured in a comprehensible manner (in science arguments typically follow a [logical](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Argument) structure)\n\nI recommend to you that you read Writing the Empirical Journal Article by Daryl Bem, available online at <https://psychology.yale.edu/sites/default/files/bemempirical.pdf>\n\nIt is directed as psychologists, buts its principles apply to all scholarly fields. Here is a quote:\n\n> \n> For Whom Should You Write?\n> \n> \n> Scientific journals are published for specialized audiences who share a common background of substantive knowledge and methodological expertise. If you wish to write well, you should ignore this fact. Psychology encompasses a broader range of topics and methodologies than do most other disciplines, and its findings are frequently of interest to a wider public. The social psychologist should be able to read a Psychometrika article on logistic analysis; the personality theorist, a biopsychology article on hypothalamic function; and the congressional aide with a BA in history, a Journal of Personality and Social Psychology article on causal attribution.\n> \n> \n> Accordingly, good writing is good teaching. Direct your writing to the student in Psychology 101, your colleague in the Art History Department, and your grandmother. No matter how technical or abstruse your article is in its particulars, intelligent nonpsychologists with no expertise in statistics or experimental design should be able to comprehend the broad outlines of what you did and why. They should understand in general terms what was learned. And above all, they should appreciate why someone – anyone – should give a damn. The introduction and discussion sections in particular should be accessible to this wider audience.\n> \n> \n>" } ]	2021/12/18	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60825", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52498/" ]
60,826	TL;DR: How can I psychologically justify why relatively normal (i.e., non-sociopathic) human beings that have turned into monsters (like vampires or werewolves) devolve into feral beasts or vicious predators without relying on some innate supernatural biological drive compelling them to harm people or otherwise turn on humans? I have a story which revolves around a group of monsters in a modern setting, most of which were "turned" from humans in some way. The monsters are incredibly varied in terms of their morality and worldview. Some try their best to fit in and pass amongst humans despite their condition, others basically just devolve into feral beasts eating animals in the woods, whereas others start actively preying on humans and other monsters. The story mostly focuses on the "passing" monsters with the more malevolent ones serving as foils and antagonists. The main draw of the series is meant to be a psychological drama exploring the diverse psychology and worldviews of the characters and the different ways they perceive and deal with their monsterhood. Some of the rules of the monsters in the setting and their plot reasoning are listed below, so as to make the rest of the question make more sense: * The monsters more-or-less live hidden among humanity. I.e., typical genre trappings. * The monsters don't need to prey on humans to survive, in order to allow the monsters much more moral latitude and explore different types of monster tropes. Eating people isn't as unthinkable as it is among humans, but how taboo eating people is varies massively from group to group. I.e., the more sympathetic monsters are horrified and disgusted, whereas the less human ones don't care. * Becoming a monster does give a person monstrous instincts and can warp their mind a bit, but the person mostly remains the same. Personality shifts can occur but happen due to lived experience post-monster. This is partially due to story themes and partially because the whole point of a psychodrama is to explore someone's thought process. * The monsters aren't exceedingly long-lived or immortal. Mostly to make them more relatable to the audience. * There isn't really a huge faction of monster hunters. The monsters are afraid of persecution by humanity but it's not like there's a group dedicated to hunting them down. Mostly because the "monsters being persecuted by monster-hunters" trope has been used so many times it's become cliché and there isn't much one can do to make it fresh. However, when writing the story I am running into an issue in trying to understand how a relatively normal person could devolve into a barely-human beast squatting in the woods or a monstrous predator. I've tried researching other "monster" stories like the Old World of Darkness and Tokyo Ghoul to see how those settings handled it, and mostly I have come across a few major explanations. However, these don't seem to work with the psychological drama angle of this story for a variety of reasons. 1. The monsters become increasingly estranged from humanity due to the monsters being immortal and losing all of their human connections. This is how the Old World of Darkness tended to handle it, and it does make the most sense psychologically. Lose all your connections to humanity and suddenly one's ability to empathize with them becomes difficult. But the monsters aren't immortal here, so the "weight of ages" is hard to pull off. 2. The monsters have to eat humans in some way and those that do not sufficiently dehumanize human beings end up starving to death. From what I've read supposedly the Sabbat in Vampire the Masquerade worked along these lines, but it never really got explored due to lore changes. This doesn't work because the monsters here don't have to eat humans, and indeed the story points out on a logistic and biological level a species that must eat humans wouldn't be able to survive. 3. [There is some kind of biological compulsion involved that makes the former human instantly turn on humanity](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TranshumanTreachery). However, when this shows up in fiction this is usually used as a justification as to why the audience shouldn't feel morally conflicted about the protagonists staking their former friends. It doesn't work in a setting where the monsters are more sympathetic. I have seen stories make good arguments as to why someone would choose to be a monster than a human. E.g., many monster stories set in the Victorian era point out that for young women becoming a vampire/werewolf/whatever gives them personal freedom and power not available to them as a human, but there's no reason that wouldn't translate to "I like being a monster but I like people too" instead of "I eat people". 4. The former-humans decide to become the monsters everyone sees them as after being persecuted or ostracized by their former brethren (see: Carrie). This kind of works but it's hard to see how widespread it could be without monsters being common knowledge, so it doesn't make sense to make it a universal phenomenon among every feral monster. 5. The monsters were evil people before becoming monsters. I.e., the "I reject my humanity, JosaXz" principle. This seems the easiest to implement and seems fairly straightforward but kind of removes the personal horror aspect from the story. I.e., it seems almost Calvinist (and a bit morally black-and-white) in that only the "bad" people become "bad" monsters. I know there are cases where regular people can be corrupted into enjoying atrocities (e.g., Nazi Germany, the Stanford Prison Experiment), but most of the time that seems to require mass movements and an external system coercing or encouraging people until they start enjoying or rationalizing it. Additionally, I know humans can be quick to dehumanize others, but that usually happens to those outside their in-group, not those within. Humans can clearly be awful but this seems to be the wrong kind of awful to justify what I need. The problem with many of these explanations is that they rely on some sort of hardline biological compulsion to turn people into monsters, which is terrible for a psychological drama because it removes most of the elements of personal choice. Consider, in a psychodrama about a vampire the audience wants to know why the vampire thinks and acts the way they do (e.g., Interview with a Vampire). If the vampire only does so because they must prey on humans and because they are biologically compelled to hate humankind, that removes all sense of character agency and thus they become less interesting. So I'm trying to avoid that. Granted, part of the point of the story is to explore the assumptions of monster tropes (and "there's less slavering beasts than you'd think" is a plot point), but the fact is I need the more antagonistic monsters to create conflict, and if I can't understand why my villains and antagonists behave and think the way they do (or more broadly, where they even come from) that creates a problem. Some of the more feral monsters are treated narratively more like dangerous wild animals or man-eating big cats than slasher villains, dangerous but with their own set of priorities and motivations that don't always involve violence, but even getting a human being psychologically to that point seems very difficult to achieve. So, more broadly, how can I psychologically justify why there would be a general phenomenon where more-or-less psychologically normal people can devolve into monsters after being turned?	[ { "answer_id": 60827, "author": "DWKraus", "author_id": 46563, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46563", "pm_score": 3, "selected": true, "text": "Psychology is Weird:\n====================\n\nHumans are remarkably free of instincts - which means that we can convince ourselves of anything. A perfectly ordinary person can be convinced that they should get chemically castrated, carry out terrorist attacks, and then die in a mass suicide so the aliens will take them off to the alien home world. All without anything but someone telling them it's right. Murderers are convinced that they are right (or at least somehow justified) in killing others for endless reasons - greed, revenge and supposed injustices. Then there are people who flat-out have a mental illness, and can't distinguish right from wrong like others.\n\nAll these things are radically magnified when a person is abruptly transformed from the conventional soft, fangless, clawless, socially easy-going bodies we normally live in. Our very sense of self is shattered by the transformation, and we become the OTHER. Talk to someone who has undergone a physically transformative injury, and they will have a host of mental health issues to report. That is while still retaining the basic fundamental identity of human.\n\nConsider the effects from something as simple as a relatively mild global pandemic. People are socially isolated, treat each other as unclean, and argue incessantly about the factualness of vaccinations, masking, the effects of the disease, and so on. Mental health crises are blossoming, and therapists can't keep up.\n\nAdd to this a break with society. Your transformed people are (at best) on the outside of society, a society that likely looks at them now as hideous beasts. They are cut off from the feedback we get telling us it's not okay to be terrible fiends, and instead told that we ARE terrible fiends. That seriously screws with your head right there. Society and various belief systems frequently conflate beauty with good and ugliness with evil. So you go from an accepted human to an outcast that frightens people who even so much as look at you. Good luck getting mental health services to cover it, let alone even finding people you can talk to about what has happened.\n\nPeople fundamentally want who and what they are to be good and right and true. If they are told otherwise, they come to hate those who tell them otherwise, or come to believe that whatever they find themselves as must be right somehow. A Nazi, confronted with the atrocities of of WW2, can either decide their cause was horrible (and in this case, people turned to monsters can't turn away), or embrace it and decide the holocaust was justified. Either way, those people are shifted from embracing society to denying it.\n\nAdd to this the input of religions, new belief systems centered around these changes, cults, gangs (I guarantee there would be, since gangs started as self-defense groups) and others with complex messaging that may tell you that you are either in league with evil, OR that the rules no longer apply to you because you are no longer human, better than human, or inferior to humans.\n\nAdd to that that the people so transformed are still fundamentally humans with no instincts who can believe anything. Toss in a lack of communication or taboo about discussing those transformed. People will obsess about their situation and come up with crazy decisions in a world filled with ignorance on the true facts of the situation.\n\nThe real miracle is that ANY of these people could retain their sanity, even lacking biological effects from their transformation and new body." }, { "answer_id": 60845, "author": "Phil S", "author_id": 52375, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52375", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "There's already a great answer on here about human psychology which I heartily agree with - people can do all sorts of things that make them become monstrous on the \"inside\", never mind the physical and psychological trauma of becoming one on the outside.\n\nI would add a few extra points to this:\n\n* While physical transformation to a monstrous form doesn't make you a monster, it's very possible that the physical changes include the brain. If you're a giant wolf...you'll have hunting instincts? New urges? Your subconscious is telling you these things are good.\n* People can justify just about anything in their own defence, or even perceived defence of their tribe/community/self. If the monstrous people are attacked, they'll feel justified in \"defending\" themselves. Once you've killed one person, it likely becomes far easier to justify doing it again to yourself.\n* There's more than one monstrous person, and more than one personality. People are different, monstrous people are different. Just because some have the will and self-control to avoid hurting humans, some may come to enjoy the power and savagery of their new nature." } ]	2021/12/18	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60826", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/43118/" ]
60,829	My first horror/fantasy novel has received some criticism from peers, many of them claiming that I introduce the antagonist too early. The introduction of the antagonist is nearly instant, but extremely ambiguous. It appears in 2 major forms, as a young boy, and a demon-like creature that vaguely resembles a very tall human. The criticizing peers have claimed that I had to exploit the fear of the unknown, and hide the antagonist for awhile. However, the antagonist is only shown relatively briefly in both of the main character's introductions, with no information on what it is, only that it (very messily) eats humans, and soon after, that it likes to torture its victims with horrifying illusions before killing them. There is no context on what it actually is, how intelligent it is, how powerful it really is, its true intentions, etc. I avoided revealing any significant information about it at all. Would this suffice to compensate for the missing "fear of the unknown"? And more importantly, what are the effects of either of them; when should you use one or the other?	[ { "answer_id": 60830, "author": "DWKraus", "author_id": 46563, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46563", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Trust your Beta Readers:\n========================\n\nWithout knowing HOW exactly you're doing it, I can't give you a solid opinion. If I were you, I'd rely on my beta readers, who apparently don't think it works. No amount of \"It should work\" competes with \"readers think otherwise.\"\n\nYou may be coming on too strong too fast. Horror should build and build, with reveals as you go. Horror is more about the journey than the destination. While seeing the last few minutes of a horror movie might be intense and action-filled, it's not by itself scary. [This](https://writing.stackexchange.com/questions/56471/horror-where-to-start/56472#56472) is my more general advice on horror. You might be going more for gore, which depends more on action, so this might not entirely apply. I don't personally find gore-style horror very frightening; it ends up gory, but not scary.\n\nThe best horror builds on itself, always ratcheting up pressure. If there's torture, you find a body with signs of torture before you see actual torture. If there's killing, you see someone about to be killed before you actually see a death. Always leave yourself room for things to get more gruesome.\n\nSubtle hints can certainly work, if done right. But it needs to be very subtle at first. Take for example Stephen King's It.\n\n> \n> It's one of the characters being informed the terrible IT is still a threat, >!and they would rather kill themselves than face the horror again.\n> It establishes the sheer TERROR of the story without actually telling you exactly >!WHAT the terror is.\n> \n> \n> \n\nA person being chased by an unseen terror establishes fear, but you spoil the effect by trying to ramp up the tension too quickly. A dead person is less effective at the beginning than a dead rabbit. A torture victim stumbling out into a street and being hit by a car is subtle. But a head on a pike twisted in terror beats an actual torture scene early on. A terrified person begging to the darkness for mercy is subtle. but a voice from the darkness saying, \"Zomhy is wrong. It's more fun to play with my food.\" can be fairly subtle compared to a full reveal.\n\nBut if your baddie can use illusions, then it can avoid being seen. There are endless ways illusion can be employed to hide the real danger or make your villain obscure." }, { "answer_id": 60938, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "No matter how good you are at imagining something that you think is scary (for you), the imagination of your readers can conjure something infinitely scarier (for them).\n\nLeave it to them to try and figure out what it is that should be scary. Your task is to shine the light on the backdrop. Provide the reader evidence that something is going on by showing the crime scene after the fact, interview the witnesses after the fact (but they are unable to provide conclusive details), make characters build theories to help the reader. By no means give any answer until the very last moment, or you deflate the expectation to a bare 'ah, ok, it is just a child-demon, I thought it was something worse'." } ]	2021/12/19	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60829", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/53957/" ]
60,846	I have a character idea where said character is a gadgeteer/artificer type, and they have these nanobots in their blood stream that they use to make the items they need. The nanobots also have an artificial intelligence that allows them to think on the fly, almost like a human.	[ { "answer_id": 60847, "author": "Murphy L.", "author_id": 52858, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52858", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Actually, this isn't too hard to think about, since it very well could be reality soon. Many healthcare companies are working on similar nanobots to, say, seek and destroy cancer cells without the need for dangerous surgery. Here's a link to an article on the subject: [www.therobotreport.com/nanobots-promise-change-medical-treatment](http://www.therobotreport.com/nanobots-promise-change-medical-treatment)" }, { "answer_id": 60852, "author": "EDL", "author_id": 39219, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/39219", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "Treat your nano-bots as your story's magic system.\n--------------------------------------------------\n\nThey need rules to govern their operation so they are predictable and constrained in their power. They need to be predictable so readers can guess how this nano-bots are going to save the day or raise the conflict. It's okay if the reader gets surprised or gets it wrong. Everything that happens needs to be rational given the rules.\n\nIf the nano-bots are infinitely powerful then no characters are ever in danger, nor is any struggle ever in doubt because the nano-bots will win. Boring at best and a power fantasy at worst.\n\nIt's the reason Superman versus Bambi is not very exciting.\n-----------------------------------------------------------\n\nThings to consider are what powers the nano-bots -- and this part is discussion for worldbuilding@se.\n\n* Do they convert protein and sugars in his blood stream, so the complete with the host for sustenance?\n* What senses do they possess? How do they experience the universe? Sensory stimulation influences perception and communication and worldview." } ]	2021/12/21	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60846", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46694/" ]
60,853	Another writer was critiquing my story, and she mentioned that I should describe the scream and show the reaction of the character instead of having the character actually scream out "Ahhhh!" Any suggestions or feedback about this advice?	[ { "answer_id": 60855, "author": "Nick Bedford", "author_id": 350, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/350", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "When reactions are shown, even if they are vocal, they can be much more powerful and emotive. A scream is a part of a larger reaction, such as:\n\n> \n> Janiw jumped in fright and let out a screech, settling into laughter as Zotn revealed his identity underneath the clown mask.\n> \n> \n> \n\n> \n> \"Ahh!\" \n> \n> \"What?\" Zotn said, glancing around to see what Jile had screamed about. Zotn froze in place as he saw the huge bulk of a brown bear staring them down.\n> \n> \n> \n\nI have a few examples from my own novel that might help with how you might write such a reaction (according to my own writing style of course). Take with a grain of salt.\n\n### One example:\n\n> \n> The sound of the breeze upon her ears went quiet, and she opened her eyes and glanced upwards. The stars had all disappeared from the sky and all that remained was the pale blue moonlight. She looked forward across the dune and *froze.\n> \n> \n> There standing tall on the edge of the dune in front of her was a humanoid shape, a figure distinct in darkness like a shadow against the world.\n> \n> \n> \n\n### Or another:\n\n> \n> The world fell away, stranding her on a dark island of soft, cool sand. A whispering voice echoed from all directions at once.\n> \n> \n> “Signals. Returning to the signals.\"\n> \n> \n> Svyi trembled* in fear.\n> \n> \n> \n\n### An vocal example with gesture:\n\n> \n> Svyi began to panic, pounding her hands on the darkness like a wall of glass in front of her as the figure remained silent and still. Nothing could be seen of its face nor its body.\n> \n> \n> *“Let me out!” she yelled.\n> \n> \n>" }, { "answer_id": 60856, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 4, "selected": false, "text": "Onomatopeia is writing text that when read imitates a sound; like a screech, scream, squeaky door, sobbing, laughter, etc.\n\nI agree they should be shunned in almost all circumstances. Perhaps a character telling another a story might do this. I quite frequently write the actually voiced \"Ha!\" as an exclamation, but never more than one. For that I write \"laughed.\"\n\nI agree the narrator should avoid onomatopeia, and write the name of the sound, perhaps with adjectives characterizing them." }, { "answer_id": 60857, "author": "codeMonkey", "author_id": 40325, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/40325", "pm_score": 4, "selected": false, "text": "Be More Specific\n----------------\n\n\"Ahhh\" could be a lot of things. Off the top of my head:\n\n A long groan\n* A battle cry\n* A wail of despair\n* A screech of surprise\n* The beginning of a sneeze\n\nRather than writing \"Ahhh\", and forcing your reader to guess which meaning you want, it is better practice to be more specific.\n\n> \n> He screamed.\n> \n> \n> \n\nThis is good, because now there's no danger we'll think it's a sneeze. But...\n\n> \n> A low noise erupted from his throat, growing louder and shriller until his scream pierced the night.\n> \n> \n> \n\nThis is better, because now we get a feeling of loss and anguish, maybe a hint of anger, which tells us more about the character, and why they screamed in the first place." }, { "answer_id": 60858, "author": "Trevortni", "author_id": 34381, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/34381", "pm_score": 3, "selected": false, "text": "I would in general say that you want to describe the scream, but sometimes there are -- Aaah! What was that? -- sorry, there are times when you want the reader to be as startled as the characters, and those are times when it might be better to go for the more visceral direct quote." }, { "answer_id": 60987, "author": "PotatoCrisp", "author_id": 54084, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54084", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Although description is less ambiguous it can help with drama to use dialogue 'sound effects' which draw the reader's eye to them. It is a good idea to disambiguate immediately.\n\nExample:\n\nA had retired for the night leaving B and C playing cards until after midnight. Finally they put away the deck and went to their own rooms to prepare for bed.\n\n\"Aaargh!\"\n\nThe ear-splitting scream came from downstairs. B snatched open his door. A was hovering in her doorway looking scared. B glanced around.\n\nWhere in heaven was C?" } ]	2021/12/22	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60853", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/33805/" ]
60,862	I am a few days away from sending in a manuscript for a textbook to a publisher. The publisher's site instructs prospective authors to attach a cover letter describing the work, including why the author wrote the work. In my case, this came to criticisms of existing textbooks, and the belief that my product addresses those criticisms. I was inspired to write the textbook to replace two existing books on the market. The publisher I want to work with will be familiar with both books...they once sold the first, but when it went out of print, another publisher came and started selling a competing product and took away their contracts and sales. As a teacher, I found considerable issues working with both books (for instance, the publisher's own book falling severely out-of-date on the subject area) and I met many other teachers who shared my complaints. This inspired me to write my own textbook. Is it unprofessional if I lay out my complaints about the existing, competing products in my cover letter?	[ { "answer_id": 60863, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 3, "selected": false, "text": "In this case I don't think it is unprofessional; the reason most textbooks are written is in response to complaints about existing textbooks, being out of date, being incorrect or being politically motivated to whitewash the facts. (Or, unfortunately in some venues, the selling point is other textbooks not being whitewashed enough!)\n\nIn any case, however, I would be as professional as possible in criticizing other works. Lay out the facts, declare them incorrect, or out of date due to scholarship since they were authored, etc.\n\nStick to the facts, and avoid hyperbole, emotion and insult. Those books are in error, or are now proven incorrect by more recent scholarship, or they tell an incomplete or biased story.\n\nIt is a selling point to the publisher if you will produce a book that allows them to compete, so you want to highlight the specific areas (or at least the most prominent examples) of being competitive with the existing product.\n\nBut keep it \"effective\" and focus on the specific competitive advantages you offer, why school boards would want to choose your book over the existing competition.\n\nYour complaints about a book out of print are only mildly relevant. Even if it is still in use, you are only competing against ONE book if a board is looking for a new book. Perhaps some points about that old book might help a board decide to ditch it, but I would not make that the focus.\n\nAnd nobody wants to read a vituperative diatribe with a holier-than-thou flavor. Find a way to phrase your complaints and corrections as clear marketing advantages. Even if you wrote your book to set the record straight, you have to sell it for that to happen." }, { "answer_id": 60865, "author": "DWKraus", "author_id": 46563, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46563", "pm_score": 3, "selected": false, "text": "Keep it Affirmative:\n====================\n\nI think Amaheor is fairly solid in the advise they give. I would add that your presentation of your book should center on why your book is great. So if you do criticize other books, it should be in an oblique way. Generally, text books are building off of existing knowledge in the field, and the existing authorities exist in that matrix. Criticisms of other books should be presented as good points in *your* book, not just ripping on other books. Your book is tall because you stand on the shoulders of giants.\n\nIf you say another book is terrible, it doesn't mean yours is better. It also emphasizes that the other book is a reasonable alternative to yours if it is the standard you compare your own work to. So point out how your book handles something awkward in a better way. As much as possible, don't call out individual books in the field unless they are the only other alternatives. Otherwise, it comes off as an attack on the other book.\n\nYou only have so much time and space to convince people your book is the only real choice - don't waste it talking about someone else's book." } ]	2021/12/23	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60862", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/3375/" ]
60,866	It just seems to me that for some novels -- especially those published in the last ten years or so -- that the author goes out of their way to make a point that a character is Asian, or black, or whatever. It's almost as if someone, an editor, say, said, "Hey, this is a really good book, but it would be so much better if it was more 'inclusive.'" So the author revises it to make this or that character a racial minority. Does this sort of thing happen nowadays?	[ { "answer_id": 60868, "author": "DWKraus", "author_id": 46563, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46563", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "Perish the thought:\n===================\n\nThis is an unverifiable question, and it may get closed for being opinion.\n\nUnfortunately, what happens in those meetings is run through legal and marked confidential. Officially, that would never happen and be discriminatory if it happened. Then again, so would comments about politics and religion. Ultimately, ALL people are people, and capable of discriminatory behavior. Accepting that all people are equal means that all people can be both the hero and the villain. It's all about how the story gets written. Writing is art, and art contains the ugly parts of human existence in equal parts to the beautiful. They can both be beautiful if we accept that being human isn't something to be ashamed of, but something to understand.\n\nIt can certainly seem that when you read through book guidelines and every literary agent wants inclusive content, they seem to only want one thing. But it can cut both ways and is hard to prove. At one point, it would have been about not having so many 'colored' people in the story.\n\nI would advise that if your editor asks you to do something different, consider it seriously but don't compromise literary integrity if it's important." }, { "answer_id": 60870, "author": "Author JesperSB", "author_id": 52655, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52655", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Yes. Sometimes the publisher will give You advice...\nThey do know what sells.\n\n(They think they know.)\n\nBut in my books I have characters of all shapes and sizes.\n\nBecause I live in a world with all kinds of people.\n\nSome are stereo typical, and some are not.\nJust like life.\n\nAnd then some of my books are with Aliens and Synthetic people..." } ]	2021/12/23	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60866", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54007/" ]
60,871	A common piece of advice young writers get is to use all of the senses with which the POV character perceives their surroundings. I can feel how important this piece is. I would like to describe subtle, yet inspirational details that affect the character in different ways; I want them to fully experience the scene. Unfortunately, I often struggle to implement it. Currently, I'm writing a short story happening on a small Mediterranean island. The problem is: I've never been on one. Therefore, I can hardly come up with any natural impressions. Going there is not an option. Reading others' journals and repeating their parts feels artificial and kind of like stealing. How can I make a character's experience fully immersive with limited knowledge of the actual setting?	[ { "answer_id": 60872, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 3, "selected": false, "text": "Research. Read non-fiction. Watch Videos. Seek and find Nature documentaries.\n\nDo not copy the journals of others: Generalize them.\n\nWhat are they smelling? The flowers, the animals, the manure? What are they seeing? What are they feeling on their skin? Look it up. Is Hawaii humid? Is is windy, what is the average wind speed in July? The average temperature in July?\n\nOne form of intelligence we humans have is the ability to generalize from specific examples, and then generate new specific examples. That is what you want to do with your descriptions. Get the general sense of what it is like, and then invent new specific examples that fall within the general outlines.\n\nYou can gain a lot from National Geographic and Nature Channels on Cable, probably on YouTube, and travel documentaries or diaries.\n\nDo not plagiarize (it can be very tempting when you read some compelling metaphor or simile that strikes you as perfection). You just need to build, from the descriptions, video and sound of others, a mental model of what it is like, and then use your own original descriptions of elements of that model.\n\ne.g. In the documentary, they smell Magnolias. But in general, they smell the native flowers and plants of the place. Let's see, what ARE the native flowers and plants of this place? Can I go smell them? Find a perfume based on them? Is there a botanical garden that has tropical plants and flowers near me?" }, { "answer_id": 60874, "author": "DWKraus", "author_id": 46563, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46563", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Sensory doesn't have to be exclusive:\n=====================================\n\nA rich sensory experience doesn't need to be specific to a single location. It just needs to create a vivid experience. If you want to show poverty, the smell of garbage paints as fine a picture as a detailed description of peasant clothes. Describe the things you CAN describe, like the lapping of waves against a shore, or the ringing of a bell your character doesn't know the meaning of.\n\nYour character may not understand what they are looking at anyway, and describing the genus and species of flower doesn't add to the experience. In fact, ignorance can be in your favor - describe the spices as pungent, flowers as unfamiliar, and the fruits as strange yet pleasant. I doubt there's anywhere in the world you can't find tiny yellow flowers in a field. The very exoticness and difficulty in explaining it will come off as accurately portraying the MC's unfamiliarity with the environment.\n\nEven if you have a picture of the place somewhere you are trying to create, describe what you can see. How many buildings are you going to describe? You have a picture of a little Greek island somewhere with white-washed walls, flagstone steps, and possibly a scooter shop. Stick to describing the things you can know, and while this might limit you slightly, I doubt it will hold you back much.\n\nAnd the details don't have to conform perfectly to a single place. In the modern world, you can find a modern chain coffee shop next to a dilapidated tin shed and a crumbling stone building with a warning sign on it for people to keep out anywhere in the world. Old buildings will have electrical wiring sticking out of walls in odd places and random, after-the-fact pipes in the walls. Posters of places exotic to the locals but familiar to your character will seem out of place.\n\nMany sensory experiences are universal anyway. Gravel streets crunch under the feet everywhere. The air holds the smell of dead fish, the flagstones are dirty with dried mud but warm from the sun, and the locals speak a language the MC doesn't know, yet the joy in their hearts at greeting a guest and bringing out fresh-baked bread with just a hint of something undefinable in the seasoning that reminds them of anise. It could be any village by any sea in the world.\n\n[![enter image description here](https://i.stack.imgur.com/vRRf5.jpg)](https://i.stack.imgur.com/vRRf5.jpg)" }, { "answer_id": 60875, "author": "Artelius", "author_id": 27831, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/27831", "pm_score": 3, "selected": true, "text": "Remember that very little of what our senses experience actually reaches our consciousness. (Consider for example the famous basketball [selective attention test](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJG698U2Mvo) or the [Baader-Meinhof effect](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frequency_illusion).) What we consciously notice is more about who we are and what is important to us, than it is about what is found in the world around us.\n\nOne character will see the wrinkly old lady with spots on her skin and feel sorry for her. Another will see her smile and know what joy her family brings her. One character will see the lonely white cloud, abandoned in the sky. Another character will see a single bold cloud daring to defy the sun. One character will be irritated by the frequent rumbling of motorcycle engines, like insects. Another will find it hypnotic. Another will begin daydreaming about being on the open road with the wind in their hair instead of the sticky heat.\n\nBasically what I'm saying is, it is much more important to understand your character than to understand the scenery. Obviously it is useful to know things like how many hours it would take to drive across the island, whether there are a lot of trees or grass or farms or cliffs or beaches (try Street View!), what the average temperatures are, what the common birds and animals and insects are like, how people dress, what kind of music and food is popular, and so on. But if you know your character well, sometimes you will know that they're being struck by a sound, sight or smell even if you need to do a bit of further research to figure out what it is they might be experiencing.\n\nIf you approach it from this angle then reading other people's writings should help you understand the world your characters explore, rather than dictate how your characters experience it." } ]	2021/12/24	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60871", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/48855/" ]
60,880	I've been writing some flavor text for my next board game release, which is about settling a colony in/on different planets, and I am not sure if I'm using those two prepositions correctly, if I have to use always the same or if it depends on the context. Some of the examples are: 1. This is a tough planet to settle a colony in/on. 2. It has the conditions we need to settle in/on it. 3. We will settle our colony in/on the icy, rocky surface. 4. We were forced to land and settle in/on the dark side of the planet. 5. We will settle in/on the sunny hemisphere. 6. There are some regions with mountains and plateaus, and the colony has settled in/on one of them. Is there any formal rule about this? Also, do you think I should use another synonym, like "establish" or similar?	[ { "answer_id": 60882, "author": "DWKraus", "author_id": 46563, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46563", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "What sounds right:\n==================\n\nI can tell you what sounds and feels right, but I'm not an English major. This may need to migrate to [English SE](https://english.stackexchange.com/). If you aren't there yet and are coming down, you are going ON to it, but if you're already ON the planet, you are going IN to a new place. So a ship can land ON Plymouth rock (come down from above), but the Pilgrims settle IN the New World.\n\nThis is a tough planet to settle a colony on. -because the colony is being placed on the planet.\n\nIt has the conditions we need to settle on it. -because the colony is being placed on the planet.\n\nWe will settle our colony on the icy, rocky surface.-because the colony is being placed on the planet.\n\nWe were forced to land and settle on the dark side of the planet. -because you are landing on the planet.\n\nWe will settle in the sunny hemisphere. -because you previously landed, and now are settling into a new place.\n\nThere are some regions with mountains and plateaus, and the colony has settled in one of them. -because the colony is being placed in a new place." }, { "answer_id": 61253, "author": "Community", "author_id": -1, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/-1", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "In these examples \"in\" and \"on\" just describe the location. Just replace \"settle\" with another verb to see what fits best.\n\n* This is a tough planet to live on.\n* It has the conditions we need to live on it.\n* We will put our colony on the icy, rocky surface.\n* We were forced to land and sleep on the dark side of the planet.\n* We will live in/on the sunny hemisphere.\n* There are some regions with mountains and plateaus, and the colony has flourished on one of them.\n\nI think with \"hemisphere\" both options are viable. And in fact \"in\" could work for some of the others, but it would mean something different. e.g. With a subterranean colony, you would be settling in (=inside) the planet.\n\nTo add to the confusion, you can also \"settle in on the planet\", because \"settling in\" is an idiom for getting comfortable/familiar, as mentioned in the comments by @wetcircuit. \n\nAnd \"settling on\" can also mean to \"decide on\". So you can \"settle on settling in on a planet.\"" } ]	2021/12/27	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60880", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54034/" ]
60,881	Something I'm working on in my mind- a detective is called in to investigate what turns out to be a man having taken his own life. Once it's confirmed to be a suicide, it stands to reason the detective's superiors would want him to close the case and move on, but if that happens I have no story. So how do I explain the detective continuing to probe the suicide and find the motive for it?	[ { "answer_id": 60883, "author": "Murphy L.", "author_id": 52858, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52858", "pm_score": -1, "selected": false, "text": "Maybe they knew each other, and it seems heavily out of character. Say, he/she has never seemed depressed and always was cheerful. (Or maybe, taking the idea further, he doesn't want to accept that it was a suicide. He/she continues to attempt to find the true killer, and whether or not they succeed is up to you.)" }, { "answer_id": 60885, "author": "Mary", "author_id": 44281, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/44281", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "How culturally acceptable is suicide? His bosses may want him to discover that it was an accident to cover up his family's shame that he killed himself." }, { "answer_id": 60886, "author": "Sciborg", "author_id": 33846, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/33846", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "<⚠️> (Content warning: discussion of suicide methods and suicidal thinking, as far as would be applicable to a criminal investigation. Do not read answer if sensitive.)\n\nSomething's not right with the case, the crime scene, or the autopsy report.\n----------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\nOne or two small details about the case are off, and your detective can't get it out of his head. Detectives tend to develop a knack for when something's not quite \"right\" about a case, and something small about this case makes that sense go off the charts.\n\n* Maybe the case file states that the man had sworn off alcohol and never drank, but there was a half-empty bottle of vodka in the basement fridge, and the fingerprints on it match the victim's.\n* Maybe he was a vegan and a diehard health nut on the Atkins diet, but there were detectable levels of beta-blocking medication in his system.\n* Maybe he recently settled a long-held dispute with a relative who he had written out of his will, and wrote them back into his will the week before he died - making it an awfully convenient time for him to die.\n\nWhatever it is, something's just not right here, and the detective feels the need to press further. It's just bothering him, like an itch in his brain. Maybe the explanation is innocuous, but maybe it's something else...\n\nAlternatively...\n\nThe crime scene is too perfect.\n---------------------------------\n\nThe opposite of the scenario above, maybe the crime scene is just so completely textbook that this itself is suspicious. *It's too* clean of a crime scene - almost as if it was staged, or he had help.\n\nIf it was a hanging, for example, perhaps the knot is perfectly tied and the chair is perfectly arranged just so, in a manner that suggests he didn't at all struggle or kick the chair haphazardly during his exit - almost as if it was placed under him by someone else. Alternatively, maybe a relative comments that he was completely useless at knot-tying, so the detail of the knot being flawless sticks out in the detective's mind - how could he have made such a clean knot, especially while emotionally distressed as a suicidal person would likely be?\n\nWhatever the case may be, something just seems a little... too convenient about the whole thing, and your detective gets suspicious of it.\n\nHe didn't seem suicidal, emotionally unstable, or depressed, and has no history of mental illness.\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\nAs @Murphy L suggests, maybe this man is known to be very emotionally stable, wealthy, happily married, or otherwise generally has a happy life. There were no instigating negative events in his life that could have prompted him to take the final step - he didn't recently lose his job, and may even have recently been promoted; he doesn't have any marital problems, and wasn't in any danger of losing custody of his children. Moreover, he may have no history of diagnosed depression, bipolar disorder, or any other major mental illnesses.\n\nThe detective is then left to wonder why such a happy man would suddenly take his own life.** If there is no motive, and no other obvious answer, then why would he do it?\n\nIt is of course true in the real world that sometimes there simply is no answer to the question of \"why,\" and that it is a sad, horrible question that the living are left to ask. In the real world, people often face their demons quietly and privately, and there is nothing anyone could have done to help them if they could not help themselves. But this is crime fiction, and usually there is expected to be some kind of understandable answer to the question of \"why,\" even if that's not always true in reality. And that, in the end, is what your detective will ask. Why?" }, { "answer_id": 60887, "author": "wetcircuit", "author_id": 23253, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/23253", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Tropes\n------\n\nsuggests 2 very common Mystery tropes:\n\nSuspicious suicide – often a murder disguised to look like a suicide, or a red herring intended to throw the detective off their investigation (which might be an actual suicide but a false confession note to protect or frame someone else)\n\nUnderdog detective – when a police detective defies superiors to pursue their own investigation, which functions exactly like the trope where an uncooperative private detective is told by the police to stay out of it. It makes the main character (ostensibly with authority and a gun) appear to be an outsider/underdog.\n\nThere are so many examples of these specific tropes in mystery genre – each has [well-known subversions that have become sub-tropes](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NeverSuicide) – readers will expect a 'payoff' that will refer back to the mystery plot, if not a full twist with the opposite revealed.\n\nmatch the Theme and Tone\n------------------------\n\nYour in-story reasons can't be random. Major character motivations are directly connected to your theme.\n\n* Is he honest but his superiors corrupt? We will see signs of corruption, vice, and grift throughout the story.\n* Is he having a mental breakdown and unable to remain objective? We will see other\ncracks through his work and failing relationships.\n* Is he a dog-with-a-bone\nbloodhound who can't let go of a nagging clue? The suicide is a puzzle to solve.\n\nThe other major factor will be tone. Whatever your readers are suppose to feel about this, will be signaled by his emotional state. Are readers meant to be alarmed, sad, intrigued?\n\nAvoid cliché\n------------\n\nIn real life [suicides are more common than murders](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/sosmap/suicide-mortality/suicide.htm), and he would know that just from being on the job.\n\nIf you want a psychological character-study of someone with a hero-complex that is cracking apart, any 'trigger' could keep him fixated on that one particular suicide. The real trauma is something else, something he hasn't connected yet.\n\nIf you want a cozy mystery idea, I just saw a plot where the suicide was discovered to be murder because the poisoned eyewash had been replaced label-backwards in the medicine cabinet. Clues out of context are inane, but I like the ones where putting the clues on a timeline of events reveals some inconsistency in the 'known' events." }, { "answer_id": 60890, "author": "Procne", "author_id": 54052, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54052", "pm_score": -1, "selected": false, "text": "The detective will have his own reasons to continue researching about the suicide; the two main obvious branches one can think of, top of the bat, are:\n\n1. He DOES believe his friend did commit suicide, but it was so out of character that he needs more in-depth info about how it happened... His motivation in this case is restlessness, trying to find some closure...\n2. He DOES NOT believe his friend committed suicide, despite all the evidence... His motivation in this case is, like any good detective, getting to the heart of the matter, and also getting the murderers to avenge his friend.\n\nDepending on which path you take, you're going to be telling a different story; perhaps 1) is more about development of a character (learning the circumstances that took him to take his life, maybe the detective discovers that he could have done something to avoid it...), while 2) would be more a whodunit/conspiracy kind of plot, maybe. Then there is a somewhat \"hybrid\" possibility: he did take his own life, but it was under coercion -a drug or hypnotic device that forced him-, so it was suicide but not really, it was murder by his own hand..." } ]	2021/12/27	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60881", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54037/" ]
60,888	I can't figure out if my songs are stories since they don't contain a climax, multiple characters, or a resolution. For example is this song a story? It lacks conflict and climax and resolution but it tells the 'story' of someone who wants to go somewhere. ``` I want to go to that open field way out west on the old frontier. There I can be free, and I'll have no problem chasing my dreams. I want the old west back, so if I have the chance I'll jump into the past. I'd trade anything to have the old west back. ``` How can I be sure my songs are stories?	[ { "answer_id": 60889, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 3, "selected": false, "text": "No, your song represents an emotion; longing. Many songs do that.\n\nA story, at its minimum, is a sequence of causes and effects, typically leading the listener to wonder what happens -- and then get the answer.\n\nIt does not require an antagonist, really, or human conflict.\n\n> \n> In a little while from now\n> \n> \n> If I'm not feeling any less sour\n> \n> \n> I promise myself to treat myself\n> \n> \n> And visit a nearby tower\n> \n> \n> And climbing to the top\n> \n> \n> Will throw myself off\n> \n> \n> \n\nGilbert O'Sullivan: You have a story in the first lines: The singer has made a conditional promise: If they don't feel better soon, he will \"treat himself\".\n\nThe listener is engaged and wondering what will happen. This is a story.\n\n> \n> … \"Let us be lovers, we'll marry our fortunes together\n> \n> \n> I've got some real estate here in my bag\"\n> \n> \n> So we bought a pack of cigarettes and Mrs. Xadxer pies\n> \n> \n> And walked off to look for America\n> \n> \n> \n\nPiun Comin: Bingo, a story in the first line: A proposition is made, \"Let us be lovers and marry our fortunes together\".\n\nWill it happen? Yes, we get the answer in a few lines, but then WHAT will happen? The song is the story of a desperate search for a place to belong. (IMO).\n\nMany songs are just about a momentary feeling, love, or sorrow, getting fed up and breaking up, struggle, etc. You could call these \"declarations\". I feel strong. I feel victorious. I feel angry. I feel healed. I feel saved.\n\nStory songs are often also about a theme feeling, but told as a sequence over time. \"A\" happened, so \"B\" happened, so \"C\" happened.\n\nIn the song \"Alone Again\", the song theme is loneliness, but told in a sequence: We begin at the end: He is stood up at the altar and this is the last straw, he is suicidal. Then we flash back, to all the times he has lost people and felt alone, time and again.\n\n> \n> … I learned the truth at seventeen\n> \n> \n> That love was meant for beauty queens\n> \n> \n> And high school girls with clear skinned smiles\n> \n> \n> Who married young and then retired\n> \n> \n> \n\nJanis Ian. Again: Story from the first line: \\\\What is the truth?!?!\"\n\nNone of these songs require interaction with others; Piun Comin's has a lover but they are not in conflict, they are fellow searchers taking comfort in each other.\n\nAll the songs have an emotional theme, we recognize it whether we can name it or not.\n\nThe difference in story songs is they relate events that brought on this emotion. Why is Gilbert O'Sullivan feeling suicidal?\n\nWhy is Piun Comin feeling lost and melancholy?\n\nWhy is Janis Ian feeling unloved, ugly, left out?\n\nFor your \"Old West\" song to be a story, the emotional THEME would be you want the Old West back, the STORY would be WHY you want the Old West back.\n\nWhat happened to you?\n\nOr what is happening to you?\n\nYou have 2 or 3 verses and a chorus, what are the 2 or 3 life problems that would be solved if you were back in the Old West?\n\nWhat was allowed or prevailed then that you wish was allowed or prevailed now?\n\nDuels? A simpler life? Riding the open range and living under the stars? Fresh air? True love?\n\nPekk your theme, the feeling you want to convey. Then your story (in poetic verses) is the 2 or 3 most important incidents that have made you feel that way." }, { "answer_id": 62800, "author": "cookiejar", "author_id": 55944, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/55944", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Essentially, a story tells how somebody solved some problem. Your song expresses a desire, but does not present a problem. No problem, no resolution." }, { "answer_id": 62802, "author": "David Siegel", "author_id": 37041, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/37041", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "A \"story\" often has a plot, problem, conflict, and resolution. But not always. There is a famous example of a story (sometimes attributed to Hemingway) in just six words:\n\n> \n> For sale, baby shoes, never worn.\n> \n> \n> \n\nNo problem solved, no resolution.\n\nI would tend to think of the above text as a verse, rather than a story, but the two terms are not exclusive. Other evocative verses might be called stories, for example [\"The Lake isle of Innisfree\"](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/43281/the-lake-isle-of-innisfree) (whch begins \"I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree\").\n\nOf course some works in verse are stories, or even novels. (Beowulf comes to mind).\n\nIn any case there is no generally accepted definition of a \"story\". One could call this a story if one pleased." } ]	2021/12/28	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60888", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52814/" ]
60,893	Until very recently I had a world building first approach (architecture writing) to writing. But now I've found a compelling character to write about, I'm making choices about the setting and her background on the fly (gardener writing). I've already noted the same detail down twice, but differently in the same document (the character's parent's names), so I've definitely got room for improvement. How do I effectively take notes when exploration writing to avoid those issues?	[ { "answer_id": 60895, "author": "Leon Conrad", "author_id": 8127, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/8127", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "Different people have different approaches to writing.\n\nWherever you start, you still need to be able to create a consistent world and portray credible characters.\n\nThere's a third element that I find particularly useful which I've explored in depth but haven't found covered to the same extent elsewhere - and that's the element of structure - as it applies to the story structures which individual characters' story lines follow.\n\nAs for inconsistencies in note-taking, you could take a couple of approaches and only you will be able to identify which one is applicable.\n\nI'd argue it's not about note-taking techniques - it's about what happens prior to the note-taking.\n\nIf you were driving the process, then you will most likely have been imposing the parents' names onto the character, in which case, try leaving a blank space or using placeholders (Ma/Pa) until the names emerge spontaneously and you have no doubt they are the correct ones.\n\nIf you were open to revelation, then you may find there is a reason for the inconsistency - did they change their names at some point? If so, when, and why?\n\nUltimately, the note-taking should end up internalised, which is where working with oral traditions of storytelling is so useful.\n\nIn the meantime, you may find engaging with story structures and the way I've developed for notating them beneficial.\n\nYou can find out more from on-line lectures I've given (YouTube Playlist [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLoK3NtWr5NbrDCsvCEwaAnKcaDKPJ8XiE)) and in my book 'The Unknown Storyteller', The Squeeze Press, 2022." }, { "answer_id": 60896, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "I build plots and world on the fly.\n\nMy approach is the MOVIE approach. I keep notes on each character (just one document, with for example \"JOHN:\" as a heading for a character), and for each SET. In a movie this is a shooting location, like JOHN's apartment, his workplace, the diner, the basketball court, a hospital exam room, etc.\n\nMy notes are not particularly well ordered, and notes may be in different orders for different characters or sets. They are not a narrative, but if I need the names of Zotn's parents, they will be under \"JOHN:\", and under \"Parents:\". The same thing for Zotn's apartment, if I ever gave his apartment number, it will be in there. These are separate documents, one for all my character notes, another for all my sets.\n\nSome of this is tied to the way I write; I proof and adjust what I wrote in the last session, and the last thing I do before I put something to bed is see if I invented anything and need to add to my notes.\n\nSets are slightly different, in that I do more world building and may even sketch out like a neighborhood or floor plan if the writing demands it.\n\nBut also like in the Movie Industry, I am sure you have seen \"Making Of\" documentaries where we see that the apartment (that looks whole on the screen) is actually just two and half walls, no ceiling, and a lot of overhead lights and mics and cameras.\n\n### Film professionals only build as much set as they need to give the illusion of completeness.\n\nThat is my approach as well, both to characters and sets. I don't build Marsha's past, her childhood traumas, her lifetime sexual history, unless I need that to justify something I will write about.\n\nThe same thing for physical settings. I may do some world building about the places my characters live, work, and must visit, but if it doesn't appear in my story, I don't build it.\n\nSome of those notes might be on distances and such, it takes 30 days of running to get from Point A in my fantasy world to Point B. In one story I did have to devise a map, but it was mostly blank and extremely rough; basically labeled cities as points, a mountain range, a river, a lake, on a piece of graph paper.\n\nOther times I have skipped making maps altogether, and just decided my map looks like Washington State, or Greece, or Italy, or Eastern Canada. I don't say so, but that's what I am using, including city locations. What could be more natural?\n\nWorld-building can be its own fun entertainment, but usually I'd rather work on my story and my characters. Do as much world building as you like, but at some point I feel we aren't writing a story anymore, we are just building the equivalent of a model train set. Maybe even dithering and procrastinating instead of writing a story.\n\nMy approach is to invent and build on the fly what I need to tell the story, but to also be diligent and for the purpose of consistency write notes on what I built, or at least pick a real physical location as my model. e.g. My own first apartment, my own hotel stays, etc." }, { "answer_id": 60935, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "1. post-its\n2. only note down what may break your story\n\nPost-its are clearly underrated. First and foremost, taking a note on a post-it does not really interrupt your writing. This is true especially if you would have to shift from a software to another. In addition, they are easily movable, can be arranged inside a notebook, around a monitor, on a wall, on a door, on the desk. You can also place them with visual cues according to their relevance and importance. It is also very easy to edit a post-it.\n\nThe secret is to only worry about the details that may break your story. If the name of the parents is important because it is the clue to solve the mystery then note it down; on the other hand if it is mentioned in various conversations without any downstream effect, then: who cares? You are writing a draft and there will be a revision phase to review, correct and unify all these details." } ]	2021/12/29	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60893", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/3986/" ]
60,913	I am planning on writing a story about witches and wizards and I want to have child and teen protagonists, but not copy Hijrp Potfeq too much. One of the ways I thought of doing this is by having school on the SIDE so that I do not repeat the idea of magic school too much. Any ideas?	[ { "answer_id": 60914, "author": "DWKraus", "author_id": 46563, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46563", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "Like Hitler ruined the little moustache and the name Adolph:\n============================================================\n\nHijrp Potfeq seems to have had an outsized influence on fantasy genera's related to magic and the modern world. In a way, Hijrp Potfeq is like Hitler: for some people, the moustache and name Adolph will never be the same. It has captured the imagination and crept into the literature pervasively.\n\nBut look at old paintings and pictures, and there's that moustache. If you're German, odds are you have an Adolph in your lineage somewhere. These things came before Hitler, and they'll come back - eventually.\n\nOther stories are successful, but haven't fouled up the genera - think Peryy Yiwfsan, for example. They have magic, schools, and the whole nine yards. I find the YA modern fantasy genera to be a bit predictable as a whole. Maybe you want to broaden your horizons and look to different genera all together.\n\nBut in the meantime, maybe your magic training has to be done only after a certain age, and your kids have power but no formal training. Maybe it's all done by apprenticeships, with kids going to regular school by day, and learning from parents and grandparents by night (kind of cuts into \"running around and getting into trouble\" time, but maybe that's their challenge). Maybe they all read tarot cards and palms, use crystals and burn incense - but avoid the whole wand thing.\n\nRead some PP (\"pre-Potter\") books in the subject field, see how they handled it. Base the magic system on the magic traditionally portrayed in other cultures (and multi-culturalism is big in literature right now). Daoist mysticism or voodoo are a couple of ideas off the top of my head, but don't use those, research your own.\n\nThe point is, there are tons of things a little like Hijrp Potfeq that AREN'T Hijrp Potfeq. Hitler's brother was Oliis. Fortunately for me (it's a popular family name among my relatives) it's related but not contaminated with crazy fortune." }, { "answer_id": 60916, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Consider all the ways you could violate Hijrp Potfeq. I will try to restrain my imagination for specifics here, you should think of your own ideas. So here are a few general topics.\n\n1. What if there is no school? Schools and formal instructions, lesson plans, etc are a fairly modern invention. So what if the children have to learn magic on their own with no mentors, teachers or experts?\n2. In Hijrp Potfeq, You have to be born with magic. What if we violate that? Anybody can be magic.\n\nRipping off Frosty the Snowman for a minute: What if a group of kids really did find a magical hat?\n\n3. The price: In Hijrp Potfeq, magic doesn't really cost anything. Say a few words and you get a prize. What if you impose some sort of price on magic? Whatever the price, what if it makes people reluctant to use big magic?\n4. Hijrp Potfeq obviously has a focal character (I whisper his name is Hijrp Potfeq). The plot revolves around Herrl the Hero. What if you don't have a focal character? What if your kids are a group, the POV changes often? You can give the group a name without singling out a central character. The stories or chapters each have a different kid protagonist. The plot doesn't have to revolve around one person at all. You don't need some mystery of how Herrl survived Voldemort or got his lightning scar; how his parents died, blah blah blah.\n\nI used to watch a TV series called \"The Librarians\" that was exactly like this, for PG adults. They worked for a magical library. A group of people with very different super skills that solved magical problems in the world; different villains, different locations, different puzzles. Sometimes one skill was central, sometimes another, usually it took a combination of their super skills.\n\nWe've seen the same thing in many series, Friends, The Big Bang Theory, Being Human. Others I am not recalling off-hand.\n\nFigure out how to violate Hijrp Potfeq. You don't have to do it in every respect. Just do it in some key respects that are clearly NOT Hijrp Potfeq, and you will tell a different story." }, { "answer_id": 60941, "author": "Carlos Arturo Serrano", "author_id": 30242, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/30242", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "There was magical school fiction before Hijrp Potfeq, and there may be magical school fiction after Hijrp Potfeq if authors decide to write it.\nYou can look up examples of magical schools outside of the Potterverse, like The Magicians, The Worst Witch, Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, etc. Take examples of what works, discard what doesn't. In particular, to prevent readers from making comparisons, make sure that the social structure of the school and the rules of your magic are distinctive enough." } ]	2021/12/30	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60913", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54077/" ]
60,915	My sci-fi story is told from an alien wild animal's perspective. The story is immersive, so the reader directly follows the thoughts and reflexes of the alien. I enjoy writing this way, because the immersion allows me to slowly reveal things the alien thinks are irrelevant (for example, the alien calls humans "outsiders" when interacting with them, so revealing to the reader through implication that they are actually humans makes a cool plot twist). The problem lies in describing what the animal is. While a short description wouldn't be difficult in a more traditional writing style, since I am directly translating the thoughts of the animal, I am having a hard time coming up with a scenario when the animal would contemplate its own appearance and abilities. For example, people don't often think, "Wow, I am a land-based mammal with two arms, two legs, and a head with eyes and a mouth" in their daily routine (speaking for myself at least). I've considered leaving the description out and leaving hints throughout the story (example: the creature frequently mentions using its claws, showing the reader it has some kind of claws) and leaving the rest to the reader's imagination. However, for an immersive story, I see this quickly becoming frustrating for the reader, as the events of the plot directly depend on the animal's design and abilities. Would it be better to add another perspective that offers more description between chapters/segments (Ender's Game does this in a sense) or is there a better way to create a clear image of this creature in the mind of the reader from its own thoughts?	[ { "answer_id": 60917, "author": "Stuart F", "author_id": 51114, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/51114", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "I'm not sure there's an easy answer; this is a problem in a lot of first-person narratives even with people. Here are a couple of suggestions:\n\n1. The protagonist/narrator/main character listens to people talking about it, maybe eavesdropping.\n2. The protagonist interacts with others who mention things in dialog, e.g. \"But you're a land animal, you don't know about fish.\"\n3. The protagonist stops before a mirror, pond, or reflective surface, and examines their reflection, describing what they see. This is often really badly done (stories written by men where a female human protagonist looks in a mirror and describes her breasts, etc) but might be more interesting in your situation.\n4. Just reveal it as it comes up, only bringing up details as they relate to the narrative. This makes it harder for the reader to imagine the character, so you should try and introduce important features as soon as possible. You could be creative, e.g. injuries would allow you to describe the animal's body." }, { "answer_id": 60918, "author": "PotatoCrisp", "author_id": 54084, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54084", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "You can use comparison. If your character comes across other individuals of its own kind, opposite sex, youngster, elderly, different size, different colours/markings, then by comparing them to himself you give a picture of both creatures.\n\nExample:\n\n> \n> As he rounded the bend X spotted Y lounging on the track ahead, his fifth leg scratching at his stomach. The 5 year old was easily 2kg heavier than X, double the height and with double the belly. Y acknowledged him as he approached, flourishing his azure head-crest. X responded awkwardly, his own crest being not yet fully grown, and of an immature pale green.\n> \n> \n> \n\nWe can get a fair picture of X and Y from the above." }, { "answer_id": 60919, "author": "theonlygusti", "author_id": 31257, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/31257", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "> \n> I've considered leaving the description out and leaving hints throughout the story (example: the creature frequently mentions using its claws, showing the reader it has some kind of claws) and leaving the rest to the reader's imagination.\n> \n> \n> \n\nPerfect.\n\n> \n> the events of the plot directly depend\n> on the animal's design and abilities\n> \n> \n> \n\nThis will be opportunity for the reader to discover, through the method you have chosen of slow reveal, more about what the creature is like. Especially the parts of their physiology that are relevant to the plot and the reader (which are the parts you probably wish to exposition dump anyway). I don't see why it would be frustrating at all, I've read stories where this was achieved extremely well.\n\n> \n> Would it be better to add another perspective that offers more description between chapters/segments\n> \n> \n> \n\nI have also read good stories where some parts were told from the humans' point of view. The reader is left to figure out the creature sighted, perhaps offhandedly remarked upon by the human narrator, is in fact the creature of the rest of the story.\n\nThis worked very well too, but since you want to tell as much as possible from the creature's point of view, I don't think you have to be afraid of doing that." }, { "answer_id": 60920, "author": "Laurel", "author_id": 34330, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/34330", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "Your protagonist is a dog, a sentient one. Or at least that's what your readers will think.\n\nThat was feedback I got from one person on the first chapter of my own writing, depressingly enough, to which I had to respond what dog has fingers?! I can only assume that some of the details I gave were overlooked — two out of three people I asked for feedback had bad guesses as to what the protagonist was. (The chapter was intended to be vague but not that confusing.)\n\nThat's why I spelled out what my protagonist is in the next chapter, all but giving a name to it. You don't need to switch to another perspective to do this either.\n\n---\n\nYour first opportunity to give a picture of your protagonist is on the cover (literally). The second is in the description (or the back cover, if it's a physical book).\n\nEven after that you have plenty of opportunities. And the majority of these, when used properly, are good for worldbuilding.\n\nWhat does your protagonist's daily routine look like and how is it different because of their anatomy? For example, some books start out with the main (human) character getting out a bed and styling their hair, so now you know what they look like. What does your character do instead, polish their carapace? When they're going places, do they ever get so sore that they have to land so they can rest their wings? And at work do they take the elevator because they're too small (or big!) to take the stairs or could they crawl up the side of the building and come in the window? Maybe they don't work in an office but are terraforming the landscape with their spit so crops can be planted?\n\nHow does your protagonist react to others of their kind? Do they help a stranger who's molting, because everyone knows how painful that can be? Do they steal glances at a member of the \"third sex\" who has a perfect pair of antennae (ie the species is sexually trimorphic or even polymorphic)?\n\nHow do other species react to your protagonist? For example, do humans whisper \"alien scum\" xenophobically as they cross the street to get away from them? Do humans awkwardly try to have a smooth interaction but fail out of ignorance? \"Just think of an opportunity like that slipping through your fingers — wait — claws?\", accompanied by a furtive look at the protagonist's \"hands\"." } ]	2021/12/31	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60915", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54081/" ]
60,923	im building a world for a screenplay and i would like to have some main characters I have already made some character profiles for some of them but i was wondering whether or not if adding too many characters will make the storyline confusing. I want to make 6 main characters, 24 secondary characters and 70 tertiary characters that wouldn't have large speaking roles. they would show up in an "episode" or "chapter" but that's it.	[ { "answer_id": 60922, "author": "Murphy L.", "author_id": 52858, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52858", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "I don't think there's such a thing as too many characters. Especially tertiary characters. A good amount of small side-characters, if fleshed out, can make your world feel more much more alive.\n\nHowever, it has to make sense that your POV character would know these tertiaries. If they wouldn't know them, then it's like if you dialled a random telephone number and said, \"Hey Magin, wanna go to dinner tonight?\" How do you know her name?\n\nOf course, if you can't do that, you can have the POV meet the side-character along with the reader, so that your reader learns about them with the POV character." }, { "answer_id": 60924, "author": "Community", "author_id": -1, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/-1", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "for a small 21 minutes episode that's a lot of characters, for a small series of 24 episodes that's kind of an average or below average amount of characters, for a big movie it is very small. for a large series, anything below 200 characters is considered very little UNLESS it's a sitcom or any other form of comedy." }, { "answer_id": 60925, "author": "Beyond Disbelief", "author_id": 54089, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54089", "pm_score": 3, "selected": true, "text": "Context and organization is important. Your highschool class of 200 people might be more memorable than a college lecture hall of 100.\n\nThink about how you would remember all your classmates names. Or if you're from a large family, think about how you would recall your different cousins. In your mind you're organizing and anchoring to something, perhaps a common teacher, common parties, or which two cousins are from Montana, which one was the engineer, etc. How would you present secondary characters in your screenplay in a manner that helps your audience remember them?\n\nI recently had this discussion with my DM for D&D who was upset that we couldn't keep up with his story. Some party members expressed it was because there were too many characters and groups, he rightly pointed out that in absolute terms it was a lot less than his previous campaign in which we were much more engaged and able to follow. The biggest difference I think, was because in the new campaign he was all over the place. Every group is siloed, and there's no continuous or cohesive story. One week its Evil group A another week is Evil group B, then Group C, D, and so on. 2 months later its a sub-section of Evil Group A but the original Evil group A members or activities never came up. That is completely disorganized.\n\nSo what I told him was it doesn't matter so much in absolute terms how many characters there are, there needs to be something for us the players (or for you, audiences) to anchor each character's association with. Every member of Evil Group A or subsection 123 should consistently reference to a leader, cause, ideology to keep them as a collective memorable. This helps the player to trigger what they remember about Group A and then can start recalling a relationship tree of cahracters associated with Group A. Having multiple groups and sub groups doing seemlingly disjointed activities (His goal as the DM was to keep their motives a mystery until we the players find out) gives us nothing to anchor to, nothing to help with memory recall, because there was nothing really memorable or reference to unless we are to take out a notepad and write everything down and review like an actual real life detective, and that's simply not how players in a game or audiences of a TV show operate.\n\nHope this helps." }, { "answer_id": 60926, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Screenplays are extremely time and space constrained.\n\nEvery character you add takes up space and time, and dilutes the space and time of other characters in your story.\n\nSo yes, adding too many characters to a story is bad, in the same way adding too much water to your lemonade is bad; dilution reduces flavor.\n\nUltimately it depends on how much space and time you have. A typical screenplay is 110 pages, 110 minutes, and cannot support a huge cast of characters with lines.\n\nYour question says a \"screenplay\", but then \"episodes\" or \"chapters\". If you mean a series or franchise, obviously you have a lot more leeway with the number of characters, many series have a new developed character for a few episodes; Buffy The Vampire Slayer introduced a powerful new villain, very well developed, for every season.\n\nBut even then, since your main characters may develop in unexpected ways, it might be better to leave the invention of those new characters until later.\n\nIt just depends on how much real estate you have. It is better to have a few well developed characters we like, than a ton of underdeveloped characters we barely know.\n\nTake your clue from existing comparable productions; either individual movies or series or franchises. Fit the size of your cast (and your story) to the real estate you have." } ]	2021/12/31	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60923", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54086/" ]
60,927	I'm trying to properly phrase a main sentence on a banner. Imagine that you had a dream to do something but it had to be put aside (let's say into a drawer) to wait for a better times. Now, I want to ask a viewer whether it is a good time now to get back to his dream and make it true. Does the following sentence make sense? Can it be improved? > > Good time to get your dream out of the drawer? > > >	[ { "answer_id": 60928, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Typically for billboards or banners you want to keep your word count at 6 or less. Or syllables under 8. That is what typical people can read in a glance.\n\nYou have 10. Some alternatives:\n\n[a bit long] Get your dream out of the drawer!\n\nTime to work on your dream?\n\nLet's pursue your dream.\n\nAnd so on. As a drive-by thing (either literally or metaphorically for a page flipper in a magazine), your line is a bit too long, people will get \"Time to get your dream out of...\" and move on.\n\nI've written a lot of ad copy; my professional advice is to shorten it.\n\nPerhaps \"mothballs\" is better than \"the drawer\".\n\nPerhaps \"revive\" is a useful word; e.g. \"Revive that old dream\".\n\n6 words or 8 syllables is not an ironclad rule, it is just where the statistics point. Longer headlines have worked. But I play the odds, if I can get the thought across in fewer words, I do." }, { "answer_id": 60933, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 2, "selected": true, "text": "Not like that\n-------------\n\nYour suggestion suffers from (at least) the following flaws:\n\n* too long\n* unfocused\n\nTo improve you need to focus on the thought you want to elicit in the reader.\n\nSome examples below.\n\n### Be assertive\n\nNote: a question in a banner typically takes more time to process. The reason is that the reader has to use their brain to find an answer unless the answer is obvious.\n\nAsking whether it is a good time to pursue something, the reader has to consider the alternatives, evaluate whether they are more important/urgent than the dream, and decide whether the risk of wasting time on a dream is worth it. All this takes time, and by then they have already passed a few other banners.\n\n### Example 1:\n\nA simpler banner like:\n\n```\nGot a dream?\n\n```\n\nMakes the reader think about the dream, about the fact that they have not pursued, and consider whether it is time to do so.\n\n### Example 2:\n\nIf you want them to feel the urgency, then add a reference to it:\n\n```\nTime up for your dream!\n\n```\n\n### Example 3:\n\nIf instead this is just a ploy to advertise watches then focus on the time element and push the dream out of the picture:\n\n```\nNow is the time.\n\n```" } ]	2022/01/01	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60927", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54090/" ]
60,931	how do you make a character feel like an actual person and not just a character that you're reading on a page? I'm aware that they should have likes/dislikes, flaws, a dialect, etc. But what else could I add to make them more relatable and feel like real people?	[ { "answer_id": 63529, "author": "Divizna", "author_id": 56731, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/56731", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "A backstory, a goal or three, needs, living conditions, people they relate to, skills and their limits...\nThe things you listed are kind of superficial. A character supposed to play a larger role in a story should probably be built from a deeper layer." }, { "answer_id": 63549, "author": "SFWriter", "author_id": 26683, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26683", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "They need to have lived experience--a past and future, obvious to the reader. They need to contextualize events they experience into the broader setting. This means understanding the other characters in the scene, and imagining how it would feel to be in those shoes. They also need to be working toward a goal, and responding appropriately (emotionally and physically) to stimuli of various sorts. They need to share vivid specifics with the reader.\n\n> \n> He hadn't felt so embarrassed since that day in third grade when he'd wet his pants at recess. Everyone had laughed, and it felt like that now, with the hot flush\n> creeping up his neck. He said to his boss, \"I didn't realize the\n> customer had to sign all three forms. It won't\n> happen again.\"\n> \n> \n> \"No, it sure as hell won't.\"\n> \n> \n> The man was angry, but Fewxen understood. He'd cost the company twenty five hundred dollars with his stupid,\n> boneheaded mistake. \"Please, sir, give me another chance. I have to\n> prove I can hold a job. If I can't...\" Fewxen couldn't finish the\n> sentence. If he lost this job, he'd be out on the streets.\n> \n> \n> The boss was still glaring, but after a moment his expression softened. He looked away, seemed uncomfortable, and after another moment said, \"One more chance.\"\n> \n> \n>" }, { "answer_id": 63552, "author": "Jedediah", "author_id": 33711, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/33711", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "A real person has a sense of self-interest\n------------------------------------------\n\nIn The Lord of the Rings, there are scenes where orcs get into fights with other orcs, or orcs and goblins get into fights. Why? In one case, because the orcs serving Sauron and the orcs serving Saruman have different goals, different masters, and will be punished or rewarded for different outcomes.\n\nIn a horror movie, when the person has to open the door to let the monster in, so everything goes wrong, the audience will often complain that they would never do that. And they probably wouldn't, because they're real people with a real sense of self-interest.\n\nEven when a man sacrifices himself for another, it's generally because he knows the person, or wants to be kind. The action is still centered around motives that the character has.\n\nA real person is (mostly) consistent\n------------------------------------\n\nPeople are complex, with many motives which may compete with one another. (\"I want to be faithful to my wife.\" \"That other woman sure is hot.\") It is usually your job as a writer to present your characters in a way that their reversals, when they come, make sense in context. In real life, we don't know all of a person's motives, but in a story we usually can be shown all the relevant factors, in advance of a decision.\n\nThat is, if the man in the horror movie opens the door to let the zombie of his beloved wife in, because he cannot cope with acknowledging she is dead... Well, it's consistent with his character. It's less contrived (probably), and therefore you are less likely to feel that the character is acting according to the needs of the plot, and not his own motives.\n\nA real person has flaws\n-----------------------\n\nIn our daydreams, we may know all the answers, always make the correct choice, be totally fearless, and never have someone say something that makes us look bad (even when we were actually right, dang it!). But a story is (usually) not supposed to be like a daydream, where everything works out and there is no resistance.\n\nIf a character gets impatient and loses her temper, or has to take some time off to just cry after finding out that her father was eaten by a zombie of her mother, or gets scared and runs from the orcs, she'll be far more convincing than if she is flawless and unassailable, always having the answer to every problem.\n\nAn author sometimes cheats\n--------------------------\n\nWith all of the above being said, sometimes the author cheats, making sure that the character who's supposed to be cool doesn't get stuck in situations where any outcome is embarrassing. Sometimes the author has the character stop and feed a hungry dog (and not get bitten and get rabies). It's possible for you to get bogged down too much in realism, and forget that there are other techniques to make a character appealing, besides just realism. (And, occasionally, realism makes a character less sympathetic - because there are totally realistic, selfish reactions which make a character seem unappealing if honestly portrayed. Because yes, there are some scummy people in the real world, and everyone is at least sometimes less sympathetic.)" } ]	2022/01/01	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60931", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54086/" ]
60,942	Suppose an author created a book "Learning Mandarin", which contained a bunch of readings and assignments in English and Chinese for learning the language. The problem is, they have to work with a special publisher who can publish both in the western markets and in China, so they use a Chinese textbook publisher capable of handling this. Now suppose the same author took the basic components of that book, recycled the readings, and rebranded it as "Learning French". It resembles the content of the first considerably, but it's for a different audience that the first publisher doesn't even serve. The author already did much work to consider the pedagogy behind the first book, so the second book will be naturally quite similar. Can this author work with a different publisher for the second book? Or because many components are reused (simply translated Chinese parts to French) does it mean the first publisher has copyright ownership over the second? Can authors work with a different publisher for a derivative work?	[ { "answer_id": 60946, "author": "Mary", "author_id": 44281, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/44281", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "It entirely depends on the details of the contract. Certainly a substantial part of the text is repeated, but the contract needs to spell out what rights are involved.\n\nOn one hand, non competing products. On the other, publishers are notorious for rights grabs." }, { "answer_id": 61918, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 3, "selected": true, "text": "You will be \"plagiarizing\" some of the text in the first book for the second, you need to ensure (with an agent or lawyer) that you have the right to do this when negotiating the first book contract. You will not necessarily; the publisher may consider such rights non-negotiable. In fiction some publishers demand the rights to any sequels using some or the same characters. They don't want to do the trailblazing and costs of building your first audience, only for you to jump ship with sequels that will be more profitable.\n\nSame thing applies here, one publisher does all the ground breaking of building an audience for your first translation book, only for a second publisher to enjoy the profits from, at least in part, the audience and your popularity as an author that they (the first publisher) paid to create. First books from new authors are typically not that profitable for publishers because audiences are hard to build. They count on you creating a franchise.\n\nTypically, you should find a publisher where that doesn't matter, somebody with worldwide contacts and partners, so they could publish all your books.\n\nFailing that, I'd suggest you try to negotiate an out, giving them a right of first refusal on your subsequent works in this same category (non-fiction language instruction), with you having the rights, if they don't exercise their option within a year, to seek another publisher, reusing the material of your first book (or previous books) in subsequent books. Kind of like \"The Dummy's Guide To [fill in the blank]\".\n\nSo if you write the French version, you submit it to them, they can opt to publish it, but if they don't do that within a year you have the right to do with it what you want." }, { "answer_id": 61934, "author": "Wyvern123", "author_id": 55118, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/55118", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "I would think that would depend on the contract with the publisher for Chinese. I would imagine that you could go to another publisher to translate it into French, because that won't affect the market of the Chinese variant. But, like I said, it depends entirely on the first publisher's contract. The more rights you yourself can retain, the better. But check with the first publisher before you do anything." } ]	2022/01/02	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60942", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/3375/" ]
60,945	I am writing a script where there are quick flash cuts, where the current present action is then 'captured' in a still photo which is representing a 'highlight' on an Instagram post/story shown for one second, and then it goes back into present action. It's as if someone is going around capturing these highlighted moments. It's meant to be a stylised concept to have this idea of how people on social media only portray 'highlights' of their life and I was wondering how do I format this? In the context of the script it goes something like this: > > INT. LIVING ROOM - SUNSET > > > She is blankly staring in front of her, clearly uncomfortable > > > QUICK FLASH - PHOTO > > > The girl next to her laughs obnoxiously loud. > > > BACK TO: > > > The girl bumps Florence in the process, she sighs. > > > Is this correct and does this make sense?	[ { "answer_id": 60974, "author": "S. Mitchell", "author_id": 13409, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/13409", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "If you are doing something unusual, explain it at the beginning. I would use something like what you have written in the question. Give each section a label, for example, 'Email' or 'Still photo of the three drinking together when 18, taken from Scene 5' Use labelling consistently and everything will be all right. Script readers and directors aren't idiots and so can follow something that is consistent." }, { "answer_id": 60983, "author": "Stuart F", "author_id": 51114, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/51114", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "You are essentially doing a [freeze frame](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freeze-frame_shot), which is a common technique in screenwriting and filmmaking, even if you want the freeze frame to be displayed in a particular way.\n\nVarious sources such as [this page](https://freshmenscreenplay.com/freeze-frame-in-a-script/) suggests indicating freeze frames by writing \"FREEZE FRAME\" on a line of its own, or if you want to specify exactly what to be shown, put \"FREEZE ON...\". If something happens during the freeze, such as a character speaks in voiceover, you then write the appropriate voiceover etc as normal, followed by \"END FREEZE\" or \"END FREEZE FRAME\". You can look at [this excerpt from Goodfellas](https://www.studiobinder.com/blog/how-to-write-transitions-in-a-script/).\n\nYou can adapt the \"FREEZE\" line to provide a more detailed description of how you want to freeze, e.g. something like\n\n> \n> FREEZE ON BETTY, smiling, in the style of a heavily filtered social media photograph.\n> \n> \n> \n\nIf this happens multiple times in the same scene or sequence it should be sufficient to say \"FREEZE as before\".\n\nSome people complain about screenwriters telling other people (director, DP, etc) how to do their jobs, but you can put in anything that's essential to the story." } ]	2022/01/02	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60945", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54101/" ]
60,947	Ok, I'm trying to write a book but I lack in going into detail when it comes to fighting scenes. (I'm working on that) Now I would just skip this and come back to it at a later date but I can't this time. as this seance in the book is essential for the rest of the book. That may not be much help but it's what I've got sorry. Now let me give a little more intel The main character is on his way back to his pack (Blue Moon) when his truck tuns out of gas, he pulls over and decides that since it's dark he'll sleep in his car for the night and walk to get gas in the morning. But in the middle of the night, someone wakes him up and drags him back to the pack (Crest Lining). but when he gets there he realizes that this is a very unstable pack where the alpha only wants power. as he's escaping the pack he comes across two kids and takes them with him (his wolf pleaded with him) But as he's leaving he's attacked by a wolf. That's where I need the help, I don't know how to write this out	[ { "answer_id": 60948, "author": "DWKraus", "author_id": 46563, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46563", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Confusion, Pain and emotion:\n============================\n\nAll fight scenes are a platform for you to transform the situation. Do you want your character to have an injury that affects the story? Do you want them riddled with guilt because of a killing? Do you want things to be chaotic so no one is entirely sure WHAT happened? Decide what outcome you want your story to have, then figure out how to justify it.\n\nIf you don't want your character mauled, then his opponent needs to make a mistake, be less competent, or extremely unlucky. So what needs to happen to make it so? If you're unsure how to write these scenes, DON'T make them long and complex. The wolf lunges and...What? It misses and impales itself on a branch? Your character stabs it with a knife? A rival wolf arrives and draws it off into a fight over who gets to kill your character?\n\nI can't tell you what to write, but you can add a lot of detail in telling what things feel, smell, taste and look like. describe the teeth grinding on the MC's wrist, the stink of the wolf's wet fur, the noise of the growling, and the taste of the blood as the MC bites the wolf's ear in desperation. A few seconds of action can build to a long scene as time slows and every detail seems to stand out.\n\nOr, if we're talking supernatural anyway, make the scenes incredibly chaotic. Describe the desperate struggles, the shrieks and howls, and knives or teeth meeting resistance and bringing death. Real fights are often desperate confused affairs with the outcome uncertain until suddenly a gun goes off. The fine details may be more of a distraction than the emotions of fear, hate and panic gripping the characters as they seek to kill and survive." }, { "answer_id": 60949, "author": "Arcanist Lupus", "author_id": 27311, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/27311", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "What are you, the author, trying to convey in this scene?\n---------------------------------------------------------\n\nWhy is this scene important to your story? A good scene typically serves multiple purposes for the author\n\nCommon reasons for including a scene:\n\n* You wish to convey the emotional state of a character. \n\nIs the character angry? Resigned? Afraid? Compare these two scenes:\n\n> \n> Zeul slammed the wolf into the ground. \"LEAVE! ME! ALONE!\" he screamed as he beat his fist into the wolf's skull\n> \n> \n> \n\n> \n> Zeul screamed and fell backwards, holding his hands in front of his face. The wolf charged, straight at him.\n> \n> \n> \n\n* You wish to convey something about the character's abilities/equipment/setting\n\n> \n> Sara dodged to the side, using the wolf's momentum to send it sprawling.\n> \n> \n> \n\n> \n> Sara pulled her pepper spray out of her pocket, taking aim and catching the wolf square in the eyes.\n> \n> \n> \n\n* You wish to create plot complications, or otherwise advance the plot\n\n> \n> The wolf bit down on Jervon's leg with an audible crunch. Jervon screamed in pain as they felt their bone snap.\n> \n> \n> \n\n> \n> Jervon climbed into the tree, just barely avoiding the wolf's snapping jaws. Unless they got help soon, they would be late to the party.\n> \n> \n> \n\n* You wish to set tone\n\n> \n> Amox was in the middle of farmland, with nobody else around for miles. Nobody would be coming to help her, no matter how loudly she screamed.\n> \n> \n> \n\nOnce you know what you're trying to communicate, you can figure out what needs to happen in the scene to communicate those things, and what details are important for you to highlight in the action.\n\nA brief example from an iconic scene in Hijrp Potfeq 7 (SPOILERS!):\n\n> \n> ‘NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!’\n> \n> \n> \n\nOpens with Mohlh's emotional state, and motivations. Emphasizes emotions with a swear.\n\n> \n> Mrs Weasley threw off her cloak as she ran, freeing her arms. Bellatrix spun on the spot, roaring with laughter at the sight of her new challenger.\n> \n> \n> \n\nIllustrates more of Mohlh's emotional state through her actions, and also Bellatrix's emotions\n\n> \n> ‘OUT OF MY WAY!’ shouted Mrs Weasley to the three girls, and with a swipe of her wand she began to duel. Herrl watched with terror and elation as Mohlh Weasley’s wand slashed and twirled, and Bellatrix Lestrange’s smile faltered, and became a snarl. Jets of light flew from both wands, and the floor around the witches’ feet became hot and cracked, both women were fighting to kill.\n> \n> \n> \n\nSets the scene a little, helping to frame the action in the reader's mind. Also add's Herrl's emotional state. Doesn't describe much about what is actually happening, except that the two are both evenly matched\n\n> \n> ‘No!’Mrs Weasley cried, as a few students ran forwards, trying to come to her aid. “Get back! Get back! She is mine!’\n> \n> \n> \n\nMore about Mohlh's emotions, framed as action\n\n> \n> Hundreds of people now lined the walls, watching the two fights, Voldemort’s and his three opponents, Bellatrix and Mohlh, and Herrl stood, invisible, torn between both, wanting to attack and yet to protect, unable to be sure that he would not hit the innocent.\n> \n> \n> \n\nSetting up how important this fight is\n\n> \n> “What will happen to your children when I’ve killed you?” taunted Bellatrix, as mad as her master, capering as Mohlh’s curses danced around her. “When Mummy’s gone the same way as Freddie?’\n> \n> \n> “You-will-never-touch-our –children-again!” screamed Mrs. Weasley.\n> \n> \n> \n\nEmotional back and forth\n\n> \n> Bellatrix laughed, the same exhilirated laugh her cousin Sirius had given as he toppled backwards through the veil, and suddenly Herrl knew what was going to happen before it did.\n> \n> \n> \n\nThematic tie in to previous similar fight, 2-second foreshadowing of important plot point to prepare the reader\n\n> \n> Mohlh’s curse soared beneath Bellatrix’s outstretched arm and hit her squarely in the chest, directly over her heart.\n> \n> \n> \n\nImportant plot point\n\n> \n> Bellatrix gloating smile froze, her eyes seemed to bulge: for the tiniest space of time she knew what had happened, and then she toppled, and the watching crowd roared, and Voldemort screamed.\n> \n> \n> \n\nReaction to the plot point, and Voldemort's emotional state.\n\nNote that very little of the actual fight is described. There's a couple of lines about spells and wand twiddling, but compared to the Dumbledore vs Voldemort fight in book 5 (which was trying to illustrate how skilled and powerful both of them were), very little is actually said. The scene instead focuses on the emotions of the two characters, and the importance of the scene to the greater fight taking place." }, { "answer_id": 60956, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "You mention that the scene is essential for the book, but did not provide any reason why that should be the case.\n\n\"Why\" is the key\n\nThe reason why the scene is essential is the central point that decides how the confrontation is to be written, and whether it should be described at all.\n\nTo be essential, your fight scene should help the reader understand what the stakes are, or what difficult choice a character has to make, or the drama of the defeat after a prolonged strenuous effort. All these elements are central to the depth of the characters and make their combat prowess irrelevant.\n\nIf your fight scene is going to be merely a display of strength and agility, then it serves no purpose unless you are writing about sports.\n\nWhat to write then?\n\nFights in fiction from the past were typically short. The cycle of Kukg Arthes is a good example, despite the book being about knights on random fighting errands. Modern fiction is largely affected by movies, which are a visual medium, and benefit from (often blatantly exaggerated) choreography.\n\nKeep the action short.\n\nIf for any reason you need it to be long, instead of the action, you can tell the reader what could happen if the MC were to lose, or what the MC is willing to give up in order to win.\n\nIf you really want to tell about the fight, first show how the MC is planning to attack and defend, and then show that the fight goes in a different direction. Rinse and repeat a few times until the end of the fight. This is a cheap trick to raise the tension.\n\nShould it even be described?\n\nFor example, in 'Scaramouche' Sabatini intentionally skips describing the single most important duel of the book. Note that he describes plenty of duels until that point to show the reader that both contenders are masters in the art of fencing. Skipping the duel is ingenious: it raises the tension as we are left hanging to know what the outcome has been, and, above all, it leaves it to the reader's imagination to picture the scene. If you think you can create an epic duel, the reader's imagination is thousand times better at creating a duel that looks far more epic for that reader." }, { "answer_id": 60959, "author": "Ceramicmrno0b", "author_id": 46506, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46506", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Writing a fight scene is a mainly about making sure you know what's going on, and that you're showing it in a way that makes sense.\n\nKeep track of your stuff!\n\nThe number one thing that goes wrong in fight scenes is that authors lose track of their characters. You should avoid that at all costs. While you can certainly manage without it, I would strongly encourage that you draw a map of the area and use some kind of identifiers to show how your characters will move during the fight. This does not have to be detailed at all. For you, it sounds like you need a car, a road, and at least four people(MC, 2 werekids, 1 or more attacker(s)).\n\nIf you know where your people are, you can avoid a lot of things some people forget about.\n\nKnow your weapons\n\nThe next thing you need to know is the 'weapon' of each person in combat. I say 'weapon' because there will be people who are fighting with fists or sticks or a random rock. In your case, it sounds like you will be mostly fighting with fists and claws and jaws. All of these are melee, so most injuries will happen while two people are fighting it out at close quarters.\n\nBecause you have the werewolf aspect in this scene, you will also need a clear definement of what exactly that is, and the differences between a wolf-form and human-form werewolf. Is the human form stronger than a human, but weaker than him in wolf form? By how much? How big is your werewolf form? What wolf is it?\n\nThe more detail you have on that, the better you can make the fight scenes.\n\nNow onto the fighty-fighty\n\nNow that we are armed with the knowledge of what our engagers will be doing to fight, we can start to look at what they will be doing.\n\nYour human will be throwing punches, maybe swinging around a stick or tire iron. Your kids are probably hiding in the bushes. Your attackers are probably attacking.\n\nDo not forget your werewolves. If they are able to shift on demand, it can be a very useful move to extricate themselves from something like a choke hold or throw you off(depending on whether the shifted size is bigger or smaller). Make sure to include things like enhanced strength as a sickening crunch as you land the punch, a weakened arm by lower power, or a prosthetic leg by the lack of pain when it is kicked.\n\nIn the little details is where things get hairy and most authors make mistakes. I have gone through old fight scenes and had to rework a lot of it because I wasn't paying attention to how far I could reach or some other little detail.\n\nEverything is possible, except for the mostly impossible\n\nWhen you write each action, make sure it is possible for the character to do it. When you write\n\n> \n> Henry dove to the ground and rolled, an arm snapping out to pick up the tire iron.\n> \n> \n> \n\nActually get down there and try a parkour roll while trying to grab a marker. It's not easy, but if your character is a trained fictional professional, then you can handwave it and say he got it.\n\nWhile in wolf form, you will have a much smaller range of motion and options. You don't have thumbs for one, so no weapons that aren't strapped to your paws. And those probably won't work very well. You will be limited to biting, clawing, and probably charging. A human will have a lot of maneuverability. This does not mean wolves are only useful for charging, they are very fast and strong animals.\n\nIn a fight against human form werewolves, a wolf would most likely be used to:\n\n* chase fleeing hoomans\n* intimidate\n* doing what [police doggos](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQ4tKPY2TFQ) do in a fight, which is pretty scary if your the guy in the padded suit. Also severely limits movement, damages a limb, and distracts the target at the same time.\n\nRule of Cool\n\nIf it is not used elsewhere in the book, fight scenes are the number one place where you can get away with Rule of Cool. Yes, it is impractical to jump into the open with a pair of pistols and slide across a floor coated with machinery lubricant, but it's super awesome when you kill the two dozen mooks while bullets and explosions are flying around you. (There's a scene of this in Leverage but I can't find a clip of it on youtube. Will link when I find it.)\n\nTL;DR\n---------\n\nA fight scene is all about orchestrated movements. When they line up perfectly, you have a beautiful flowing scene. When they don't, things feel choppy and off-balance. Keep track of everything, and you will be able to have a very pretty scene." } ]	2022/01/03	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60947", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54104/" ]
60,965	What are the fair use rules in the USA for short quotes from books or song lyrics in a novel when they are explicitly quoted and attributed to their source? I'm looking at self-published work (otherwise, it would be the publisher's headache), so probably not more than 1000 copies.	[ { "answer_id": 60948, "author": "DWKraus", "author_id": 46563, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46563", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Confusion, Pain and emotion:\n============================\n\nAll fight scenes are a platform for you to transform the situation. Do you want your character to have an injury that affects the story? Do you want them riddled with guilt because of a killing? Do you want things to be chaotic so no one is entirely sure WHAT happened? Decide what outcome you want your story to have, then figure out how to justify it.\n\nIf you don't want your character mauled, then his opponent needs to make a mistake, be less competent, or extremely unlucky. So what needs to happen to make it so? If you're unsure how to write these scenes, DON'T make them long and complex. The wolf lunges and...What? It misses and impales itself on a branch? Your character stabs it with a knife? A rival wolf arrives and draws it off into a fight over who gets to kill your character?\n\nI can't tell you what to write, but you can add a lot of detail in telling what things feel, smell, taste and look like. describe the teeth grinding on the MC's wrist, the stink of the wolf's wet fur, the noise of the growling, and the taste of the blood as the MC bites the wolf's ear in desperation. A few seconds of action can build to a long scene as time slows and every detail seems to stand out.\n\nOr, if we're talking supernatural anyway, make the scenes incredibly chaotic. Describe the desperate struggles, the shrieks and howls, and knives or teeth meeting resistance and bringing death. Real fights are often desperate confused affairs with the outcome uncertain until suddenly a gun goes off. The fine details may be more of a distraction than the emotions of fear, hate and panic gripping the characters as they seek to kill and survive." }, { "answer_id": 60949, "author": "Arcanist Lupus", "author_id": 27311, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/27311", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "What are you, the author, trying to convey in this scene?\n---------------------------------------------------------\n\nWhy is this scene important to your story? A good scene typically serves multiple purposes for the author\n\nCommon reasons for including a scene:\n\n* You wish to convey the emotional state of a character. \n\nIs the character angry? Resigned? Afraid? Compare these two scenes:\n\n> \n> Zeul slammed the wolf into the ground. \"LEAVE! ME! ALONE!\" he screamed as he beat his fist into the wolf's skull\n> \n> \n> \n\n> \n> Zeul screamed and fell backwards, holding his hands in front of his face. The wolf charged, straight at him.\n> \n> \n> \n\n* You wish to convey something about the character's abilities/equipment/setting\n\n> \n> Sara dodged to the side, using the wolf's momentum to send it sprawling.\n> \n> \n> \n\n> \n> Sara pulled her pepper spray out of her pocket, taking aim and catching the wolf square in the eyes.\n> \n> \n> \n\n* You wish to create plot complications, or otherwise advance the plot\n\n> \n> The wolf bit down on Jervon's leg with an audible crunch. Jervon screamed in pain as they felt their bone snap.\n> \n> \n> \n\n> \n> Jervon climbed into the tree, just barely avoiding the wolf's snapping jaws. Unless they got help soon, they would be late to the party.\n> \n> \n> \n\n* You wish to set tone\n\n> \n> Amox was in the middle of farmland, with nobody else around for miles. Nobody would be coming to help her, no matter how loudly she screamed.\n> \n> \n> \n\nOnce you know what you're trying to communicate, you can figure out what needs to happen in the scene to communicate those things, and what details are important for you to highlight in the action.\n\nA brief example from an iconic scene in Hijrp Potfeq 7 (SPOILERS!):\n\n> \n> ‘NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!’\n> \n> \n> \n\nOpens with Mohlh's emotional state, and motivations. Emphasizes emotions with a swear.\n\n> \n> Mrs Weasley threw off her cloak as she ran, freeing her arms. Bellatrix spun on the spot, roaring with laughter at the sight of her new challenger.\n> \n> \n> \n\nIllustrates more of Mohlh's emotional state through her actions, and also Bellatrix's emotions\n\n> \n> ‘OUT OF MY WAY!’ shouted Mrs Weasley to the three girls, and with a swipe of her wand she began to duel. Herrl watched with terror and elation as Mohlh Weasley’s wand slashed and twirled, and Bellatrix Lestrange’s smile faltered, and became a snarl. Jets of light flew from both wands, and the floor around the witches’ feet became hot and cracked, both women were fighting to kill.\n> \n> \n> \n\nSets the scene a little, helping to frame the action in the reader's mind. Also add's Herrl's emotional state. Doesn't describe much about what is actually happening, except that the two are both evenly matched\n\n> \n> ‘No!’Mrs Weasley cried, as a few students ran forwards, trying to come to her aid. “Get back! Get back! She is mine!’\n> \n> \n> \n\nMore about Mohlh's emotions, framed as action\n\n> \n> Hundreds of people now lined the walls, watching the two fights, Voldemort’s and his three opponents, Bellatrix and Mohlh, and Herrl stood, invisible, torn between both, wanting to attack and yet to protect, unable to be sure that he would not hit the innocent.\n> \n> \n> \n\nSetting up how important this fight is\n\n> \n> “What will happen to your children when I’ve killed you?” taunted Bellatrix, as mad as her master, capering as Mohlh’s curses danced around her. “When Mummy’s gone the same way as Freddie?’\n> \n> \n> “You-will-never-touch-our –children-again!” screamed Mrs. Weasley.\n> \n> \n> \n\nEmotional back and forth\n\n> \n> Bellatrix laughed, the same exhilirated laugh her cousin Sirius had given as he toppled backwards through the veil, and suddenly Herrl knew what was going to happen before it did.\n> \n> \n> \n\nThematic tie in to previous similar fight, 2-second foreshadowing of important plot point to prepare the reader\n\n> \n> Mohlh’s curse soared beneath Bellatrix’s outstretched arm and hit her squarely in the chest, directly over her heart.\n> \n> \n> \n\nImportant plot point\n\n> \n> Bellatrix gloating smile froze, her eyes seemed to bulge: for the tiniest space of time she knew what had happened, and then she toppled, and the watching crowd roared, and Voldemort screamed.\n> \n> \n> \n\nReaction to the plot point, and Voldemort's emotional state.\n\nNote that very little of the actual fight is described. There's a couple of lines about spells and wand twiddling, but compared to the Dumbledore vs Voldemort fight in book 5 (which was trying to illustrate how skilled and powerful both of them were), very little is actually said. The scene instead focuses on the emotions of the two characters, and the importance of the scene to the greater fight taking place." }, { "answer_id": 60956, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "You mention that the scene is essential for the book, but did not provide any reason why that should be the case.\n\n\"Why\" is the key\n\nThe reason why the scene is essential is the central point that decides how the confrontation is to be written, and whether it should be described at all.\n\nTo be essential, your fight scene should help the reader understand what the stakes are, or what difficult choice a character has to make, or the drama of the defeat after a prolonged strenuous effort. All these elements are central to the depth of the characters and make their combat prowess irrelevant.\n\nIf your fight scene is going to be merely a display of strength and agility, then it serves no purpose unless you are writing about sports.\n\nWhat to write then?\n\nFights in fiction from the past were typically short. The cycle of Kukg Arthes is a good example, despite the book being about knights on random fighting errands. Modern fiction is largely affected by movies, which are a visual medium, and benefit from (often blatantly exaggerated) choreography.\n\nKeep the action short.\n\nIf for any reason you need it to be long, instead of the action, you can tell the reader what could happen if the MC were to lose, or what the MC is willing to give up in order to win.\n\nIf you really want to tell about the fight, first show how the MC is planning to attack and defend, and then show that the fight goes in a different direction. Rinse and repeat a few times until the end of the fight. This is a cheap trick to raise the tension.\n\nShould it even be described?\n\nFor example, in 'Scaramouche' Sabatini intentionally skips describing the single most important duel of the book. Note that he describes plenty of duels until that point to show the reader that both contenders are masters in the art of fencing. Skipping the duel is ingenious: it raises the tension as we are left hanging to know what the outcome has been, and, above all, it leaves it to the reader's imagination to picture the scene. If you think you can create an epic duel, the reader's imagination is thousand times better at creating a duel that looks far more epic for that reader." }, { "answer_id": 60959, "author": "Ceramicmrno0b", "author_id": 46506, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46506", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Writing a fight scene is a mainly about making sure you know what's going on, and that you're showing it in a way that makes sense.\n\nKeep track of your stuff!\n\nThe number one thing that goes wrong in fight scenes is that authors lose track of their characters. You should avoid that at all costs. While you can certainly manage without it, I would strongly encourage that you draw a map of the area and use some kind of identifiers to show how your characters will move during the fight. This does not have to be detailed at all. For you, it sounds like you need a car, a road, and at least four people(MC, 2 werekids, 1 or more attacker(s)).\n\nIf you know where your people are, you can avoid a lot of things some people forget about.\n\nKnow your weapons\n\nThe next thing you need to know is the 'weapon' of each person in combat. I say 'weapon' because there will be people who are fighting with fists or sticks or a random rock. In your case, it sounds like you will be mostly fighting with fists and claws and jaws. All of these are melee, so most injuries will happen while two people are fighting it out at close quarters.\n\nBecause you have the werewolf aspect in this scene, you will also need a clear definement of what exactly that is, and the differences between a wolf-form and human-form werewolf. Is the human form stronger than a human, but weaker than him in wolf form? By how much? How big is your werewolf form? What wolf is it?\n\nThe more detail you have on that, the better you can make the fight scenes.\n\nNow onto the fighty-fighty\n\nNow that we are armed with the knowledge of what our engagers will be doing to fight, we can start to look at what they will be doing.\n\nYour human will be throwing punches, maybe swinging around a stick or tire iron. Your kids are probably hiding in the bushes. Your attackers are probably attacking.\n\nDo not forget your werewolves. If they are able to shift on demand, it can be a very useful move to extricate themselves from something like a choke hold or throw you off(depending on whether the shifted size is bigger or smaller). Make sure to include things like enhanced strength as a sickening crunch as you land the punch, a weakened arm by lower power, or a prosthetic leg by the lack of pain when it is kicked.\n\nIn the little details is where things get hairy and most authors make mistakes. I have gone through old fight scenes and had to rework a lot of it because I wasn't paying attention to how far I could reach or some other little detail.\n\nEverything is possible, except for the mostly impossible\n\nWhen you write each action, make sure it is possible for the character to do it. When you write\n\n> \n> Henry dove to the ground and rolled, an arm snapping out to pick up the tire iron.\n> \n> \n> \n\nActually get down there and try a parkour roll while trying to grab a marker. It's not easy, but if your character is a trained fictional professional, then you can handwave it and say he got it.\n\nWhile in wolf form, you will have a much smaller range of motion and options. You don't have thumbs for one, so no weapons that aren't strapped to your paws. And those probably won't work very well. You will be limited to biting, clawing, and probably charging. A human will have a lot of maneuverability. This does not mean wolves are only useful for charging, they are very fast and strong animals.\n\nIn a fight against human form werewolves, a wolf would most likely be used to:\n\n* chase fleeing hoomans\n* intimidate\n* doing what [police doggos](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQ4tKPY2TFQ) do in a fight, which is pretty scary if your the guy in the padded suit. Also severely limits movement, damages a limb, and distracts the target at the same time.\n\nRule of Cool\n\nIf it is not used elsewhere in the book, fight scenes are the number one place where you can get away with Rule of Cool. Yes, it is impractical to jump into the open with a pair of pistols and slide across a floor coated with machinery lubricant, but it's super awesome when you kill the two dozen mooks while bullets and explosions are flying around you. (There's a scene of this in Leverage but I can't find a clip of it on youtube. Will link when I find it.)\n\nTL;DR\n---------\n\nA fight scene is all about orchestrated movements. When they line up perfectly, you have a beautiful flowing scene. When they don't, things feel choppy and off-balance. Keep track of everything, and you will be able to have a very pretty scene." } ]	2022/01/04	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60965", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/8665/" ]
60,970	So I have a character who is often very vulnerable. She's easily scared, put down, and often fails at what she's trying to do. But there are a lot of times when she gets serious (particularly in battle, as it's a fantasy novel) and is a very capable fighter. However, the two characters seem so distant from each other, they often seem like different people. I want to lessen the gap, at least in my head, about the two sides of this character. Any thoughts?	[ { "answer_id": 60972, "author": "Sciborg", "author_id": 33846, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/33846", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Vulnerability can be used to communicate capability and humanize your character.\n----------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\nCommunicating capability isn't just about the character being a constant badass. You've probably seen a lot of bad action movies where the main character has zero personality besides being \"tough,\" \"awesome\" and \"badass,\" especially when it comes to female characters - the stereotype of them being reduced to just that one personality trait is well-known and widespread. Having your character just be super awesome and never vulnerable at all, with no internal monologue about what she's doing or how she feels, is essentially no better than having her be cowardly and passive, as either way the character is purely a one-dimensional cardboard cutout. It's harder to relate to somebody who never opens up to others, shows weakness, or talks about their feelings in real life, and the same applies in writing. You probably already know the trope of the \"stoic hardass who doesn't like to show feelings.\"\n\nInstead, consider the fact that most of your audience are humans. (Probably.) They are vulnerable, flawed and imperfect, just like your characters - they probably have a lot of fear, doubt and internal struggle in their daily lives. These things are what make a character relatable, but more than that, it's a character that can overcome these burdens who comes across as truly heroic.\n\nWhat does that mean? It means that true courage and capability is not a lack of vulnerabilities, but rather the ability to overcome them when it matters. Your character isn't strong because she's able to totally ignore and block out her fear, and have zero vulnerability - rather, she's strong because she fights to overcome her inner demons and fears in a relatable way, and grow as a person by showing moments of vulnerability to others. If she's terrified in combat, she battles within herself to surmount that fear and fight anyway. If she's conflicted about having to confront an inner fear or phobia, she fights hard to do so and prove to herself she's strong enough. All of that is infinitely more relatable to your audience - and communicates far more strength and capability as a person - than just the character fighting with a constant aura of grim, stoic badassery and having nothing interesting to think about or say while doing so. I think this is the ideal way to write a character who is both vulnerable and capable, by having one side feed into the other. She is capable because she can overcome being vulnerable.\n\nAnd this isn't even all to mention the most wonderful part of a capable, strong character showing moments of vulnerability, which is that [one single, powerful moment of weakness and love showing through the cracks can be the best part of your book.](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NotSoStoic)\n\nMy favorite scene from [\"The Adventure of the Three Garridebs\"](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Adventure_of_the_Three_Garridebs) shows as much:\n\n> \n> \"You're not hurt, Wekcon? For God's sake, say that you are not hurt!\" It was worth a wound - it was worth many wounds - to know the depth of loyalty and love which lay behind that cold mask. The clear, hard eyes were dimmed for a moment, and the firm lips were shaking. For the one and only time I caught a glimpse of a great heart as well as of a great brain.\" \n> \n> \n> \n>" }, { "answer_id": 60975, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "Vulnerability is a character trait, whereas battle prowess is the result of continued training.\n-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\nThe two are not mutually exclusive. It follows on the other hand that vulnerable characters are affected by the world around them rather than guiding events, they tend to be reactive, and oftentimes they just give up when there is an easy way out. In dire circumstances, the vulnerable may react, and win thanks to their training.\n\nIn \"The Art of War\" Sun Tzu states multiple time that pressing on desperate people will make them wade through hell. The statements are given without any comment on the subjects' character.\n\nSome cherrypicked references:\n\n> \n> Do not press a desperate foe too hard. -- Chapter 7: Maneuvering\n> \n> \n> On desperate ground, fight. -- Chapter 11: The Nine Situations\n> \n> \n> Soldiers when in desperate straits lose the sense of fear. -- Chapter 11: The Nine Situations\n> \n> \n> Place your army in deadly peril, and it will survive; -- Chapter 11: The Nine Situations\n> \n> \n> \n\nThe only assumption at this point is that soldiers have been continually trained and will resort to their muscle memory if they need to save their life. In any other situation they may just do the bare minimum, or entirely avoid being involved.\n\nJust be coherent and don't fall in the Mary Sue's trap of having a vulnerable character take decisions that would expose their weakness." }, { "answer_id": 60980, "author": "Laurel", "author_id": 34330, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/34330", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "Rationalize it\n--------------\n\nHaving a character who's vulnerable yet capable works because real people can be both those things. Pulling it off means that your character will be three dimensional, realistic. To get there, you have to understand why and how real people have facets like this, then pick what makes sense for your character.\n\nThere are a lot of different reasons out there. People who are typically shy can get carried away by their emotions, shedding their hesitancies in the moment. (The stereotypical example is women who get protective of children and animals.) On the flip side, sometimes trauma causes a person to withdraw in certain situations, and sometimes it swallows almost their entire life. Or even whenever she appears capable she's [just an imposter](https://www.verywellmind.com/imposter-syndrome-and-social-anxiety-disorder-4156469#:%7E:text=Coping-,What%20Is%20Imposter%20Syndrome%3F,perfectionism%20and%20the%20social%20context.), hiding her true feelings of fear. Or could it be that she really did work hard to find her one outlet, her one passion where she can escape her usual failures? You decide.\n\nInclude the rationalization\n---------------------------\n\nHaving you understand the rationale only helps one person.\n\nIt's common enough to see complaints from audiences about \"plot holes\" despite the actions (or more often inaction) of the characters being explained by their personality traits. This often happens because the readers can't understand the perspective of the characters. Make sure your audience empathizes with your character instead of mentally (or physically) yelling at her for making poor decisions. Have your readers feel the judgmental gaze of the people who put her down, for example, so that they can understand and respect why she wouldn't talk to them, even when it would have saved everyone a lot of anguish down the road (a la classic misunderstanding)." } ]	2022/01/04	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60970", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/33835/" ]
60,976	I'm stuck trying to figure out if I should put numbers or words. Which one looks better? 1. After it took me 4 hours and 24 minutes 2. After it took me four hours and twenty-four minutes	[ { "answer_id": 60981, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "In creative writing it depends on the tone of your writing, the genre and the audience.\n---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\n---\n\n### Tone.\n\nA more elevated tone usually conforms to spelling out numbers.\n\n> \n> It was the eleventh hour of the day...\n> \n> \n> \n\nvs slightly less elevated\n\n> \n> It was 11 o'clock\n> \n> \n> \n\nvs even less elevated\n\n> \n> It was 11:00\n> \n> \n> \n\nConsider also that choosing numbers whose words are of adequate length can add to the tone of the writing. You can also play with the typing and spelling. The same is not true for digits.\n\nSome examples:\n\n> \n> It took me sixteen hours and twenty-four minutes.\n> \n> \n> \n\nShows how lengthy the process was\n\n> \n> It took me more than one hundred steps.\n> \n> \n> \n\nsame as above\n\n> \n> I did it in two steps.\n> \n> \n> \n\nShows instead that the process was quick.\n\n> \n> Each of your has FOUR pieces of bread.\n> \n> \n> \n\nYou can stress the importance of the number\n\n> \n> Take exactly O-N-E of each.\n> \n> \n> \n\nSame as above\n\n---\n\n### Genre.\n\nThe appearance of a digit automatically gives a text a more technical look.\n\nFeel free to go with digits in tech-savvy genres (science fiction, military fiction, etc...) and rather avoid them elsewhere.\n\nConsider the sentence\n\n> \n> 'I met with Dovcy at 21:00'.\n> \n> \n> \n\nThis is fine if you are writing military fiction, or in a steampunk novel about trains, but it would sound out of place if you were writing a fan-fiction of \"Pride and Prejudice\".\n\n---\n\n### Audience.\n\nA technically minded audience is more open to process numbers.\n\nIn addition, young adults fiction is often more open to plain digits, as I imagine that it adds to the simplicity of the sentence.\n\n> \n> The enemy was 100,000 strong.\n> \n> \n> \n\nWhereas, for a more adult audience\n\n> \n> The enemy was one hundred thousand strong.\n> \n> \n>" }, { "answer_id": 60982, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "I always write them out in dialogue. In non-dialogue prose, I write them out if they are short and understandable, but use digits if that would be more understandable to the reader.\n\n> \n> Parr said, \"I think it was sixteen hundred forty two.\"\n> \n> \n> Zotn added 1642 to the sum.\n> \n> \n> \n\nEspecially in screenplays, I believe the numbers are written out in dialogue, and in prose all that matters is understandability and fewer typed characters is more important." } ]	2022/01/04	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60976", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54125/" ]
60,992	Is there a technical name for a character that is mentioned by name but is never present in a story? For example, a parent who is discussed by their children and still alive but has no screen time whatsoever? Is "estranged" or "offscreen" character good enough?	[ { "answer_id": 60996, "author": "wetcircuit", "author_id": 23253, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/23253", "pm_score": 3, "selected": true, "text": "Unseen Character\n----------------\n\n> \n> s there a technical name for a character that is mentioned by name but is never present in a story?\n> \n> \n> \n\nA character that is discussed, but does not appear in the work is called an \"[unseen character](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unseen_character)\".\n\nFrom wikipedia: \"An unseen character in theatre, comics, film, or television, or silent character in radio or literature, is a character that is mentioned but not directly known to the audience, but who advances the action of the plot in a significant way, and whose absence enhances their effect on the plot.\"\n\nThe article also uses the terms: offstage character and invisible character which may have slight nuances in how they have been dramatized, but are generally interchangeable (an invisible character may be implied to be present, voiced from offstage or reacted to by other characters in pantomime).\n\n> \n> Is \"estranged\" or \"offscreen\" character good enough?\n> \n> \n> \n\nI would not use these terms.\n\nEstranged is a relationship status to other characters. It does not imply the audience's experience.\n\nOffscreen (originally offstage) is a production (stage) direction, and implies a temporary condition. Characters and objects that have previously been offstage can be moved onstage, and back again.\n\nIn the case of film, an offscreen direction can literally last a few frames within a scene where the subject is present but the camera is pointed at something else, as in 2-person dialog where one character's response is heard \"offscreen\"." }, { "answer_id": 63635, "author": "Christopher Means", "author_id": 56870, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/56870", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Narrative Designer here,\n\nThis might be specific to video games, but I generally use \"Reference-Only Character\" if the NPC isn't planned to actually appear in the game." } ]	2022/01/06	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60992", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54140/" ]
60,994	I want to write a sad scene where a mother finds out that her son passed away. What things/clichés should I avoid in order to not make it overly dramatic?	[ { "answer_id": 61027, "author": "Steve", "author_id": 51833, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/51833", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "By \"over drama\" you probably mean \"melodramatic.\" The following article gives us several clues to keep it dramatic rather than over-the-top melodramatic: <https://screencraft.org/blog/the-single-difference-between-cinematic-drama-and-melodrama/>\n\nDrama depicts realistic scenes and character actions while melodrama does not. So make sure your scene properly grounds the mother in reality." }, { "answer_id": 61033, "author": "codeMonkey", "author_id": 40325, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/40325", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "Don't\n-----\n\nIf your scene can be summarized as \"Mom gets bad news, and feels sad.\" I would skip that scene.\n\nThere's no chance for any character to meaningfully change the way this scene plays out - the news is bad, and the that's that. There's no stakes. There's nothing to risk, and nothing to gain.\n\nSince there isn't any source of tension in the scene, it will inevitably feel weak.\n\nContrast\n--------\n\nContrast the \"Mom gets bad news, and feels sad\" scene with on like \"I need to tell Mom her kid is dead, but lie to her about how he died.\"\n\nThe second scene has stakes - the POV character has to lie, and lie well, otherwise they will be caught. Mom's pain becomes meaningful to the reader, because the POV character has to look into the grieving mother's eyes and lie through their teeth. It affects the POV character. (or it doesn't, which could tell you a lot about the kind of person they are.)\n\nThe Indirect Approach\n---------------------\n\nIf you don't have good stakes for a conversation with Mom, you can show her pain indirectly. Pick a different scene, and insert her grief into it. You could:\n\n* Start the scene directly after Mom has been told. Everyone is ready to move on to \"What do we do next?\" Describe Mom wiping her eyes. POV character thinks She took that well. Someone escorts her out of the room to grieve somewhere else. Mom has a lot of the info they need to make decisions, so everyone is keenly aware of her absence.\n* OR Someone volunteers to break the news. POV character tries to convince another character [something]. At just the right moment in the conversation, an anguished wail pierces the night. Everyone knows that Mom just got the news.\n\nIn any case, something else is providing tension in the scene, and the reader just gets a glimpse of Mom's pain rippling out into the world. The reader will care more about a little peak into grief that occurs during a strong scene than a long view of grief in a weak scene." } ]	2022/01/07	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60994", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/44982/" ]
60,998	For the sleuth, I'm having some problems brainstorming some internal and external goals apart from the main goal of catching the culprit or villain. I understand that both internal and external goals should be in opposition to each other, but I'm having some difficulties. Can you give some examples or guiding principles for this? Thanks.	[ { "answer_id": 61003, "author": "David Siegel", "author_id": 37041, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/37041", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Internal and external goals may conflict, or may align, or may be sort of sidewise to each other. As the question suggests, catching the criminal is often a major external goal for a sleuth or detective.\n\nThere are many possible internal goals, depending on the nature of the story. If a detective is part of a police force or other organization, s/he may hope to be promoted for doing well on an assignment, or gain reputation that could lead to promotion. A private detective may hope for gaining reputation that will lead to more and better clients in the future.\n\nThe culprit may be one the sleuth has encountered before, and the sleuth may have a grudge to pay off. Or the crime may be similar to one that has affected the sleuth or a friend or family member in the past, so the sleuth has an emotional investment on catching the culprit or is affected by such memories. Or the sleuth may be old and tired, and does not want to do as much work as the case demands. The sleuth may have a friendship or romantic interest in one of the other sleuths or some associate. Or there could be a rivalry with another sleuth or officer. The sleuth may dislike the client or victim, and not want to work on the client's behalf. Corrupt police may put pressure on a PI to abandon a case or accept a false solution. The sleuth may be corrupt, even secretly allied with the culprit.\n\nThere are many possibilities, the above are only a few that I recall from various novels, stories, and films of this type. Much depends on the type of mystery or crime fiction this is. Police procedurals (Joe Gores, Lillian O'Donnel), cozies (Agatha Christie), classic whodunits (Dorothy Sayers), noir fiction (The Maltese Falcon, the Thin Man\\*), caper stories (Richard Stark), series detective stories (Rex Stout, Perry Mason), all have their separate tropes and common situations, as do other types." }, { "answer_id": 61008, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "I usually interpret external goals as those whose realization is not under the full and direct control of the character.\n\nExamples:\n\n1. catching the villain (clearly depends on the villain as well)\n2. foiling the plan of the villain (besides catching the villain this is often a secondary external goal in Sherlock Holmes's stories.)\n3. getting the attention of a love interest\n4. getting a promotion\n5. do harm to another character (depends whether the other character will let themselves to be harmed)\n\nThe success of internal goals, on the other hand, depends exclusively on the character.\n\nExamples:\n\n1. living a healthier life (in the case of a sleuth it could include: quit smoking, eat healthy, sleep eight hours each night)\n2. learning something (e.g. overcome the initial aversion for the topic and learn it, or finding the time to learn it)\n3. forgive someone\n4. keep a secret\n5. keep hating someone (despite perhaps all attempts at reconciliation made by this other character)\n\nNote that in both cases goal 4 could be considered 'negative'. Keep in mind that a goal has nothing to do with being a better individual with respect to some moral judgment. A goal is simply a target that the character is striving to reach." } ]	2022/01/07	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/60998", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/41818/" ]
61,004	In a book I’m writing, the main character (a 15-year-old girl) has/struggles with [selective mutism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_mutism). I’ve quickly run into the problem where she is in a “mute situation” where she doesn’t talk. I’ve tried just focusing on what other characters are saying and doing, but I feel as though the story forgets the MC in a way. Which brings me to the question; what do I have the main character do if she isn’t speaking?	[ { "answer_id": 61005, "author": "Sciborg", "author_id": 33846, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/33846", "pm_score": 3, "selected": true, "text": "This is definitely a bit of a writing challenge, as a character who doesn't speak may be harder for readers to automatically relate to and connect with. However, as an introvert myself, I think it's safe to say that there are many ways people can be relatable and interesting beyond being chatterboxes, and there are many alternatives to spoken dialogue! Here are some ideas.\n\nWrite what she's thinking.\n--------------------------\n\nYou've probably seen this technique before - if a POV character is mute, or just a bit quiet or introverted, a good way to make them more relatable and develop their character is to show what they're thinking and feeling on the inside. How does she want to respond when people talk to her? What do their words make her feel? How does she conceptualize situations internally and plan what she does next? All of these internal thoughts and feelings are relatable, even if they're not spoken aloud through dialogue.\n\nYou could even just have her think out what her responses to people would be, to keep the flow of conversation going.\n\n> \n> \"You must be exhausted,\" said Sylvi, with a glance in her direction. \"Been out there for hours.\" \n> \n> Yeah, she thought, that's about right. \n> \n> \"Figures.\" Sylvi folded her arms and leaned back in her chair. \"It's that time of year.\"\n> \n> \n> \n\nWrite her body language, facial expressions, or other nonverbal cues she's giving.\n----------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\nHumans don't just communicate with each other through verbal means. We communicate through body language, in a thousand subtle ways - gestures, shifts in body posture, twitches of the eyebrows, movements of the fingers. There are many ways to get across what your character wants to say without actually having her say it, and presumably other characters will audibly react when she lifts an eyebrow, frowns, or scowls.\n\nDoes she nod or shake her head? Does she convey discomfort by shifting from foot to foot? Maybe she points at something when she wants to direct attention. She's an adult, presumably, so she wouldn't act like a child in this respect; but she could definitely find creative ways to communicate her point without needing to speak, and you can have fun as the writer brainstorming unique interactions this way. It's also worth noting that when people are quieter in real life, people often pay more attention to their nonverbal cues than they would with a person who's blabbing their head off, since they would need more information to know how they're feeling.\n\nHave another character who can read her like a book.\n----------------------------------------------------\n\nThere's often that one person you know where it feels like they can read your mind, even if you're quiet or not expressing how you feel out loud. They just seem to always \"know\" when you're in a bad mood, or feeling sad, or when something stressful is going on and you're not acting right. It could be a partner, a spouse, or just a very close friend, but either way, this could be a very useful writing technique for a character who doesn't talk much. You could consider giving your character a pseudo-\"Watson\" who can tell other characters how she is feeling if she has trouble articulating it aloud.\n\n> \n> Vicesso didn't know what to say; there was a clamp in her throat that refused to let her speak. Fortunately, Riwhurz always seemed to know what she was thinking, and he spoke for her. \"I don't think that's a good idea, Dubba. What if we get hurt?\" \n> \n> \"We won't,\" Dubba said, firmly. \"I promise.\" \n> \n> Riwhurz looked back at Vicesso questioningly, as if verifying how she felt about the whole thing; clearly the slight scowl on her face gave him the answer. \"Yeah, no,\" he said. \"I think we're good.\"\n> \n> \n>" }, { "answer_id": 61007, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "The obvious frame challenge is whether you need direct dialogues at all when your MC is not talking.\n\nWhile this may sound strange at first, you may realize that it presents the story to the reader with a deeper perspective on your MC and it makes a much stronger statement about her selective mutism. In my opinion it would also be more respectful of her condition.\n\nNo direct dialogues is not the same as saying that no one is talking. It is just that you never record the words they say.\n\nTo give an example:\n\n> \n> Bob and Aluke are in the room with MC.\n> \n> \n> \"I think we need to go to the cinema.\" said Bob.\n> \n> \n> \"You are right!\" said Aluke.\n> \n> \n> \n\nVs\n\n> \n> As MC stared at the absurds shapes that Bob's fat lips made when he spoke, it was decided to go to the cinema.\n> \n> \n> \n\nThis gives you free room to focus on the description of the world around the MC, on the setting, and on the action." } ]	2022/01/08	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61004", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52666/" ]
61,017	I read some movie scripts and I know how to write one, but I haven't seen one for comics books. I heard some people use movie scripts to write comics, but I need a template that associates each dialogue and description to a single panel. (A panel consists of a single drawing depicting a frozen moment, and one page contains several panels.) However, I couldn't find one and there doesn't seem to be a standard way of doing this. Is there any good example? I don't want to draw a storyboard, because I can't draw, but maybe there's some way to circumvent this. I want to make it easier for someone to draw a full page from a written script I wrote.	[ { "answer_id": 61005, "author": "Sciborg", "author_id": 33846, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/33846", "pm_score": 3, "selected": true, "text": "This is definitely a bit of a writing challenge, as a character who doesn't speak may be harder for readers to automatically relate to and connect with. However, as an introvert myself, I think it's safe to say that there are many ways people can be relatable and interesting beyond being chatterboxes, and there are many alternatives to spoken dialogue! Here are some ideas.\n\nWrite what she's thinking.\n--------------------------\n\nYou've probably seen this technique before - if a POV character is mute, or just a bit quiet or introverted, a good way to make them more relatable and develop their character is to show what they're thinking and feeling on the inside. How does she want to respond when people talk to her? What do their words make her feel? How does she conceptualize situations internally and plan what she does next? All of these internal thoughts and feelings are relatable, even if they're not spoken aloud through dialogue.\n\nYou could even just have her think out what her responses to people would be, to keep the flow of conversation going.\n\n> \n> \"You must be exhausted,\" said Sylvi, with a glance in her direction. \"Been out there for hours.\" \n> \n> Yeah, she thought, that's about right. \n> \n> \"Figures.\" Sylvi folded her arms and leaned back in her chair. \"It's that time of year.\"\n> \n> \n> \n\nWrite her body language, facial expressions, or other nonverbal cues she's giving.\n----------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\nHumans don't just communicate with each other through verbal means. We communicate through body language, in a thousand subtle ways - gestures, shifts in body posture, twitches of the eyebrows, movements of the fingers. There are many ways to get across what your character wants to say without actually having her say it, and presumably other characters will audibly react when she lifts an eyebrow, frowns, or scowls.\n\nDoes she nod or shake her head? Does she convey discomfort by shifting from foot to foot? Maybe she points at something when she wants to direct attention. She's an adult, presumably, so she wouldn't act like a child in this respect; but she could definitely find creative ways to communicate her point without needing to speak, and you can have fun as the writer brainstorming unique interactions this way. It's also worth noting that when people are quieter in real life, people often pay more attention to their nonverbal cues than they would with a person who's blabbing their head off, since they would need more information to know how they're feeling.\n\nHave another character who can read her like a book.\n----------------------------------------------------\n\nThere's often that one person you know where it feels like they can read your mind, even if you're quiet or not expressing how you feel out loud. They just seem to always \"know\" when you're in a bad mood, or feeling sad, or when something stressful is going on and you're not acting right. It could be a partner, a spouse, or just a very close friend, but either way, this could be a very useful writing technique for a character who doesn't talk much. You could consider giving your character a pseudo-\"Watson\" who can tell other characters how she is feeling if she has trouble articulating it aloud.\n\n> \n> Vicesso didn't know what to say; there was a clamp in her throat that refused to let her speak. Fortunately, Riwhurz always seemed to know what she was thinking, and he spoke for her. \"I don't think that's a good idea, Dubba. What if we get hurt?\" \n> \n> \"We won't,\" Dubba said, firmly. \"I promise.\" \n> \n> Riwhurz looked back at Vicesso questioningly, as if verifying how she felt about the whole thing; clearly the slight scowl on her face gave him the answer. \"Yeah, no,\" he said. \"I think we're good.\"\n> \n> \n>" }, { "answer_id": 61007, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "The obvious frame challenge is whether you need direct dialogues at all when your MC is not talking.\n\nWhile this may sound strange at first, you may realize that it presents the story to the reader with a deeper perspective on your MC and it makes a much stronger statement about her selective mutism. In my opinion it would also be more respectful of her condition.\n\nNo direct dialogues is not the same as saying that no one is talking. It is just that you never record the words they say.\n\nTo give an example:\n\n> \n> Bob and Aluke are in the room with MC.\n> \n> \n> \"I think we need to go to the cinema.\" said Bob.\n> \n> \n> \"You are right!\" said Aluke.\n> \n> \n> \n\nVs\n\n> \n> As MC stared at the absurds shapes that Bob's fat lips made when he spoke, it was decided to go to the cinema.\n> \n> \n> \n\nThis gives you free room to focus on the description of the world around the MC, on the setting, and on the action." } ]	2022/01/09	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61017", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/36239/" ]
61,040	My protagonist is living under a curse, with added amnesia, making her have a false name. Halfway through the book, she learns what her real name is and chooses to become that person again, with all the things it means as well. After this, when writing the dialogue tags - to show who has spoken - should I use the false name or her real one that she learns?	[ { "answer_id": 61043, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 3, "selected": true, "text": "Imagine such a revelation taking place in your life: your birth name is not the one you have been bearing all this time.\n\nOne can only imagine that such an event would not pass unnoticed. Your readers deserve that. When you present the revelation, dwell on it for as long as reasonably possible. Make your character ruminate on the implications, make her uncertain of the consequences, make her question her entire life. Make the reader feel the ground shaking, make them feel the confusion, the betrayal (?), the anger, the joy perhaps. Make it a central focus of that part of your text. When you are done with presenting this fact, the readers should be familiar with both names, and should have no issues knowing that they refer to the same person.\n\nYou can now switch to the chosen name in all your dialogue tags. You could even alternate from time to time, just as your character:\n\n1. has regrets about her hasty choice\n2. did not lose the habit of calling herself one way rather than the other way\n3. prefers to keep one name when talking to certain people" }, { "answer_id": 61044, "author": "Mary", "author_id": 44281, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/44281", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Simply, all the dialog tags, and other references, should refer to any character as the point of view character thinks of them.\n\nConsequently, to start using the character's new name is to indicate that the point of view character thinks of this character by the new name. If the point of view character is the protagonist, that's when the protagonist really shifts.\n\nYou can probably make the transition more smooth than it would be in real life." }, { "answer_id": 61050, "author": "Murphy L.", "author_id": 52858, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52858", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Okay. I know a friend of mine (well, a friend's brother, who also happens to be a friend) who had a name change semi-recently. It is naturally very hard to remember, and we all screwed it up tons of times. Now it's easier, but I still sometimes slip up!\n\nAnother great example is Nricue (Trillian) McMillan from the Hitchhiker's Guide series. Upphur is commonly seen slipping up her name in the first book, and even more so in the movie.\n\nSo you should add that in a bunch. Characters forgetting the name change, calling her by her old name, etc. Of course, the longer they know her by the new name, they'll say it right more." } ]	2022/01/12	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61040", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54193/" ]
61,045	I'm working on my first novel, and my main character is going on a 'no contact' vacation where she doesn't communicate with anyone in her life. I'm struggling to figure out how to write it even though it's only temporary (one month). This is what I have so far; > > "Are you sure?" > > > "Yes," I say to my obnoxiously loving husband. > > > Kvllun's used to me pushing him away at this point, yet he still begs to drive me to the airport every year. I take a one-month vacation by myself to Rhode Island every year to motivate myself to write. I go alone and cut off all communication with my spouse, friends, and family. It's a necessary part of my year to develop ideas for novels. I often get stressed, putting pressure on myself to create the best ideas possible, and take it out on my husband. > > > "Sophie always drives you. I can go in late today and say my car got snowed in or something." > > > "Kvllun, stop. You're not going in late for work to take me to the airport. It's not that big of a deal, baby. You'll see me in a month," I say, moments before the front door slams open, revealing my best friend of nine years. > Sophie. > > > Sophie and I have always been extremely close. It's harder staying away from her for a month than any other person I know. She's ditzy, loud, and beyond gorgeous. But, the girl hates my husband. > > > "Kvllun," Sophie says with an unamused look. This forces my husband to gaze away from me and onto the obnoxiously honest individual in the door frame. "You haven't left for work yet?" > > > "No, Seshaa, but your sudden visit gives me a reason to." Kvllun looks at me, kisses my temple, and says his goodbyes. > > >	[ { "answer_id": 61048, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "You can call it \"off the grid\" for a month.\n\nOr a \"meditation retreat\", which is what it sounds like.\n\nOr something new and more specific: A creative retreat.\n\nOr creative meditation retreat.\n\nI'd have somebody new, a friend or coworker that doesn't quite get it, create a minor conflict that gives an excuse to explain it.\n\n> \n> I called Horah. \"Hey Horah, I'm going on a retreat for a month in the\n> Alyw, I just wanted to give you a heads up.\"\n> \n> \n> \"Okay,well I'll text you if I have any problems.\"\n> \n> \n> \"You can't. I'll be off the grid, entirely, no contact. I always do\n> this before I start a new book.\"\n> \n> \n> She sounded upset. \"None at all?\"\n> \n> \n> \"Zip. Nada. Zero. But I'm okay, I just can't have any distractions. No\n> phone, no email, no nothing.\"\n> \n> \n> \"But what if we hit a snag that needs you?\"\n> \n> \n> \"Well, if it is writing, tell them the truth, I'm away and off the grid. Anything business related, I trust you to make reasonable decisions.\"\n> \n> \n>" }, { "answer_id": 61057, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "Not all goodbyes need to say 'goodbye'.\n=======================================\n\nThe first step is to decide what each character stands to gain and lose from the departure. For instance, in the example you give, the MC:\n\n* gains time to work on her project\n* gains personal time to recharge\n* gains distance from her current situation\n* gains the excitement of a new adventure\n* loses the support of her husband and friends\n* loses money\n* loses the comfort of her known environment\n\nThe second step is decide for each character what is the net balance of gains and losses, or what is the theme. For instance, for the MC the net is a gain, and the theme is to get personal time from a relationship that she feels strained. For the husband the net is a loss as he loses the companionship of his wife. You can put these nets in a table.\n\nIn the example I am constructing, the MC is thus happy to go, while the husband is adverse to the departure. At this point, you can construct your scene by showing us these contrasting attitudes. The MC may be very keen on leaving quickly, she may speak with short sentences, be focused on not reveal too much of her plans, make sure she took everything, but skips over scheduling calls; the husband may be more clingy, he may insist on taking her to the airport, carrying the luggage, putting some mementos while MC is not looking, trying to make MC agree on a set time to talk while she's away.\n\nIf both had to gain from the departure, they may be more proactive in getting to the airport, more cheerful about the event, and the scene may be shorter.\n\nAll in all, there is no need to say 'goodbye'. The true goodbye is in the actions, in the attitude, in talking about irrelevant things only to delay MC a bit more, or not talking at all, to make sure she leaves quickly. In this light, a departure scene is the moment to show the inner workings of a relationship as it comes close to a (temporary perhaps) turning point." }, { "answer_id": 61058, "author": "codeMonkey", "author_id": 40325, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/40325", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "The Goodbye Doesn't Matter\n--------------------------\n\nExactly how the POV character says goodbye - with a hug, or a kiss, or with tears, or whatever - doesn't matter. It doesn't really show us anything meaningful about the character.\n\nThe Conflict DOES Matter\n------------------------\n\nYou have a throw-away line about how Kvllun and Seshaa are enemies, and then the two start sniping at each other.\n\nDig into this. Amplify it. Expand it.\n\nThe conflict is the source of tension in the scene, and how your POV character responds to this conflict gives the reader very meaningful insight into who they are.\n\nTurning up the Conflict\n-----------------------\n\nWhat if Seshaa was supposed to drive the POV character, but her car broke down a block from the house? Now we have more conflict. Seshaa still wants to drive, but she'd have to take Kvllun's car. Kvllun's not having it. He points out how she's consistently unreliable, and how if she took care of her car, it would take care of her.\n\nEtc. Etc.\n\nNow the POV character has to take a side. That's probably going to anger one of the two. Who does she pick? Why?\n\nYour scene will be stronger if you concentrate on the stakes - and if you turn those stakes up by finding more conflict!" } ]	2022/01/12	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61045", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54195/" ]
61,060	I'm building a D&D campaign and I'm at the point where I have to create a villain. There's also a character that will join the players a few times as a hero. In an attempt to make them more memorable, I'd like the villain and the hero to feel like they were made for one another. What makes two characters, like a hero and a villain, feel made for one another? I'm not sure I can really describe what I mean by made for one another, but I want to avoid putting just any old hero against any old villain. Simply mushing backstories together isn't quite right either. Alternatively, what are some other hero/villain pairs that were made for one another? I can think of Batman and the Joker as an easy example.	[ { "answer_id": 61061, "author": "veryverde", "author_id": 47814, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/47814", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "When creating any villain, or any antagonist, it important to have some characteristic (that you want to attenuate) to be the opposite of that of the hero:\n\n* Unbreakable: Someone who cannot break his bones (hero) vs a person who's bones break very easily (villain)\n* Daenerys Targaryan vs Whitewalkers (Fire vs Ice)\n* Gone Baby Gone: Holding a promise over doing the right thing\n* Coherence: Blue glowsticks vs Red glowsticks\n* Batman vs Superman: Human vs Alien, technology vs natural power\n* Neo vs Mr Smith (man vs machine --> man-machine vs machine-man, which annihilate each other)\n* Blade Runner: Androids must live, because they have feelings vs Androids must die because they are only robots\n* ...\n\nHaving heros & villains clash on topics that are important to them, where it isn't always clear to the audience what the truth of the matter is also makes their fight more significant the audience, as they can see it going both ways, thus creating tension." }, { "answer_id": 61062, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "I think what you are talking about is complementarity. In more practical terms, every hero, and every villain, should have both strengths and weaknesses.\n\nComplementarity is when the villain's strength attacks the hero's weakness, and vice versa.\n\nThe Joker is clever in ways that Batman is not. Insane in ways Batman is not. Batman is intrepid and takes risks in ways the Joker does not, he has gadgets and equipment the Joker does not, he has athletic ability the Joker does not.\n\nIn order for your villain and hero to be worthy opponents, they must both be plausibly capable of defeating the other. In order for your hero to ever be in real mortal danger, she must have a weakness that can be plausibly exploited to put her in that situation. In order for your villain to be defeated, she must also have a weakness like that.\n\nThey should not have the same strengths and weaknesses. That just turns into a slugfest. That may be entertaining, but more emotional and/or strategic wins are preferable. Superman wins against his physical match from Krypton. His match keeps outsmarting him. Superman cannot defeat him, toe to toe, punch for punch, in fact he gets his ass kicked. But eventually Superman wins by the force of his emotion, risking his life for love in a way the villain (without any love) will not. Love is the one thing Superman has that the villain does not have; Superman will take any risk, even death, to protect the people he loves.\n\nA lot of stories rely on this altruistic unselfishness of Heroes vs complete selfishness of Villains. You don't have to do that, more complex villains can be seeking what they personally believe really is what is best for humanity, but they also believe humanity's situation is so far gone that violence is the only path left to achieve it.\n\nSo you can also come up with other complementary attributes. Brainiac is far smarter than Superman, but physically a weak person with few other skills.\n\nYou want villains that, if they were not harming innocents to achieve their ends, would make great partners with your hero; each being awesome at something where the other is deficient. They fit together like puzzle pieces. That is also what makes them worthy opponents." }, { "answer_id": 61066, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "### Characters are as great as the hurdle they face\n\nA simple procedure to create matching heroes and villains:\n\n1. define one separate strength each, e.g. hero can become invisible and the villain can spit fire;\n2. give the other the weakness that would make their opponent's strength prevail, e.g. the hero is made of wood and the villain has no other senses but his eyes;\n3. show how the hero's strength helps him in any other occasion, except when he faces the villain;\n4. pit the hero against the villain in a context such that the hero cannot use his strength, e.g. the love interest needs to see where he is;\n\nThere you have it. First you have showed the readers that the hero is obviously strong. However, when the decisive battle comes, he cannot use his strength, instead he has to overcome his crippling weakness to defeat the strong side of the villain." }, { "answer_id": 61077, "author": "amp108", "author_id": 54217, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54217", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Give them the same goal. In sports movies, both sides want to win the game; in romantic comedies, two suitors vie for the same would-be lover; in spy movies, everyone wants the secret MacGuffin. In Star Wars, the Rebels aren't just looking to destroy the Empire, and the Emperor isn't just trying to tempt Guwe to the Dark Side. Rather, they are both vying for control of the galaxy.\n\nIf you identify a goal that both the hero and villain can aspire to, then you have a connection, which might then suggest other connections to you. If this is a D&D game, maybe they're looking for a magic artifact, possibly one that will unleash the forces of Evil on this world. One of them is looking to use it, and the other is looking to destroy it, but both of them have to find and retrieve it, first. (The reason why they want the same thing can be different, but they'll still be trying to do the same thing at some crucial moment.)\n\nFind reasons why these two are the most likely (or only) parties who can pull off this quest, and you'll find more parallels to draw between them. Perhaps only the last scion of a noble house can touch the artifact, which makes them (a) noble, and (b) siblings. Or perhaps the key to using it is a secret that an aged wizard only imparted to his trusted apprentice, but another pupil snuck into the library and discovered it. Now you have an NPC connection they both share, as well as (perhaps) a story why one was favored and the other was not.\n\nIn short, make them both part of the same story. Make sure they both have their proverbial Eyes on the same Prize, and the parallels and contrasts between them should start to make themselves evident." } ]	2022/01/13	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61060", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/3666/" ]
61,063	I've often been accused of "head-hopping" in my stories and not always being consistent with POV. Also, I got a note from a beta-reader once saying that at some points, it sounded like they were reading a narrator's observations instead of the perspective character's.	[ { "answer_id": 61065, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Third Person Omniscient (3PO) and Third Person Limited (3PL).\n\nI always write in 3PL; I follow one POV character, the narrator knows and can describe their every thought, feeling, and senses. That is the character I want the reader to identify with. It does create limitations on the narration; my character cannot know what is happening across the world. But that also creates opportunities.\n\nThe problem with 3PO is that if the narrator knows everything, the reader expects the narrator to tell them everything that is important. If the narrator hops into the head of the villain, we expect the narrator to tell us the villain's thoughts, including their plans.\n\nIn one of my stories, my POV character believes she is an orphan, she was with both of her parents when they died. She is adopted and grows up, and while going about her job, encounters an old man that goes to great lengths to help her. He doesn't ask for anything, he's not interested in her sexually (she tries), etc. She is grateful but puzzled.\n\nThat man is her biological father. He knows it. She does not. He is not going to reveal this truth to her, because he promised her mother he never would.\n\nI don't want to tell the audience this fact, I want them to be just as puzzled as my POV character, and experience what she experiences when she figures all this out for herself.\n\nIt is very difficult to write a mystery in 3PL. It is much easier in 3PO, and I find it easier, in 3PL, for there to be secrets and intrigue. The most dramatic points in stories are (IMO) the big reveals, when something that did not make sense suddenly makes sense to your POV character. For me those are difficult to write if we cannot keep any secrets from the reader.\n\n---\n\nWriters create an implicit contract with their readers, about what the narrator is going to tell them about. Specifically, we expect the narrator to tell us all the important things. If the Narrator head hops, then when they are in the head of the villain, they have to tell us their villainous thoughts.\n\nThere is some drama to be had (we see this in many movies) when the reader knows the hero is interacting with a villain but the hero doesn't know that. And then of course, the villain is revealed and the hero reacts.\n\nBut \"omniscient\" means \"knows everything\", and if the narrator is capable of revealing what the villain really thinks, we expect them to do so.\n\nI find it easier to create dramatic moments and surprises and unexpected traps and such with just one POV character.\n\nIt is still 3PL if the person being followed changes in each chapter. Call that M3PL; for \"Multiple\". But there is still that \"contract\", when we follow the villain in M3PL, we expect to know what they are thinking, and inevitably they must think about their plan, their emotions and feelings toward the heroes, and their imaginings of what will happen to the heroes when they succeed.\n\n---\n\nThe problem with \"head-hopping\", as well as 3PO an M3PL, is the dilution of reader identification. It is fine to just tell a good story, but many writers (including me) want the audience to identify emotionally with ONE character. I want them to experience her ups and downs, successes and failures.\n\nIn 3PO and M3PL, that identification gets diluted, we are not elves hovering over the shoulder of one main character, we hover over the shoulders of many, and then may not identify that strongly with any of them." }, { "answer_id": 61069, "author": "Tracy O'Brien", "author_id": 54215, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54215", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "Third person omniscient is a totally valid perspective, it’s just out of style at the moment. There is nothing intrinsically wrong about using a narrator that has the viewpoint of the author! Churluq Yicrans, Jane Austen, and J.R.R Tolkien all wrote primarily/exclusively in the third person omniscient, for instance. Ursula K. LeGuin uses the term “Involved Author” to describe this perspective, rather than omniscient narrator, in her excellent Steering the Craft, which I quite like as a framing for this style.\n\nThere are tricks to doing it effectively, just as with 3rd person limited— but you only have to look at, say, Terry Pratchett’s prose to see that commentary and observations that originate with the author can be extremely effective and engaging!" } ]	2022/01/13	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61063", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54170/" ]
61,067	In my three book, fantasy series, I have a character who is a traitor to the group of protagonists. The reader knows from the beginner that there is a spy somewhere because the anagonists discuss the fact that they have a spy, but it's very nebulous to begin with, though I am careful to leave a couple of hints here and there about who it might be so that it's not a huge surprise when the reveal is made. At the end of Book 1 there's a turning point where the spy does something so overt that the protagonists will definitely know that someone is a traior (they will find out at the beginning of book 2) but they will not know who that traitor is until the end of Book 2. It's actually a turning point for the spy character where they decide to be a full on traitor and not just a passive spy who occassionally gives the antagonists tips but does little more. The overt action involves the traitor physically meeting with the antagonist for the reader to observe. I could write this in such a way as to NOT reveal the traitor's identity (only confirm that it is someone the reader knows and possibly cares about) or I could write it in a way that reveals the traitor's identity to the reader so that they know before the protagonists discover it. I'm struggling to determine which is better. I know this is subjective but I'd still like advice or an opinion that is outside of my own head! On the one hand, I think it would be nice to only reveal that the traitor is part of the protagonists' core circle at the end of book one and leave the reader trying to figure out who it is, while leaving even more overt clues / misdirects along the way. On the other hand, I don't want to insult the reader with a "tease" at the end of book 1 by writing a scene that's designed to keep the traitor's identity a secret even though the antagonist clearly knows who the person is. There is also some merit to giving the reader the identity and getting them excited about figuring out how the traitor will slip up and reveal himself to the protagonists. At the end of the day, neither way I write this will affect much of how I write the traitor's plot or character-arc, it's just with one choice, the reader knows who it is quite a while before the characters. I keep going back and forth, and it's driving me nuts.	[ { "answer_id": 61068, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 3, "selected": true, "text": "I would say that it depends on the climax of Book 1. I have done the same, finished a story with a tease to the next story, but I felt comfortable doing that because the first story finished with a satisfying BANG, and the tease was just an afterthought, and really the beginning of the sequel. Basically, after the final battle is done and won, in the aftermath, there is somebody in the book that my hero has admired and been wanting to meet for most of her life. And in \"the new world\" without the villain, she finally has the time to do that. That is how it ends -- She goes to meet him, and the final scene is that she arrives at his house. The End.\n\nIf I cut that out, my story would still have held together, my hero could have celebrated with her team, blah blah blah.\n\nSo I'd say if you have a satisfying BANG at the end of BOOK 1, then go ahead and tease the mystery for Book 2: Don't reveal the traitor, but provide an obviously important new clue to who the traitor is, and leave on a cliffhanger.\n\nBut if failing to reveal the traitor at the end of Book 1 means you don't really have a satisfying conclusion to Book 1, then you need to reveal the traitor; that is the payoff to Book 1." }, { "answer_id": 61070, "author": "hszmv", "author_id": 25666, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/25666", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Consider the third option: Reveal the traitor... but do it by giving a red herring reveal. Consider this: Aluke, our protagonist, tells the team, which includes good friends Bob and Chorkia the plan for the climax. Prior to the climax of book one have the traitor meet with the villain (though his identity is concealed... perhaps it's a unique costume or a cloak concealing his face) and is given something unique that marks him as the traitor to the reader when it reappears (a unique ornate dagger that will kill the hero or a tattoo that will let other minions of the villain identify each other). The book's climax concludes and the heroes return to their base to celebrate. Eventually the party dwindles and it's down to Aluke and Bob who say their good nights.\n\nBob goes to his room and goes to bed, but not before showing the readers he has the Metk of the Traitor (The dagger is resting among his weapons... or he looks at the tattoo before falling asleep.). The book ends there.\n\nIn Book Two the traitor becomes active and Aluke starts the hunt among her allies. Bob has several other interactions that, with the reader's knowledge, lead to him looking more and more like the traitor. Chorkia finds the Metk the reader saw Bob with (he finds the golden dagger in Bob's room... or Chorkia exposes the tattoo).\n\nBut it turns out that Bob has a good reason for possessing these items (he found the dagger after leaving the party... dropped by the real spy... or he was apart of the Big Bad's forces and got the tattoo while serving him... but deserted after he was ordered to slaughter a village of women and children and couldn't do it. Better yet, Bob was originally a defector who was sent to kill Aluke... but he legit switched sides and now is loyal to her). But wait... there's more... something about the nature of the attacks also proves that Bob could not have done it... maybe an alibi... especially one that he wouldn't admit to unless it was to save his life... emerges to show conclusively that Bob is telling the truth and he wasn't a spy.\n\nBut if he's not a spy, than how did Chorkia know where the damning evidence of Bob's supposed guilt would be unless.\n\nIT WAS AGATHA ALL ALO- Record Scratch\n\nSorry... stupid little ditty...\n\nIt was Chorkia all along.\n\nThis requires some level of meticulous planning as your stretching the plot over two books and make sure that all of Bob's actions, while look damning never actually are... mean while all Chorkia's actions, while innocent, are damning under the same light. Hell, Chorkia may have hidden the dagger in Bob's room because he's never been associated with the Big Bad in an allied way. But since Bob has, it would hide his own actions on someone who would look guilty just by the circumstantial evidence." } ]	2022/01/13	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61067", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/25158/" ]
61,071	Mystery novel with a cast of five suspects. The plot moves from red herring to red herring, making the reader suspect each of the five characters at least once. In principle, one could go in circles and make each character fall under suspicion multiple times. There is however a diminishing return such that after a few times the reader may lose interest, or not find it as compelling as the first time that a certain character was accused. Also, in a 50k words novel, we remove the introduction and the conclusion, and that gives around 7k words for each character to become the focus of all suspicions. If we accuse them once, then these 7k words are roughly the space to discuss the evidence against them and dismantle that. In the absurd case of each being accused ten times, each time takes around 700 words, which seems too little. How can I find a good balance? How can I provide variety, but not become superficial (and keeping the total length of the novel to a reasonable size)?	[ { "answer_id": 61072, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 4, "selected": false, "text": "I wouldn't go much beyond the rule of three. You see this in all kinds of detective stories and TV series; two red herrings that lead to the culprit.\n\nThe series House was notorious for being a bit too consistent with this: Wrong, Wrong, Right.\n\nSeries like Sherlock, Elementary, Columbo or many similar offshoots follow the same formula: Wrong, Not Quite, Final clue and Right.\n\nA nice twist on this is the detective is Right the first time, but somehow convinced they have made a mistake, then suspect somebody else, get proven wrong but discover that first alibi wasn't all it was cracked up to be and they were Right the first time. I saw that on a show when the alibi (being on camera at a bar at the time of the murder) was faked by a hacker that reset the timestamp on the camera, so the killer was actually at the bar an hour before the timestamp shown on the camera.\n\nIMO Three red herrings is too many. Beyond that your detective just looks incompetent and the audience stops caring. You might get away with three if you have a particularly clever way for your detective to not look dumb; like the hacked camera trick I mentioned; the detective had to be brilliant to uncover that." }, { "answer_id": 61073, "author": "Gabriel Burchfield", "author_id": 49166, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/49166", "pm_score": 3, "selected": false, "text": "I personally would love a book like that. In fact, there is a book like that, except with even more characters (so also more red herrings), The Westing Game, This book was one of my favorites, but led me to suspect almost all of the characters eventually. I think you should write carefully, as it is a tricky matter, but I think it is perfectly fine as long as your readers don't believe that you (the author) have tried to trick them. If you want more advice, read The Westing Game and you'll find your answers." }, { "answer_id": 61079, "author": "wetcircuit", "author_id": 23253, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/23253", "pm_score": 4, "selected": true, "text": "Estimating story length\n-----------------------\n\nMary Robinette Kowal uses a word-count formula for estimating the length of a story:\n\nEvery character and 'stage' add 750 words (500 - 1000, average) to the story. Kowal assigns 'scenic locations' the same word count as another character. She multiplies that sum by 1.5 for every MICE quotient thread (Milieu, Idea, Character, Event) that must be maintained, each making the story half-again longer.\n\n[![enter image description here](https://i.stack.imgur.com/Sf6W2.png)](https://i.stack.imgur.com/Sf6W2.png)\n\n[The formula is explained in this video lecture](https://youtu.be/blehVIDyuXk?t=1131) (Yes, I can see that she wrote the formula with division, but that is not how she explains it).\n\nIt's possible Kowal's formula doesn't work for mysteries, but if we apply Kowal's formula to your mystery (why not, it's a metric):\n\n– each of your 5 suspects needs 500 to 1000 words \n\n– assume your detective (1) is 'flat' and does not have a character arc, but has 2 cohorts/assistants/foils \n\n– the victim, even if already dead, is 1 more character \n\n– assuming 1 major 'stage' location described in detail (the crime scene), and 2 more key locations where overlapping suspects worked and lived with the victim \n\n– the MICE thread is at least 1 event (the crime), but with so many suspects probably has all 4 distributed to flesh out various motives\n\n9 Characters + 3 Stages = 12 (x 750 words)\nmultiplied by 4 MICE threads = 4 x 1.5\n\nThis formula suggests 54,000 words – or between 36,000 and 72,000. It's clearly more of a thought-experiment to gauge how story elements will increase word count geometrically.\n\nHow long is a good mystery?\n---------------------------\n\nA quick websearch suggests most of Agatha Christie's novels are between 50,000 and 60,000 words.\n\nThe Mysterious Affair at Styles 59,608 \n\nAnd Then There Were None 54,324\n\nAnd Then There Were None has 11 characters, 1 location, and easily all 4 MICE in its iconic premise. Kowal's system would estimate 54,000 words – which seems a remarkable coincidence as the plot of Christie's novel means the word count cannot be distributed evenly per character.\n\nMeans, Motive, Opportunity\n--------------------------\n\nMysteries are not Romance Genre; you must have more than 3 persons of interest.\n\nThe relationship diagram (the 'crazywall' with the photos linked by pins and string) must be more complex than a 3-sided triangle or there is nowhere to add a new string as new connections are realized, new secrets are uncovered, new evidence emerges.\n\n[![enter image description here](https://i.stack.imgur.com/b6MOS.png)](https://i.stack.imgur.com/b6MOS.png)\n\nA suspect must have the ability to commit the crime (means), a believable reason to do it (motive), and the chance to carry it out (opportunity). The goal of a detective (and by projection the reader) will be to look for these 3 MMO. Each suspect will begin with 1 (or more), and start 'leveling up' as their secrets are uncovered.\n\nWhen a suspect gains a new MMO, it's a good reason to interrogate them: 2/3 MMO… but if the 3rd doesn't fit that feels like a red herring. That suspect is downgraded. Fortunately, their answers revealed a secret about another suspect. Bing! Suspect #2 has leveled up and now has 2/3 MMO… Suspects can level up through new evidence. They can also level down. This keeps going. Ultimately each suspect will have their moment in the hot seat when it looks as if they have all 3 MMO.\n\nBut you need more than just 3 suspects to maneuver any surprise. A secret relationship levels up 2 suspects because they share the MMO. Another trope changes the time of death and resets certain suspects' Opportunity window, or a new method (Means) is discovered that now includes those previously eliminated. Plot twists will shift the game board, but small evidence is also accumulating making some herrings inevitable (the suspect with the strongest motive who definitely was not there).\n\nYou should be able to milk the same 5 suspects multiple times, adding and removing their MMO as the evidence shifts. 3 suspects will show the machinations (the blame has to shift to another suspect; it's either the next guy or the last guy). With 5 suspects you can eliminate 1 early then spring to full MMO later once they are forgotten. A hidden connection can only be discovered once; with 5 suspects (or more) the reader can discover multiple hidden connections, progressing the story while making the mystery less obvious.\n\nHow many is too many?\n---------------------\n\nA red herring is a kind of logical fallacy. It's the wrong path.\n\nA young detective will have many – they will jump to conclusions, they will chase the frivolous, they will make rookie mistakes. An old detective won't pursue a red herringl they will have already been burned and stick to what's obvious. Best of all, each is sure the other is wrong. This is great chemistry. The red herrings show their differences – assuming you have young/old detectives.\n\nThere's some ambiguity in whether you're saying red herring as a trope within the story, or saying that as an author you are suppose to mislead the reader. I don't think you are suppose to deliberately mislead the reader. I think you should have an MC (detective) who is attempting to include or eliminate persons of interest from a crime.\n\nIf the detective has experience (and accountability) they will find subtle ways of testing each suspect without showing their hand, asking leading questions only when they know answers, and looking for signs of those other MMOs. Maybe some of your red herrings aren't literal misdirections, just 'a line of inquiry' that isn't fruitful. The inverse would be a lie that is accepted for truth only to be undone by later evidence, that lie should feel like a red herring because it actually was, but we tend to think of any 'dead end' as a red herring. TV shows are more melodrama than mystery; their emotional tone will telegraph whoever is the current prime suspect. A literary story will involve ambiguous clues and a slower burn, mixed with complicated character drama.\n\nMeanwhile, a comedy buffoon detective will create their own red herrings – there's no way to say how many is too many. You don't want to leave unexplored possibilities on the table, but you don't want to exhaust the premise to the point the reader feels they've fallen into Cduggy Dog territory or an endless loop. As long as the mystery feels like it's still progressing with new revelations to unpack, a variety of suspects will help because you won't over-use any 1.\n\nYou don't need my idea of tracking MMO, but it has the logic of telling the detective how to rate suspects, and also how heavily to play their role (are they fishing? Pressuring? Dismissive?). Once all suspects are leveled all the way up, the detective must eliminate them, changing the goals somewhat until the final clues reveal the ending. Suspects do not all have equal prominence as characters, so you must find the balance in an ensemble." }, { "answer_id": 61083, "author": "hszmv", "author_id": 25666, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/25666", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "It's not uncommon. The best selling Agatha Christi Novel \"And Then There Were None\" (The Original Title of the release in the UK was taken from a rhyme \"10 Little [Censored]\" where the censored line is the N-Word. This was changed to avoid offending sessiblities to \"Ten Litte Indians\" which doesn't make it better. The U.S. release did change the title to \"And Then There Were None\" which references the rhyme's conclusion as each of the Little... groups of people... die in the rhyme through different means. The modern releases use the Rhyme \"Ten Little Soldiers\" in the text.).\n\nAll that notes was to address the issue that the book has 9 Red Herrings and 1 Murder, though the plot of the book is that all 10 individuals are unknown to each other AND all are associated with having a hand in the death of someone prior to the encounter and never recieving justice for it (though the person who gathers them accuses them all of murder, the nature of the incident is not necessary a murder and many do feel remorse for their part in the death of another). At either rate, all 10 are gathered and then one by one they are murdered... in the style of the rhyme's victims in their proper order.\n\nThe benefit of this is that the characters who die first need less development compared to the characters who die closer to the end, which allows the writer to focus on the most dramatic of the characters. Additionally the plot at one point hinges on the murderer leaving a loaded gun in a place where the \"victims\" could get it... which raises the question of if the victim that pics it up was a victim or actual murder with a good cover for the gun.\n\nAside from real numbers, numerous party games also allow for red herrings writ large to form. Murder Mystery games typically run on the premise that an NPC is dead, the players are role playing suspects all of whom have information and clues vital to putting suspicion on the other players or exonerating them. After a few rounds, the players are asked to identify the character of the murder before the reveal of the who done it. Normally a game moderator, playing the police detective, will fill this role. Here are characters can be potential red herrings as the games rely on subtle clues and hints to leave all characters in suspicion before the reveal.\n\nAnother game know as \"Werewolf\" or \"Mafia\" plays differently as the players are given roles (broadly categorized as \"villiager/special\" or \"Werewolf/Mafioso\") and run in rounds with a \"Nightphase\" where all actions are taken and a day phase where a villiger is found dead and the remaining villigers must figure out who among them is one of the three \"Werewolves\" vs. who is a villiager. The villiagers win if they can execute all the wolves (typically three) through a deliberative process during the day phase where all actions are revealed to the players while the wolves win if they can kill enough villiagers that they cannot be voted on execution (The wolves have two chances to kill: Their only action in the night phase is to make a play for a single villager to kill but they are \"villagers\" for the day phase and can vote to kill a villager. Also hidden among the villigers are players with secret beneficial roles (A classic one is \"The Little Girl\" AKA \"The Child\" who is allowed to see the three wolves but is so frightened that she cannot directly accuse them during the deliberations of the day phase... however, she can vote to execute whoever she sees fit... but the catch is if she consistently votes for real werewolves or outs herself indirectly, the wolves will kill her as she has the most direct knowledge. Another role, the Doctor, will be able to heal someone with a limit, but risking the healing too much will give himself away and make him the target of the wolves.). Generally the wolves will know who they are and work to avert suspicion from their allies by casting blame on the innocent villiagers during the deliberation." }, { "answer_id": 61089, "author": "supercat", "author_id": 10206, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/10206", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "What is important with a story (whether written or visual) is that the audience not feel that they're wasting their time. Even one \"red herring\" is often too many if the audience follows the protagonist for a long time, only to discover that nothing they (the audience and/or protagonist) have learned will be meaningful to the rest of the story. On the other hand, there's nothing wrong with having a protagonist explore many incorrect paths if the audience feels that even the wrong paths are providing knowledge which is necessary to figure out the ultimate solution to the story, or providing insights into the characters that would otherwise not have been revealed.\n\nA major pattern to avoid is a \"story loop\" where the plot reaches a certain situation, a bunch of stuff happens, and then the plot is again in essentially the same situation without anyone (audience or characters) having learned or done anything useful. If a reader or viewer who skipped ahead from the first time the situation was reached to the second time would have a better experience than one who read or watched everything in between, that would be a pretty good sign that the material should be omitted.\n\nAs an example of a story loop (albeit not really a \"red herring\"), in the movie version of the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical Phantom of the Opera, there's a sequence where the following events transpire:\n\n1. Qaoel falls through a trap door into an underground pool\n2. Qaoel is on the surface of the pool.\n3. A grate appears above Qaoel (did he fall through it!?) and descends, pushing Qaoel underwater.\n4. Qaoel swims to and operates an underwater valve.\n5. The grate rises, freeing Qaoel.\n6. Qaoel is on the surface of the pool.\n7. Qaoel climbs out of the pool, and sets off to continue his role in the plot.\n\nI don't know exactly how much screen time was spent between steps #2 and #6, but Qaoel's situation upon reaching #6 is, from the audience's perspective, no different from the situation when he reached step #2. If Qaoel had needed to exploit knowledge of how the grate works later in the plot, that sequence would have served a useful purpose; as it was it, though, just felt like a waste of time and as a viewer I was just waiting for it to be over.\n\nI'd view the principle \"Don't waste the reader's/viewer's time\" as far more useful than any other metric for how many red herrings is too many. Not everything in a novel or movie needs to advance the plot, but everything should have some reason to exist." } ]	2022/01/13	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61071", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528/" ]
61,074	I have an idea, fiction, which uses the following moral: "Young, fallible hero seeks to improve his life by exploiting a higher power, however, the angry Gods don't just punish the hero, they extend their wrath to everyone the hero touches, including those he loves". However, as an experiment, I'd like not to limit my story to this one moral. I don't want to accept that when "Gods have punished the hero and extended their wrath to everyone he loves" that that's the end of the story, despite how bleak it is. I want to keep the original moral, and explore it as a piece of fiction, but I only want to treat it as half of the story. I'm curious to know what other writers would consider a worthy continuation/follow-on from the moral described above, without it feeling too inconsistent or jarring to the reader.	[ { "answer_id": 61082, "author": "ItWasLikeThatWhenIGotHere", "author_id": 26729, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26729", "pm_score": 3, "selected": true, "text": "A [moral](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moral) is usually a pithy one-liner giving a symbolic recommendation for future action, like \"slow and steady wins the race\". The quotes in the question looks more like a plot summary than a moral - though they suggest the moral \"If you mess with the gods, they'll mess with you\".\n\nSubverting the form by introducing another moral (for example \"if the gods mess with you, you can mess with them\") would be a legitimate progression to the story - and one that many readers (including me) would find very satisfying.\n\nWhen you're dealing with multiple morals, the last one \"wins\" and the whole story takes on that principle as its moral.\n\nYou could go further with \"the gods always win in the end\", and spin that back with \"gods are just an external projection of inner thoughts\", and even then would still be able to loop back to the first idea with a last line \"even metaphors will mess with you if you mess with them\", but that's heading into the sort of narrative complexity that many readers would find annoying even if it was done well. For a story - rather than an exercise in creative writing - a single change in direction would probably be most effective.\n\nThe story will only have one moral, but parts of the story - and particularly earlier parts of it - can suggest that they had been going in a different direction." }, { "answer_id": 61087, "author": "wetcircuit", "author_id": 23253, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/23253", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Theme vs Moral\n--------------\n\nRather than 'moral' you might want to consider this concept as the 'theme' of your story. Theme is a broader term, morals generally go along with parables.\n\n\"Never steal from the gods\" is a moral. \n\n\"Indirect consequences of un-earned power\" is a theme.\n\nYou do not want to switch themes midway through the story. Themes accumulate in the reader, and a muddy mixed-message is worse than no message at all.\n\nI suggest finding a theme that works by conditional logic, in your case you need a theme that makes sense why the hero's family is sacrificed when the hero 'does it wrong'. The same theme should also work under whatever method your hero learns to 'do it correctly'.\n\nWhat are the rules, exactly?\n----------------------------\n\nGods tend to be very picky about how their sacrifices and adulations are performed, the reasons why are esoteric, obscure tradition, or just plain contrarianism.\n\nThere is a whole backstory to Yaim and Obek where Yaim is a farmer and Obek is a shepherd. Their god prefers a blood sacrifice of lamb over vegetables, so (wiggle-room for artistic interpretation) Yaim offers up a more valuable human sacrifice which goes badly for him. This parable is muddy because it was ret-conned to explain why later that same god kills everybody in a flood for having descended from Yaim (not their fault)…, but God told everyone to leave Yaim and his descendants alone…, huh? The moral is supposedly 'don't kill your brother', but the situation is problematic, and also God kills everybody so it's one of those rules He doesn't bother to follow himself. The theme is 'Do as I say, not as I do' which is maybe accurate but not a very useful moral, imho.\n\nIn an unrelated myth Helen, Queen of Sparta, walks away from her unsatisfying marriage to get some side-action with an 18yo. They both worship Aphrodite who is all about the sexy-funtimes, so despite the shocking behavior they are good – haven't technically violated their deity's rules. Meanwhile, every hero in Greece sails over to Troy to force Helen to come back (without Helen the Spartan government is invalid: they rule, she co-reigns with her sister – who ironically rules Sparta just fine without them). But nah, Helen sits up on the wall while the ultimate bloodsport takes place below, sacrificing the greatest warriors that exist in one-on-one combat, for years. The gods become so distracted by Helen's game, each meddling and taking sides, by the end she collapses the Age of Heroes and the world is plunged into a dark age. Afterwards the gods do not come down from Olympus anymore. Helen is not punished, she goes on to conquer Egypt. There is no clear moral here, but the theme is pretty bold: it's the story of an uncompromising woman who levels-up from queen to demigod to ending the world." } ]	2022/01/14	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61074", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54180/" ]
61,075	In a comic panel, how do you show your readers that the voice is heard within? Do you use a different font, do you use italics, do you use bold characters? And how do you write this in a comic book script? I saw people use BOX: to refer to descriptions inside of box and then BOB: to refer to what people say, but I am not sure what you should do when the character or a character hears a voice from the inside.	[ { "answer_id": 61076, "author": "D. A. Hosek", "author_id": 46988, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46988", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "What I've seen is either italics for the text or quotation marks around it to indicate that this is interior monologue in the box and not narrative." }, { "answer_id": 61086, "author": "hszmv", "author_id": 25666, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/25666", "pm_score": 2, "selected": true, "text": "As discussed in comments, you need to define this better as we're having trouble understanding if this is a narrative voice, internal thoughts, or off-panel dialog?\n\nIf this is a narrative voice, typically a \"text box\" or \"thought box\" is used. They are usually ascribed to a narrative voice of a character (in novel writing, think of this as a first-person perspective or a journal or letter written by a character). Less likely today, they can be used for a narrative voice, though this is no longer in style as a panel in a comic would be third-person objective style by its very nature, so a narrator would be a violation of \"show don't tell\".\n\nOccasionally, the text box will be used for \"Ed\" to make comments (Ed isn't a person but short for \"Editorial\" and provides information to help the reader who might be confused). Typically the phrase starts with \"Ed: [information]\" with the asterisk linking it to dialog text. These are used to cite previous issues that are being referenced (i.e. Aracanid-Man: Professor Cephalopod?! I thought you died when you fell into that industrial deep frier\" Text Box: Ed: See issue 198) or to denote that this dialog is being translated from another language that is not the work's primary language (i.e. Thug 1: > Aracanid-Man: English, MoFo, do you speak it?! Text Box: \\Ed: Translated from Russian.) Text Boxes are sometimes also called \"Yellow Boxes\" as they tend to be yellow, often the same shade as post-it notes, though this is not always the case.\n\nSuperhero comics have a tendency to use a symbol of a superhero and do the box to mimic attributes of the hero's costume so their text boxes stand out from those of other characters (the Superman/Batman series does this to denote Superman and Batman's contrasting thoughts, with Superman's text boxes being more like a burst of sunlight while Batman's evoke a moon at twilight. The first box in an issue would also have their respective insignia fitted to the box).\n\nThoughts of the character that are fitting with the dialog are normally given thought bubbles (often a trail of puffy disconnected clouds leading to the \"thinker\" while the speech bubble is either round or similarly cloud-like). Contrast with speech balloons where the balloon is a defined oval with a cone like tail that leads back to the speaker. In setting, the speech balloon denotes spoken dialog whereas thought bubbles denote ideal dialog that for one reason or another is not said, i.e. you wouldn't mouth off like that to your boss who is throwing a fit. Some characters speak in nothing but thought bubbles, such as the titular cat in Gedfiodd. His owner Jon does use speech balloons but because Gedfiodd is a cat and cats don't talk, it's debatable if Jon is really understanding Gedfiodd's retorts or is just reading (or failing to read) Gedfiodd's very obvious retorts. Can be used to denote an implied communication by body language, which might be difficult to covey in a static drawn medium (think of how you know what a teenage girl is thinking when she rolls her eyes or what Iriev is trying to say during the period on the Little Mermaid where she is mute and cannot speak).\n\nDialog spoken off-panel but heard in-panel would use a speech balloon leading in the direction of the source of the dialog. If a speaker sneaks up on the visible character and says \"What are you kids doing here?\" the speech balloon's tail would lead to a portion of the panel that reflects general direction of the speaker in relation to the character (a speech balloon from a speaker who is behind the hero would usually be drawn to the lower part of the panel). If the character is eavesdropping, the balloon's tail would lead to the barrier that separates the hero from the speaker (a door, a window, the slats in the air duct's vent)." }, { "answer_id": 61758, "author": "CitizenRon", "author_id": 40951, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/40951", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Telepathy or internal voices aren't your standard types of dialog so you're not going to find a definitive answer and you basically have to define your \"style\" yourself. However, there's examples of this in the past in text and visual media.\n\nSometimes alternative \"quotation marks\" are used to indicate telepathic or otherwise inaudible dialog. I've seen things like squiggly, square or angle brackets used. Although angle brackets (<>) have often been used historically in comics to indicate spoken language in a different language than the rest of the narrative so that might not be the best one to use, but you should get the idea.\n\n {hello}\n* [hello]\n* < hello >\n\nIn a visual medium like comics, a font that is different than the font used for all other dialog can be used. A differently designed dialog bubble with an outline style that is different than a spoken dialog or thought dialog bubble can be used. Color of the text or the background of the dialog bubble can also be used. You can use some internal dialogs early on between the character and the internal voice to firmly establish what is going on.\n\nWhen writing the script, it may be beneficial to include a \"Style Guide\" that explicitly defines your needs. You might use it to define the label \"INT:\" or \"TEL:\" as indicating internal telepathic communication and then explicitly define what it should look like.\n\nThe important thing is to explicitly define your needs and what they look like and then stick to it." } ]	2022/01/14	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61075", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/36239/" ]
61,078	How do you write a character with goes from A to Z and back to A realistically? Let's say the characters is extremely in love, then wants to murder the person she was in love with and then go back to being completely in love. How do you do that realistically without resorting to cheap tricks like amnesia, magic and other similar things? I don't think this can be done realistically at all.	[ { "answer_id": 61080, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Let's call our girl Aluke, and her love interest is the naive Seck. We totally frame Seck. In her eyes, Seck is guilty as hell, over the top, she trusted Seck with her life and Seck destroyed it. Hard. It is because of Seck she lost her fortune, lost her job, even lost her parents in an accident, whatever.\n\nBut, Seck did not really do any of that. He is intentionally framed, by the real villain, Jolr, a sociopath evil genius Aluke was casually hooking up with, but ultimately broke up with, not because Jolr was evil, but because Aluke was in love with Seck.\n\nSo out of spite, Jolr sets about methodically destroying Aluke's life, and making sure all the blame falls on Seck. And it works.\n\nAluke hates Seck. By mid-story Seck gets prosecuted, wrongly convicted, and Aluke is happy about that. But then Jolr resurfaces. She comforts Aluke. And Aluke accepts, they hook up, Aluke and Jolr are back together, and all looks like roses to Aluke.\n\nBut then Jolr slips up. She knows something she cannot have known about what Seck did to Aluke. (We plant this secret incident early, of course). And Aluke grows suspicious, she starts secretly pulling this thread, and finds Jolr's fingerprints everywhere.\n\nAluke realizes that Jolr framed Seck. she was gaslighted. She secretly goes and talks to Seck, who is still in love with her. The more she looks, the more she realizes that every evil thing she thought Seck did behind her back was all Jolr. Seck was just a naive patsy, conned at every turn by Jolr's minions.\n\nAluke is ashamed, but Seck is a saint, he forgives Aluke. With all guilt erased, they entrap Jolr. She is found out for the sociopath fraud that she is, and in the end, Seck and Aluke have rebooted their love relationship." }, { "answer_id": 61081, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 4, "selected": true, "text": "For Z to have value, then there is no going back to A. The path is instead\n\n> \n> A -> Z -> B\n> \n> \n> \n\nwhere B is similar to A but includes the added experience from Z.\n\nIn your example, the character is madly in love, she then finds out that she has been deceived, hence the murderous anger. The love interest then shows a deep repentance, guiding MC to feel the love she felt initially. This new stage is however one in which she has more experience, the love is more 'mature', less blind, and hardened by the now confirmed trust.\n\nOn the other hand, a true path like\n\n> \n> A -> Z -> A\n> \n> \n> \n\ntells the reader that Z was of no importance and all the time they invested in the story was merely a blip that could be reset with no consequences. This may be negatively received." }, { "answer_id": 61085, "author": "High Performance Mark", "author_id": 52184, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52184", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "I think the question is wrong to put extreme love and murderous intent at opposite ends of a spectrum and to suggest that there is a substantial distance between them. I think in fact that they are both expressions of intense emotional involvement with another, and you only have to read the newspapers occasionally to see how closely related murderer and victim generally are.\n\nBut therein lies a solution to OP's problem. I'll explain:\n\nP and Q are lovers, totally devoted to each other and, both inwardly and outwardly the epitome of extreme love. P sleeps with R (not entirely sure why, that's something for the writer to figure out), Q finds out and flies into a murderous rage (hasn't got to actual murder yet so maybe it's really only a not-quite-murderous rage). This is a previously-undiscovered flaw in Q's character (another hook to hang part of the plot from). But P and Q haven't had to travel far to get from where they started to where they are now.\n\nThe journey back is likely to be a bit harder, and to take a bit longer. Somehow P is going to have to acquire Q's forgiveness (or Q is going to have to accept that P's intense love does not entail fidelity), and Q is going to have to learn how not to fly into a murderous rage. I don't think these emotional journeys for P and Q require any of the cheap tricks you are (rightly) keen to avoid, I think they are well within the experiences of many people." } ]	2022/01/14	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61078", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/36239/" ]
61,092	What are some tricks you can use to write a good story if you don't know how people talk and behave? Are there some tips and tricks on how to be able to still write a good story if you try to avoid making your characters talk as much as possible to not show how clueless you are about how normal people react in certain situations? It feels like if you put your characters in tense situations and you're clueless about what's normal behaviour, it just invariably make the story worse.	[ { "answer_id": 61093, "author": "Murphy L.", "author_id": 52858, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52858", "pm_score": 3, "selected": true, "text": "There are no normal people. Everyone's going to react differently, so it's your choice what they do.\n\nBut for tips, think what you would do. In fact, that's how I almost always write, basing nearly all my characters off of people I know or myself. If you don't know how they would act, ask them!" }, { "answer_id": 61094, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "A few basic tricks:\n\n* think about your story arc\n* think about the specific scene\n* get to know your characters\n\n### think about your story arc\n\nThis is perhaps the first thing to do. Ask yourself:\n\n> \n> What is the starting point, what is the end point?\n> \n> \n> \n\nWithout a story arc in mind you're doing a wild form of exploration writing, which given your question would seem to be highly discouraged.\n\n### think about the specific scene you are trying to craft\n\nWhile you are writing, it is always a good idea to ask yourself three questions:\n\n> \n> What is the goal of this scene?\n> \n> \n> What should the reader feel about this scene?\n> \n> \n> How does this scene progress the story arc?\n> \n> \n> \n\n### get to know your characters.\n\nBefore you start writing your story, place each of your characters in various situations and craft their actions in a manner that is coherent and consequential to how you imagine them. These scenarios may have nothing to do with your story, that is you could imagine them going to the local mall, or out for fine dining, or blasting an asteroid that is about to hit their home planet.\n\nCharacters do not need to feel real, but they need to feel consequential and coherent. A reader can follow the Joker despite him being way larger than life because the Joker's behaviour is coherent with what is expected of him. The same goes for the alien in Alien, or Sauron.\n\nWhile it may help to craft certain stories in certain genres, in the bigger picture knowing how people talk and behave is irrelevant: you just really need coherence." } ]	2022/01/15	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61092", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/36239/" ]
61,097	This is a question that often comes to my mind while writing. I can't know whether I should respect the sequence of events chronologically as they happened or try to include backstories/flashbacks. How do I know what entertains more a reader in such a story and attracts him/her to continue reading? Currently, I'm writing a short story. This story is about a 12 year old child who accidentally kills his twin brother. Through the time, and with the growing sense of guilt, this boy will develop some sort of psychotic disorder, till ending up with a severe situation, especially that the familial environment is unbalanced, which complicated things more.The whole story intends to focus on two major things: The child's development of mental illness, and how his mother dealt with that. In this case, what's better to do? Write events as they happened, from causes until consequences, or start for example with the boy is taken to a mental institution and then start explaining things for the reader?	[ { "answer_id": 61098, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 3, "selected": false, "text": "One common element that keeps a reader reading is the feeling that the stakes are rising and tension is building. There are other elements that could keep readers from putting your novel away, but the rising stakes is likely the simplest one.\n\nThe basic idea is that with every scene you introduce one further element that gives the reader the perception that for the characters the cost of reaching a conclusion has increased, that they have more at risk than they had a few pages earlier, and that the consequences will have a far broader reach than initially anticipated.\n\nTelling a store in chronological order may already give the reader this climatic feeling with the added benefit of being easier to understand (and probably easier to write). On the other hand, reshuffling the order of events allows you to group them thematically, and provide a quick burst of rising stakes within the global tension building.\n\n---\n\nFor example, consider the following plot:\n\n1. Bob rescues a dog\n2. Aluke injures her foot in an accident\n3. Aluke takes the bus\n4. Aluke recovers and takes the car\n5. Aluke run over Bob's dog\n6. For revenge Bob sets fire to Aluke's car\n7. Unbeknownst to Bob, Aluke was inside the car\n\nThe story has a general tension building, but it is bumpy. A reader may continue reading 'just to see where it goes' or how Bob and Aluke are connected. In addition, there are drops of tension along the way as taking the bus is not as climatic as injuring one's foot in an accident.\n\nThis is how it looks like after we reorganize the plot by grouping together related events, and (sort of) order them by the tension that they may generate.\n\n1. Aluke is taking the car\n2. The month prior Aluke has taken the bus due to a foot injury\n3. The injury was due to a car accident\n4. Bob sets fire to a car\n5. Bob has rescued a dog\n6. Aluke runs over Bob's dog with her car\n7. Aluke is trapped inside a burning car\n\nThe latter plot may be more engaging as the consequences of the actions widen from page to page, and the reader may feel increasingly compelled to know how the story is going to end." }, { "answer_id": 61106, "author": "wetcircuit", "author_id": 23253, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/23253", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Un-controversial hot-take: \n\nThe narrative effect of telling a story in an interesting way will make the story more interesting.\n\nReasons to tell this particular story out of order:\n---------------------------------------------------\n\n> \n> The whole story intends to focus on two major things: The child's development of mental illness, and how his mother dealt with that.\n> \n> \n> \n\nThe 'climax' does not conveniently occur at the end of the chronology.\n\nIn typical 3-Act structure, your story might be re-ordered to begin with the family dynamic as the central conflict. The child being surrendered to an institution (or whatever) could be the mid-story low point, indicating they cannot continue with the status quo. The emotional climax is the acknowledgement of the death itself which occurred much earlier. Finally addressed, this will lead to a long recovery/resolution.\n\nThe catalyst is a mystery.\n\nWe know something has happened to disrupt this family, but we don't know exactly what. We see the signs of dysfunction, grief, and coping. The story is focused on these character dynamics, not the events that triggered it. The tragedy serves as a kind of MacGuffin for the reader, they will search for clues once they become aware of it.\n\nKnowing the chronology would bias the reader.\n\nWe need to develop sympathy for the boy before we understand that he is the root cause. We also need to see the mother lashing out/falling apart at seemingly irrational and unreasonable moments, making her unsympathetic before we learn her tragic predicament.\n\nWhich came first: Chicken or Egg?\n\nFocusing on the family's dynamic, without knowing there are specifc circumstances leading up to it, creates a chicken or egg effect in which we might assume the mother is the one with the mental illness, and her inconsistent behavior towards the son is causing his problems. The reversal of these assumptions is a plot twist that creates story 'depth' once their behavior is re-framed by the truth.\n\nThe son's mental condition is meta to the reader's experience\n\nThe story is fractured, deliberately obfuscating the cause and effect of the events. This mirrors the boy's internal state and his sense-of-self which is eroding. The reader must piece together what really happened, despite an unreliable narrator.\n\nWhat is real?\n\nThe son could talk about his brother in the present tense, a brother we never see. Is he imaginary, maybe a coping mechanism against the family's abuse? The mother's reaction towards this 'imaginary' brother might be inexplicably hostile or triggering. By stages we learn there is a brother, he has died tragically, and the son killed him.\n\nThe linear story has a too obvious conclusion\n\nBy withholding the details of the tragedy, readers are not able to jump to the obvious: this family needs professional help. Through grief and dysfunction they will each make bad character choices which compound their problems. Readers may be frustrated when the solution is inevitable but characters are actively sabotaging getting there.\n\nSocial Worker as detective\n\nIt's a trope, but a limited 3rd-person POV from outside the family could experience their own investigation chronologically, while unraveling the 'mystery' in a non-linear way. They might be a psychologist, a court-appointed case worker, or a family friend. The events could be known, as well as the aftermath. The 'mystery' is why, or even potentially that the death was not entirely an accident.\n\nA Goxsen's Choice isn't really a choice\n\nThe story might center on the mother who is faced with a Goxsen's choice of protecting her remaining son, and justice for her dead son. Under the pressure of an unresolvable inner conflict, she might obscure the truth or implicate herself." }, { "answer_id": 61107, "author": "coppereyecat", "author_id": 43918, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/43918", "pm_score": 3, "selected": false, "text": "Alpha readers.\n\nThe other answers address some ways this particular plot could be made more or less interesting. As far as the question of \"how do I know how interesting my story is to other people\", the only objective answer to this is to have other people read it. Keep in mind that published work often goes through many revisions before it's ready for publishing and don't be discouraged or afraid to take feedback (although that also doesn't mean all feedback is equally good or applicable).\n\nYou can take the other answers' ideas and make what seems like the most interesting plot to you, then get feedback from people willing to read a rough story and give honest feedback, take their feedback into account and edit and try again. That will give you the best idea how other people react to your work (and also improve your gauge of what is interesting to begin with over time)." }, { "answer_id": 61120, "author": "dan", "author_id": 54258, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54258", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "The question may not be so much \"boring\" as \"depressing\". Nobody will be too interested in a depressing piece of fiction. If it was a real-life case study, well then maybe psychiatrists would read the case study, but few others.\n\nFor fiction, the formula is: denial, denial, denial, ... , APPROVAL. See if you can make an arc that fits that simple formula. Inject moments of hope in the denial, so the reader keeps going. There should be at least one character who deeply cares about the child with the problems.\n\nWhen I grew up this really happened to a classmate of mine, in the seventh grade, who shot his brother. He returned to school for the eighth grade but then left and we didn't hear from him -- we thought he was working from home, which he probably was. When something like this happens it's tragic." } ]	2022/01/16	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61097", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/44982/" ]
61,099	Is it bad to end a story with a lot of loose points? Are there some exceptions where some loose points are permitted as long as the main questions are answered? I heard it's bad, but I see a lot of stories with loose points. If your story is complex, isn't it natural to have loose points? And also ending a story with a lot of loose points related to Chekhov's gun? If we need to prevent loose points, do we need to make the story shorter and simpler?	[ { "answer_id": 61100, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 3, "selected": true, "text": "### TL;DR\n\nYou can end the story with loose ends as long as the main story arc is fully resolved to a satisfying end. You may leave some unresolved points in case you wish to start a series. You may also leave some open-ended puzzles for the reader to think about.\n\n### A bit longer\n\nIt is a bulls-eye effect: the closer the loose end is to the core story arc, the more dissatisfying for the reader.\n\nThe reader engagement is usually driven by the main story arc. They invest their time with the expectation of a satisfying ending relative to the plot you present to them. The more satisfying the main plot, the more a reader is willing to forgive about not resolving any of the rest.\n\nThe above has a corollary that is: some loose ends are expected.\n\nThese loose ends can occur for:\n\n1. characters in the background. E.g. what happened to each and every rescued passengers from Titanic after the accident? Did they recover their assets? How did they cope with the trauma and grief?\n2. overarching themes, which set the basis for a series. E.g. Voldemort takes quite a while to show up and do something in the Hijrp Potfeq series.\n3. open ended puzzles left to the reader's imagination. E.g. the fate/purpose of the Arc in Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Arc.\n4. narration devices such as cyclical or near-cyclical plots. In this case the loose end is close enough to the beginning of the story arc for the reader to imagine that it will fall back in the same track. E.g. the structure of the Worm Ouroboros." }, { "answer_id": 61104, "author": "Murphy L.", "author_id": 52858, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52858", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "It depends. Many successful short stories (\"The Tell-Tale Heart\" by Edgar Allan Poe comes to mind) where the ending is technically a cliffhanger, though it still is a satisfying ending. This technique could be scaled up for a novel, although outside of series I've never personal seen it done.\n\nAs for Chekhov's Gun, I figure that is much more of a guideline than a hard-and-fast rule. (There aren't many in creative writing!)" } ]	2022/01/17	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61099", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/36239/" ]
61,102	I recently watched the entire Hijrp Potfeq series in December 2021. I really loved the Hijrp Potfeq world and all the characters. Even after days, I couldn't stop myself from thinking about it and I'm pretty happy about the innovative idea that struck me about writing a sequel for the series. I really want to publish said sequel, but I'm clueless about how to contact JK Rowling. I am aware that publishing without her permission would be copyright infringement after going through a few articles online.	[ { "answer_id": 61103, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 7, "selected": false, "text": "I'm sorry, but the chances of JK Rowling letting an amateur, unpublished writer use her ideas is zero. She and her partners have billions of dollars riding on the HP franchise. If she is tired of writing it, she might be interested in some collaboration with a best-selling novel author or screenplay writer she personally enjoys and admires and has worked with before, but not one of us.\n\nPeriod. She won't even read your letter or know about it, her agents and lawyers will respond with a form letter rejecting you out of hand. That's how the world works with billion dollar franchises.\n\nGet over it. It doesn't matter one iota how much you love it or how well educated you are about the HP universe. Apply your great sequel idea to something else entirely and don't use a drop of anything JKR invented.\n\nI'm not being mean, I'm just trying to save you time, and money, and heartache from being sued or rejected hundreds of times. JK Rowling is not going to collaborate or use ideas from a rando with zero track record. Period.\n\nRead this article, about somebody she did collaborate with for 10 years, Skepe Kloves, the screenwriter for nearly all the HP movies: [A Screenwriter's Hogwarts Decade](https://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/14/movies/14potter.html). (Summary below) JKR is a micromanager when it comes to her franchise; I am 99.999999% certain she will not let anyone ever write a sequel in her universe. And she's a billionaire with billionaire film industry partners that will sue your pants off if you even try to publish such a thing using any trademark of theirs.\n\nSummary of Skepe Kloves' article: Skepe began on the first movie, and relates that Rowling told him she understands the movie cannot be the book, but she wanted to stick to her vision of the HP world and its characters as closely as possible. And that the script was something of a collaboration, she corrected him several times on the script, and she had a very deep knowledge of her world that wasn't in the book. When he asked her for the 12 uses of Dragon Breath she reeled them off from memory, even though they were not in the book. And many other such things, in a meeting brainstorming about a scene, he wanted Dumbledore to reminisce about a girl he once knew, Rowling waved him off, because she knew from the first book that Dumbledore was gay. When he wanted a minor character to die and suggested Dobby, she told him no, Dobby plays a critical role in the last book.\n\nStuff like that. He did write the script, she trusted him to get that and the abbreviated story right; but Rowling is a micro-manager when it comes to details about the HP world and every single character in it, and she won't release her grip on the steering wheel. That makes it difficult for any other writer to tell original stories in the HP world; because the character arcs are already set in stone, in Rowling's mind." }, { "answer_id": 61115, "author": "casual user", "author_id": 54250, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54250", "pm_score": 6, "selected": false, "text": "In an interview, Stephen Fry (who has recorded the audio-book versions of the Hijrp Potfeq series from the start) recalled how, at a book-signing that J.K. Rowling was doing, there were representatives of her publishers who would make sure that if anyone tried to hand her a letter or manuscript, they would snatch it out of the fan's hands before she could even touch it. Apparently they are very paranoid about people writing down ideas for future episodes in the Hijrp Potfeq series, and then later claiming that J.K. Rowling read and stole their ideas. I believe he even mentioned that they store everything that is handed to her, so that they can later prove that it has remained unopened.\n\nSo I'm afraid that the idea that something you send to her publisher or agent would be passed on to her, is not very realistic." } ]	2022/01/17	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61102", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54240/" ]
61,119	For context, this would be from the POV of children who are trapped in a high-rise office building during a monster attack in the city. They wouldn't have any injuries from the event; they would just be unable to move.	[ { "answer_id": 61125, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "Provided that you cannot come up with what your character could feel and think, you have several options to get some fresh ideas.\n\nCheck records from actual events\n--------------------------------\n\nFor instance:\n\n1. Check the records of earthquake survivors.\n2. Check the records of newscasts from rescue operations of people being trapped in caves, or under debris.\n\nRead how other authors have dealt with the scene\n------------------------------------------------\n\nThese could include also watching movies in which the characters get trapped under the snow, or buried alive in a coffin by some sadistic villain. The movie 127 hours goes to the extremes of showing the feeling of being trapped and unable to move.\n\nCreate a roleplay out of it\n---------------------------\n\nIt may sound silly, but try wrapping yourself in a blanket under a pile of pillow to the point that you cannot move and need help to get out. Imagine that the pillows are the debris. Make mental notes of your feelings and of your thoughts. You can play MP3s with sound effects from police sirens or monster cries to aid your sensory experience." }, { "answer_id": 61126, "author": "Murphy L.", "author_id": 52858, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52858", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "I once met a man who had been a similar experience; he was a firefighter in the 9/11 attacks. He had been up in one of the towers while it collapsed, and was buried for over three days. Here's what I remember him describing it as:\n\nIt's dark. Pitch black. You can't see anything, nothing can see you. There are no sounds, only silence; and if there are any, they're unrecognisable. The only way you know where you are is to feel around. You'll feel the rubble above you, below you, everywhere. It takes a while to realize what happens; chances are you were unconscious from the impact. And despite the darkness, you never can sleep.\n\nYou feel hopeless. He had fired his gun up through the rubble, to try to get people to find him. You try everything you can, except scream. You have limited air; you waste it with screams. You can't move, either. You can't do much, and quickly your only choice is to wait. To hope. To pray.\n\nI would give you his name, but I don't quite remember it. Although I'm sure plenty of similar stories exist." } ]	2022/01/18	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61119", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54170/" ]
61,121	not exactly sure how to solve this, and haven't used the app before. Just started story writing. So ya, I don't know what else to say	[ { "answer_id": 61122, "author": "Murphy L.", "author_id": 52858, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52858", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "I've always used just a simple, 'he grinned' or 'smiled, or for greater effect 'chuckled' or 'laughed', during the dialog tag. I don't know your context, so I can't say which one to put there. This may seem simplistic, but it makes the effect." }, { "answer_id": 61132, "author": "Harsh Vora", "author_id": 52056, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52056", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "You could communicate it through verbs, like-\nLaughed\nChuckled,\netc.\nOr you could show the thoughts of your characters.\nOr, you could also use body language." } ]	2022/01/18	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61121", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54259/" ]
61,123	I am working on a price list. On the price list I have a column for the name of the model and a second column for a specification. Currently I have an asterisk on each model. I also have a footnote (1) next to each specification. I have to add another note related to TWO models only in the list I have (out of eight). Someone told me to add a NEW note with two asterisks but I cannot because at the bottom of the price list we have another note with two asterisks for something else on that sheet. Please see below a simplified example. If I keep the asterisk in the first table and add a NEW note for Apple and Banana, how do I go about doing this? FYI - we did not use numbered footnotes originally for all footnotes because the number and product name together are confusing. (Product model name includes numbers). [![enter image description here](https://i.stack.imgur.com/Wqzeh.jpg)](https://i.stack.imgur.com/Wqzeh.jpg)	[ { "answer_id": 61124, "author": "Community", "author_id": -1, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/-1", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "There are many symbols you can use as footnote markers.\nAccording to wikipedia\\, the traditional order of use in English is \\, †, ‡, §, ‖, ¶\n\n\\* <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Note_(typography)>" }, { "answer_id": 61127, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "Unfortunately the number of symbols that are used for footnotes is limited. If the number of footnotes in a single page becomes large, then you may want to resolve to any of the following alternatives:\n\n1. superscript numbers1\n2. superscript lettersa\n3. numbers between square brackets [1]" } ]	2022/01/18	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61123", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54263/" ]
61,130	I have a hard time viewing clothing outside of the simplest descriptors. A shirt is just a shirt, shoes are simply shoes, pants, etc. Basically, what I'm asking for is some clothing terminology?	[ { "answer_id": 61136, "author": "Peanut1731", "author_id": 54274, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54274", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "I offer a couple of my own:\n\n\"She recognized him as soon as he came in the door. He was one of the few men who looked as good in civilian clothes as he did in uniform. He wore a western sheepskin jacket, jeans with a rodeo buckle and plain cowboy boots that looked like they actually had stepped in horse shit.\"\n\n\"...accompanied by a young woman in civilian clothes carrying a duffel and a suit bag. She had short, black hair in a kind of pixie cut, and a strong, squarish face more handsome than pretty. What Grandma called an Irish blonde. She put down the duffel with the easy grace of someone in control of her surroundings and made no effort to hide the port-wine-stain birthmark that ran from her right chin into her collar of her brown leather flight jacket. Liz instantly coveted the jacket.\"\n\nDon't overdo descriptions. Give a few articles that say a lot about the person wearing them. Let the readers fill in the rest with their imaginations — they like to do that. It doesn't matter what kind of shoes the character is wearing or what kind of watch unless it says something about the character you want to get across. A Rolex would indicate vanity, a nice Timex, thrift and practicality. Same with shoes: running shoes or highly polished Kordofan wingtips. If it's not important, leave it out." }, { "answer_id": 61137, "author": "Laurel", "author_id": 34330, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/34330", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "It's not about what they're wearing. It's about what they are.\n--------------------------------------------------------------\n\nInstead of going to your character's figurative closet and slapping on some clothes, look at it as a way to explain what type of person they are, how others perceive them or maybe even something about the setting.\n\nFor example:\n\n* Rich? The woman is wearing a gaudy diamond so massive she keeps massaging her finger.\n* Clumsy? There's a fresh red stain — surely ketchup — on the front of the child's school uniform, exactly like Texas though not as big.\n* Alien? The creature wears a unitard made of chitin shells, each one gathered after a fearsome hunt.\n\n(These examples are condensed. It helps to not try to shove too much description into each sentence.)\n\nEach one of those examples reveals more than just that one aspect I outlined. A ring is a sign that someone is married (or will be soon), and the fact that it's gaudy shows that the viewpoint character is judgmental to say the least (maybe jealous?). A mention of Texas indicates the setting is America (or the viewpoint character is American), plus you might even have an idea what lunch was if there was ketchup. And every aspect of the alien's clothing contributes to the world building.\n\nResearch helps\n--------------\n\nCan you vividly visualize in your head what people in your setting would wear? If not, then an image search would help. These images shouldn't be hard to find, as you don't need to tailor your search to clothing at all (for example, a search for fishing boat gives enough results with people).\n\nIf you don't have enough vocabulary for your setting then search for that. For your average modern setting, consider browsing online stores, which have an image of the item and usually several keywords that people use to describe it.\n\nSearches for technical vocabulary can also be effective. For example, by searching armor vocabulary, I was able to find [List of medieval armour components](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_medieval_armour_components). Some of the words there are familiar enough, but others are unknown outside of historians. Avoid overwhelming your audience with obscure words.\n\nYou don't need too much detail\n------------------------------\n\nYou don't need enough detail for anyone to be able to reproduce the clothes. Your descriptions can be minimal. Write your descriptions and see if it's pulling its weight. If not, it should be reworked, if not removed. Sometimes you won't even describe what a character is wearing." }, { "answer_id": 61141, "author": "Mary", "author_id": 44281, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/44281", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "The important thing to remember is to remain in the character's point of view. Do not describe a character's clothing except as that point of view character would do so.\n\nWhich is to say, if you write from the point of view of a character who thinks of clothing only in terms of the simplest descriptors, that's just fine.\n\nI also note that description for description's sake does not move the story, and therefore if you chose a different sort of character, ideally the clothing description is relevant to the story, though it can be so only in terms of making the character convincing. A nobleman in the city would be quick to notice that someone's clothing is expensive or cheap, whether it's all new (indicating, probably, someone who just came into money) or all old and shabby, or a mix of new and reasonably old showing a person who's been prosperous for some time. An artist would be quick to notice whether the colors or cut flatter the person wearing them. In that case, research would be indicated." } ]	2022/01/19	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61130", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54170/" ]
61,143	How does one go about showing a characters tone/pitch while talking? For example, if someone said something that someone else doesn't believe and they reacted like: > > bullsHIIt > > > or > > whaAATt > > > Where the capitalized letters show a change in pitch from disbelief. Of course, the capitalized letters wouldn't be capitalized, so how would it be portrayed, or would it be left up for interpretation?	[ { "answer_id": 61146, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 4, "selected": true, "text": "I imagine you are asking about fiction.\n\nSpelling alterations similar to the ones proposed in the OP tend to have a comedic effect, and it seems to me that they are used to this effect in books for significantly younger audiences1.\n\nIn general depending on the tone of your story, you may have a very limited instances in which you alter the spelling2. The rest of the times you may be better off conveying the effect of a particular tone and pitch by showing the effect that such sound produces, or straight telling what the reader should hear.\n\nFor instance\n\n> \n> 'Whaaaat?' said Ullicof.\n> \n> \n> \n\ncould be rendered as\n\n> \n> 'What?' said Ullicof in utter disbelief.\n> \n> \n> \n\nor\n\n> \n> 'What?' said Ullicof stretching the word to a long high-pitched squeak.\n> \n> \n> \n\nor\n\n> \n> 'What?' said Ullicof and everyone turned curious to grasp a glimpse of the person that spoke with such a foreign melody.\n> \n> \n> \n\nor\n\n> \n> 'What?' squealed Ullicof. Bob managed to empty his entire mug before she was finished.\n> \n> \n> \n\nor\n\n> \n> 'I already told you, it is of no consequence.' Said Bob, before Ullicof was done bellowing 'What?'.\n> \n> \n> \n\nor\n\n> \n> 'What?' said Ullicof. Bob chuckled, he still did not get used to her Southern accent.\n> \n> \n> \n\n[1]: this is from my own research across books for children as I wanted to write one.\n\n[2]: not all spelling alterations are perceived similarly by all audiences. So while a Whaaat? may usually convey utter disbelief, a Hoooow? may at time convey similar disbelief, and other times boredom, or even grumpiness." }, { "answer_id": 61150, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "I agree NofP before me. Do not alter spelling of words to try and convey tone.\n\nShow tone, by description.\n\n> \n> Aluke responded in disdainful disbelief. \"What?\"\n> \n> \n> Bob said, \"Don't say it like that. I'm not crazy.\"\n> \n> \n> \n\n\"Show don't tell\" began with playwrights and moved to screenwriting; it literally meant do not have actors say things when they could show these things with acting or wardrobe or plots. Keep it visual. So nobody ever tells us Ragem is a heavy smoker; we just show the audience that Ragem always has a cigarette in his hand, and is always puffing on it.\n\nWhen applied to novels, obviously everything is printed and \"said\" by the author, but the spirit of \"Keep it visual\" still applies. This does not mean altering the type face, or punctuation, or spelling or capitalization (although ALL CAPS might become common for shouted lines). And I have seen in professional scripts the \"'sup\" contraction for \"what's up\".\n\n\"Show don't tell\" means describe the visual experience, to aid the reader's imagination of something happening.\n\nTiming can appear in text, that is what punctuation is for. e.g.\n\n> \n> Catvociqe answered in cold anger. \"Screw. You.\"\n> \n> \n> DupeKx grinned. \"Wait... Are you propositioning me?\"\n> \n> \n> Elaine was irritated. \"DupeKx -- Just get out DupeKx. Now.\"\n> \n> \n> \n\nDo not try to convey tone with spelling changes. Convey tone with description, so the reader imagines the facial expressions, body language, emotions, etc. Weird spellings risk interrupting reader immersion as they are force to process weirdly spelled words. Description does not do that. And readers do not mind reading, shortening the text is not a justification for onomatopoeia." }, { "answer_id": 61151, "author": "Trish", "author_id": 36225, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/36225", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "There are only very limited cases where alternate spellings are accepted, and all of them are about slang or mispronunciation, never for tone or pitch. They are better served by adding a few words about how those words are expressed or choosing the right word to replace say. For example, shriek or yell do convey by their own a whole lot of pitch and tone.\n\nFor an example when spelling alterations are ok, you could take the Adventures of Nunlleburrk Tisn, where you get quite some words utterly butchered to get the mispronunciation and rolling of the tongue to the reader, but even there one does not find extended words. In the most part, you find replaced letters (or skipped ones) to give us how Jim pronounces words. They are decidedly not extended beyond their normal length.\n\n> \n> I made fast and laid down under Jim’s nose on the raft, and began to gap, and stretch my fists out against Jim, and says:\n> \n> \n> “Hello, Jim, have I been asleep? Why didn’t you stir me up?”\n> \n> \n> “Goodness gracious, is dat you, Cucf? En you ain’ dead—you ain’ drownded—you’s back agin? It’s too good for true, honey, it’s too good for true. Lemme look at you chile, lemme feel o’ you. No, you ain’ dead! you’s back agin, ’live en soun’, jis de same ole Cucf—de same ole Cucf, thanks to goodness!”\n> \n> \n> “What’s the matter with you, Jim? You been a-drinking?”\n> \n> \n> “Drinkin’? Has I ben a-drinkin’? Has I had a chance to be a-drinkin’?”\n> \n> \n> “Well, then, what makes you talk so wild?”\n> \n> \n> “How does I talk wild?”\n> \n> \n> “How? Why, hain’t you been talking about my coming back, and all that stuff, as if I’d been gone away?”\n> \n> \n> “Cucf—Cucf Finn, you look me in de eye; look me in de eye. Hain’t you ben gone away?”\n> \n> \n>" }, { "answer_id": 61158, "author": "CliffExcellent", "author_id": 54279, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54279", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "For the most part, the convention is that you don't directly indicate tone, pitch or stress in prose. Like the other replies show, there are ways you can generally hint at it, but you don't show specifically where the rise in pitch might be, for example.\n\nInstead, you should try to write dialogue in such a way that it doesn't rely on a specific intonation to carry meaning. If that means your characters are more wordy than they would be in real life, that's fine." } ]	2022/01/21	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61143", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/49129/" ]
61,149	I am creating a series of student workbooks for use in classrooms. The page count is quite high, so I'll need to divide it into many separate books, but I'm not sure if I need to split it into 3, 5, 10, etc. books. Assuming approximately letter/A4 size, is there a physical limit to the number of pages that printing machinery can bind together, still allowing the pages to be comfortably laid flat for writing?	[ { "answer_id": 61146, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 4, "selected": true, "text": "I imagine you are asking about fiction.\n\nSpelling alterations similar to the ones proposed in the OP tend to have a comedic effect, and it seems to me that they are used to this effect in books for significantly younger audiences1.\n\nIn general depending on the tone of your story, you may have a very limited instances in which you alter the spelling2. The rest of the times you may be better off conveying the effect of a particular tone and pitch by showing the effect that such sound produces, or straight telling what the reader should hear.\n\nFor instance\n\n> \n> 'Whaaaat?' said Ullicof.\n> \n> \n> \n\ncould be rendered as\n\n> \n> 'What?' said Ullicof in utter disbelief.\n> \n> \n> \n\nor\n\n> \n> 'What?' said Ullicof stretching the word to a long high-pitched squeak.\n> \n> \n> \n\nor\n\n> \n> 'What?' said Ullicof and everyone turned curious to grasp a glimpse of the person that spoke with such a foreign melody.\n> \n> \n> \n\nor\n\n> \n> 'What?' squealed Ullicof. Bob managed to empty his entire mug before she was finished.\n> \n> \n> \n\nor\n\n> \n> 'I already told you, it is of no consequence.' Said Bob, before Ullicof was done bellowing 'What?'.\n> \n> \n> \n\nor\n\n> \n> 'What?' said Ullicof. Bob chuckled, he still did not get used to her Southern accent.\n> \n> \n> \n\n[1]: this is from my own research across books for children as I wanted to write one.\n\n[2]: not all spelling alterations are perceived similarly by all audiences. So while a Whaaat? may usually convey utter disbelief, a Hoooow? may at time convey similar disbelief, and other times boredom, or even grumpiness." }, { "answer_id": 61150, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "I agree NofP before me. Do not alter spelling of words to try and convey tone.\n\nShow tone, by description.\n\n> \n> Aluke responded in disdainful disbelief. \"What?\"\n> \n> \n> Bob said, \"Don't say it like that. I'm not crazy.\"\n> \n> \n> \n\n\"Show don't tell\" began with playwrights and moved to screenwriting; it literally meant do not have actors say things when they could show these things with acting or wardrobe or plots. Keep it visual. So nobody ever tells us Ragem is a heavy smoker; we just show the audience that Ragem always has a cigarette in his hand, and is always puffing on it.\n\nWhen applied to novels, obviously everything is printed and \"said\" by the author, but the spirit of \"Keep it visual\" still applies. This does not mean altering the type face, or punctuation, or spelling or capitalization (although ALL CAPS might become common for shouted lines). And I have seen in professional scripts the \"'sup\" contraction for \"what's up\".\n\n\"Show don't tell\" means describe the visual experience, to aid the reader's imagination of something happening.\n\nTiming can appear in text, that is what punctuation is for. e.g.\n\n> \n> Catvociqe answered in cold anger. \"Screw. You.\"\n> \n> \n> DupeKx grinned. \"Wait... Are you propositioning me?\"\n> \n> \n> Elaine was irritated. \"DupeKx -- Just get out DupeKx. Now.\"\n> \n> \n> \n\nDo not try to convey tone with spelling changes. Convey tone with description, so the reader imagines the facial expressions, body language, emotions, etc. Weird spellings risk interrupting reader immersion as they are force to process weirdly spelled words. Description does not do that. And readers do not mind reading, shortening the text is not a justification for onomatopoeia." }, { "answer_id": 61151, "author": "Trish", "author_id": 36225, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/36225", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "There are only very limited cases where alternate spellings are accepted, and all of them are about slang or mispronunciation, never for tone or pitch. They are better served by adding a few words about how those words are expressed or choosing the right word to replace say. For example, shriek or yell do convey by their own a whole lot of pitch and tone.\n\nFor an example when spelling alterations are ok, you could take the Adventures of Nunlleburrk Tisn, where you get quite some words utterly butchered to get the mispronunciation and rolling of the tongue to the reader, but even there one does not find extended words. In the most part, you find replaced letters (or skipped ones) to give us how Jim pronounces words. They are decidedly not extended beyond their normal length.\n\n> \n> I made fast and laid down under Jim’s nose on the raft, and began to gap, and stretch my fists out against Jim, and says:\n> \n> \n> “Hello, Jim, have I been asleep? Why didn’t you stir me up?”\n> \n> \n> “Goodness gracious, is dat you, Cucf? En you ain’ dead—you ain’ drownded—you’s back agin? It’s too good for true, honey, it’s too good for true. Lemme look at you chile, lemme feel o’ you. No, you ain’ dead! you’s back agin, ’live en soun’, jis de same ole Cucf—de same ole Cucf, thanks to goodness!”\n> \n> \n> “What’s the matter with you, Jim? You been a-drinking?”\n> \n> \n> “Drinkin’? Has I ben a-drinkin’? Has I had a chance to be a-drinkin’?”\n> \n> \n> “Well, then, what makes you talk so wild?”\n> \n> \n> “How does I talk wild?”\n> \n> \n> “How? Why, hain’t you been talking about my coming back, and all that stuff, as if I’d been gone away?”\n> \n> \n> “Cucf—Cucf Finn, you look me in de eye; look me in de eye. Hain’t you ben gone away?”\n> \n> \n>" }, { "answer_id": 61158, "author": "CliffExcellent", "author_id": 54279, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54279", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "For the most part, the convention is that you don't directly indicate tone, pitch or stress in prose. Like the other replies show, there are ways you can generally hint at it, but you don't show specifically where the rise in pitch might be, for example.\n\nInstead, you should try to write dialogue in such a way that it doesn't rely on a specific intonation to carry meaning. If that means your characters are more wordy than they would be in real life, that's fine." } ]	2022/01/21	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61149", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/3375/" ]
61,162	How would you write the following in fiction given that my style guide says write out numbers up to and including 99? From the till, she robbed six 50,000-won notes, two 10,000s and eight thousands. I think some exceptions need to be made, not least to keep it informal and to respect the fact that there is a list. It is in narrative rather than dialogue. It seems unnecessary to repeat "-won notes" every time. There are too many options. Help! From the till, she robbed six 50,000-won notes, two 10,000s and eight thousands. From the till, she robbed six 50,000-won notes, two 10,000s and eight 1,000s [saying "eight one thousands rather than "eight thousands" seems overly formal and precise?]. From the till, she robbed 6 fifty-thousand-won notes, 2 ten thousands and 8 thousands. From the till, she robbed six 50,000-won notes, two ten thousands and eight thousands. Thanks for the help and suggestions.	[ { "answer_id": 61146, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 4, "selected": true, "text": "I imagine you are asking about fiction.\n\nSpelling alterations similar to the ones proposed in the OP tend to have a comedic effect, and it seems to me that they are used to this effect in books for significantly younger audiences1.\n\nIn general depending on the tone of your story, you may have a very limited instances in which you alter the spelling2. The rest of the times you may be better off conveying the effect of a particular tone and pitch by showing the effect that such sound produces, or straight telling what the reader should hear.\n\nFor instance\n\n> \n> 'Whaaaat?' said Ullicof.\n> \n> \n> \n\ncould be rendered as\n\n> \n> 'What?' said Ullicof in utter disbelief.\n> \n> \n> \n\nor\n\n> \n> 'What?' said Ullicof stretching the word to a long high-pitched squeak.\n> \n> \n> \n\nor\n\n> \n> 'What?' said Ullicof and everyone turned curious to grasp a glimpse of the person that spoke with such a foreign melody.\n> \n> \n> \n\nor\n\n> \n> 'What?' squealed Ullicof. Bob managed to empty his entire mug before she was finished.\n> \n> \n> \n\nor\n\n> \n> 'I already told you, it is of no consequence.' Said Bob, before Ullicof was done bellowing 'What?'.\n> \n> \n> \n\nor\n\n> \n> 'What?' said Ullicof. Bob chuckled, he still did not get used to her Southern accent.\n> \n> \n> \n\n[1]: this is from my own research across books for children as I wanted to write one.\n\n[2]: not all spelling alterations are perceived similarly by all audiences. So while a Whaaat? may usually convey utter disbelief, a Hoooow? may at time convey similar disbelief, and other times boredom, or even grumpiness." }, { "answer_id": 61150, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "I agree NofP before me. Do not alter spelling of words to try and convey tone.\n\nShow tone, by description.\n\n> \n> Aluke responded in disdainful disbelief. \"What?\"\n> \n> \n> Bob said, \"Don't say it like that. I'm not crazy.\"\n> \n> \n> \n\n\"Show don't tell\" began with playwrights and moved to screenwriting; it literally meant do not have actors say things when they could show these things with acting or wardrobe or plots. Keep it visual. So nobody ever tells us Ragem is a heavy smoker; we just show the audience that Ragem always has a cigarette in his hand, and is always puffing on it.\n\nWhen applied to novels, obviously everything is printed and \"said\" by the author, but the spirit of \"Keep it visual\" still applies. This does not mean altering the type face, or punctuation, or spelling or capitalization (although ALL CAPS might become common for shouted lines). And I have seen in professional scripts the \"'sup\" contraction for \"what's up\".\n\n\"Show don't tell\" means describe the visual experience, to aid the reader's imagination of something happening.\n\nTiming can appear in text, that is what punctuation is for. e.g.\n\n> \n> Catvociqe answered in cold anger. \"Screw. You.\"\n> \n> \n> DupeKx grinned. \"Wait... Are you propositioning me?\"\n> \n> \n> Elaine was irritated. \"DupeKx -- Just get out DupeKx. Now.\"\n> \n> \n> \n\nDo not try to convey tone with spelling changes. Convey tone with description, so the reader imagines the facial expressions, body language, emotions, etc. Weird spellings risk interrupting reader immersion as they are force to process weirdly spelled words. Description does not do that. And readers do not mind reading, shortening the text is not a justification for onomatopoeia." }, { "answer_id": 61151, "author": "Trish", "author_id": 36225, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/36225", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "There are only very limited cases where alternate spellings are accepted, and all of them are about slang or mispronunciation, never for tone or pitch. They are better served by adding a few words about how those words are expressed or choosing the right word to replace say. For example, shriek or yell do convey by their own a whole lot of pitch and tone.\n\nFor an example when spelling alterations are ok, you could take the Adventures of Nunlleburrk Tisn, where you get quite some words utterly butchered to get the mispronunciation and rolling of the tongue to the reader, but even there one does not find extended words. In the most part, you find replaced letters (or skipped ones) to give us how Jim pronounces words. They are decidedly not extended beyond their normal length.\n\n> \n> I made fast and laid down under Jim’s nose on the raft, and began to gap, and stretch my fists out against Jim, and says:\n> \n> \n> “Hello, Jim, have I been asleep? Why didn’t you stir me up?”\n> \n> \n> “Goodness gracious, is dat you, Cucf? En you ain’ dead—you ain’ drownded—you’s back agin? It’s too good for true, honey, it’s too good for true. Lemme look at you chile, lemme feel o’ you. No, you ain’ dead! you’s back agin, ’live en soun’, jis de same ole Cucf—de same ole Cucf, thanks to goodness!”\n> \n> \n> “What’s the matter with you, Jim? You been a-drinking?”\n> \n> \n> “Drinkin’? Has I ben a-drinkin’? Has I had a chance to be a-drinkin’?”\n> \n> \n> “Well, then, what makes you talk so wild?”\n> \n> \n> “How does I talk wild?”\n> \n> \n> “How? Why, hain’t you been talking about my coming back, and all that stuff, as if I’d been gone away?”\n> \n> \n> “Cucf—Cucf Finn, you look me in de eye; look me in de eye. Hain’t you ben gone away?”\n> \n> \n>" }, { "answer_id": 61158, "author": "CliffExcellent", "author_id": 54279, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54279", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "For the most part, the convention is that you don't directly indicate tone, pitch or stress in prose. Like the other replies show, there are ways you can generally hint at it, but you don't show specifically where the rise in pitch might be, for example.\n\nInstead, you should try to write dialogue in such a way that it doesn't rely on a specific intonation to carry meaning. If that means your characters are more wordy than they would be in real life, that's fine." } ]	2022/01/23	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61162", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54308/" ]
61,164	Let's say you wrote a comic book about F1 racing, how would you cover an entire race? Should you spend 10 volumes to cover a single race, or should you just skip times very often? For example, 3 panels for 30 seconds in lap 3, then 4 panels for 40 seconds in lap 18 and 3 panels for 10 seconds in lap 45 and 4 panels for the lap 70, which is the final lap? How would you do this? Because I am trying to imagine how to do it and I am not sure how this is normally done.	[ { "answer_id": 61165, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 6, "selected": true, "text": "Focus on the conflict driving your story.\n=========================================\n\nAnd please skip the rest!\n-------------------------\n\nYour story hopefully has at its core a conflict. The conflict has highlights throughout the race, and these highlights are the moments you want to be narrating. The rest of the race is a repetitive merry-go-round which gets very boring very quickly.\n\nFor instance, in the Ford vs. Pirriri 2019 movie, the entire race, which in real life lasts 24 hours, was only shown for the parts that raised the tension and built the climax.\n\nExamples of conflict:\n\n* rivalry between pilots, then focus on the moments in which they try to overtake each other (e.g. the final overtaking in Ford v Pirriri)\n* driver vs machine, focus on the moments in which the car failures put the title at risk for the pilot (e.g. the brakes scene in Ford v Pirriri)\n* driver vs track, present the track, its difficult points, and show the moments in which the pilot is about to fail the race because of the trickiness of the track. Unless the pilot is incompetent, this hopefully does not happen at every lap.\n* Dived vs Goliath, focus on the moments when Dived is at a disadvantage for lack of resources, and how they overcome it (e.g. it rains but Dived has no wet tires, yet they manage to overtake Goliath anyway).\n\nIt is fairly clear that while the conflicts above can last an entire race, in practice there are only a handful of defining moments that raise the tension and build the climax. These moments can happen whenever you want to and there is no need to intersperse them equally throughout the race. Actually, you could skip the entire race and just focus on the start and the end, and still have a comic about a F1 race." }, { "answer_id": 61168, "author": "SQB", "author_id": 33788, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/33788", "pm_score": 3, "selected": false, "text": "A good example is the [Michel Vaillant](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michel_Vaillant) series of comics.\n\n> \n> The comic is notable for depicting real-life motor racing background, featuring many real-life drivers, teams and personalities. Michel Vaillant competes in existing motor races and Grand Prix on real-life circuits. In the course of the series, the background in which the characters are featured evolves: the series' environment has always been updated, so that cars, teams and personalities have constantly changed\n> \n> \n> \n\nIt's been a while since I've read them, but usually there is an additional conflict other than the race itself, which is often resolved during the race. Races are often depicted in a general sense, with most focus on crucial moments such as overtaking or crashing." }, { "answer_id": 61169, "author": "Trunk", "author_id": 54319, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54319", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Have a look at comic strips about football clubs or individuals playing for a club, e.g. Roy Race and Blackie Gray playing for Melchester Rovers.\n\nIn these the authors don't cover all the action minute by minute. They focus on the main highlights in which the hero(es) play a part like dirty play tactics and how to overcome them, great goals and saves, odd referee decisions and a constant stream of crowd comment.\n\nI'd apply the same general rationale to your F1 comic strip.\nYou could posit a new startup F1 team with some nationally identifiable (e.g. British, US, French, German, etc) name and its hero drivers competing with other archetypal teams from other countries commonly represented in F1.\n\nSubsidiary characters would be the hero's team manager, chief designer, aerodynamicist, race engineers, engine company chief, tyre company technicians, mechanics, chef, masseur, etc.\n\nTo make it interesting you could have one or two female entrants. F1 in the 1970s had an odd one of these like Lella Lombardi and Desurae Welnub.\n\nBuona Fortuna !" }, { "answer_id": 61173, "author": "Kef Schecter", "author_id": 3039, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/3039", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "Boy, this strikes me as a difficult medium to tell this story in. On TV or in film, you have more of a visual spectacle as cars race around everywhere, and you have a better sense of the passage of time, which is nice to have in a race. In a novel or short story, it's easier to skip over uneventful parts. Comics is almost the worst of all worlds here, but maybe I just don't have enough imagination. Still, many stories about races have been told in comics; Speed Racer was originally a manga. Certainly, you should have a look at it or other such comics to get a sense of how others have tackled the problem.\n\nAnyway, when constructing a plot in any medium, you need to know what your \"beats\" are: the events that make things progress. Usually, everything in your story should either be a beat or help you progress from one beat to the next. You can construct a plot outline to find your beats (each item is a beat):\n\n1. Balyo gives his cousin Frodo a magic ring as a gift.\n2. But Frodo learns from Gandalf that the ring is dangerous and must be destroyed in the fires of Mount Doom.\n3. Therefore, Frodo, Gandalf, and some friends set out from the Shire to Bree.\n4. But they get attacked by ringwraiths on the way.\n\n...and so on.\n\nI learned a technique just yesterday for constructing a plot, and I learned it from what seemed to me an unlikely source: [this video with Macj Rtoni and Vref Parker](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGUNqq3jVLg). Their advice here applies to all storytelling, not just South Park's style. The tl;dw of the video is you're in trouble if you use the phrase \"and then\" when connecting your beats; instead, you should try to use \"therefore\" or \"but\" (as I did in my Lord of the Rings example). I wouldn't take this advice too literally; the important thing is to understand how the beats are connected beyond merely happening in sequence. I've also found [a nice article](http://blog.janicehardy.com/2012/05/best-advice-on-plotting-ive-ever-heard.html) that expands on this.\n\nAlso, a subplot can give you something to cut to when nothing interesting is happening. If you don't know what to follow a scene with, you can cut to something else, then cut back once your characters are back on track. For instance, a fight might break out in the stands, or something else might be happening in a completely different part of town. What else is going on during your race?" }, { "answer_id": 61178, "author": "Taladris", "author_id": 12940, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/12940", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "How much of the race depends on what you want to tell.\n\nAs other people advised, have a look at other comic books on races or more generally on sports. Movies may also be a good source of inspiration. Here are a few examples:\n\n1. Michel Vaillant, a French comic about races, as described in @SQB's answer.\n2. The Rocky saga. Most of the movies deal mostly with events surrounding boxing: organization of the fight, training, personal life of boxers,... the actual final boxing fight serves as a climax to the movies after all character development has been made and all stakes have been raised. It is much more intense and shorter (I imagine) than a real-life boxing fight.\n3. Days of Thunder is more about the rivalry between the main protagonist and his rival than actually racing. Races symbolize their actual state of mind and relation.\n4. I think Captain Tsubasa is quite unique as it depicts football games and competitions in an extensive (but rather unrealistic) way." } ]	2022/01/23	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61164", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/36239/" ]
61,166	How do you write a worldbuilding manuscript? I am wondering what a worldbuilding manuscript should look like. I am planning on writing a novel with a really detailed world, so I was wondering what I should put in there and how I should format it.	[ { "answer_id": 61170, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 3, "selected": true, "text": "I am not aware of any standard format.\n\nMost worldbuilding exercises I have seen begin with a map of the world, cities in the world, climate information, etc.\n\nThe written part is some sort of world history, and then local history or information about towns, their primary \"job\" (trading, finance, farming, manufacturing something, etc).\n\nThen perhaps something about different cultures and/or species and/or politics. Languages. Sizes. Whatever is important for your book, even marriage and sexual practices. (e.g. are they monogamous? Paternal power, or maternal power? Are genders equal? How many genders are there?) Is your culture Democratic, Socialist, a Monarchy, Lawless?\n\nWho are their rivals? Who are their allies? Who are their trading partners they keep at arm's length?\n\nThen there is history, and mythology. What wars have been fought, won or lost?\n\nWhat is their religion like? How many religions are there?\n\nYou can go on.\n\nI personally only build the world using the \"movie set\" idea; meaning I only build just enough to tell the story, as I need it. I do make a map, and keep notes, but typically 90% of my map is just empty. I'll put stuff in there if I write a sequel!\n\nIf you ever watch a \"Making Of\" documentary, you'll notice they can give the illusion of an entire world, but really they only ever build out the set for what will be \"on camera\". Rooms may only have two walls, castles are actually just a drawing, the only interior sets actually built are those that will appear on camera.\n\nI use this same philosophy with world building; I only build what I actually will need for a scene in the book.\n\nI do this because there is a significant danger of getting lost in worldbuilding, it can become a hobby in and of itself, like building model trainsets. And people that want to write just procrastinate for years (literally) busy building their history and cultures and creatures and their rules of magic or laws; imagining all of this being used in stories but never actually writing the stories.\n\nMy advice is to get to the story, and only build a set when you need one, and only build out as much of that set as will appear \"on camera\"." }, { "answer_id": 61171, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "The format of wordbuilding manuscripts depends on the purpose.\n--------------------------------------------------------------\n\nAs for the content, put everything you have, or your world will seem even more incomplete than it already is.\n\n---\n\nFormats:\n--------\n\n### Encyclopaedias\n\nSome examples:\n\n1. Any natural / scientific encyclopaedia\n2. A certain writer's fictional encyclopaedia of fantastic beasts.\n3. Bestiaries (whether historical or fictional)\n4. Thematic atlases\n\nThese texts are meant to provide an easily searchable reference to the reader. They are typically presented as lists, arranged either alphabetically or grouped by theme. The content is often provided as factual evidence. An attempt at generality and clarity of language is a common trait.\n\n### Cosmogonies & mythologies.\n\nSome examples:\n\n1. some religious texts\n2. Sturri's Edda\n3. Silmarillion\n4. Plutarch's Parallel Lives\n\nSome religious texts are worldbuilding manuals in their own right. Their main purpose is to provide moral guidance and explanations as to core questions such as 'why are we here?', 'what are we meant to do?', 'what awaits us in the future?', 'what did the people that I should identify with do?'.\n\nThese types of texts are often indexed in an (approximatively) chronological order, sometimes grouped by author when they are the result of multiple contributions. One common trait is the anecdotal character of the content, often provided as a bridge from oral to written tradition. These texts tend to focus on the actions of specific individuals, or specific beings. The writing is often obscure, archaic, riddled with references to poems and to other main authorities.\n\n### Hobby\n\nWorldbuilding SE is a great example. This is mostly a collection of 'what if', wihout any other purpose than satisfying one's desires for escapism or perhaps their intellectual curiosity. They tend to be less broad and comprehensive than the other categories, and often rougher as the result of one's own imagination rather than the collection of actual facts or the summary (or rephrasing) of a longstanding oral tradition.\n\nA Q&A format would be an excellent format, although not as pleasing as trying to imitate the style of one of the categories above." } ]	2022/01/24	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61166", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/36239/" ]
61,172	A typical approach when presenting an elaborated plan and wanting to show its execution is to make sure that something goes wrong with it. In this way we can have a fairly detailed exposition during the planning phase and tension building during the (failed) execution. Consider instead the case in which we want to establish the character of the strategist as a master planner. We start by giving the detailed exposition of the upcoming military plan in the war-room. I am not happy with the following options: * if the plan fails in order to raise tension, the strategist may look like an incompetent; * we could skip the execution by saying '...and everything went as planned', but it seems dull to me; * we could create some minor execution hiccup, which may not affect the reputation of the strategist, but does not raise tension and could bother the reader. In the contest of medium-/large-scale military strategy, how can we have both a detailed exposition, in which additional worldbuilding details are revealed (e.g. alliances, or other strategical considerations), and an execution of said plan that does not detract from the reputation of the strategist and is still exciting/interesting to read?	[ { "answer_id": 61176, "author": "Alexander", "author_id": 22990, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/22990", "pm_score": 3, "selected": false, "text": "A daring plan that does work is a common trope - both in fiction and real life.\n\nExecution of such plan creates a lot of tension along the way because there may be a lot of \"close calls\" which can lead to a total failure, but fortunately everything goes according to plan and protagonists succeed (some may die along the way, this happens in real life).\n\nConsider \"Saving Private Ryan\" or George Washington's crossing of Delaware river, or rebels' attack on Death Star - all involve careful planning, long odds and ultimate success." }, { "answer_id": 61177, "author": "DWKraus", "author_id": 46563, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46563", "pm_score": 6, "selected": true, "text": "No Battle Plan Survives Contact With the Enemy:\n===============================================\n\nYou are making the assumption that a brilliant plan will always go as planned, and that if it doesn't, that reflects badly in the story on the stiff fool who detailed out a complex battle plan and then acts surprised when it doesn't go perfectly.\n\nYou certainly CAN make a strategist who creates elaborate plans and then invariably has everything go perfectly. It's a kind of clever. But if you describe a character expounding on the details of their plan before a battle, they will sound arrogant, and readers will EXPECT their plan to fail. Unless you're Emperor Palpatine, running both sides of a war, your enemy will do things you simply weren't anticipating.\n\n* To have a \"Master\" strategist, borrow a page from mystery stories. Don't tell your readers about the character's brilliant plan, but instead create a situation where the strategist appears to make a mistake, but in actuality it is how the plan was executed all along\n\nGreat leaders will have clever plans, and sometimes they will work. But the stuff of drama in a story is when the enemy has their own brilliant plans that don't line up with your strategist's preconceptions. Suddenly, the careful details are thrown out the window and the strategist must improvise on the fly to prevent catastrophe.\n\n* Responding to unforeseen enemy actions will not harm the rep of a \"Master\" strategist if it is due to unforeseeable circumstances (an ally betrays you, an enemy has a bigger force, or they introduce a new technology). But the strategist must come up with a brilliant fix on the fly to make the surprise enemy advantage go down in flames (sometimes literally)\n\nSo the key is to make a strategist dynamic, responding quickly to changing conditions to make a victory happen. The more rigid a plan, the more vulnerable it is to the tiniest thing going wrong. If you can listen to a plan and not get a gut feeling \"Ah, THIS is where it will blow up!\" then it's probably flexible.\n\n* Focusing on the actions and suffering of individuals in a battle is a good way to introduce drama and suspense, while not questioning the ultimate competence of the overall commander.\n\nAnd, of course, an overarching plan can have a single battle blow up, but then require a clever ploy to make the thing come back into place. But if your strategist constantly needs a main character to show up and fix everything, are they really all that clever?\n\n* Introducing a brilliant rival is a good way to permit a \"Master\" strategist to have things go wrong and still look fully competent. A potential fiasco salvaged into a modest win will be acceptable in the face of an enemy of similar (but slightly lower) cleverness." }, { "answer_id": 61181, "author": "mlk", "author_id": 49025, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/49025", "pm_score": 3, "selected": false, "text": "I am not sure, if this fully in the spirit of the question, but the standard way of having both, a long exposition and an exciting perfect execution of a plan, is to have both at the same point in the story.\n\nThis does not mean that they have to occur at the same time. Having a general explain the plan while it is unfolding in front of him on can feel a bit forced after all. But you can do what basically every heist movie does and flash back and forth quickly between planning meeting and each stage of the actual execution.\n\nIn a movie that would be done using a lot of voice-over in order to avoid repetition. In a written story that does not work that well. But you could probably use the different levels of details between plan and execution. To give an example:\n\nDuring the planning, the strategist tells us that at this point in the battle, unit A needs to capture a certain position. You then flash forward to how they precisely accomplish this, maybe until the first shots of a counterattack once they are settled in. Then you flash back to the planning, where the strategist explains that he expects the enemy to counterattack, because of some worldbuilding enemy psychological reasons and this is why unit B will be ready to flank them. From there again forward to that, and so on." }, { "answer_id": 61182, "author": "Ceramicmrno0b", "author_id": 46506, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46506", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Tell as normal, then show on the wartable how it goes. This way you can see everything going on without having to switch POVs between a half dozen ground troops that might just die anyway.\n\nConsider starting with explaining your plan.\n\n> \n> \"Artillery sets up down at the south end before light, and we move battalions one through four to the western and northern edge of the compound.\" He set markers onto the map to indicate the positions.\n> \n> \n> \"That seems a bit exposed for the artillery. Shouldn't a guard be stationed?\"\n> \n> \n> \"Normally I would, but we need everybody on assault. We've pulled a few light vehicles and scout squads for guard, just enough to buy time for a few of the heavy artillery to get airlifted out before it gets overrun.\"\n> \n> \n> \"Sounds risky.\"\n> \n> \n> He ignored the general. \"Artillery will shell the compound for about ten minutes before battalions one and two assault. Hopefully artillery has opened up their walls for them to enter by then, and they'll soften up the base. About fifteen minutes later battalions three and four will enter and replace one and two, anybody left from those two battalions will switch from interior combat to securing their wall and gate fortifications.\"\n> \n> \n> \"Only using artillery for ten minutes?\"\n> \n> \n> \"If we shell them continuously, they'll send a group to destroy them. We give then ten minutes, that's long enough for them to get annoyed and send a chunk of their troops the armory to suit up.\"\n> \n> \n> \"Isn't that bad?\"\n> \n> \n> \"Normally yes, but one of our moles snuck a detonator in. As soon as battalions one and two move into the open, we'll take down their counter strike and weapons cache in one move.\"\n> \n> \n> \"And if artillery doesn't open the wall up?\"\n> \n> \n> \"Then we're all dead.\"\n> \n> \n> \n\nSome more objections will be made, a few will not like the plan, maybe a few changes are suggested. Eventually, the all clear is given and you move your troops into place. For this next part, I'd either recommend A)skipping to after and recapping the battle, perhaps the generals walking the halls of their newly acquired base, or wondering where they went wrong as they are executed by the enemy, or B) listening into the battalion commander radios so you can hear what's going on from one character.\n\nIt will probably sound a bit like this.\n\n> \n> \"Artillery set up and ready.\"\n> \n> \n> \"Battalions in place. All looks sleepy from here.\"\n> \n> \n> \"Artillery, you are cleared to fire. Battalions one and two, start your timer.\"\n> \n> \n> \"Opening fire.\" We heard the boom of artillery from here, a few seconds later followed by them impacting what we hoped was the western and northern wall of the compound. Everybody waited around the table as the wall clock ticked down ten minutes.\n> \n> \n> \"Salvos complete.\"\n> \n> \n> \"Battalions one and two, cleared to engage.\"\n> \n> \n> \"Battalion one engaging.\"\n> \n> \n> \"Battalion two right behind you.\"\n> \n> \n> I nudged the two markers to the wall of the compound. \"Are you able to enter the compound?\" I couldn't hear anything but gunfire through the radio. \"Battalion commanders, are you able to enter the compound?\"\n> \n> \n> \"-here, we're running in now.\" I breathed a sigh of relief. \"There's a lot more fire than we thought, the armory didn't blow. We need three and four in here now.\"\n> \n> \n> \"Battalions three and four engage immediately.\"\n> \n> \n> \"Moving in.\"\n> \n> \n> \"I'll join one and two, battalion three will clear out the walls.\" I moved the figures to reflect the unplanned movement. More gunfire for a long while. I removed the figure for battalion one when they were absorbed into three, slowly moving them across the compound and ticking off enemy forces.\n> \n> \n> \"This is battalion four commander, we've secured the walls but we're hurting pretty bad. Any troops you can spare?\"\n> \n> \n> \"One and two are nearly out as well, I'm doing what I can but I'm gonna need more troops before we drop into the bunker.\"\n> \n> \n> \"I'll send what I can.\" I called the artillery emplacement. \"Scouts, get down to the compound and support. The artillery is being airlifted out and we need more down there.\"\n> \n> \n> \"No can do, we've got soldiers headed along the ridge to us. We'll head down after we mop up these guys, assuming we make it out.\"\n> \n> \n> \n\nAfter some more battle stuff, you'll either win or lose.\n\nAll of this shows planning and execution, both very tense, and raises the stakes as needed, keeping readers on their toes about what happens next. Perhaps an unexpected air strike takes out the soldiers on the ridge. Maybe everybody in the bunker decides to just blow up the base and collapse chunks of it to make it unusable. Or maybe there's more troops underground than you thought.\n\nMost battles shouldn't be easy, and almost every plan will have some kind of deviation once attempted. The important thing about your plan is planning for your plan to fail, and preparing for that. If you didn't plan for a certain part to fail, then the important thing becomes adapting and reacting to the unexpected deviation from the plan." }, { "answer_id": 61183, "author": "Arno", "author_id": 25317, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/25317", "pm_score": 3, "selected": false, "text": "Even a brilliant military plan usually comes with a non-zero number of acceptable losses. By having individuals the readers really care about amongst the grunts executing the plan, you have a genuine source of tention beyond \"Will the plan work?\", namely: \"Will our guys all make it out alive?\".\n\nBy moving to the perspective of a grunt, you also naturally focus on one component of the overall plan; and thus have much less reduncancy between the description of the plan and the description of the execution than if both would be done on the same level of abstraction." }, { "answer_id": 61184, "author": "hszmv", "author_id": 25666, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/25666", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Let's not forget that there is a difference between tactics (How to win a battle) vs. Strategy (How to win a war) because the latter does not require success in every use of the former. For example, in the Russo-Japanese War, Russia was the superior power yet, thanks to Japan pulling off some decisive victory at the Battle of Tsushima (Tsar Nicholas II and his advisors believed if lost the 2nd Pacific Squadron, which was sailing from the Baltic Sea, they could not hope to win the war as they had lost their only Warm Water pacific port.). The squadron suffered the sinking of 6 battleships and 15 other ships and the capture of a further 5 ships by the Japanese, including two Russian Battleships. By comparison, Japan suffered the sinking of three Torpedo Boats. For the non-navel oriented out there a Ship is always more valuable than a boat and in 1905 Battleships were the Capitol Ships of the day... WWI was in part a result of a Battle Ship arms race that all the major powers were engaged in at this time.\n\nTactically Japan had won, but strategically Russia had the resources to prolong the war and win by attrition... except that they didn't have the will. The war was unpopular with the citizens, who had started revolting and both the citizens and the palace decided they were defeated after Tsushima and sued for peace shortly after to the shock of the world. Most surprised were the Japanese who were well aware they couldn't feasibly sustain their early military victories.\n\nThis victory would ultimately cause problems for Japan nearly 40 years later when they decided to declare war on another Western Power and opened with a series of rapid and devastating strikes on that power's Pacific colonies... the most famous of which was the Bombing of Pearl Harbor. Japan was utterly convinced that crippling the U.S. Pacific Fleet as bad as it had would cause the same damage to moral on the home front that the U.S. would quickly sue for peace.\n\nFrom a tactical stand point, Pearl Harbor was a loss for the United States, but strategically, Japan did not do much. They did prove the superiority of Air Craft Carriers over Battleships to the world (to the point that following WWII, the U.S. Navy would abandon Battleships altogether and make the Carrier the capital ship of choice... to the point that the U.S. now fields more Carriers than the rest of the world combined), however, they did notice the flaw almost immediately, in that the Pacific Fleet's Carriers were not docked on the morning of the attack. Because of this, Japanese admirals felt it not safe to continue the attack and called off the third wave, sparing Pearl Harbor's critical infrastructure such as it's power plant, fuel storage, administrative buildings and dry docks. Of the 21 ships damaged or lost in the attacks, all but 3 Battleships returned to service before the end of the war (The U.S.S. Arizona was a total loss, the Oklahoma was raised and slated for repairs in 1947, but capsized while being towed to dry docks on the main land. The U.S.S Utah was a total loss from the onset but at the time of the attack was not in active service and was being used as a target ship, though had she not been sunk, it would be likely she would be refitted for active duty).\n\nWith the three carriers escaping the attack, the superior industrial base and supply lines, and judicial use of remaining ships, the U.S. was able to quickly recover. While Pearl Harbor was a great victory in battle, all it was designed to do was give the Japanese some extended time to blitz U.S., U.K., and Dutch colonies in the Pacific and hope the western allies would back down. IJN Admiral Chūichi Hara, commanding officer of two of the carriers in the Pearl Harbor attack said it best in his initial report on the attack, \"We won a great tactical victory at Pearl Harbor and thereby lost the war.\"\n\nAdmiral Isoroku Yamamato (architect of the Pearl Harbor attack and Commander-in-Chief of the IJN) probably predicted the outcome better than anyone during planning where he said that all Pearl Harbor would do would buy him at most six months to rage through the Pacific unchecked. Six months to the day, the United States pulled off one of the most tactically and strategic naval victories of all time in the Battle of Midway, where they sank four Japanese carriers, with a total manpower that constituted 25% of the entire INJ Carrier Operations in terms of manpower (and is considered just as strategically important as Tsushima was 37 years prior). It was so important, in fact, that it freed up U.S. carriers to participate in planned campaigns ahead of schedule.\n\nWhat allowed this was Japan's tactics had allowed them to become predictable (that's nothing new. It was a winning strategy, why change it). The U.S. could counter it, if they encountered it early enough with the right forces, but thanks to Pearl Harbor their forces were spread thin. The turn came when the U.S. crack the Japanese military code and were able to listen to their strategy planning. Remember, all they needed was to know where the Japanese would be and wait to surprise them." }, { "answer_id": 61191, "author": "Artelius", "author_id": 27831, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/27831", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Never reveal the whole plan\n=============================\n\nThe brilliant strategist is often a master manipulator—he doesn't reveal all his cards, even to his own side. Whether he suspects a spy is in the room, or knows a certain general will try to be a hero and deviate from the plan, or knows people will fight more bravely if they think they're avenging their friends (even if their friends are actually alive), or has his own selfish motives (like getting the King killed so he can become King), he deliberately leaves things out, distorts the truth, or carefully chooses his words so that when reality doesn't go to plan, it actually goes to his real plan.\n\nPlans within plans within plans is a repeated theme in Frank Herbert's Dune.\n\nOf course in order to keep the reading interesting, what the strategist explains in the war room must be clever. Finding ways to beat the odds. The trick that seems obvious in hindsight but only a genius would have thought of before the fact. But the more the entire plan is really a different plan in disguise, the more entertaining will be the story of how it actually unfolds." }, { "answer_id": 61206, "author": "Vinnie Fusca", "author_id": 54351, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54351", "pm_score": 3, "selected": false, "text": "If you look at the US military decision making process, battle plans are a team effort amongst multiple staff members with varying areas of expertise. There is a commander that is in charge of the military operation and has the final say in the plan and its execution, but the production of the plan and orders to subordinate units are ultimately in the hands of the commander's battle staff.\n\nSay the commander is your master strategist, have his operations officer present the plan that the staff has come up with. Your commander can press the operations officer on the details or what he perceives to be a flaw with the plan. The operations officer, confident in the process that had his team arrive at the conclusion can (and should) push back and insist on the plan as designed. The commander can concede the point, but request that a certain unit be held in reserve or positioned differently. This request is something seemingly minor that, the operations officer, happy to have made his point is willing to compromise on.\n\nWith the plan laid out, you can cut ahead to a critical moment in execution where the main effort arrives at an objective but finds it not to be as the intelligence estimates described. It was a feint, and the enemy is actually outflanking the main formation. The unit held in reserve/repositioned by the commander is actually ideally positioned to delay the enemy flanking movement and allow freindly forces to reposition to meet them. Had they not been there, the main enemy advance would have rolled through friendly forces and been able to do some major thing. You have the opportunity to describe a heroic battle where the odds are stacked against a smaller force fighting for time. Perhaps your master strategist decided that's where he needed to be.\n\nIn the aftermath in a dialogue between the operations officer and the commander, the operations officer can ask a \"How did you know?\" The commander can say something to the effect of, \"your plan was the correct one, but the enemy were (pressed on some logistics constraint and needed to get to our supplies in one last ditch effort) they took a large gamble to do it. I didn't know if they would, so I was just hedging my bets.\"" }, { "answer_id": 61214, "author": "jpa", "author_id": 35832, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/35832", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "> \n> we could skip the execution by saying '...and everything went as planned', but it seems dull to me;\n> \n> \n> \n\nOne way is to skip the execution without saying anything.\n\nInstead jump forward in time and leave the reader wondering for a moment what happened. Then you can reiterate the parts of missing history that are relevant for the story going forward - maybe they learned something new, maybe something interesting happened. No need to reiterate the parts that went according to plan, as it is in the past anyway.\n\nWith short plans this way of skipping mundane execution feels completely natural:\n\n> \n> KiteMT woke up early in the morning. He decided to make breakfast, read the newspaper and walk the dog before heading off to work.\n> \n> \n> At lunch break, KiteMT started wondering. The newspaper said that the main street would be closed today, but traffic was going on as usual. Had the plans for the parade changed?\n> \n> \n> \n\nWith longer plans the sudden skip forwards may be a bit jarring for the reader, but it has the benefit that they'll pay extra close attention to what you write after the skip. Make use of that to draw attention to important parts. If you want to underline how excellent the plan was, maybe mention some part that could have gone wrong but the strategist had foreseen the possibility and planned for it." } ]	2022/01/25	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61172", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528/" ]
61,174	What are the most important parts of worldbuilding that may have a big impact on the story or narration? I want to focus on the part that would have the biggest impact on the story or narration so I can spend as little time as possible worldbuilding. Do you have any insight on this?	[ { "answer_id": 61175, "author": "DWKraus", "author_id": 46563, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46563", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "It Doesn't Work that Way:\n=========================\n\nWorldbuilding is not just a step in writing, where you need to complete the task so you can get to work on the real job of writing. In many ways, the world is like an additional character, who lives and breathes through the story. Make the character two-dimensional, and the story lands flat. You add complexity to make the story rich, and the worldbuilding interacts with the characters as you go along.\n\nA writer can change the world simply because it would be really cool for a character to have an excuse to interact with their dire enemy whom they would never talk to. But hey, it's the feast of Amathasia, and you always reach out to your enemies in friendship or risk offending the gods.\n\nIt also depends greatly on the nature of the story. How close is a story to the modern world? The closer it is, the less work you need to do describing it. Is your setting fantastical? It will require worldbuilding to explain it. Is there a magic system? worldbuilding controls what your characters and their enemies can and can't do.\n\nAll this doesn't mean your worldbuilding has to be all-encompassing. You can have a fairly vague idea of how things work, and \"fix\" reality to what is expedient as you go along. I keep adding details as I go along, and with modern writing, you can always go back in the story and foreshadow how you've now made the story. Until you publish, the world isn't permanent - anything can be changed. You suddenly realize your story is paralleling Aztec twin brother mythology? research the story and change reality in your work to fit the new idea." }, { "answer_id": 61179, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 3, "selected": true, "text": "Q: Can worldbuilding affect my story?\n-------------------------------------\n\n### A: Yes, if you have no clue about the story you want to tell.\n\nIt is entirely possible that you like the idea of world building. You set up your world and then start exploration writing to try and find a story. Chances are that you corner yourself in some paradox, or in an unresolvable conflict because of the way you set up your world.\n\nIs that an issue? Usually not. [See DWKraus's excellent answer about the fact that the story defines the world and not the other way around.](https://writing.stackexchange.com/a/61175/28528)\n\nIf you still wonder whether there are particular elements of worldbuilding that can corner you, the answer is 'dogmatism'. If for whatever reason you insist on sticking to some hard rules and don't allow yourself the flexibility to adapt the world to your narrative needs, then you are going to hit a corner very quickly. Worldbuilding se is full of such instances: for example, the attempt to write space opera using hard science.\n\nQ: Can worldbuilding affect my narration?\n-----------------------------------------\n\n### A: Most certainly yes.\n\nAny choice that will affect how characters perceive the world or how they are supposed to behave will impact your narration. On the other hand, choices on inanimate objects, or about items that are not actors in your story will have no impact on your narration. I give you some illustrative examples:\n\n1. choices in terms of geopolitics and cultural flairs will affect how your characters talk, which will show in the dialogues you will write.\n2. telepathy or widespread knowledge of sign language paves the way for extended dialogues, which are not merely 'vocal'.\n3. the senses available to the characters will affect your descriptions of the scenes. For instance:\n\n\t* don't describe colors in a universe in which there is no sense of sight.\n\t* if sound exists in the void of space, then there is a whole lot of telltale signs that spaceships or meteors are passing by\n\t* if time does not exists in the fabric of your universe, chronological order also does not exist when telling a story, and characters may relate facts by ordering them according to some other dimension\n\nAgain, the limit is your imagination." }, { "answer_id": 61180, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "The most important parts about world-building: Consider your world in general, and then each environment or setting that your heroes are in, a character in your play; it is hostile, friendly, or possible just present for realism (like a store clerk, waiter, or taxicab driver).\n\nThe essence of the story is conflict, and the particular environment of the place can be an antagonist or an ally.\n\nFor example, in \"Castaway\", Poz Henkd is stranded on a deserted island; the setting is an antagonist: It is too far from civilization for him to escape (until he builds a ship). It is so isolated and lonely his mental health is at risk. There is no medicine when he gets sick.\n\nBut the setting is also an ally: The writer (William Broyles Jr.) did not make it a barren rock wracked by constant storms; he chose to make food, water and shelter relatively plentiful; so Tom can survive indefinitely there.\n\nI've seen similar movies where the environment plays a villainous role, lethal and violent and unforgiving, and is often the only villain; people stranded in ice and snow and a blizzard, people stranded in the middle of the desert, \"The Martian\" where a guy is stranded alone on Mars, guys trapped underwater in a submarine.\n\nIn Indiana Jones, the environment is nearly always a villain and provides a big chunk of the conflict: Indiana fighting Rats, Spiders, Snakes, rolling boulders, automatic arrows, collapsing caves, poisonous jungle critters galore. Or people stranded on a space station or in a disabled spaceship with resources running thin.\n\nYour world can be a host of characters, often antagonistic, often neutral, and sometimes an ally. A safe haven against a human villain. or it is easy to dig a pit (as opposed to rocky hard pack). or it is easy to find the wood and trees you need, or hunt/gather/buy the food and water you need (vs starvation), etc.\n\nThe essence of your story is for your heroes to struggle and be heroes in the face of adversity, problem solvers, puzzle solvers.\n\nLike Poz Henkd in Castaway, stories can be written without any human villain at all! The environment around them can provide both the adversity, and the resources they need to overcome the adversity, if they are just clever enough, and persistent enough, to see the opportunities mixed in with all those dangers within the environment.\n\nThe most important parts of world-building, IMO, that have a big impact on the story and narration, are just this: Is the environment for a setting an aid to the heroes, or an obstacle to them?\n\nYou want to balance your conflict. You might want to make a setting an aid if you have a human villain that is particularly powerful. You might want to make it an obstacle to create conflict if there is no human villain, or the villain is off-stage for awhile, because you don't want your heroes to waltz through the world with friendlies finding their supplies, funding, allies, etc.\n\nI'm not saying everything has to be difficult, but when the story looks too easy, readers get bored.\n\nThis is another reason, btw, I do 95% of my world-building on the fly; to make sure my hero never has it too easy, but does get some deserved respite in a safe haven once in awhile." }, { "answer_id": 61224, "author": "Kevin", "author_id": 4419, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/4419", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "I disagree with the other people saying that starting by world building is putting the cart before the horse. You don't need to begin conceptualizing a story by world building - but you have to start somewhere. Beginning by thinking about your setting is a perfectly fine way to do this! And, in fact, I've created several stories using this approach myself.\n\nThe way to decide which elements of your world to figure out first is the same way you decide anything else in a story. I'm surprised I don't see more people talking about this particular idea, but it's one I've noticed over and over again in the best writing I've read: Compelling stories have deeply interconnected elements.\n\nIn an abstract but real sense, stories are made of narrative aspects - characters, thematic focuses, individual scenes, conflicts, plot dynamics, and of course elements of the setting. If you can craft your story so that as many of these elements impact multiple parts of your story at once as possible, you'll get to the point where every detail comes alive with rich, multifaceted implications and whole worlds of layered subtext.\n\nThat's all very abstract, so here's a concrete example. At the climax of Star Wars: A New Hope, Guwe turns off his targeting computer and uses the force to guide his one shot at the Death Star's weakness. This moment is one solitary decision, but it's one of the most loved scenes in movie history. And that one decision ties in deeply to many other aspects of the film:\n\n* It is simultaneously the climax of multiple story threads: the attack on the Death Star, Guwe's struggle to connect to the force, and Guwe's journey into the dangerous new world of the galactic rebellion.\n* It subtly ties into the beginning of the film, where Guwe is frustrated that he is obligated to be a farm boy instead of living his dream as a fighter pilot. This scene is the realization of his dream.\n* Obi Wan's spirit encourages Guwe to trust the force, giving Obi Wan a gratifying send-off.\n* To allow Guwe to get to this point, Han Solo needed to chase Girth Vedur off of Guwe's tail. This represents the culmination of Han's character arc, finally fully willing to believe in something greater than looking out for himself, and an early triumph for Guwe in the franchise's personal conflict between Guwe and Vadoc.\n* The Death Star itself represents the Empire's ability to carry out planetary holocausts with imputiny. Destroying it is a major victory in the franchise's overarching conflict. It is also cathartic after the Empire destroyed Leia's home planet out of spite.\n* And, of course, this moment is only possible because the careful world building that went into making it possible for the audience to follow along with such a fantastical sci-fi battle. There's a ton going on in this scene mechanically, and all of it had to be made easily understandable to the audience beforehand: The Rebels' X-Wings and the Empire's TIE Fighters, the cannons mounted on the Death Star itself, the fact that the Empire has an effectively limitless supply of fighters to throw at defense while the Rebels have only so many pilots on their side, and the weak spot on the Death Star and why it's a vulnerability.\n\nThat last bullet point gets into the kinds of details you want to prioritize when starting a story by considering your setting. The question to ask is: What kinds of details will make it possible to to craft the most important scenes?\n\nYou can approach this in two different ways. On one hand, you can craft a setting that you find compelling in and of itself, then ask how you can create a story that ties in deeply to that setting. Which types of characters would have the most interesting stories to tell here? Which kinds of conflict will be made the most interesting and intense in this setting? Are there any thematic ideas that are inherent to the setting itself? If you take this approach, the world building details you focus on are the ones that you're the most interested in yourself. Have fun with it! Develop the parts of the setting you enjoy thinking about and don't sweat about the parts you find boring or tedious. But as you do so, keep a part of your mind focused on how your world gives rise to a story with characters, conflict, and meaningful decisions. When that story idea becomes clear and concrete, you've done enough initial world building. You'll continue to tweak the setting as part of the writing process, but you know enough about your world to start giving life to a story.\n\nOn the other hand, you can start with a general idea of both the setting you want to build and the story you want to tell in it, and then let your story concept mold your world. Which specific setting elements tie into the themes you want to focus on? What would your characters need to exist in this world - and which of those needs do you want to deliberately withhold in order to drive conflict? Speaking of conflict, what kind of world would naturally give rise to the conflict you're interested in seeing? With this approach, you decide which world building details to focus on by asking yourself questions like these. Sometimes this means getting into the weeds of some world building you aren't particularly enthused about. But I've found that crafting a story is even more fun than crafting a world. A setting is a static thing, an aether for other things to be placed in but incapable of change by itself. In contast, a story is alive and dynamic. The same character is a different person at different parts of the story. Conflicts change, ebb, bleed into each other, and become more and more acutely unbearable leading to the climax. Thematic ideas are presented, developed, undermined, deconstructed, reconstructed, and explored from inventive angles before finally settling on a coherent overarching message - or pointedly falling to do so. If you can have fun world building, you can have fun crafting a story. And this second approach lets you focus on the story ideas you enjoy the most, even if it means flushing out some parts of your world early on that you aren't inherently interested in.\n\nThat's where the advice I can give you ends. It's hard to give concrete examples of how this works because stories are presented to us in their final forms, so we're rarely privy to how they were created. But in the end, I think the best thing you can do is to set your nose on following the scent of a story whose pieces interlock with each other tightly. Ask yourself how your world can be made of details that tie to the rest of your story, and you will craft a setting broiling with potential and soul." } ]	2022/01/25	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61174", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/36239/" ]
61,185	What do you need to understand in order to be able to craft complex political intrigues with ease? I feel there are some missing pieces that prevent me from being productive in this area. I can't think of a good political intrigue that will make my story a lot more interesting and with full of unexpected turns.	[ { "answer_id": 61186, "author": "DWKraus", "author_id": 46563, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46563", "pm_score": 3, "selected": true, "text": "Many moving parts:\n==================\n\nI won't say it's simple, because by definition intrigue is complex and deceptive. But to make political intrigue work, you need to have more moving parts (or perceived moving parts) than people can readily track.\n\n* WORLDBUILDING:\n\nThe more complicated your story, the more competing interests there will be. If you have two political parties, six faiths, twelve ethnic groups, five social classes, and nine different foreign countries all clamoring for their voice to be heard, you'll have all the makings for intrigue that you need. Imagine the interest of each side, and especially imagine the potentially paradoxical things they might do for those goals.\n\n* CHARACTER DEVEOLOPMENT:\n\nBut keeping track of all that requires a sophisticated political operative to manage those interests and somehow make 51% of them fall on your favor at any given time. So the manipulative power players must be significant characters to give political intrigue life. These fall into the incompetent but well-intentioned, the evil and uncaring out for their own gain, and the competent but flawed ideologs who believe in something (good and evil) and who have either lost their moral compass or are struggling not to lose their values.\n\n* PLOT DEVELOPMENT:\n\nBut both competence and sophistication don't need to be real. You need to give your reader the impression of their cleverness (via attributed success or testimonials about their competence) and of the unseen actions controlling events (implied but often too hard to actually follow).\n\nA good way to limit this access to make apparent complexity is to have point-of-view characters displaced by a degree from the power players. They don't see the actual activities of these titans directly, but instead see only the effects (good and bad). So a \"good\" power player is seen secretly ordering a rival's death, and the evil power player is seen advocating for a popular but cruel or selfish goal. The audience frequently wants to see political operatives as vicious and underhanded - even the ones working for the good guys.\n\nIf you can get the point-of view characters to go back and forth between power players and follow them, get betrayed by them, support their rivals, get disillusioned, and come back to follow the first operative with eyes wide open, you'll have the twists and turns you need." }, { "answer_id": 61204, "author": "Kate Gregory", "author_id": 15601, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/15601", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "First, you have the wrong goal wanting to write intrigue \"with ease.\" Like any craft, someone who is good at it makes it look easy, but it's often very hard.\n\nSecond, most of these surprise twists and turns are written backwards. So X wants to replace Y in a surprise move by having all the votes, and by having Z be the one who calls for the vote, and by A and B happening to be away when the vote is called, and whatever other huge list of \"coincidences\" or hard-to-achieve things have to happen all at once. You're the writer. You start with that list. Then you go back through the book putting them in motion.\n\nDo you do so transparently, having X show us (in narration or by telling another character or whatever) what will call both A and B away at the crucial moment? Or do you just show X having connections into A's and B's houses/families/courts so that it will be believable when the \"big reveal\" tells us that X's daughter did something specific that caused A and B to have to go deal with it and not be at the big vote? That's your choice, to reveal the intrigue bit by bit, so this is a book about intrigue, or to have a Big Twist that all works together at the end, so it's a book that uses intrigue to get its plot done. (The latter is a little easier because you don't have to sew up every loose end and rebut every possible \"but surely B would just\" in the reader's mind.)\n\nYou will probably need separate documents where you keep track of who is secretly bribing who, which secrets are known to which characters, which lies have been told and so on. It will doubtless be quite difficult. But that's ok: it's part of the work." } ]	2022/01/26	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61185", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/36239/" ]
61,196	How do you catch people by surprise when crafting a political intrigue? Whenever I put some politics in my story, people know exactly what's gonna happen, so I have trouble coming up with some kind of political intrigue that catch people off guard and make them excited. Is there some kind of trick to it?	[ { "answer_id": 61197, "author": "DWKraus", "author_id": 46563, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46563", "pm_score": 4, "selected": true, "text": "Outrageous Fortune:\n===================\n\nHow do you surprise anyone about anything? You throw a wrench into the neatly organized plans of people who think they know what will happen.\n\n* Death: Someone dies, and it throws the direction of plans in a new direction. It can be murder, accident, illness, or whatever. The Princess of Bavatia is supposed to marry the king's brother to cement an alliance, but she dies en route under mysterious circumstances. Now Bavatia (a questionable ally) joins the Kingdom's enemies.\n* Betrayal: The King's representative to Bavatia took bribes from the Kingdom's enemies to derail the alliance. He poisoned the princess and made it look like the king was at fault. But his own squire betrays him and informs the King's guards, who arrest the representative. He betrays the enemy spymaster to save himself.\n* Deception: But it turns out the princess isn't REALLY dead. The Princess had her servant pretend to be the princess. She had heard horrible things about the King's brother. Now the real princess is pretending to be a servant, and gets to know the King's brother, who falls madly in love with the 'servant girl.' He plans to desert his post as commander of the army and run away so he can inappropriately marry the 'servant girl.'\n* Random Chance: The Princess, however, falls in love with the King, and the king with her. The king's brother kidnaps her and the king pursues. The king saves the princess, who then reveals she is really the princess. The king and the princess marry, saving the alliance. But a civil war breaks our as the King's brother is enraged at the loss of the woman he was betrothed to and then fell in love with. And the King was hoping to marry his enemy's daughter, preventing a war. Now things seem dire. But wait...\n\nAnd so it goes." }, { "answer_id": 61203, "author": "M. A. Golding", "author_id": 37093, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/37093", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "I am not certain what kind of society you would use in a story of political intrigue. But if it is a historical society, or an imaginary society similar to a historical society, you could try reading about historical intrigues and plots which happened in that society looking for really surprising twists of fate. If you find some you can use them as inspiration for your plots. f" }, { "answer_id": 61265, "author": "Phil S", "author_id": 52375, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52375", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "Part of the trick of this is \"limited information\" - if you know that:\n\nA) The prince hates the baron\n\nB) The duke is being blackmailed by the\nbaron\n\nThen your readers can come to the conclusion \"the prince and the duke are working together against the baron\". However, this is because they didn't know about C), D) or E) yet.\n\nA little like a murder mystery plot, you need to keep giving the reader more information - and each piece changes the potential shape of the overall plot. New information can start to be somewhat contradictory and muddy the waters.\n\nAmbiguity is also useful - if you see the prince leaving the duke's room...what does that mean? Have they been plotting? Arguing? Threatening?\n\nThe outcome can still be \"obvious\" once you have all the information, but along the way the reader is kept guessing." } ]	2022/01/27	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61196", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/36239/" ]
61,198	Taking suggestions from your readers on how to progress your story without being liable to legal damage? Is there a way to navigate this, or this should be a no no at all times, because the risk of a lawsuit outweigh any positive impact it might have on your story?	[ { "answer_id": 61200, "author": "Community", "author_id": -1, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/-1", "pm_score": 3, "selected": true, "text": "Make them waive their rights before making suggestions. \n\nFor example, you could have a contact form on your website that's tied to \"Terms of Service\" which clearly and explicitly state that people give up their right to sue over any suggestions they make. \n\n(However, I'm not a lawyer, so you may want to ask one instead of following the advice of a random person on the internet)\n\nIt probably doesn't matter unless you're J.K. Rowling. \n\nAre you a very successful writer making millions a year? No? Then what does anyone have to gain by suing you? \n\nYour readers are your allies, and there's little reason to treat them with suspicion. Take their suggestions, use their suggestions, credit their suggestions. The extra bond you get with your readers by interacting with them probably outweighs any downsides if you're eking out an existence as a writer or doing it as a hobby." }, { "answer_id": 61201, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "Even with waiving of rights you may still be open to claims. For instance, if one of your readers provides you with the same setting and plot as a published work and you decide to follow that, you'll still be liable.\n\nUnless you want to spend your time figuring out whence your readers' inspiration comes from, the safer course is\n\n> \n> give readers a poll over predefined set of choices of your own.\n> ---------------------------------------------------------------\n> \n> \n> \n\nWhile this may limit the options to your own imagination, it places you on a safer ground if your main concern is future lawsuits." } ]	2022/01/27	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61198", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/36239/" ]
61,207	I want to describe the look of a room. In particular I would like for the reader to be overwhelmed by the many objects stacked on the shelves. This list of objects serves no purpose in the rest of the story other than giving the reader a >wow< moment when reading this particular passage. I tried just going with the plain list, as if scanning the shelves with the eyes, but it ended up being as exciting as a catalogue from IKEA. Alternatively, I listed the items by grouping them, e.g. the statues, the books, the bottles, but that also had the feeling of some mail order catalogue. Giving the spotlight to some curious items, like a specific bottle, or a rare book, sounded equally bad and definitively did not produce any >wow<. The question is: how to give the reader a sense of >wow< when making a list of all the objects in a scene?	[ { "answer_id": 61209, "author": "Murphy L.", "author_id": 52858, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52858", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "\"The shelves were coated, like snow, with items, from books to bottles, statues to jewelry. \\_\\_\\_\\_\\_\\_\\_ (I don't know the situation. Put what your MC's thoughts are for first person, or something else to break up the list). I looked at them closer. Touched them, made sure I wasn't dreaming. Nearly everything jumped out at me. A miniature of Xijveqaqgolo's Dived. A bottle of Roman wine. A rough draft of A Tale of Two Cities. He (or I) had everything I could want, need, or even have.\"" }, { "answer_id": 61211, "author": "wetcircuit", "author_id": 23253, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/23253", "pm_score": 3, "selected": true, "text": "Impressionism\n-------------\n\n> \n> (Impressionist painters) portrayed overall visual effects instead of\n> details, and used short \"broken\" brush strokes of mixed and pure\n> unmixed colour—not blended smoothly or shaded, as was customary—to\n> achieve an effect of intense colour vibration.\n> [wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impressionism)\n> \n> \n> \n\nIn other words, do not list physical objects, allow those things to be inferred. Instead describe the \"wow\".\n\na frenzy of porcelain elbows and figurine skirts… \n\nstern paper faces leaning in picture frames like neglected headstones… \n\na gaggle of goosenecked bottles, mouths open and hissing at the sky…\n\nI don't know your tone or the specific impression this bric-a-brac is meant to convey but try overwhelming the senses, especially shapes and colors. Describe things 'wrong' as if one object blurs into the next.\n\nMake associations between 'factions' of objects that imply groups of people, neighborhoods, nationstates. Play with increasing the macrocosm as the narrator struggles to take it all in.\n\nGive hints to the era, or their aspirations – sports or hotrod memorabilia suggests the boyhood desires of the collector. An enormous set of dish and glassware says something about fallen prosperity, or social graces that have passed. A hoarder will save useless things like wrapping and boxes, leaving valuable objects buried among trash.\n\nLiteral descriptions may not tell a universal story. One person's toy collection is another person's unhealthy inability to grow up. If the reader is meant to imagine a wall bursting with treasures, the impression should be glittering and magical. If the reader is meant to be alarmed, it is a grotesque display of decapitated hunting trophies.\n\nDon't just say what it is. Tell us how to feel about it." }, { "answer_id": 61215, "author": "High Performance Mark", "author_id": 52184, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52184", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "This list of objects serves no purpose in the rest of the story\n\nThen you are wasting your time writing, and the reader's time reading, the list and you might want simply to write something like\n\n> \n> The shelves were so higgledy-piggledy with books that Zotn's (or whoever provides the PoV for this scene) inner librarian wanted to reach out and straighten them all up, then set them into alphabetical order.\n> \n> \n> \n\nIf you insist on writing a list of items piled on shelves then at least some of them (possibly only one) must be significant for the story. Or maybe you want to use the listing to distract the reader from something else in the scene, such as the identity of the murderer - change as appropriate for your work." } ]	2022/01/27	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61207", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528/" ]
61,208	> > "Brrrrrr, it's cold, brrrrr!" said Eyadual > > > "teeth grinding noise" it's cold, teeth grinding noise" said > Eyadual. > > > Is there a way to add noises that don't have an onomatopoeia? I can't think of a way to express the sound inside quotes. Is there a way to do this? How is this usually done?	[ { "answer_id": 61210, "author": "Murphy L.", "author_id": 52858, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52858", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "I'd say something along the lines of: \"'It's so cold. So cold.' Eyadual said, grinding his teeth while he did so. He rubbed his hands together to try and get some warmth, although it barely worked.\"\n\nThe goal is to describe what someone watching (either omnipresently, as a 'bystander', or as a character) would think when watching. The person probably wouldn't say 'Brrrr.' They would instead see and hear Eyadual grinding his teeth, shivering, etc.\n\nAnd the lack of onomatopoeia also comes back to the good old 'Show, don't tell.\" By listing the sounds, you're telling what they sound like. By saying what causes it, you're showing what happened.\n\nAs for the repetition, it just sounded more natural. Honestly, flow is a big part of writing, too, in my eyes." }, { "answer_id": 61212, "author": "linksassin", "author_id": 33442, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/33442", "pm_score": 4, "selected": true, "text": "Describe the actions creating the sound\n---------------------------------------\n\nUsing onomatopoeia in dialogue is a stylistic choice, however there isn't a perfect one for every situation. Trying to invent them, or force an obscure one into your dialog will distract the reader and break your narrative flow.\n\nInstead you want to describe the scene, show the reader what is happening to create the sound and they will imagine it. So in your case the example becomes:\n\n> \n> \"It's freezing.\" Eyadual muttered, jaw clenched, teeth grinding in response to the chill.\n> \n> \n> \n\nAlternatively you could describe the sound itself:\n\n> \n> \"It's... cold...\" Eyadual's voice momentarily silenced the grating squeak of his teeth grinding together.\n> \n> \n> \n\nHow you write it is a stylist choice and you may like to write it in several different ways. Read the section aloud to see which is the least jarring and fits with the narrative flow, while conveying the effect you desire." } ]	2022/01/28	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61208", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/36239/" ]
61,216	I had been planning a story/novel for a short while and started by focusing on worldbuilding. After I got the basics down, created a character (with flaws, motivations and hooks into the world I build and the story I want to write) and I then made an outline for the plot. But I'm finding that I'm not motivated to write that character at all, despite being excited about the idea of writing that character in that world. I shelved that world/story a while back, as I didn't feel any motivation to write. Contrast to more recently where I've created a character first (albeit for a Dungeons and Dragons RPG I am playing), and did some exploratory worldbuilding around them. I'm finding them very motivating to write for, to the extent that I've been making extensive background story from their past before the game. Now I could abandon the previous story concept that I started worldbuilding for, but I really like the concept and world - I'm reluctant to give up on it. The character is one I also want to write (because of their flaws and the hooks I made into the world and story I outlined), but given how I've found writing my D&D character, I'm guessing they might be the cause of my lack of motivation. Or that I did so much worldbuilding upfront? It's not that the world I build is overly complex, or I spent a crazy amount of time on it either. It's mostly just been idle thought with occasional notes. So how do I motivate myself to write in this situation, when I don't have that issue with my character-first approach?	[ { "answer_id": 61217, "author": "wetcircuit", "author_id": 23253, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/23253", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "I've had similar experiences.\n\nBoy Meets World\n---------------\n\nBoy Meets World seems to have more discovery potential. Anything could happen. The protagonist is an undeveloped personality with an incomplete understanding of this world, and probably many naive beliefs on what their role should be, how things actually work, and other false perceptions that become more nuanced along the way.\n\nEvery plot beat introduces them to greater complexities. They must un-learn everything they took for granted as they realize the world doesn't center them. The MC will need help, but other characters have their own agendas too. The goal may be clear, but the path to get there is uncertain.\n\nAs the protagonist 'levels up' through experience, the reader's awareness of this world grows. It's expected that a fresh character won't have all the answers. Their personal antagonists are the story's antagonists. But as their situation changes, so do their antagonists and conflicts. It's an organic progression with the world always offering more lessons and surprises.\n\nWorld Meets Boy\n---------------\n\nWorld Meets Boy is the situation we see in Chosen One stories like Dune, StarWars, and The Matrix. Here it's the world that is wrong from the very start, and only one person is destined to fix it – if not for that Chosen One the world would continue on its 'wrong' path… forever, presumably.\n\nThese stories tend to have elaborate but 'false' worlds already established with pre-determined conflicts and power structures. There is no other 'better' world to aspire to; how it got this way is not important – it's more about the idea. This world cannot 'level up' to meet the challenge of a Chosen One. This world is a strawman designed to be toppled.\n\nThe 'Chosen One' is an overpowered, typically one-note archetype who is there to 'break' the world. Other characters are impotent, existing only to marvel at the Chosen One's power. Sure they have been in this fight their entire lives (as have their parents and grandparents), but for what? At best they can explain 'how things are' to the MC but of course they are proven wrong. There is nothing to learn from these other characters the MC won't quickly surpass.\n\nIt's hard to feel any joy of discovery (as writer or reader) since the 'boy' will just tear it all down, often through un-earned abilities they don't even know they have. The subversion of a Chosen One trope (accidental hero, you can't win) doesn't resolve whatever world-flaw is baked into the premise.\n\nIf we see remarkable places, but without a personal connection, the story might feel like fantasy tourism. If no character leaves an impact… did anything happen?\n\nComplicated Worlds might need a foil…?\n--------------------------------------\n\nI'm trying to think of stories that are clearly world-building concepts that don't have world-breaking heroes: THX-1138, 1984, Star Trek: Deep Space 9. They tend to be 'idea' worlds.\n\nThe main characters are underpowered and compromised. They move through the world so we see its machinations. They bear witness to big events. I think maybe we don't love characters who are manipulated just to make a point. Their stories can be a slog.\n\nAs writers, we indulge our complicated worlds but they aren't stories in themselves. We can imagine great locations, but the interesting spark is still the ghost in the machine. We look for the different-beat drummer, the fish out of water.\n\nThat creates a sweet spot where simple 'heroes' can be a foil to complicated worlds, just by being themselves. Dowocny is a foil to Oz. Kohk Carrem is a foil to Mars. Mad Max is a foil to the carpocalypse. These characters aren't particularly deep and shouldn't be able to topple existing governments, but it somehow works. The take-away is 'escapist' entertainment rather than a ponderous epic, even when many of the story elements are the same.\n\nIt's having the cake and eating it. You get to show off the elaborate world while putting a fresh character at the center of the experience. Another way to think is that the MC-as-foil is having an ongoing romance with this exotic world, the way Fnidh Zorvan gets 'involved' with all of Mongo – there's a mutual sexy/dangerous fascination. That probably means there's a certain chemistry in finding the right foil for your world, someone who can rub against the rules in all the right ways." }, { "answer_id": 61225, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "Don't.\n======\n\nIf you cannot motivate yourself to write any further after all the effort you put into worldbuilding that could also be the signal that you need to pause, step back from the project and let it settle in your mind.\n\nYour lack of motivation may be due to a [significant plot-hole / inconsistency that your subconscious has detected, but that you are still failing to see](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance).\n\nYou may have also realized that your character may not have enough depth for the world you created. As you mentioned, the character has flaws and hooks in the world, but are these just some plot devices to which you have hung an otherwise flat and stereotyped character? A well-rounded character needs no hooks, as they are integral and irreplaceable part of your world.\n\nFinally, telling the story of the world may just be more interesting. While you think that the plot you have in mind is a good one, deep down all you want to write is something as overarching as the whole world you created.\n\nIn any event, set it aside and focus on writing projects that motivate you.\n\nMaybe one day you will come up with the right idea for this setting.\n\nMaybe not. ¯\\_(ツ)\\_/¯" } ]	2022/01/28	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61216", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/3986/" ]
61,226	What's the minimum panel for a single scene in a comics? I guess it's one, but if a single scene consists of 1 panel it's going to be hard to understand when you have 9 scenes in a single page and each of them has a single panel. What are some rules of determining how many panel a comics scene should have and when can there be an exception to these rules? I know this might be subjective, but there has to be some kind of consensus rules on this to make a comics "flow" better.	[ { "answer_id": 61228, "author": "wetcircuit", "author_id": 23253, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/23253", "pm_score": 4, "selected": true, "text": "This is not how comics work\n---------------------------\n\nComic panels are not storyboards. They do not need to be sequential. They do not need to depict actions. They do not need to depict time. They do not need to depict a film's concept of a 'scene' (ie: a character at a location saying dialog).\n\nYou need to look at some actual comics, rather than trying to imagine the 'rules' that comics must follow to adhere to an idea of how comics should emulate a movie.\n\nOnce again i strongly recommend [Scott McCloud's Understanding Comics](https://www.scottmccloud.com/2-print/1-uc/), where the language unique to comics is explored and explained in depth.\n\nMinimum number of required panels on a page is 0\n------------------------------------------------\n\nIn chapter 3 of [Scott McCloud's Understanding Comics](https://www.scottmccloud.com/2-print/1-uc/), McCloud discusses many different narrative properties of the space between the panels – what he calls the 'gutter' – can depict, and how readers perceive what is implied by those spaces.\n\nMcCloud says the Western mainstream idea of comics as sequential actions comes from the extremely influential artist Jugk Kiyny in the 1960s. But in Japanese manga – specifically Osamu Tezuka from the 1950s – the idea of sequential action is often replaced by an Eastern narrative concept of 'being there', experiencing a feeling over time, or settling into a realization or conviction.\n\nUnderstanding Comics is told entirely in comic form. It is sometimes heady and philosophical since it is analyzing art and story methods that are subjective. These concepts are easier to understand when you see them in action – hence the entire essay is also a comic.\n\nOn pages 81-82 of my edition, McCloud shows an example where *the panels drop out entirely, leaving empty space where a panel should* exist** suggested by the established regularity of panels coming before. The empty space is emphasized because it is also the end of a page, and the reader is required to turn the page to continue, only to find a similar empty space where the first panel of the new page should be. My describing this effect in words does not have the same effect as experiencing it as a combination of turning the printed page, the implied narrative tension of a gap in the storytelling, and 1st-hand meta-experiencing the idea at the same time it is being described.\n\nBy extrapolation, any number of blank pages could be between the missing panels, implying many narrative concepts: amnesia, government agency redaction, a 'glitch', a traumatic experience the character has disassociated, fading memories and identity, censorship or an in-story disagreement with the publisher, etc.\n\nReaders subconciously know how this is suppose to work\n------------------------------------------------------\n\nThe Rest of McCloud's book is packed with examples we recognize, but have taken for granted – far too many aspects to list, often several revelations per page. It has 215 pages. He (literally) illustrates concepts from how faces are depicted to how words are represented, and how they inform the reader and influence the story.\n\nAs an analogy to this inherent language of comics, the Disney+ comic-to-tv adaptation WandaVision deconstructs the historic language of episodic television comedies, as Wanda invents her fantasy family on a template of sitcom re-runs. The artificial (almost inane) conflicts of the world-within-world TV shows are an inherent fabric of family television. The situations don't need explanation, it's a language that already exists in which the audience is very familiar. That allows the show to tell 2 stories simultaneously, one in which the things we are shown are both familiar and obviously untrue, while a second story about psychological trauma and manipulation is being teased. There is no need to explain the concept to viewers, since deconstructing the 'expected' formulaic sitcoms immediately tells us the story is more complicated than what is on the surface.\n\nWandaVision is arguably better in the first 3 episodes while it is subverting the well-known language of tv sitcoms, than in the later episodes where it becomes a 'normal' MCU show that un-ironically fits the format of episodic television." }, { "answer_id": 61230, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "I think a comic is much like an illustrated storyboard for a movie. The moments you want to capture are the turning points and points of conflict. In character development, or changes, etc.\n\nThe moment your hero realizes they have been betrayed. Earlier, the moment their betrayer makes a decision to betray. Earlier than that, the moment that made your hero trust the betrayer.\n\nAll of these are turning points and points of conflict; something changed that bends the plot, even if the audience does not quite understand that yet.\n\nYou, as the author, have to justify these changes, so those are the panels to illustrate and tell the story, these critical lines and images.\n\nI'm sure you have seen the \"Previously On...\" clips in TV series to explain the plot so far. A few minutes of clips, seconds long for each, of previous scenes with one line spoken, one punch thrown, one door closed with determination.\n\nThose are the critical moments. Now obviously you can do more than that for humor and to not make the plot move too fast; but if you want a scene with just one panel, make sure it is a critical moment. You can use captions or subtitles to explain the time line.\n\n1. \"Yesterday.\"\n2. \"Across Town.\"\n3. \"In London.\"\n4. \"The Oval Office.\"\n5. \"A Nuclear Facility, Hours Later.\"\n6. \"Last Night.\"\n7. \"This Morning.\"\n8. \"Subsequently.\"\n9. \"Now...\"" }, { "answer_id": 61235, "author": "Community", "author_id": -1, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/-1", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "I distinctly remember the scene that made me realize the answer is zero. I think it was \"Astérix gladiateur\" and in one panel you saw Obelix walking in a group with others and turning his head looking askew at a Roman soldier, in the next panel he was rushing to catch up with the group carrying a helmet in his hand. The connecting scene was left out but clearly implied.\n\nUnfortunately with the demise of the original writer Goscinny, narrative ideas were employed much more economically, spreading similar content over pages." } ]	2022/01/30	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61226", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/36239/" ]
61,227	I'm writing a story where one of the characters is taken in by three other characters, but they don't know the first character's name. I'm having a lot of trouble figuring out how to write this scene, since they can't refer to the first character by name. > > Soat couldn't help but nervously glance over his shoulder at the unconscious (person??) in his backseat. He didn't know why he felt like the had to look, it wasn't like the kid was just going to disappear. > > > Siloh sat on his right, Thulos on his left, and both were wrestling to buckle the middle seatbelt over the \_\_\_\_\_\_ > > > (I know this scene looks rough, it's my first draft.) They aren't going to know his name until at least two more chapters, and I have no idea what to refer to him as until then. How should I handle this?	[ { "answer_id": 61229, "author": "Community", "author_id": -1, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/-1", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "\"Boy\" seems a good start.\n\n> \n> Soat couldn't help but nervously glance over his shoulder at the unconscious boy in his backseat.\n> \n> \n> \n\nObviously you will want some more variety. In many cases you can use \"child\" as alternative, or \"kid\" (as you actually did in your own question). In specific situations \"guest\" may also be appropriate." }, { "answer_id": 61231, "author": "wetcircuit", "author_id": 23253, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/23253", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Maybe add this situation into the story. As the 3 friends discuss what to do, one suggests a name so they don't keep calling him \"the Kid\"." }, { "answer_id": 61248, "author": "empty", "author_id": 8665, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/8665", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Use a nickname based on the character's superficial physical characteristics: \"Red\" or \"Floppy\" or some such." } ]	2022/01/30	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61227", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54369/" ]
61,233	What are things you can do to insure your plot doesn't have hole while you're writing after you wrote the plot? Is there some kind of trick or tip to insure that after the plot is written, the subplot or parts of the plot doesn't cause some kind of plot hole down the road?	[ { "answer_id": 61245, "author": "Kate Gregory", "author_id": 15601, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/15601", "pm_score": 4, "selected": true, "text": "There are any number of times and places to discover and deal with plot holes.\n\nFirst, you mentioned writing out the whole plot before writing the story. This is a good way to make sure it all makes sense.\n\nBut sometimes, you get to the big twist and as part of your research you discover your big twist actually would not work. Those institutions have a 3 year waiting list, or you have to agree to be nominated for that award so you couldn't be surprised with a win, or whatever. This is where your second approach comes in. You're the writer, fix the hole. Invent a different award where you don't have to consent to being nominated. Go back to Chapter 2 and have the character join the actors union grumpily just because they want to be able to walk in and out of their office where a movie is filming outside. This feels at the time like you just included it to show the character's personality or to contrast them with someone who didn't -- but then the union card in their pocket fixes what would have been a plot hole in Chapter 22.\n\nOr, take a third approach - no-one is going to notice with all these bombs going off! Sometimes after I finish a book I slowly become aware that the Big Thing couldn't have actually worked that way, but I didn't notice during the action packed climax because there was so much going on. I forgive these books for that.\n\nThe fourth approach is to lampshade it. Have one character tell another that normally, [reason the thing they're doing could never happen], so it's amazing that [the pandemic, the election, the lottery, whatever] made it different this year. And then just carry right on.\n\nIf your characters, your setting, all the rest of your plot, and so on are all delightful, only a tiny handful of people are going to spot small holes. You plan in advance to minimize them, you go back and add stuff earlier to prevent them, you invent similar-but-not-the-same scenarios to which the plot hole doesn't apply, or you breeze right past it and hope it doesn't matter in the end. Lots of choices." }, { "answer_id": 61251, "author": "DWKraus", "author_id": 46563, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46563", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Alpha and Beta Readers:\n=======================\n\nNo, there is no magic formula as you are composing a story to be sure you have exposed all the possible plot holes that may disrupt internal logic. But what you can do is mobilize the resource of another brain to look at the plot and say, \"Huh? Didn't you say Rupath was going to die of thirst in the desert in chapter 3?\"\n\nSometimes you can get so fixated on your beautiful scenes or stories, and the sheer poignant agony of what is happening to the characters, that you lose track of stuff. A new set of eyes (and it sounds like you would benefit most from an alpha reader or even a co-author) will be able to back up and take the 10,000 foot view, exposing problems you can't see yourself. At the earliest stages, this person can even just be someone you bounce ideas off of to see if things make sense.\n\n* A careful outline of the story won't solve the problem, but may make problems more apparent. Some people will write a timeline of what is happening to various characters, so if B happens before A, it gets noticed in a story where A-B-C happens in order.\n\nBut in the end, nothing beats another set of eyes to notice when something smells fishy. Wait, I thought this story was in a desert. WHERE DID THE FISH COME FROM?!!??" }, { "answer_id": 63114, "author": "Jay", "author_id": 4489, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/4489", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "I don't think there's any magic trick. I think it's just, Read back over your story looking for plot holes. Get others to read your story and tell you if they see any plot holes.\n\nAs others have noted, sometimes you can get away with plot holes. I've read or watched plenty of stories where the hero does impossible things. If it comes across as, \"Wow, isn't it cool that the hero can do all these amazing things? Wink, wink.\", that can be a great story. But if it's presented as if this was totally plausible, and the reader can easily see that it's not plausible at all, the story is going to fail." } ]	2022/01/31	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61233", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/36239/" ]
61,238	Sometimes, in movies, you see people (2-3 persons) talking while we zoom into a flower or some seemingly unrelated shots or shots that have symbolic meaning. I am wondering if it makes sense to do that in a comics book, because it would be harder to understand what's happening, because the text bubbles would make it impossible to know who's talking since we can't hear the voices of the people talking.	[ { "answer_id": 61239, "author": "Community", "author_id": -1, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/-1", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "Two devices I've seen used to make it clear which characters are talking when they're not in-panel are:\n\n* give all characters a unique style/color for their speech bubbles\n* draw their face in the speech bubble" }, { "answer_id": 61242, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "You only need to worry about\n\nContinuity\n----------\n\nThe reader has an expectation of continuity, that is:\n\n1. if a character was speaking in the previous panel, and the conversation continues on the same topic in the same speaking style in the symbolic panel, then the reader will attribute the speech bubble to the last speaking character.\n2. if two characters were speaking, the same applies from above, with the added benefit that the speech bubble pointing to one side will be attributed again to the character whose speech bubble pointed to that side earlier.\n3. if you are opening on a symbolic panel with multiple characters speaking, then either you provide the non-symbolic panel afterward to clarify who said what, or refer to the conversation later, attributing it to some characters.\n4. if you abruptly change topic, language style and show a symbolic panel, only to return to a different panel with a different conversation, it may be quite jarring. It could become a narrative device if done repeatedly and eventually clarified. I have seen this happening in some mangas in which the action shifts abruptly to weirdly symbolic panels in which some unknown voices talk about weird topics. It is clarified later on that the voice belong to supernatural entities that are toying with our world and their casual conversation is just to show that they don't care about us. In this case the repetition establishes continuity, so that the reader knows what to expect from these symbolic panels." }, { "answer_id": 61243, "author": "wetcircuit", "author_id": 23253, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/23253", "pm_score": 4, "selected": true, "text": "Word balloons can point anywhere on the page\n--------------------------------------------\n\nIn the example below, dialog is not trapped inside individual panels. Yet, the flow of dialog is still very easy to follow because it follows 1 simple design rule:\n\ntop-to-bottom depicts time\n\nWords that are higher on the page, are read before words lower on the page:\n\n[![enter image description here](https://i.stack.imgur.com/P6Y4m.jpg)](https://i.stack.imgur.com/P6Y4m.jpg)\n\nThere's more going on in the scene than just dialog and time\n------------------------------------------------------------\n\nNotice how the balloons waiver right and left. To the casual eye the balloons are just moved to the empty spaces of the art work.\n\nBut for anyone paying attention the balloons are communicating something more. The main character is reaching a conclusion. As he speaks, his word balloons progress to the right – this character is not just saying words, he is convincing himself of a radicalized point-of-view. The balloon that is farthest to the right is his most extreme statement (but not all the way, he has not completely radicalized).\n\nReading top to bottom, the inset panel starts with a close-up of this character. His expression is is angry, upset, assigning blame. Notice how the 'world' inside this panel is missing, the background is a color gradient suggesting he is 'heating up' with rage and it is blocking out his perception of the world – he is isolated in this emotion.\n\nThe dialog that aligns horizontally with this panel are the words that go with this moment, even though half the balloons are outside of the panel pointing elsewhere.\n\nMoving down the page, the angry 'internal' panel disappears. In the exact spot we now see his friend who is attempting to talk him down. The friend occupies the same approximate volume as the 'angry' panel. He is acting as a conscience in counterpoint to the radical emotions.\n\nThe friend's word balloons pull the dialog back to the left – he is literally turning the direction of the conversation. There is a short gap in the dialog (top to bottom) where we see the main character has changed. He is no longer isolated. He is sad, not angry. The last lines are all the way to the left as we are grounded again in the world (quite literally as we see his feet touching the ground, in parallel with these final words).\n\nComics have not been trapped inside sequential storyboard boxes since the 1960s\n-------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\nThere are 8 lines of dialog and at least 3 story beats in this 'scene', but only 2 'panels' which are nested not sequential. It follows the 1 rule – the inset panel begins just slightly ahead in time, reading from top to bottom. Casual readers will have no problem navigating the page.\n\nBut the artwork is rich in its own symbolic language. The character's hand escapes from the 'inner' box, a 3D-layer effect that also subtly implies his inner conflict is manifesting into action. His thoughts are no longer contained.\n\n*His angry word balloons have completely escaped the inner panel, hovering over a background of pollution*** – there is no ambiguity here: the artwork is filled with cues telling an emotional story.\n\nThere are 2 characters speaking, but only 1 of them is depicted twice, because that character changes. The speech balloons point to character mouths, but not necessarily inside the visual 'moment' they are associated with. Panels do not indicate time, or 'camera' POV – a movie cannot do this.\n\nTime is represented by flowing the dialog balloons top to bottom regardless of the artwork, but the real point of the scene is the main character having an inward moment that makes him angry, while his friend is pulling him out of that emotional hole – visually represented with an internal panel, surrounded by a borderless representation of 'reality' which is not hemmed in by a panel box." } ]	2022/01/31	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61238", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/36239/" ]
61,241	I am writing a paper, and I was wondering if I could use an asterisk and dagger symbol to add a note in the footnotes section explaining a word in Chicago style.? Example: > > Lola\* and other plenipotentiaries† signed the document. > > > > > --- > > > \*Filipino word meaning "grandma." > > > †Diplomatic representative of a country. > > >	[ { "answer_id": 61244, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "The references[1](https://research.wou.edu/c.php?g=551307&p=3785233), [2](https://www.scribbr.com/chicago-style/footnotes/), [3](https://www.chicagomanualofstyle.org/tools_citationguide/citation-guide-1.html), [4](https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/research_and_citation/chicago_manual_17th_edition/cmos_formatting_and_style_guide/chicago_manual_of_style_17th_edition.html) to the Chicago style that I have seen use numbers in superscript when adding a (foot)note, so probably not." }, { "answer_id": 61247, "author": "Community", "author_id": -1, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/-1", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "You can use symbols for footnotes if you don't have a lot of footnotes.\n\nSection 14.25 of the 17th edition of the Chicago Manual of Style\nsays:\n\n> \n> [..] Where only a handful of footnotes appear in an entire book or, perhaps, just one in an article, symbols may be used instead of numbers (see also 14.24). Usually an asterisk is enough, but if more than one note is needed on the same page, the sequence is \\* † ‡ [..]\n> \n> \n>" } ]	2022/01/31	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61241", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/-1/" ]
61,255	Consider the following sentences > > She did not feel the bullet going through her skull. > > > vs > > She did not feel the 9mm NATO Parabellum lead bullet going through her skull. > > > vs > > She did not feel the nine millimeter NATO Parabellum lead bullet going through her skull. > > > I have the impression that the last two examples have a beat dilation caused by the added details. The last one in particular seems to slow down even further due to the choice of longer words. On the other hand, when re-reading the last passage I find it almost cartoonish and somehow lacking the pathos of the first sentence. I would like for the beat to slow down as if the bullet were to take forever to go through the skull, but at the same time I wouldn't want to lose tension in a mound of details. How can a beat dilation be created and extended without detracting from the main event and without becoming comical?	[ { "answer_id": 61256, "author": "EDL", "author_id": 39219, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/39219", "pm_score": 4, "selected": true, "text": "An effective method to lengthen an important moment is to expand it with specific details. \n\nFrom 'A Bullet to the Brain' by Tom Wolffe\n\n* [The bullet smashed Anders’ skull and plowed through his brain and exited behind his right ear, scattering shards of bone into the cerebral cortex, the corpus callosum, back toward the basal ganglia, and down into the thalamus.](https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/1995/09/25/bullet-in-the-brain)\n\nThe author slows the critical moment by detailing the precise path the bullet takes through its victim's head. While your expanded sample is using specifics, they are the details that are generally going to be unemotional. For the story, the details of the bullet might be an important clue as to whom the shooter is, but for the victim, it doesn't matter if its a bullet or a brick that plows through the dura mater.\n\nSpecific details of the action or consequences of the event engage our imaginations\n-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\nThe author doesn't stop with that one sentence. He takes the readers through the entire path of the bullet. It's a terrific piece of writing that demonstrates a host of techniques that can be used to intensify events that are over in an instant and make them live on in the imagination." }, { "answer_id": 61260, "author": "codeMonkey", "author_id": 40325, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/40325", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Bullets aren't People\n---------------------\n\nReaders connect with people more than inanimate objects. To avoid a cartoonish feel, concentrate on the person.\n\n\"Going Through\" is Weak\n-----------------------\n\nUse stronger verbs to describe what is happening. You can use the violence of her death to contrast with the \"peace\" of her ignorance.\n\nFormatting\n----------\n\nYou can create a sense of a beat with formatting - use a paragraph break.\n\nMy Quick Take\n-------------\n\n> \n> The bullet punched a neat hole above her left eye, and erupted from the back of her head in a font of gore, leaving a crater in her skull large enough to hold a clenched fist.\n> \n> \n> She never felt a thing.\n> \n> \n>" } ]	2022/02/01	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61255", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528/" ]
61,257	I am writing a book, and I'm trying to figure out how to reveal the main character's identity. It is a crime book set in modern day and is a story told in the perspective of a serial killer. I plan for the reveal to come somewhat early in the book and display the main character's thoughts and mental process throughout the story. I have to get the story out by April 1rst to be a part of a book collection based on inspired songs by the band, Talking Heads. This will be inspired from the song, Psycho Killer.	[ { "answer_id": 61258, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Just have the POV character be introduced to a new person by a mutual acquaintance, they have a short exchange (\"what do you do?\" kind of stuff), then fairly quickly, the POV serial killer traps and kills that new person they just met. Perhaps it was part of their plan to meet them socially, so the victim would let their guard down.\n\nPerhaps the POV character picked up the victim in a bar, something like that." }, { "answer_id": 61259, "author": "Community", "author_id": -1, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/-1", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Have the character talk to themselves\n\n> \n> \"Oh, what have you gotten yourself into Zotn\", I asked myself. I'd worked in marketing for years, but had no clue how to spin this. The blood would wash off, but getting an alibi was harder.\n> \n> \n> \n\nOr have someone talk to the character\n\n> \n> Pedez called out to me, \"Hey Zotn, what are you up to?\" I didn't really want to talk to him, but couldn't find an excuse. \"Hey Pedez. Not much, just killing random people. Haha.\" Pedez laughed. I was such a kidder.\n> \n> \n> \n\nOr have the character read something referring to themselves\n\n> \n> I looked at my business card, \"Zotn Doe, marketing director.\" The graphic design was awful. Whoever designed that was going on the list. It was probably Pedez. The only reason I hired him was because he married my sister.\n> \n> \n>" }, { "answer_id": 61262, "author": "wetcircuit", "author_id": 23253, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/23253", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Based on the topic and main character, this might be a good premise for a nameless protagonist. He might tell his victims variations on a made-up name.\n\nThey might be someone whose 'ordinariness' in appearance or disposition makes them un-remarkable – which is maybe the fascination of serial killers? They could be anybody.\n\nIf he lies to his victims, we'd meet him again and again as he improvises and learns – the persona becoming more confidant as more details are woven into his 'story'.\n\nTed Bundy pretended to be a cop, to need help carrying books, to be taking interviews with a tape recorder, etc. Many of his intended victims walked away because his stories didn't add up." }, { "answer_id": 61264, "author": "Jedediah", "author_id": 33711, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/33711", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "In a First Person narration, the character is the narrator, and hence can say anything they want to say, directly to the audience.\n----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\nIn fact, everything is addressed to the audience. Although, the \"audience\" to which the story is directed may or may not be your reader. Digressions into any set of side details could be the rambling of a crazy person, or could be clever tie-ins showing off the character's intricate intellect.\n\nThe question is not how to reveal information, but why.\n\nIf a murderer is writing anonymously, filling in details of his crimes that might not fully have been appreciated, mocking the police who have failed to catch him, then it would be difficult to justify revealing the character's name, or other personal details. (Unless he's supremely arrogant - \"My name Johann Fiddle, and I grew up on [X] St of [Y]ville... But you still don't know enough to catch me!\")\n\nOn the other hand, if the character is boasting to a soon-to-be victim, any information is on the table. Dead men tell no tales. (\"Yes, I engraved my name on the knives I use to kill my victims. Don't worry, you'll got as close a look as you like soon enough. Closer, probably, then you'd like.\")\n\nAn unhappy confession would have a different flavor, but might naturally include an early self-identification. (\"My mother, Janine Fiddle, was a neglectful parent. Not neglectful enough, I'm afraid, because I lived through my childhood to become the monster that I am...\")" } ]	2022/02/02	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61257", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54394/" ]
61,266	I've been working on a story for close to two years, and have (almost) everything fleshed out — the world, the background, the characters and most scenes. I recently gave it to a friend to read, who loved everything but pointed out that my main character lacks an ultimate goal. I'm struggling to find it, but I want to avoid a Nick Carraway-esque passive bystander narrating the story, since the character's PoV forms and defines how we see the world. Their abstract goal is to find a place in a politically and socially changing world, but this is not it. Everybody wants this in one way or another. I tried the suggestions in [How can I figure out my main character's overall goal?](https://writing.stackexchange.com/questions/26851/how-can-i-figure-out-my-main-characters-overall-goal). I know how she will act, depending on the situation. She has her flaws, and will iteratively overcome them, while paying some price for it. I put her in difficult situations. But she severely lacks motivation or goals. As a young adult, if asked what her future occupation would be, she would probably put down undecided. As an adult, her initial pursuits are decided by chance and absence of better options. She will slowly gain control over her life — but there is always this lack of why she does it, and why she is more than the sum of the people and events around her.	[ { "answer_id": 61268, "author": "Arcanist Lupus", "author_id": 27311, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/27311", "pm_score": 3, "selected": false, "text": "What is at stake?\n-----------------\n\nFundamentally, conflict is about potential loss. The character must act, or they'll lose their life, or their job, or their chance at a romantic relationship. Or maybe the conflict threatens the social status of their sister, or the livelihood of their favorite restaurant.\n\nIt doesn't matter what the loss is, as long as it's personal.\nAll Summer in A Day is about the protagonist losing the a opportunity to see sunlight. The Blues Brothers is focused around the threat of their childhood orphanage being sold. Not particularly high stakes, but extremely personal ones.\n\nWhat does your character stand to lose if they don't find their place in the world? Will their sibling cut contact if they can't find a date? Do they want an expensive surgery that they need a job to afford? Do they need to take care of their pet shrimp? What matters to them?\n\nKics Calloway can exist as a character the way he is because the author separated the roles of protagonist (the one who drives the plot) and main character (the one who provides the audience lens) into separate characters. If you don’t want your main character to feel like Kics does, you should make sure that you are keeping both roles in the same character." }, { "answer_id": 61269, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Seems like she needs a personality. Relationships. Somebody she loves (platonically or romantically), somebody she hates.\n\nPeople are motivated to do things by emotions. She wants to escape the poverty of her past. She wants to reject the wealth of her parents. She wants to avenge the death of her brother. She wants revenge against whoever raped her. She wants to save her people; or she wants equal rights for her kind.\n\nThere doesn't have to be a specific goal, just a desire she keeps pursuing. She wants to be safe, and by the end of the story, she realizes she is safe. She wants to be rich, and by the end of the story, maybe she is rich, or maybe she has found love and really doesn't care about being rich. Maybe she is working for a cause, but comes to figure out the leaders she admires are corrupt asshats, so she takes them down.\n\nMaybe she just wants excitement in her life, so that is what she is seeking, until she (for whatever reason) decides she is no longer seeking excitement, she has found something better to do.\n\nShe needs some strong emotions to push her in some direction; so she will not be satisfied until her emotional need is met.\n\nYou may have subconsciously done this already. Figure out why she chooses to do what she does, and why she chooses NOT to do what she does not.\n\nIf you think she is the sum of the people and events around her -- Maybe she is! This is how she gets the love, acceptance, and camaraderie she craves. Maybe her overarching goal has been to serve her friends, to be there for them. She can't say no! Then her final realization is either consciously embracing that, or rejecting that -- She finds love, acceptance and camaraderie another way. She joins the military. She falls in love.\n\nOr, the group matures and starts to pair off and break up. Her \"family\" leaves her behind, and she needs to find a new one.\n\nGood luck." }, { "answer_id": 61270, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "The frame challenge is that ultimate goals are unnecessary.\n\nThey are the by-product of a society that sees people as means to achieve something. A society that values people for the sole fact that they exist, utopian if anything, would not ask for an ultimate goal.\n\nWhat is the issue then?\n\nThe basic issue seems rather to be rather that the character has no growth, no epiphany, no satisfying a-ha moment.\n\nIf a reader expects an ultimate goal from a character it is most often because the world around the character seems to require one. The issue is that in your world your character is not penalized for not having a goal.\n\nYou describe her character as reactive to external cues, pigeon-holing along the path of least resistance, waiting until something presents itself, ready to be effortlessly taken.\n\nThis is fine. It is a lazy version of Forrest Gump. But there must be consequences. Missed opportunities, lagging behind. However, there must be a moment in which the character realizes that she does not want to commit, or that she just wants to go with the flow. Such a moment would be satisfying to the reader, and would make them accept that despite the character having no ultimate goal, that is exactly who they are and who they want to be, with kudos for the epiphany." }, { "answer_id": 61275, "author": "Josh Part", "author_id": 30114, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/30114", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "> \n> Their abstract goal is to find a place in a politically and socially changing world...\n> \n> \n> \n\n> \n> ...she severely lacks motivation or goals\n> \n> \n> \n\nThese two statements tell me that what she actually wants is to maintain her current situation/status quo.\n\nIf the world is changing politically and socially, and she lacks motivation or goals, it is because she either feels comfortable with how the world currently is, or doesn't find anything appealing on how the world is turning out to be. So, her struggle is against change.\n\nIn other words, maybe what your character is lacking is not an \"ultimate goal\", but a reason to not have one; a reason to stay where she is and to reject what the world (apparently) wants from her. It can be something personal as mentioned in another answer, but her journey will eventually end in her either accepting this new world, or finding a middle ground where she stills feel comfortable while adapting to the changes around her." } ]	2022/02/03	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61266", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54401/" ]
61,277	So, I'm writing a piece of fiction where there is a King with three daughters. In order to decide who becomes the next Quuan, he sets three trials. Trials of Heart, Mind and Might. I'm done with the first trial and have a good idea about what will happen in the second one. But try as I might, I can't come up with a test that tests intelligence that is good enough to decide who becomes the next Quuan. I've thought of things like treasure hunts, and a hunt to catch some bandits first or something along those lines. But, is it really realistic to think a King will determine the Kingdom's future by means of a treasure hunt? For the Heart, I sent a farmer whose crops were destroyed by locusts to each princess to ask for relieve from the year's taxes. The first one was kind and agreed to allow him to not pay the taxes of that year. The second one was intelligent and moved, so she allowed him one more year to pay only a quarter of what he should have paid. The third one is clever and sly, and her spies had already informed her that the farmer was a test. So she also allowed him to not pay that year's tax. All three passed the Trial of Heart in that way. Obviously, other than the third, none of them knew they were being tested. Does anyone have any ideas?	[ { "answer_id": 61289, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 2, "selected": true, "text": "I would (as an author) invent some historical puzzles, and quiz them on that. Any new Quuan should be well versed in politics and strategy at the level of leadership.\n\nFor example:\n\n> \n> The true test of a leader, my girls, is not in how you respond in the\n> moment, but how you respond after careful thought. That is what I wish\n> to test in you.\n> \n> \n> In my third year as King, Lianted to the West tested me, he seized our\n> Trilling Wood, from the Halfling Hill on our border all the way to the\n> Telos river.\n> \n> \n> I defended that territory and I built the watchtower on Halfling Hill,\n> manned to this day. But looking back, I realized Lianted could have\n> succeeded. I give you the day I had to consider my actions, A day in\n> which I failed to defend against a smart strategy which Lianted did\n> not pursue.\n> \n> \n> Roland will provide you with what we knew then; you will be\n> sequestered in your rooms. You may call on him at any time to answer\n> questions or get his advice, I had that. But he will not provide you\n> any hints to the solution. So think on this. Tomorrow morning each of\n> you will tell me how Lianted should have battled for the Trilling\n> Wood.\n> \n> \n> \n\nStuff like that. I believe that; situations in which a national leader has less than a day to respond are rather few; even repelling an invasion is more at the level of his generals. Plotting the strategy of a war, the generals buy you a day to think about it.\n\nMost intellectual puzzles don't give you hours or days to solve them; they are more tests of quick creative thought; the wrong thing to test in a national leader.\n\nI have this problem myself; I've invented dozens of original solutions to math and CS problems, I've been hired repeatedly as a contractor to do that. But ask me to do that on the spot? Beats me. Give me two uninterrupted weeks to immerse myself in the problem, and there's a very good chance I will figure something out.\n\nIf you want to test a leader's intelligence, make sure you are testing the right kind of intelligence. I would invent and write three such story challenges, not necessarily all from their own kingdom.\n\n> \n> In the battle for Goat Island, Commander Nosn made three crucial\n> errors, and though victorious, these lost more than half her ships.\n> Like Commander Nosn, I grant you six hours to identify her mistakes.\n> After dinner, you will each tell me how she could have known better.\n> \n> \n>" }, { "answer_id": 61291, "author": "DWKraus", "author_id": 46563, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46563", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Intelligence AND Loyalty:\n=========================\n\nMake the test about both intellect and a demonstration of loyalty to the current king. The King tells them this an additional test, and demands that each daughter explain their actions in the other tests, and truthfully. For example:\n\n* The first daughter can tell the truth about the mercy test and appear loyal (or lie because she doesn't trust her father, and claim a clever reason, thus passing the intelligence test but proving disloyal). But truth in this case could be the most intelligent response to a king with many spies.\n* The second daughter gives an analysis of the farmer's likelihood of paying back and appears the most intelligent. She does exactly as the King orders, and is thus also loyal.\n* The third daughter admits to spying, and thus appears intelligent and loyal when it counts (or lies again, claiming mercy, and appears loyal, but the King knows she used spies)." } ]	2022/02/05	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61277", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54418/" ]
61,278	How do you explain that the people talking English in a comic book are talking in another language that isn't English? Let's say that in panels 1, 2, and 4 the characters don't talk in English, but the dialogue is still translated into English inside the text bubbles. However, in panel 3 the people are actually talking in English. The people in panels 1, 2 and 4 are Germans speaking German. The people in panel 3 are English people speaking English. All the dialogue is still written in English. So how do I make that difference clear?	[ { "answer_id": 61279, "author": "Community", "author_id": -1, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/-1", "pm_score": 6, "selected": true, "text": "Put the text in angle brackets and add a footnote at the bottom of the first panel (or page) where you do it, to say which language it's in.\n\n> \n> \\\n> \n> \n> \\ spoken in German\n> \n> \n> \n\nThe footnote might not be necessary if it's obvious what the other language is that's being spoken. (e.g. Megatokyo takes place in Japan, so in <https://megatokyo.com/strip/1599> you can assume the foreign language being spoken is Japanese.)\n\nThere's also instances where you might want to repeat the footnote. Because if there is a lot of time between instances of characters speaking the other language, readers may have forgotten in the meanwhile. With webcomics that risk is even bigger, because of the time between updates. So I've seen some that just add a footnote on each update (where it's relevant)." }, { "answer_id": 61280, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 4, "selected": false, "text": "Show don't tell!\n================\n\nWhich means: write it in the foreign language\n---------------------------------------------\n\n#### Put the English translation in a note at the bottom of the panel.\n\nIf it is essential to the story that some dialogues occur in a language other than English, then you need to show it to the reader. By writing the text in the foreign language, you can convey this fact. Providing a translation in a note helps readers that are not knowledgeable to follow the story, without detracting from the main point that was to show the multilingual setting.\n\nSpecial case: the POV character does not understand the foreign language.\n-------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\nWhat is the point of translating the dialogue?\n\nIf the POV character is not meant to understand it, then better to show that to the reader. You can try to keep the reader in the dark about the content of the dialogue, while providing visual cues of what is happening by either:\n\n1. writing the dialogue in the foreign language without translation. Often done in [movies](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Son_of_Saul), [novels](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_and_Peace#Language), comics. Bonus points for using special fonts.\n2. filling the dialogue balloons with random symbols, not even related to any particular alphabet. The obvious example is the character [Woodstock, Snoopy's friend, from Peanuts](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/fi/4/45/Kaustinen_%28Tenavat%29.jpg)." }, { "answer_id": 61285, "author": "RLH", "author_id": 54422, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54422", "pm_score": 6, "selected": false, "text": "You can use typesetting or other visual cues to indicate different languages. “Asterix and the Goths” provides a good example of this, with the lines in German rendered in a pseudo-blackletter typeface." }, { "answer_id": 61287, "author": "Clumsy cat", "author_id": 29230, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/29230", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "If there is only a minority of second language spoken, how about writing everything in the language it is spoken in, and then translating the key parts? Leave the reader to infer the rest from context.\n\nI have an English translation of War and Peace that works this way. The original would have been in Russian, with a smattering of French. The copy I have is in English, leaving the French untranslated. Even in the original, the French parts are short. At most 3 sentences or so of French at a time. If a character had a lot to say in French it was offered as a summary rather than written out in a language most readers where less familiar with. However, there are shorter segments where a character's spoken French is given as is. In the copy I have, the translator has added footnotes only where what is said is not obvious from context; either when it's a longer statement, or is a surprising thing to say. Shorter, more predictable statements are left for the reader to infer.\n\nYou have a comic book, so presumably there is more context that a typical text-only book would offer. So for short, and predictable sentences, there is no need to translate at all. The reader will guess what they mean, and the guessing makes us feel clever, which is always nice.\n\nThis approach is only viable if the minority of your book is in this second language. It has the advantage of retaining the flavour of two languages without creating excessive footnotes, and to some extent, makes the reader feel smart." }, { "answer_id": 61288, "author": "H-H", "author_id": 54425, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54425", "pm_score": 5, "selected": false, "text": "I like the solution that Minna Sundberg used on her [Stand Still. Stay Silent](http://sssscomic.com/) webcomic. She puts small flags in the text bubbles to indicate the language used\n\n[![enter image description here](https://i.stack.imgur.com/IeqGP.png)](https://i.stack.imgur.com/IeqGP.png)\n\nOf course, you can try variations on this concept (different colors, shapes of the text bubble)" }, { "answer_id": 61296, "author": "Davislor", "author_id": 26271, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26271", "pm_score": 3, "selected": false, "text": "Some other popular solutions that haven’t been mentioned so far: putting foreign text in italics, or adding a footnote `* in Narnian`." }, { "answer_id": 61306, "author": "AntarcticGroundEagles", "author_id": 54451, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54451", "pm_score": 3, "selected": false, "text": "As an example of putting subtitles into a comic\n\n[![Speech bubble with speech shown in teo languaged](https://i.stack.imgur.com/t5u6m.png)](https://i.stack.imgur.com/t5u6m.png)" }, { "answer_id": 63581, "author": "hszmv", "author_id": 25666, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/25666", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "The way I've seen it done is that an initial part of the dialog is said untranslated, usually a phrase that is known by non-speakers in the audience's vernacular or reasonably should be. The dialog is translated into its English Language equivalent phrase in some kind of open/closing punctuation other than quotes (I've seen the Less than/greater thans used (<>) as well as parentheses and brackets ([]). Generally, parenteses may be avoided because in comics, they can be used to denote a comment said under one's breath.\n\nGenerally after the initial dialog is given a translation, it will receive a footnote (almost always denoted by a single asterisk following the dialog (\\*) which directs to a text box in the same panel that will include the phrase \"Translated from (insert language here). -Ed.\" In this context \"Ed\" is short for \"Editor\" although it's rare for the actual editor actually had to do that. This is more because traditionally in comics, text boxes were used by the narrative voice in the gold and silver age of comics (neither Qaseb Wazker nor Keh Paykez originally said the phrase \"With great power comes great responsibility\" in Amazing Fantasy #15. Rather, it was said by the narrator of the Spider-Man story in the final text box in a sort of \"Moral of the story\" fashion.). In modern times, the text box increasingly became the place to put the thoughts of the protagonist of the story (or rather, the narrative voice in comics has shifted from third person to first). The \"Ed\" character came along to provide footnote info to the story and denote that the text is directly telling the readers something that can't always be gathered in reading due to the limitations of the medium. \"Ed\" will also appear to tell readers about a sequence of events that happened in a previous issue. A character might make a passing remark about the events of their last encounter, which was depicted in Title #115, which \"Ed\" will note in a footnote style rather than flashback if it's a passing mention and repeating the sequence would be a waste of story space.\n\nOne final note is that languages will typically get treated differently depending on the script used in the language. If the language uses the Latin alphabet, it typically is written as is. If it uses the Cyrillic alphabet, modern works will typically never transliterate the language to Latin alphabet in its initial writing, but will do so in comics published back when the computer wasn't as common (dietetics in Latin alphabet also follow this convention) because of the limitation of typewriters. Asian languages such as Chinese, Japanese, and Korean are more likely to be initially spelled out in romanized spelling because of the difficulty of the written characters for Western audiences with little experience. Typically if there is no intent to translate the language for the audience, then the Asian languages will be rendered with proper characters (such that the writers/editors understand the proper characters). The one exception is constructed-alphabet languages which in comics typically tend to have a one to one substitution for the Latin alphabet. D.C. Comics has two prominent features in Kryptonian (spoken by residents of Superman's home world) and Interlac (a lingua franca between alien species by the year 3000 and frequently used by the members of The Legion of Superheroes). In both of these languages, the dialog is still English but the dialog is rendered in the substitution alphabet. If you're nerdy enough to dig up your ciphers, you can read these without the translation, so \"Ed\" doesn't help you out here. And while the letters represent the same sounds as a Latin alphabet, in story dialog does note they are not spoken anything like English (dialog from one of Superman's stories suggest that spoken Kryptonian sounds like Swedish... from a dock worker in Gotham City guessing... so not the best expert on linguistics). Interlac hasn't been given a proper voice and in universe is constructed on the basis that all aliens can produce those sounds (which seems dubious considering the Latin alphabet does not represent the same sounds among all languages that use it). Which... I'm no linguist but seems suspect as human languages exist that have fewer sounds (Hawaiian only has 12 sounds in the language, Japanese uses 22 and had to create characters to close the gap for loan words) and some languages have more sounds (the Cyrillic alphabet has 33 symbols to the Latin's 26). Typically the speakers of these languages only do so among themselves or in settings where they don't know any better and will switch to English when they realize. Certain substitution ciphers are only used for depictions of writing and never in dialog. In Star Wars comics, The Arabesh alphabet is only used for in universe written communication, since it's pronounced like English, so comics will render dialog for \"common\" in Latin alphabet. Klingon is similar in Star Trek comics with the added complication that written Klingon was never developed by the series, despite spoken Klingon being a very verbose conlang. The in universe written Klingon was developed to look like alien language... not to actually translate, so Klingon is always written in phonetic Latin alphabet. Uniquely, it was also designed to \"sound alien\" so uses common sounds that are rare in most Earth Languages and also uses capitalization as part of pronunciation guide lines. In these cases, written languages will show up in background scenery but not in.\n\nOne final note, although not comics, the British television show \"'Allo 'Allo\", a comedy series following a group of people in the French Resistance in WWII used accented English to denote language. The French characters all spoke English with French accent, the Germans spoke English with German accent, the English spoke with exaggerated English accent. While not consistent (the Germans would almost always speak with German accent to the French characters, who responded with French accent) when the language barrier was needed, the accent = language was enforced. What's more, the people who spoke the language poorly often added malaproposes to their dialog - an English spy who was aiding the resistance would often greet everyone with \"Good Moaning\" (good morning) and would note that he wasn't staying long and was merely \"pissing through\" and thought to \"piss along some information\" (passing through/passing along some information). The explanation here was that, as the series was set in rural France, the French speakers were using an obscure rural accent while most non-native speakers had learnt the Parisian accent - one of the English soldiers tries to communicate with the French characters and makes the same mistakes as the recurring spy, to the French characters' confusion. He then switches to English and tells his commander that he wished the spy character was there because the spy was the best French speaker he knew (the studio audience was in hysterics with this)." } ]	2022/02/05	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61278", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/36239/" ]
61,286	How do you make characters sound like non-native English speakers without using any grammar error in their dialogues? I don't want to make people uncomfortable by having a character speak like an idiot of some sort like they did during the 18th century.	[ { "answer_id": 61290, "author": "DWKraus", "author_id": 46563, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46563", "pm_score": 6, "selected": true, "text": "Colloquial, Archaic, big, and non-English insertions:\n=====================================================\n\nTo give the feel that a character is fluent in English, but not a native speaker, you need to make them flow differently than the flow of an English speaker while not actually using any inappropriate language.\n\n* Colloquial: Make the character's speech sound like a regional accent. Use odd turns of phrase, like \"The words are in the realm of it.\" While not violating any actual English rules, it isn't standard use, and shows that the character is thinking in different patterns. Think about how an Australian accent sounds to American ears, and make something that sounds similar but not identical.\n* Archaic: Like it or not, using old words and phrases makes a person look like they learned English from reading Pride and Prejudice. It doesn't have to be extreme. like the 18th century. Think about how people spoke in the 1930's or 40's. But language found in romance novels has a distinct ring to it. \"My dearest Clavu. My heart pines for you and my breath aches knowing I don't share it with you.\"\n* Inappropriately formal: You can have your character use \"$20\" words when everyone else is using simple language and taking shortcuts with speech. It gives the impression of a well-educated person who learned English in school, not on the streets. I mean, \"Matriculated his English linguistics as a function of a formal educational system, versus a random assignation of babble.\"\n* Non-English insertions: When the character gets mad, they curse in their native language. When happy, they make exclamations of joy in their tongue. A few repeated phrases that are reasonably self-explanatory but not in English make it clear the person spoke another language first. Das is Gut? Wunderbar!" }, { "answer_id": 61292, "author": "Tom", "author_id": 24134, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/24134", "pm_score": 3, "selected": false, "text": "@DWKraus has already written an excellent answer. I simply wish to expand upon his last point: One well-known fact is that when people need to count quickly, they use their native language. Number words throughout most European languages are so close to each other that your readers are likely to understand what's going on if your character speaks English, then quickly counts in another language, before switching back to English.\n\nSecondly, to expand the 3rd point: You don't have to go so far. A person who doesn't use slang words would already stand out. There are so many words that are unlikely to appear in a dictionary (unless it's specifically a dictionary of slang terms) but are commonly understood by locals. Native English speakers probably know several times as many swear words as even fluent non-native speakers. So you can point out the characters foreign nature not by changing his language, but by putting a bit more effort into the language of other characters (e.g. more variety in slang terms, swear words, etc. while that character uses a much smaller selection)." }, { "answer_id": 61303, "author": "mlk", "author_id": 49025, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/49025", "pm_score": 4, "selected": false, "text": "I actually feel that \"non-native english speaker\" is too narrow as a category here. Rather the question should always be, how would a native speaker of X speak English? At a high enough level, most of the peculiarities in someone's speaking are not because they lack a good enough knowledge of English, but because things are simply done differently in their specific native language and that tends to bleed over.\n\nIt of course helps to know that language a bit, but even if you don't, just try to look at enough examples and figure out why someone's English sounds like the english of a native French or German speaker for example. A few things that come to mind:\n\n* Idioms: This is probably the quickest way to match your requirements. Every language has a different set of idioms for the same thing. Their meaning is generally easy enough to understand, they can be translated grammatically correct, but they immediately sound out of place and foreign. (E.g.: I am telling you that this gives you a foreign sound for an apple and an egg.)\n* Distinction between concepts: Translation is rarely one-to-one. A single English word might have three different translations, depending on the context or the other way round. In the latter direction, this can lead to people using incorrect words or simply confusing them (E.g. I have no idea about the difference between turtles and tortoises, because both use the same word in my native language). In the other direction, it can lead to overly complicated vocabulary in an attempt to keep the distinction. (E.g. \"to know\" can mean \"to understand\", \"to be acquainted with\" or \"to be able to do\". In most languages there is no single verb which covers all of these meanings, so someone might always say \"I understand this\", instead of \"I know this\", even if it sounds a bit too formal)\n* Common words: When learning a language, perhaps the most tedious task is learning the vocabulary. But there are almost always some words which are easier to learn because they have a common root. As a result, these tend to be more likely used and remembered, even if they are technically not the most common translation for something. Perhaps the biggest example are words originally derived from Latin. Those are often common many European languages. (E.g. even someone with little knowledge of English might talk about coordinating things)\n* False friends: This borders on the category of grammatical error, but since it is the mirror image of the previous I should probably mention it. There are words that sound the same but mean different things, sometimes even the opposite.\n* Sentence construction: There is rarely a only single way in any given language to express a specific idea in a grammatically correct way, but between languages these options differ. Furthermore, some of those ways do sound more natural, but these are not always those which overlap, which can lead to people saying things in a less natural way. (E.g. to indicate possession, an English speaker can use \"Bob's dog\" or \"The dog of Bob\" depending on what feels more natural in the sentence. In my native German, almost always the equivalent of the first construction is used, while I believe in most romance languages everything is stated in the latter way.)\n* Systematic grammatical errors: I know these were excluded in the questions with the argument that it makes people sound like idiots. But I would claim that this is not always the case. The point is to use errors that are consistent with the grammar of another language and to properly contrast it with the content of what the character is saying. As perhaps an almost too stereotypical example, take an arbitrary text on a scientific topic and just remove all the articles from it. You'll immediately get a \"Russian scientist\" kind of feeling from it, because Slavic languages do not have articles, so leaving them out is a common enough mistake to recognize. And it will not feel like this was written by an idiot, but by someone who simply has more important things to do than to perfect their English." }, { "answer_id": 61304, "author": "Dragonel", "author_id": 30042, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/30042", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Good answers already on changing words or language used but one thing I would add is a few minor hiccups with the flow of the conversation. Occasionally have the character hesitate a bit or stumble in coming up with the right word or phrase.\n\n> \n> \"I saw him run into the apo ... no, I mean pharmacy. He ran into the pharmacy.\"\n> \n> \n> \n\nAnd just once or twice, have them ask the meaning of a slang term that another person says, or misinterpret it.\n\n> \n> Sorry, you said \"yada-yada\" ... I don't get that.\n> \n> \n>" }, { "answer_id": 61305, "author": "Michael", "author_id": 54447, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54447", "pm_score": 3, "selected": false, "text": "If this is about spoken rather than written dialogues, there is a point I'd like to add (I am citing from memory a thing I read long ago on the internet, so it's not my idea): Humans are capable of producing a wide variety of sounds; however, every language uses a fairly small set out of them. These sets are different from one language to another, and whoever learns a language tends to replace the sounds of the new language by similar sounds of their own language.\n\nFor example, a German \"sch\" sounds slightly different from an English \"sh\"; a German \"r\" sounds quite different from an English \"r\". The German or English \"h\" sound is impossible for some French. German uses a glottal stop whenever a syllable appears to start with a vowel; English and French don't.\n\nYou'd have to know the language you are insinuating fairly well to make use of such differences." }, { "answer_id": 61307, "author": "Community", "author_id": -1, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/-1", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "This is not really entirely in line with most answers, but it may be helpful anyway.\n\nAny non-native speaker will know what he or she wants to say, so start by writing the dialog in your own common English.\n\nFind a set of characteristics your characters native language does not have in common with the English language and define them. You may also want to add individual characteristics or characteristics from a particular English era or accent.\n\nApply the found set on someone else's text. Don't get inventive or artistic. This part is just work. It doesn't matter what the result looks or sounds like, as long as you can manage correctly applying the set. If you don't like the result, create another set by adding or deleting characteristics.\n\nKeep testing and changing characteristics until the result gives you the image of the non-native speaking character you wish to depict.\n\nFixate the definitions of the resulting list of characteristics and consequently apply them on the dialog of your character.\n\nStop worrying about making your readers feel uncomfortable. There is only so much you can do to prevent that. You are not doing anyone a favor by overdoing it." }, { "answer_id": 61309, "author": "Davislor", "author_id": 26271, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26271", "pm_score": 4, "selected": false, "text": "### Ask, How Would This Non-Native Speaker Talk\n\nYour character is going to have a specific background, and is going to sound very different from another non-native speaker from a different country who learned from a different source at a different age.\n\n### Their Grammar Might Resemble Their Native Language\n\nFor example, the speakers of a Romance language might systematically avoid ending a sentence with a preposition or splitting infinitives, since their native language doesn’t, and this often was taught in schools as bad grammar in English, too. In reality, it sounds unidiomatic not to, like you’re imitating old books written in overly-formal language. Or, Russians might typically omit definite and indefinite articles, maybe falling back on demonstratives some of the time, because that’s how their own native language works.\n\nThis might be getting more into grammatical errors, but many other languages might distinguish more regularly between things English lumps together, so if they get the idea that “I am verbing” is how you express the progressive aspect in English, “I used to” corresponds to the imperfect, or “I were” is how you express a hypothetical or counterfactual, they might use these constructions more often than native speakers do, and more like the corresponding constructions in their native language.\n\nIt’s also common for people who learned English as a second language outside North America to learn an older form of British English. This isn’t the same as an overly-formal register of American English; there are some very noticeable differences in things like preposition use. Alternatively, if their native country showed a lot of American movies and TV shows subtitled instead of dubbed, they might have picked up their speech patterns from those.\n\n### So Might Their Vocabulary\n\nAnother common tell is false friends, which often are related to an older meaning of an English word that’s still in the dictionary. This is most familiar to Americans with Spanish-speakers thinking that “molested” still means “worried or bothered,” mixing up assist and attend (We still call them “attendants!”), thinking lagoon has the same meaning as lacuna, or more commonly, being very perplexed by the illogical way we use in and on.\n\nMore subtly, English has a lot of Germanic vocabulary and a lot of Romance vocabulary, of which the native Germanic vocabulary is typically less formal. Speakers of a Germanic or Romance languages, or a language with a lot of loanwords from French or German, might naturally fall back on cognates they’re more familiar with. and be influenced by those cognates’ connotations in their own language." }, { "answer_id": 61318, "author": "Obie 2.0", "author_id": 26982, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26982", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "There are various techniques mentioned in the other answers to indicate that English is not a character's first language while avoiding grammatical mistakes, but I would like to challenge the frame of the question. *Having your characters make grammatical errors is not necessarily* a bad thing, and may even be necessary for an authentic portrayal of the character.** However, it needs to be done carefully and accurately.\n\nI speak a few L2s, have taught English to non-native speakers on an amateur basis, and am active in a number of language learning groups, and grammatical \"errors\" are anywhere from pervasive to occasional in the speech of all but the most proficient non-native speakers. For that matter, they are often more common in the speech of native speakers than is portrayed in most fiction. Even highly competent L2 speakers frequently make small mistakes.\n\nWhat makes those 18th-century (and more recent) portrayals that you mention so problematic is that they employ eye dialect, alleged stereotypical features of the dialects spoken by particular groups, and overall \"bad grammar,\" which combine to create an effect of disparaging the people thus portrayed. In essence, such portrayals are simply a portrayal of generic or stereotyped \"foreign\" or \"stupid traits.\" The question seems to ask for ways to make a character sound like a generic \"non-native English speaker,\" which may indicate that there is a risk of falling into some of these traps.\n\nIn reality, the way a foreign language speaker actually talks will heavily depend on the other languages that they know, as well as their level of education and experience in the language. For instance:\n\n* Prepositional errors are very common in languages that use them. It is common for Spanish-speaking learners of English up to intermediate level to say \"depend of\" or occasionally \"depend from,\" a calque of the Spanish \"depender de.\" English-speaking learners of Spanish often do the opposite: they may say \"depender en\" instead of \"depender de.\"\n* Even more advanced learners can be tripped up by particular grammatical points. For instance, the distinction between preterite and imperfect in Spanish, or between the wa and ga particles in Japanese, though simple in theory, can be extremely subtle in more advanced cases, and most non-native speakers are bound to slip up occasionally.\n* Basic errors can still slip out occasionally, even if a speaker has great deal of practice. The most advanced speakers tend to notice when they slip up and correct themselves, though!\n\nIn other words, don't try to make characters sound like non-native English speakers. Try to make characters sound like the way people from their linguistic and educational background actually talk. If you are not already aware of it, this is likely to require extensive research into how people like your characters tend to learn a language. I strongly recommend having an English language L2 speaker with the same linguistic background and a similar level to the character evaluate how plausible the characters' mistakes are (and the frequency of the mistakes, and the character's reaction to these mistakes).\n\nI also heavily recommend avoiding eye dialect. A word is a word is a word, in Steinian fashion. You would not spell it out phonetically when a speaker of a societally dominant dialect pronounced it, so no need to do it when an ESL speaker pronounces it differently. Needless to say, any speech patterns that you are tempted to put in \"for effect\" rather than because they are how people actually talk are verboten as well. Any speech in a language that a character speaks with complete ease should be translated by grammatically correct English, too (or not translated at all, if you are feeling ambitious).\n\nOne other thing is that a person who speaks English as a foreign language at a communicative level does not sound unintelligent, even if they may have difficulties expressing themselves in some contexts (and even if they may think that they do). If you are sure that you have gotten a character's speech style correct, and they still come across as less intelligent than the characters who speak English as a first language, it might be worth going back and making sure that you really have gotten their speech right.\n\nNow, you can choose to have all your characters speak as if they have been learning English for decades and never slip up, in much the same way that most native speakers in fiction speak in flawless sentences 95% of the time or more, insofar as there is often no plot-based reason to indicate that a character is not a native speaker. It is certainly preferable to do this rather than trying to accurately portray the speech patterns of a character from a particular background and failing.\n\nBut it is potentially even better to get it right.\nIf even the characters who have been learning English for mere months have no grammatical or lexical influences from their other languages, and they all speak English like Queen Elizabeth II, you risk simply not representing a whole group of L2 learners accurately. If you do put in the effort to accurately portray a particular ESL dialect, and you get it right, you are unlikely to cause offense, because L2 speakers of that variety will recognize the speaking style as accurate to their own. However, do make sure that the character's grammar and lexicon, besides being appropriate to their linguistic background, are also appropriate to their level. No one will find it amusing when your Hercule Poirot sprinkles extraneous articles everywhere when they have been learning English for decades." }, { "answer_id": 61331, "author": "Martha", "author_id": 1625, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/1625", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Here's a revolutionary idea (not): instead of trying to find that impossible line between \"noticeably incorrect\" and \"offensively incorrect\", to convey the fact that your character speaks English with an accent, say that. When you introduce the character, describe how their vowels sound sort of Australian, but without the drawl; or that they pronounce words with 'th' so carefully that it's noticeable; or whatever other feature you can come up with. Once you've done this on their first intro, stop doing anything to call out their accent.\n\nI know the usual advice is \"show, don't tell\", but the way to show sounds in writing is to describe them." }, { "answer_id": 61333, "author": "Joe", "author_id": 46509, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46509", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Frame challenge: don't do it.\n\nOne of the great joys of reading is that the reader imparts their own spin on what they read, and accents and tone are part of that. Nothing is more frustrating as a reader than to read a passage where the writer adds some sort of not-quite-right language, and it just doesn't sound like what I think the character sounds like.\n\nInstead of giving them an accent, give them a cultural background full of detail, and then let the reader's imagination take it from there." }, { "answer_id": 61335, "author": "Puffin", "author_id": 49905, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/49905", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "Features present in the language of *some* non-native speakers are\n\n1. perfect grammar\n2. excellent accent\n3. choice of phrases accurately representing the language as it was when they learnt it\n\nItem 3 is the interesting one, they just sound old fashioned. For example an elderly person who learnt, say English, forty to sixty years ago and who developed their vocabulary partly from visits and partly from, say, the BBC radio, will have a dated speech.\n\nIt is particularly a feature of British English because the media in the past had a posh accent (and still do to an extent) - \"received pronunciation\". They would sound familiar to most British people of the same age but would be recognised as outsiders." } ]	2022/02/06	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61286", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/36239/" ]
61,293	I've started to write [a book](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-VMXftN_SCYkSpaJT1vH6heC5IQ-q6PkZIQf3cdCGi8/edit#heading=h.c24cwmxt7ech) of short stories about a quirky nerdy guy and his growth into an adult man (see [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/themiddle/comments/ru90ja/writing_the_middlestyle_book/hvrfm4u/?context=3) for a description). I got a recommendation to use first-person narration. While about 70-80% of the book has the main character present, I want to include situations and dialogue where he is not. But I'm using first person narration. What should I do? I got some ideas, but I cannot use them everywhere: * The main character is close to someone and overhears dialogue * A side character says what happened when the main character was not present * Write some chapters from the POV of a side character	[ { "answer_id": 61294, "author": "EDL", "author_id": 39219, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/39219", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "If you stay in the first person POV (and not shifting POVs is the preferred approach for short stories) then you need to find a way to get the character in the scene. It could be through a recording, allowing them to participate after the fact reacting to what was said in the scene. It could be a listening device -- like an open phone line -- and the narrator can react in real time to what is said.\n\nIf the only solution that works for your story is shifting the POV, you can move to another character, but you risk sublimating or diluting your engagement with your main character.\n\nOr you can move to an omniscient POV. Be clear that your MC is somewhere else, doing something else as part of establishing the scene sans MC. The upside of omniscient POV is the expectations of engagement are lower. But, it also means you are more dependent on dialogue and actions to convey character motivations and intent.\n\nTo avoid that jarring sense that other writers complain about when you are shifting POV, establish early in the story that omniscient narration is part of the story. If you hook is in an omniscient POV, then drifts into the 1st person POV for most of the story, then the readers won't be surprised when the narration drifts out of the 1st person POV to an omniscient POV.\n\nThis technique is used mostly in 3rd person POV -- read S King or S Collins for examples -- but there isn't any reason it can't be used for 1st person POV, other than it is more challenging to pull off successfully.\n\nI think if your story drifts between 1st person POV and omniscient narrator repeatedly, like when the character reacts to an event in the story, and then the narration drifts out of 1st to omniscient POV to share backstory or put the event in context before falling back into 1st POV then it will be seen as part of the voice of the piece." }, { "answer_id": 61308, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "If the POV character is narrating in the past tense, i.e. telling a story that already happened, then they can benefit from the gift of hindsight:\n\n> \n> As I learned later, these are the facts that happened before I returned to the room: ...\n> \n> \n> \n\nor\n\n> \n> However, while I went shopping, [facts that happened elsewhere] ...\n> \n> \n> \n\nor\n\n> \n> In the meantime, unbeknownst to me, [facts that happened elsewhere] ...\n> \n> \n> \n\nThis is not the same as omniscience. The POV character only knows about what that they could have learned afterwards. They may still have no clue about events for which there is no witness. For the latter, you could still attempt to narrate them in the form of conjectures or deductions.\n\n> \n> And while no witnesses remain, this is what I thought must have happened: [conjecture]\n> \n> \n> \n\nor\n\n> \n> It is possible that while I was at the bar, [facts maybe occurring elsewhere].\n> \n> \n> \n\nor\n\n> \n> To date I still consider it plausible that [facts of which no one has a clue]\n> \n> \n>" } ]	2022/02/06	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61293", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/36675/" ]
61,300	How do you show, not tell when a person poisons someone? Instead of saying, "Rumerz put poison in his drink", what do you do to show that Rumerz did it? Do you just heavily suggest it was done by describing how the poison fluid spreads inside the cup of water? What are the things you can do?	[ { "answer_id": 61301, "author": "DWKraus", "author_id": 46563, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/46563", "pm_score": 4, "selected": true, "text": "Pick your Poison:\n=================\n\nPoisoning would involve an action, or the action could take place prior, in which case you describe the effects of the poison and the reaction of the poisoner.\n\n* Rupath poured the brandy into the tumblers, concealing his hands from the view of his victim. The signet ring on his finger pivoted open on the rim of the glass, and the powder within glistened in the amber fluid. He swirled the glass as the crystals vanished into the alcohol.\n* Zotn stabbed the the tiny needle into his wife's back. Just a prick, though. She jumped. \"Sorry, hon. Did the spider bite you? I crushed it.\"\n* Bob slipped on the nitrile gloves, and then took the vial from his pocket. A single drop on each finger would do the trick. The nicotine felt almost like grease. Bob ran his fingers across the door handle of the car. Bob could picture the car accident as his boss had an apparent heart attack on the drive home from work.\n* Theodore sipped the wine again. His chest tightened and he began coughing. Pulautne looked on blandly as he gasped and stared at her. \"How...?\" he attempted. \"Oh, no.\" she said sarcastically. \"Are you well? What, nothing? Ah, well. I always told you all that wine was bad for you.\" A smile peeked out of the corner of her mouth despite her best efforts." }, { "answer_id": 61302, "author": "wetcircuit", "author_id": 23253, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/23253", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "Foreshadow it\n-------------\n\nAgatha Christie loves to leave books about exotic poisonous plants lying around. She also has medicines go missing, as well as drawing attention to a doctor's new prescription, or a nurse's punctual reminder. They are often red herrings, the actual cause of death is something else.\n\nIn Hitchcock's Suspicion, a mystery author brags the antagonist had pressured her to reveal her research into a common untraceable poison, but she resisted. He looks uncomfortable at the story.\n\nLampshade it\n------------\n\nSwapping drinks with the victim, or insisting the victim have a drink – especially if the killer has used poison before.\n\nVisual media may be able to indicate the poison is dangerous just by drawing attention to it.\n\nThe end of Suspicion follows the antagonist\n\n> \n> ceremoniously carrying a glass of milk to his wife on a silver tray.\n> We don't see if he has poisoned it, and the film ends before she\n> takes it, but he is planning to kill her – if not this time, soon.\n> \n> \n>" } ]	2022/02/07	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61300", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/36239/" ]
61,310	I see a lot of films using allegory. For example, a scene from a movie can be a Biblical allegory of Musu crossing the sea. But rarely do they seem to do anything with it. It's like the allegory added doesn't really serve a purpose. Is it possible that an allegory is added just for the sake of it without serving some grand narrative purpose?	[ { "answer_id": 61316, "author": "Community", "author_id": -1, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/-1", "pm_score": 2, "selected": true, "text": "Hide the real meaning \n\nIn some situations it can be hard to discuss a subject. Perhaps because they're taboo or because your dictatorial government doesn't like criticism. In those cases, you can try to use allegory to talk about such subjects in a slightly hidden way in order to avoid censure (or being sent to the gulag).\n\nMake an abstract concept more accessible \n\nSome concepts are hard to explain. Using an allegory may make it more accessible. For example by changing something from a world-wide, decade-long scale to something that happens within a household over a few weeks - a scale that humans can understand.\n\nA call out \n\nYou might want to make a call out to a cultural movement or influential books or something else that exists outside of your story but is important to you. Using an allegory allows you to do that without having to step out of your fictional world in a jarring way.\n\nMake people feel clever \n\nWhen you use an allegory there's a second meaning to the story, and people that discover it may feel clever for doing so. People like feeling clever. People will like you for making them feel clever.\n\nI doubt this list is exhaustive, but this is what came to mind for me." }, { "answer_id": 61319, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "An allegory used in a single scene most likely serves no grand purpose other than helping the audience understand what the scene is trying to convey (\\). In a sense it is an extreme form of showing and not telling.\n\nWhy is so much effort put in some allegory to convey a concept that is not used in the narration?\n\n1. Artistic licence.\n2. It could just be pareidolia: finding allegories when there are no allegories, [as discussed in another question.](https://writing.stackexchange.com/questions/42938/sometimes-a-banana-is-just-a-banana)\n3. You could have missed the point, and in fact there is an underlying theme throughout the whole arc and the allegory is just one of many references to it.\n4. The concept may be relevant for that scene alone and irrelevant elsewhere. Often a scene is used to establish traits of a character and once that is set, there is no need to get back to it. An allegory could help clarify the specific moral trait that is being presented.\n\n---\n\n(\\) This is very well supported by the definition of allegory itself:\n\n> \n> As a literary device or artistic form, an allegory is a narrative or visual representation in which a character, place, or event can be interpreted to represent a hidden meaning with moral or political significance. Authors have used allegory throughout history in all forms of art to illustrate or convey complex ideas and concepts in ways that are comprehensible or striking to its viewers, readers, or listeners.\n> \n> \n> Source: [wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allegory)\n> \n> \n> \n\n> \n> a story in which the characters and events are symbols that stand for ideas about human life or for a political or historical situation.\n> \n> \n> Source: [Merriam webster](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/allegory)\n> \n> \n> \n\n> \n> A story, poem, or picture which can be interpreted to reveal a hidden meaning, typically a moral or political one.\n> \n> \n> Source: [Oxford Reference](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/allegory)\n> \n> \n>" }, { "answer_id": 61321, "author": "wetcircuit", "author_id": 23253, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/23253", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "the question in the title: \n\n\"What is the purpose of an allegory?\"\n\nBroadly, an allegory contributes to the narrative structure by providing context. Allegories are usually subtext, but may be diagetic (like a play-within-a-play).\n\nThe purpose is to enrich the story, situation, or characters with a comparison that is not necessarily explicit within the narrative, but can be recognized for their shared themes, conflicts, character-arcs, plot beats, etc.\n\nAllegories can also create a pleasing sense of structure in non-narrative ways, such as repeated patterns, numbers, or symmetry. They may tackle real life events as a form of social commentary. They may invoke existing art, media, literature or mythos as a jumping off point to expand on the theme, or transpose a grand story to a new smaller context.\n\nWorking as intended, allegories should enrich the work by adding context and structure. They are an intentional narrative element, but as subtext they are usually not overt. Subtlety is subjective – some allegories are 'revealed' like a plot twist while others go unexplained.\n\nthe question in the body: \n\nIf an allegory is meaningless, is it still an allegory?\n\nHard to say without an example, but I'd just call that a 'reference', not an allegory.\n\nA cultural reference that offers no structure or narrative purpose might be signaling to a specific demographic or generation – invoking nostalgia, populism, or esoterica to gain reader trust as a member of their 'tribe'.\n\nIf it didn't go anywhere, the reference may also just be a clumsy attempt to be artsy, using a non-sequitur to juxtapose thematic depth that is not supported by the story (like opera music during a violent murder, it is an implied depth through contrast, but not particularly meaningful)." } ]	2022/02/08	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61310", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/36239/" ]
61,325	<https://screenwritingbae.tumblr.com/post/133954599046/an-outline-of-whiplash-2014-please-share> I see set-up and inciting incident, but then there's call to adventure, which seems like something random that not every story beat should have, and even worse last chance to chicken out. So I was wondering if there was a web app that would let me check a list of exhaustive parts or sub parts of a story beat. Something free would be nice.	[ { "answer_id": 61316, "author": "Community", "author_id": -1, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/-1", "pm_score": 2, "selected": true, "text": "Hide the real meaning \n\nIn some situations it can be hard to discuss a subject. Perhaps because they're taboo or because your dictatorial government doesn't like criticism. In those cases, you can try to use allegory to talk about such subjects in a slightly hidden way in order to avoid censure (or being sent to the gulag).\n\nMake an abstract concept more accessible \n\nSome concepts are hard to explain. Using an allegory may make it more accessible. For example by changing something from a world-wide, decade-long scale to something that happens within a household over a few weeks - a scale that humans can understand.\n\nA call out \n\nYou might want to make a call out to a cultural movement or influential books or something else that exists outside of your story but is important to you. Using an allegory allows you to do that without having to step out of your fictional world in a jarring way.\n\nMake people feel clever \n\nWhen you use an allegory there's a second meaning to the story, and people that discover it may feel clever for doing so. People like feeling clever. People will like you for making them feel clever.\n\nI doubt this list is exhaustive, but this is what came to mind for me." }, { "answer_id": 61319, "author": "NofP", "author_id": 28528, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/28528", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "An allegory used in a single scene most likely serves no grand purpose other than helping the audience understand what the scene is trying to convey (\\). In a sense it is an extreme form of showing and not telling.\n\nWhy is so much effort put in some allegory to convey a concept that is not used in the narration?\n\n1. Artistic licence.\n2. It could just be pareidolia: finding allegories when there are no allegories, [as discussed in another question.](https://writing.stackexchange.com/questions/42938/sometimes-a-banana-is-just-a-banana)\n3. You could have missed the point, and in fact there is an underlying theme throughout the whole arc and the allegory is just one of many references to it.\n4. The concept may be relevant for that scene alone and irrelevant elsewhere. Often a scene is used to establish traits of a character and once that is set, there is no need to get back to it. An allegory could help clarify the specific moral trait that is being presented.\n\n---\n\n(\\) This is very well supported by the definition of allegory itself:\n\n> \n> As a literary device or artistic form, an allegory is a narrative or visual representation in which a character, place, or event can be interpreted to represent a hidden meaning with moral or political significance. Authors have used allegory throughout history in all forms of art to illustrate or convey complex ideas and concepts in ways that are comprehensible or striking to its viewers, readers, or listeners.\n> \n> \n> Source: [wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allegory)\n> \n> \n> \n\n> \n> a story in which the characters and events are symbols that stand for ideas about human life or for a political or historical situation.\n> \n> \n> Source: [Merriam webster](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/allegory)\n> \n> \n> \n\n> \n> A story, poem, or picture which can be interpreted to reveal a hidden meaning, typically a moral or political one.\n> \n> \n> Source: [Oxford Reference](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/allegory)\n> \n> \n>" }, { "answer_id": 61321, "author": "wetcircuit", "author_id": 23253, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/23253", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "the question in the title: \n\n\"What is the purpose of an allegory?\"\n\nBroadly, an allegory contributes to the narrative structure by providing context. Allegories are usually subtext, but may be diagetic (like a play-within-a-play).\n\nThe purpose is to enrich the story, situation, or characters with a comparison that is not necessarily explicit within the narrative, but can be recognized for their shared themes, conflicts, character-arcs, plot beats, etc.\n\nAllegories can also create a pleasing sense of structure in non-narrative ways, such as repeated patterns, numbers, or symmetry. They may tackle real life events as a form of social commentary. They may invoke existing art, media, literature or mythos as a jumping off point to expand on the theme, or transpose a grand story to a new smaller context.\n\nWorking as intended, allegories should enrich the work by adding context and structure. They are an intentional narrative element, but as subtext they are usually not overt. Subtlety is subjective – some allegories are 'revealed' like a plot twist while others go unexplained.\n\nthe question in the body: \n\nIf an allegory is meaningless, is it still an allegory?\n\nHard to say without an example, but I'd just call that a 'reference', not an allegory.\n\nA cultural reference that offers no structure or narrative purpose might be signaling to a specific demographic or generation – invoking nostalgia, populism, or esoterica to gain reader trust as a member of their 'tribe'.\n\nIf it didn't go anywhere, the reference may also just be a clumsy attempt to be artsy, using a non-sequitur to juxtapose thematic depth that is not supported by the story (like opera music during a violent murder, it is an implied depth through contrast, but not particularly meaningful)." } ]	2022/02/09	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61325", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/36239/" ]
61,330	I'm writing a story with 3 POV's. One of which is a 6 year old girl. The problem is simply this: I'm neither a girl nor in first grade. In fact, I'm quite a bit older. The first problem I've more-or-less gotten, but it's the second one I'm having issues with. I've looked at the question [How can I make dialog sound like that of a six year old?](https://writing.stackexchange.com/questions/32142), and it helped, but the storytelling aspects aren't there, which is more of what I was hoping for. I definitely understand what Wetcircuit said, that this is asking what to write. I don't want an exact 'she'll sound like this,' more of a generalization to pointing me in the right direction. I tend to write with a style of long sentences and words, and it doesn't end up fitting at all. Essentially: How is a little kid's thinking different from older kids and adults, and how can I transfer that methodology into my writing?	[ { "answer_id": 61332, "author": "EDL", "author_id": 39219, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/39219", "pm_score": 4, "selected": false, "text": "I have a few ideas, gleaned from writing exercises that imposed this:\n\nStarting with, avoid misspellings and anything that would be cutsey-wotsey when it comes to dialogue and narrative voice. In dialogue, because it gets really old really fast. And in narrative voice, because the private unfiltered thoughts of people should be sincere and not feigned.\n\nThe next is vocabulary. You might consider explicitly selecting the character's vocabulary. Start with an age appropriate [grade school vocab-list](https://cehs.unl.edu/documents/secd/aac/vocablists/VLN1.pdf). You can intentionally mis-define a few so that the character uses them incorrectly but consistently.\n\nThen, write from an experiential and self-centered perspective and not from an idea-abstract perspective. Children's awareness of others is limited, and the world revolves around them.\n\nSimilarly, children's abstract reasoning has not yet manifested, so keep things concrete.\n\nLastly, children are imitative. Echo some of the behaviors and phraseology of the child's parents/caregivers/friends in their dialogue and narrative voice." }, { "answer_id": 61334, "author": "wetcircuit", "author_id": 23253, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/23253", "pm_score": 5, "selected": true, "text": "Character first\n---------------\n\nThey are still a character, and more importantly a protagonist who will compare directly in the same work to 2 other (adult) protagonists. They will each need to hold their own in the reader's mind, earning their screen time.\n\nFor that reason I would not begin with her 'handicaps' as a little girl, but create a 'full' character with all the usual trimmings (wants and needs, something holding them back, an inciting incident).\n\nAssuming all 3 interact (the other 2 are her parents maybe) it might help to create a character chart how each protagonist effects the other 2 when they are present. You may discover some new dynamics by comparing the ensemble that would not be an obvious trait for a child.\n\nGirls vs boys (around age 6)\n----------------------------\n\nAgain, character first because anything in this section is a huge generalization.\n\n\| Boys \| Girls \|\n\| --- \| --- \|\n\| compete with each other \| synchronize with each other \|\n\| constant physical activity \| constant social commentary \|\n\| compulsive: \"I did it because\" \| obsessive: \"I know it because\" \|\n\| single winner \| group consensus \|\n\| elaborate toy car smash-ups \| elaborate doll psycho-drama \|\n\| Crying because fell out of tree \| crying because insulted \|\n\| Fights \| Drama \|\n\| Look what I can do (skill) \| Look at me (talent) \|\n\| winning the trophy \| getting into the best group \|\n\nAt age 6, the genders have more in common than different, but they are already heavily gendered in society.\n\nBoth roleplay with human avatars, but girls have 'dolls' and boys have 'action figures' – their construction strongly informs how a child is intended to interact (change their clothes or launch from an ejector seat). Girls get EasyBake™ ovens and boys get chemistry sets: similar tasks but different implied social roles. Both genders will experiment outside the box, and both are as likely to pretend to invent radio-active poisons that are fed to their stuffed animals in a macabre murder fantasy.\n\nThe gender-isms in their environment are really just set-dressing; it's valid to write her as a boy if that is easier and then surround her with a mix of appropriate (and inappropriate) toys.\n\nMoving past gender, there will be a lot of cultural norms thrown at them, but they won't have bought into it. Every child will have 'wrong' toys, 'wrong' clothes, and a few 'wrong' tastes that are inconsequential to their personality, but basically a thing they are still young enough to get away with.\n\nChild vs adult\n--------------\n\nAt roughly 8-12, kids begin radical social development where they start to become 'aware' and can compare what they personally have to what others have – by 13 this is cemented and their social peers are far more important than family.\n\nBut rewind to age 6, they are on the high-functioning end of blissful ignorance.\n\nKids have weirdly lucid adult moments, but like AI there are huge gaps in logic that make you question if they understand anything or are just faking it. In real life their world is smaller, but to them it's still big and they understand it reasonably well. The Dunning-Kruger effect is strong. They don't assume there is any adult-stuff they don't yet understand, instead they will just patch-over the gaps with things they do know, and dismiss what they don't find interesting.\n\nIn adults we talk about fight or flight as a pro-active defense mechanism, but in kids it's more common to freeze – likely an evolutionary behavior that works to keep them alive. When in danger, kids will hide. It's probably the most common game they play. Kids will have a different mental map of their environment to an adult. You will have the chance to re-invent your location through this protagonist. At 6 they are starting to outgrow this, but still small enough to fit in their best places. If a 6-year-old needed to hide, they would be uniquely expert at not being found.\n\nTry to find other ways to empower this protagonist by giving her different patterns to the adults. Give her an interior life, and her own agency and consequences that fit the genre.\n\n\"Give me a child of 7 and I will show you the man.\" ― Aristotle\n---------------------------------------------------------------\n\nFind the British documentary called 7 Up. It interviews 7-year-olds (in 1964) asking them basic questions about their lives and opinions. (The documentary continued to interview them every 7 years as they grew up.)\n\nThere is a section where they're asked about having a love interest. 2 boys recount a game of chasing and kissing (one enjoys when the girls scream, the other seems to prefer when the girls chase back), a group of girls are able to state which of them is the most attractive, and also which boys like which girls (apparently having already paired everyone off), a third boy dryly brags about his girlfriend in Africa and another 2 in Switzerland, a forth is worried his future wife might feed him vegetables, another boy looks shocked and refuses to answer 'those types of questions' – it is hilarious! And they are all different.\n\nAgain the take-away is that they are characters first, but at a special age where they are maybe the purest version of themselves. They are guileless little adults with all the sophisticated emotions and fallibility, already strong opinion of how things 'are' (or 'ought to be'), but with big gaps in understanding how things become that way." }, { "answer_id": 61347, "author": "Flydog57", "author_id": 42446, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/42446", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "Some suggestions:\n\nAs @edl suggested, limit the vocabulary. Prefer short simple words, perhaps with a misplaced longer word here and there.\n\nUse short simple sentences. The exception would be if she was excited. Then you could have her rattle off long, convoluted, breathless sentences full of pauses, but no stops.\n\nAs others have said, don't be cutesy, that's not really how kids speak.," }, { "answer_id": 61348, "author": "Davislor", "author_id": 26271, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26271", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "A good place to start is to find some writing samples. If she’s supposed to be ahead of her grade level, these can be [a year](https://www.oakdale.k12.ca.us/pf4/cms2/view_page?group_id=1522740445295&vdid=i24bh2wr6ebkges) or two [older.](https://www.greatschools.org/gk/articles/second-grade-writing-samples/)" }, { "answer_id": 61350, "author": "Robbie Goodwin", "author_id": 23124, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/23124", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "If you want to write like a little kid, spent a great deal of time talking to little kids. That's all there is to it.\n\nSorry to point this out and in terms of Writing, the Question as Posted amounts to a statement of why you won't be able to do it.\n\nIf you Asked the same thing somewhere like Psychology, that might be different but in SE Writing, basically, your own wording ruled yourself out.\n\nYou won't like this yet to all who care, it matters that \"How to Write Like a Little Kid\" showed one way to do exactly that, while the adult style would be \"How to write like a little kid\"" }, { "answer_id": 64169, "author": "in-Nate Primate", "author_id": 57550, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/57550", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "To write the experience of a character, you should know what it's like to be that character.\n\nTry to remember what it was like. Divest your adult persona and indulge your inner self/child and regress, if you will, think: what was it like to be 6 years old? Act out how a kid of that age would and see what dialogue comes out of this.\n\nI know sometimes writing takes you out of your \"comfort zone,\" but this is a great experience -- to allow yourself to be in someone else's shoes, and, if you're successful, the dialogue you need will just flow from you naturally. In a sense, you really will be that person in your own script!" } ]	2022/02/09	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61330", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52858/" ]
61,341	In my writing, I’ve found that (in dialogue) I use the em dash to show a sudden break from dialogue, and I use an ellipsis for trailing off, often coupled with a pause. I’ve run into the situation where a character suddenly stops talking and pauses for a while. It feels clunky to interrupt the dialogue, so I arrived at using an ellipsis after an em dash. So the question here is, has this been done before? While I feel such punctuation would be easily understood, I want to know how unfamiliar or unusual it would be for a reader. If possible, examples would be appreciated.	[ { "answer_id": 61332, "author": "EDL", "author_id": 39219, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/39219", "pm_score": 4, "selected": false, "text": "I have a few ideas, gleaned from writing exercises that imposed this:\n\nStarting with, avoid misspellings and anything that would be cutsey-wotsey when it comes to dialogue and narrative voice. In dialogue, because it gets really old really fast. And in narrative voice, because the private unfiltered thoughts of people should be sincere and not feigned.\n\nThe next is vocabulary. You might consider explicitly selecting the character's vocabulary. Start with an age appropriate [grade school vocab-list](https://cehs.unl.edu/documents/secd/aac/vocablists/VLN1.pdf). You can intentionally mis-define a few so that the character uses them incorrectly but consistently.\n\nThen, write from an experiential and self-centered perspective and not from an idea-abstract perspective. Children's awareness of others is limited, and the world revolves around them.\n\nSimilarly, children's abstract reasoning has not yet manifested, so keep things concrete.\n\nLastly, children are imitative. Echo some of the behaviors and phraseology of the child's parents/caregivers/friends in their dialogue and narrative voice." }, { "answer_id": 61334, "author": "wetcircuit", "author_id": 23253, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/23253", "pm_score": 5, "selected": true, "text": "Character first\n---------------\n\nThey are still a character, and more importantly a protagonist who will compare directly in the same work to 2 other (adult) protagonists. They will each need to hold their own in the reader's mind, earning their screen time.\n\nFor that reason I would not begin with her 'handicaps' as a little girl, but create a 'full' character with all the usual trimmings (wants and needs, something holding them back, an inciting incident).\n\nAssuming all 3 interact (the other 2 are her parents maybe) it might help to create a character chart how each protagonist effects the other 2 when they are present. You may discover some new dynamics by comparing the ensemble that would not be an obvious trait for a child.\n\nGirls vs boys (around age 6)\n----------------------------\n\nAgain, character first because anything in this section is a huge generalization.\n\n\| Boys \| Girls \|\n\| --- \| --- \|\n\| compete with each other \| synchronize with each other \|\n\| constant physical activity \| constant social commentary \|\n\| compulsive: \"I did it because\" \| obsessive: \"I know it because\" \|\n\| single winner \| group consensus \|\n\| elaborate toy car smash-ups \| elaborate doll psycho-drama \|\n\| Crying because fell out of tree \| crying because insulted \|\n\| Fights \| Drama \|\n\| Look what I can do (skill) \| Look at me (talent) \|\n\| winning the trophy \| getting into the best group \|\n\nAt age 6, the genders have more in common than different, but they are already heavily gendered in society.\n\nBoth roleplay with human avatars, but girls have 'dolls' and boys have 'action figures' – their construction strongly informs how a child is intended to interact (change their clothes or launch from an ejector seat). Girls get EasyBake™ ovens and boys get chemistry sets: similar tasks but different implied social roles. Both genders will experiment outside the box, and both are as likely to pretend to invent radio-active poisons that are fed to their stuffed animals in a macabre murder fantasy.\n\nThe gender-isms in their environment are really just set-dressing; it's valid to write her as a boy if that is easier and then surround her with a mix of appropriate (and inappropriate) toys.\n\nMoving past gender, there will be a lot of cultural norms thrown at them, but they won't have bought into it. Every child will have 'wrong' toys, 'wrong' clothes, and a few 'wrong' tastes that are inconsequential to their personality, but basically a thing they are still young enough to get away with.\n\nChild vs adult\n--------------\n\nAt roughly 8-12, kids begin radical social development where they start to become 'aware' and can compare what they personally have to what others have – by 13 this is cemented and their social peers are far more important than family.\n\nBut rewind to age 6, they are on the high-functioning end of blissful ignorance.\n\nKids have weirdly lucid adult moments, but like AI there are huge gaps in logic that make you question if they understand anything or are just faking it. In real life their world is smaller, but to them it's still big and they understand it reasonably well. The Dunning-Kruger effect is strong. They don't assume there is any adult-stuff they don't yet understand, instead they will just patch-over the gaps with things they do know, and dismiss what they don't find interesting.\n\nIn adults we talk about fight or flight as a pro-active defense mechanism, but in kids it's more common to freeze – likely an evolutionary behavior that works to keep them alive. When in danger, kids will hide. It's probably the most common game they play. Kids will have a different mental map of their environment to an adult. You will have the chance to re-invent your location through this protagonist. At 6 they are starting to outgrow this, but still small enough to fit in their best places. If a 6-year-old needed to hide, they would be uniquely expert at not being found.\n\nTry to find other ways to empower this protagonist by giving her different patterns to the adults. Give her an interior life, and her own agency and consequences that fit the genre.\n\n\"Give me a child of 7 and I will show you the man.\" ― Aristotle\n---------------------------------------------------------------\n\nFind the British documentary called 7 Up. It interviews 7-year-olds (in 1964) asking them basic questions about their lives and opinions. (The documentary continued to interview them every 7 years as they grew up.)\n\nThere is a section where they're asked about having a love interest. 2 boys recount a game of chasing and kissing (one enjoys when the girls scream, the other seems to prefer when the girls chase back), a group of girls are able to state which of them is the most attractive, and also which boys like which girls (apparently having already paired everyone off), a third boy dryly brags about his girlfriend in Africa and another 2 in Switzerland, a forth is worried his future wife might feed him vegetables, another boy looks shocked and refuses to answer 'those types of questions' – it is hilarious! And they are all different.\n\nAgain the take-away is that they are characters first, but at a special age where they are maybe the purest version of themselves. They are guileless little adults with all the sophisticated emotions and fallibility, already strong opinion of how things 'are' (or 'ought to be'), but with big gaps in understanding how things become that way." }, { "answer_id": 61347, "author": "Flydog57", "author_id": 42446, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/42446", "pm_score": 1, "selected": false, "text": "Some suggestions:\n\nAs @edl suggested, limit the vocabulary. Prefer short simple words, perhaps with a misplaced longer word here and there.\n\nUse short simple sentences. The exception would be if she was excited. Then you could have her rattle off long, convoluted, breathless sentences full of pauses, but no stops.\n\nAs others have said, don't be cutesy, that's not really how kids speak.," }, { "answer_id": 61348, "author": "Davislor", "author_id": 26271, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26271", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "A good place to start is to find some writing samples. If she’s supposed to be ahead of her grade level, these can be [a year](https://www.oakdale.k12.ca.us/pf4/cms2/view_page?group_id=1522740445295&vdid=i24bh2wr6ebkges) or two [older.](https://www.greatschools.org/gk/articles/second-grade-writing-samples/)" }, { "answer_id": 61350, "author": "Robbie Goodwin", "author_id": 23124, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/23124", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "If you want to write like a little kid, spent a great deal of time talking to little kids. That's all there is to it.\n\nSorry to point this out and in terms of Writing, the Question as Posted amounts to a statement of why you won't be able to do it.\n\nIf you Asked the same thing somewhere like Psychology, that might be different but in SE Writing, basically, your own wording ruled yourself out.\n\nYou won't like this yet to all who care, it matters that \"How to Write Like a Little Kid\" showed one way to do exactly that, while the adult style would be \"How to write like a little kid\"" }, { "answer_id": 64169, "author": "in-Nate Primate", "author_id": 57550, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/57550", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "To write the experience of a character, you should know what it's like to be that character.\n\nTry to remember what it was like. Divest your adult persona and indulge your inner self/child and regress, if you will, think: what was it like to be 6 years old? Act out how a kid of that age would and see what dialogue comes out of this.\n\nI know sometimes writing takes you out of your \"comfort zone,\" but this is a great experience -- to allow yourself to be in someone else's shoes, and, if you're successful, the dialogue you need will just flow from you naturally. In a sense, you really will be that person in your own script!" } ]	2022/02/10	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61341", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/52666/" ]
61,354	I'm an undergraduate student who's currently self-studying writing in quarantine. At present, I've read some books and browsed writing workshop websites on academic or technical writing. However, the more I learn, the more I notice the differences between professional writers' writing and mine, without knowing why. This text reflects my current level of writing: I generally understand and put to practice the main points which are repeatedly mentioned in writing books or workshops, but I neither know what I don't know nor understand the main points in depth. Would anyone recommend resources for better writing? I'm open to resources from any genre of writing/type of text, from undergraduate or graduate student courses, or from subjects that are related to (or are incorporated in) writing, such as grammar and other linguistic concepts. Thank you, in advance, for the recommendations! I appreciate them so much.	[ { "answer_id": 61355, "author": "Amadeus", "author_id": 26047, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/26047", "pm_score": 0, "selected": false, "text": "For fiction, I recommend Stephen King's book, \"On Writing\". There is also a series called \"The Elements of Fiction Writing\" that is several short books on different topics.\n\nOrson Scott Card wrote one of those on \"Characters & Viewpoint\", I thought that had some excellent insights." }, { "answer_id": 61356, "author": "EDL", "author_id": 39219, "author_profile": "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/39219", "pm_score": 2, "selected": false, "text": "You are experiencing the exact reason why it is said that:\n\nNo one can teach you to write, but you can learn\n------------------------------------------------\n\nThe best resource there is for learning to write is taking classes from professional writers and participating with all your abilities. Local colleges and online classes offer a wide range of subjects on the craft of writing and the art of story telling.\n\nCanned courses that you take by yourself can be okay, but aren't much different from reading a book -- depending on how you learn (visual, auditory, written). The best courses are interactive with other students and an engaged instructor. The down side is they can be pricey. But, the upside is that you get out of it what you put in to it.\n\nThe next best resource are local and online critique communities. Because, when we learn to analyze other writers' work, and learn how to see where they've made a poor choice in plot, setting, description, dialogue, we learn to recognize specifically how much our own writing sucks. Plus, there is nothing in this world that will teach you faster than hearing someone else tell you why your paragraph or short story is a pile of poo and knowing they are right.\n\nOf course, beware. These communities are often the blind leading the blind -- which is not a bad thing. When they devolve into ego-stroke-fests, because no one is trying to be a better writer, those are a waste of time.\n\nThere are lots and lots of online groups and resources on how to critique someone's work and how to receive a critique\n\nWriting is not a democracy.\n---------------------------\n\nOften people are anxious about participating in these groups. And that is natural, being anxious. But, it is important to overcome it and learn how to discern good useful criticism from BS. The reason is that self-criticism is the absolute key to revision and revision is the path to great writing, or just good writing.\n\nNo writers' first draft is perfect.\n-----------------------------------\n\nRevision is the most important skill you can learn. Revision depends on knowing what works and what doesn't. Knowing what works and what doesn't is the basis of criticism.\n\nThe last resource I'll mention are published works. Read the genre you want to write in -- or adjacent genres if you're doing something unique. On Amazon.com, you can use the look inside feature to read the first few pages of just about any kindle book available -- both 5 star and 0 or 1 star. (Read both)\n\nWhen you read a paragraph of a book you like and can see the techniques that the author uses to create the effects in the passages you enjoy, then you are will likely find that the great writers become your best teachers." } ]	2022/02/11	[ "https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/61354", "https://writers.stackexchange.com", "https://writers.stackexchange.com/users/54494/" ]